Brainwashing, Circumcision, Low-T, and Other Causes of E.D.


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Nov 14, 2017
Two things happened to me semi-recently. One, I made my first successful seduction! Yay! (Mini‑novel of a LR here.) And two, I couldnʼt get it up for the girl! (I was able to when she gave me head, but lost it almost as soon as she stopped.) This post is about that failure.

It was a perfect storm, brought on by a host of factors, some societyʼs doing, some my doing, and some just plain bad luck.

Unfortunately, as best as I can tell, this wasnʼt just a one-off. On all occasions thus far where a girl wanted it up, it hasnʼt happened. (Although admittedly in every case other than this one, I had huge reservations.) And it can be a little moody even in solo sessions (though it generally does work in that case, given adequate persistence).

Iʼm no stranger to pissy battles, so Iʼm sure Iʼll endure, but, man!

1. Probable Causes

First of all, things I donʼt think, or know werenʼt, at play:

  • Physiological inability to sustain an erection. Alone, I can often keep an erection, for the most part pretty hard, for a good 45 minutes if Iʼm applying constant stimulation and intentionally holding back from climaxing. (Though it tends to be a little slow to rise, depending on the circumstances.)

  • Poor condom fit, cutting off circulation, etc. I was using a brand of larger condom Iʼve tested a number of times in solo sessions, which fits snugly but doesnʼt put too much pressure on my dick. Iʼve been able to function normally with them on while penetrating a Fleshlight (sex toy), although the toy feels noticeably nicer without one on.

  • Alcohol. I did have some, but it wasnʼt even enough to get a buzz off, and Iʼd had at least 9 h to break it down prior to this debacle.

  • Pornography addiction. Iʼve barely looked at any in my life. The only times I have were accidental, being shown by friends, or researching sexual techniques. Iʼve never masturbated to it. I actually donʼt even understand its appeal!

Factors I do think probably contributed, in approximate order of descending significance:

  1. Having kept myself away from women sexually for so long, I probably havenʼt made the Pavlovian connection in my brain between a womanʼs body physically in front of me and sexual gratification. (A dog who has never been called to dinner by a bell will not salivate from the sound of a bell.)

    (This is the brainwashing I allude to in this postʼs title. Because it is largely societyʼs having rammed my head full of idiotic ideals like monogamy and supplicating to women, that kept my dick lightyears away from pussy for half my life.)

  2. My being a victim of genital mutilation. (§ 2, § 3, § 4)

  3. Performance anxiety, which is a vicious cycle. Seeded by other factors.

  4. Having questionable testosterone. (§ 5)

  5. This girl not being one Iʼd be at all tempted to risk knocking up by not using a condom.  (§ 6)

  6. While this occurred just after noon, I had been awake for over 25 hours; testosterone peaks around waking and falls off over the course of the day, so it stands to reason if you donʼt sleep it may just keep falling! It is perhaps important to note, however, that I wasnʼt actually tired, or at least certainly didnʼt feel it. Au contraire — I was bloody wired! I didnʼt end up sleeping until 2:16 a.m. the next morning!

  7. It had only been about 45 h since Iʼd last had release. (This was partly to account for a planned encounter with a hotter girl Iʼm willing to take raw, an African, on a slightly later date, and which did not happen.)

Itʼs easy to get really depressed over this dysfunction, thinking itʼs an omen of aging and failing health. I have to remind myself that my dick has always been strange this way; while itʼs more or less fine masturbating (but has over time gotten a little more fussy), it has actually never worked when a girl wanted it to.

When I was scarcely 20, and some friends dragged me to a strip club, it didnʼt get hard for a sexy black girl grinding her ass on it — which I attributed to a combination of tight underwear and a oneitis I had at the time. Later that same year or so, it also wouldnʼt show any love for a pair of Jamaican cuties ripping my clothes off, even though one managed to get a hand on my balls — though admittedly I hadnʼt intended it to either, thanks to a catastrophic oneitis that was at that time just taking hold and would keep me away from girls for the next fucking decade. (Fuuuuuck meeeeee, how did my sex life ever get sooooo fucked!!)

I think a lot of this failure to get it up for women comes down to #1 above, though #2 is also likely a huge factor, and #3 was a big factor, too. And possibly also #4, which could also have made me more greatly susceptible to societyʼs dysfunctional “beta male” program. Itʼs also conceivable said programming may have caused or exacerbated #4. Closer observation has also made me suspect #6 is more of a thing than Iʼd have thought.

(Thereʼs a bizarre alternate possibility. I spent almost a decade so obstinately devoted to the oneitis Dulcinea that I was determined to either take her and only her ever, or else die a virgin. I was over that phenomenally dumb idea a number of years ago now, but I almost have to wonder whether I somehow drove it into my subconscious, which is now still trying to protect me from violating that fateful pact. What would make that a particularly cruel irony is that there are women I now find considerably more attractive than Dulcinea. I donʼt think thatʼs whatʼs going on, but I had to put it out there.)

Several of the more probable co‑conspirators deserve further explanation:

2. Genital Mutilation

[Sorry to have to take yʼall down this rabbit hole, but this is an issue worthy of explanation, because it has negatively impacted not only my sexuality, but potentially that of perhaps over a billion other men. I want to be candid and honest about everything I experienced and learned from this lay, and this was no small part of it.]

I had my genitals mutilated when I was a small child. The more common term is “circumcised”, but I wonʼt use that term because it utterly fails to convey the senselessness of it. They cut off part of my dick. Of course, I was far too young to even suspect that this was some archaic religious‑rite-turned-profit‑machine for doctors and hospitals, who had somehow managed to pathologize my penis.

For much of my life, I thought little of it. My junk was a little different than (some of) the textbook pictures; O well what else is new. A few years ago I learned there were fringe groups vehemently opposed to the practice. I agreed with them in the same way as I agree with Princess Dianaʼs landmine thingie. Like, yea, it would be nice if there werenʼt landmines in X, Y, or Z country. What else is new. So I had gathered, the foreskin has potentially important roles in sexual function. That wasnʼt surprising; nature knows best. And yeah, Iʼd have preferred not to lose it if I could avoid it, but, too late, I couldnʼt. My dick still basically worked, and Iʼd never known it any other way. And at that time I was only using the damn thing to jerk off, anyway. So, yet another thing filed to my mindʼs trashbin of irrelevance.

But after what was supposed to be a gleeful shared reward for a year devoted to healing my asexuality instead became a shared disappointment, I needed answers.

And so I found myself, in a stoic daze, reading about how the foreskin interfaces with a womanʼs vulva, both stimulating her and sealing in her vaginal lubrication. About how it contains a distinct type of nerve ending more sensitive than anywhere else on the penis. About how stretch receptors in the foreskin are involved in the erection reflex. About how the glans is a mucous membrane — as much as mine doesnʼt look like one, — which the foreskin protects from desensitizing chronic abrasion.

About how (and why) the female partners of mutilated men are more likely to complain of vaginal dryness and painful sex, and are less likely to orgasm. Reading anecdotes from women accustomed to mutilated partners, blown away by intact partners. About how mutilated men are much more likely to eventually have sexual dysfunction (either E.D. or P.E.), and are over 4 ½ times more likely to use drugs like Viagra. And from men who had the procedure as adults and said it destroyed their sex life.

It was a little obfuscated by conflicting information from various medical authorities saying that removal of the foreskin does not cause any sexual dysfunction. But the studies they cite have methodological flaws. They often donʼt follow victims long enough to uncover gradual desensitization. In some cases theyʼve used the anatomy of a cut penis to drive the study design, as though this was anatomically normal — a telling bias. In at least one case, researchers even downright ignored their own data! Getting impartial answers on such a politicized topic and one whose popular understanding is so heavily biased by the establishment was challenging.

But I had some reason to doubt the establishment. Namely, my own body. When I looked at one of the more thorough comparative studies on penile sensation (with counter‑establishment findings, and typically overlooked or ignored by policy makers), I found it surprising that when they mapped out touch sensitivity, the most sensitive part of the mutilated penis was actually not the glans — as conventional wisdom holds, — but a little sliver of leftover foreskin tissue on the shaft around the site of the injury. Well, I had a mutilated model to verify this on myself. So, I put in the work (it shouldnʼt be work) to get it up, and carefully touched the various parts myself.

Fuck me, that little sliver was sensitive, and yes, a lot more than the glans. You mean to tell me that a significant fraction of the skin on my penis would have been that sensitive??Itʼs like telling someone who has only ever seen the world through a black & white 320 x 240 webcam that they had actually been born with an ultra‑high resolution colour stereo‑optical system, but that someone had decided to surgically remove that because a webcam was fine.

At first I was a bit confused, because I still can enjoy masturbation. Yet, when the girl masturbated me, it didnʼt feel like much of anything. (A blowjob was a different story, though — that did feel good.) Iʼll hypothesize that in some way itʼs mental; that is, Iʼve trained myself to mentally amplify the otherwise minimal stimulation from masturbation, but in some manner such training doesnʼt carry over to someone else doing it.

As I think about it, it makes too much sense. I understand now why the girl was rubbing her ass on my crotch: she was trying to make me hard! This had been obvious intellectually, but at once I couldnʼt quite understand how she expected this to actually work. In my entire experience as a male, I have never known such contact to be a particularly efficient way of making me hard. As it turns out, there are two distinct pathways for producing waking erections: psychogenic and reflex.

The first one I knew about, because I get those. The second one caught my imagination. You mean, erection is a reflex!? Give a guyʼs dick a good smushing and itʼll get hard without him having to be in just the right state of mind?! This was news to me. But now I appreciate just what the girl was doing. On an intact male, it wouldʼve caused a sliding action between the smooth, moist mucosal surfaces of the glans and underside of the prepuce and likely been very stimulating. An intact male would probably have gotten hard off this even if he was nervous. It makes sense: if females had no way of arousing sexually naïve males, we might go extinct.

But in a mutilated male, the reflex pathway has been virtually destroyed. The girl may as well have been rubbing her bum on my arm. Sure, itʼs nice. But not instant hard‑on nice! I appreciate now that most of the erections Iʼve ever had in my life have probably been around 10% sensation and 90% mental — leaving me extremely vulnerable to performance anxiety.

3. A Huge Injustice

[This section contains my views on having been denied informed consent to a permanent alteration of my body. Feel free to skip it if you donʼt plan on doing this to anyone.]

Some time later, when it dawned on me what the girl was doing and why it didnʼt work, I started to cry. Iʼm so angry. I probably lost my first FwB to permanent damage that was done to me willfully. I actually remember lying in a hospital gurney with a teddy bear being told I was going to go to sleep, and then having a weird bandage on my dick. I of course didnʼt have any idea what was going on, but had I been given the understanding I had a human right to, Iʼd have jumped the gurney and torn up the hospital corridors. Itʼd have taken three people to restrain me.

I feel so violated. Because nobody even asked me if I wanted a perfectly healthy part of my body to be cut off, much less explained to me the implications thereof. Parental consent is meaningless, because my life is not theirs. I wish the law would have protected me in the way it would protect a little girl. My body is a permanent reminder that I do not have the same rights as a female.

(Itʼs worth mentioning, since weʼre here anyway, that I was one of the lucky ones. I was put unconscious, and nothing went wrong. Not all victims are that lucky. Some are not with us. On rare occasions it goes so bad the parents elect for a sex change. And at least until fairly recently, doctors routinely didnʼt bother to give anesthetic — it was presumed that newborns canʼt feel pain. In the words of one nurse, “So, I was stroking him and saying these [comforting] things, lying to him, really, because, when the doctor started to do the cutting, the baby opened his mouth and let out a scream I’d never heard come out of the mouth of a baby — and I had four children.” This was in 1979. Not 1879.  1979.)

Medicine broke its own sacred oath. Iʼm sure those doctors didnʼt understand that my foreskin had any real function. But thatʼs the whole reason behind, “first, do no harm.” If you donʼt understand what something is, donʼt fuck with it unless the patient has a clear and definite need for you to. At what point is such pompous arrogance instilled in them that they think they know better than millions of years of evolution how my body should be structured? Iʼd like to see those assholes create a human being from inorganic raw materials. I love science but these are not scientists. Real scientists are humbled by nature and appreciate the extent to which they donʼt fully understand it.

Outside of orthodox religious circles, genital mutilation was introduced into the mainstream developed world in the highly sex‑negative 1800ʼs as a way to “cure” masturbation. If you want to see just how perverse this obsession with discouraging sex got, have a look at this picture of a bizarre electrical machine designed to help parents stop their children from masturbating. At least the crotch alarm system fell by the wayside, but as for genital mutilation, they concocted various asinine medical excuses, with marginal or specious empirical support, so as to continue it even when overt negativity to sex fell out of favour.

(Of course, as we all here know, societyʼs stranglehold on human sexuality didnʼt really disappear, it just changed its character, like how wars have gone from being fought with tanks and guns to being fought with fake news and multinational corporations.)

First the pervasive sexually debilitating brainwashing, and now after half my life I finally start breaking free of that, only to suffer sexual dysfunction from the intentional mutilation of my genitals… I feel like Iʼm living in a world hellbent on keeping my sexuality muted!! (While ironically shoving other peoplesʼ sexuality in my face.)

4. Overcoming The Knife

How can I fix this?

Some guys have managed to use stretching to regrow a pseudo-foreskin, over a long time, with great persistence. Unfortunately, this does not regenerate the specialized cells, so itʼs only a partial fix. There is a stem‑cell-based approach in the works, and Iʼm very interested in that. But itʼs not out yet, and thanks to the establishment keeping this an under‑appreciated problem, itʼs not something that gets large-scale funding. (Medicine would just as soon get paid to cut someoneʼs dick, get paid for the foreskin tissue, and then get paid yet again when the victim eventually needs Viagra.)

There are E.D. drugs. I usually think of a Viagra user as a fat old fart with clogged arteries. What a depressing picture. I need to understand that, really, in my case itʼs just the health industry peddling a cure to a problem that they caused.

I almost wonder if I should just suck it up and use drugs, knowing that I have a legitimately damaged erectile system (the pipes are working, but the switch is missing). It wouldnʼt make me the fat old fart; just a victim of child abuse — totally not my fault. Perhaps just use them at first, to help me get some sexual confidence.

But they have some serious downsides. Most side effects are minor, but there is potential for permanent damage to other bodily systems. Depending on the particular drug, the spontaneity that is part of seduction may be trickier to manage (my preliminary research says Cialis is probably the least problematic that way due to a long half‑life). PDE5 inhibitors also still depend on the erection signaling pathways and so could potentially fail, particularly where the problem is stimulatory or psychogenic. There are other classes of drug that bypass that, but theyʼre more invasive.

But perhaps the biggest concern is that these drugs can produce psychological dependence; using them reinforces the belief that you need them, which worsens performance anxiety in their absence.

Tissue regeneration is my long-term hope, but in the meantime, the safest, albeit probably not most efficient, route is probably to try to work with what I have. My reflex erection mechanism was decimated by male genital mutilation, which means the best way I have to get an erection is the psychogenic mechanism. I have to try to strengthen that mechanism.

Iʼm not totally sure how to do that. Obviously I need to create a stronger mental association between being in a naked womanʼs presence and sexual release. I need to feel sexier around them. Unfortunately, itʼs hard feeling sexy when you canʼt get it up, so it becomes a vicious cycle. It is yet another enormous mental hurdle to have to take myself through, just as approaching women and escalating on women have been and could to a lesser degree still be.

Iʼm sure part of it is just having a sufficient supply of women in my bedroom. When the chance seems rare, the pressure is high. Having a steady supply of women could lower the pressure to perform with any given one, which in turn might ironically make it a lot easier to.

That means approaching women at at least an order of magnitude greater frequency than I do, and ideally more.

I have my doubts that I can do that in this country. Iʼve gone out to the mall a few times since the botched lay, to see if Iʼd be able to approach women much more frequently, now that I know theyʼre not that hard to lay. Unfortunately, my approach frequency hasnʼt really gone up. Black women are still only 10% of the women in the mall, and my brain still seems to — Iʼm guessing — go into scarcity mode from that and only lets me approach a little over one every 3 hours — even though I get a chance once every 15 minutes or less. Thatʼs been the case for the majority of 2018, so it seems to be a hard plateau.

Which brings me back yet again to the idea that I should go live in Africa, where they are not scarce at all. Being able to hit on 20 or 30 girls in a day instead of 2 or 3 would make an immense difference. I keep hesitating, because itʼs not entirely convenient, but thereʼs no escaping the fact that itʼs by far my best hope of getting good. It would also bring priceless life experience.

Another possibility is to hire an escort. Because with them, youʼre not really under any pressure. Your performance with her doesnʼt really matter — youʼre not seducing her either way. And if you paid her to stay over, youʼre not going to have her just get bored and leave. But you still get to make the mental connection between naked woman and sex. Iʼm rabidly staunch against the “men like us have to pay for sex” mentality, so with that plus the data point of just how easy it was for me to seduce a young woman, I doubt Iʼll ruin my mental model.

What does worry me is ruining my health, since HSV‑2 has no cure, is somewhat contagious, canʼt be blocked fully by condoms, and is sufficiently prevalent that most sex workers must have it. Thatʼs my main reason not to. Otherwise I suspect itʼd be helpful here. Of course, regular girls can have herpes, too, but itʼs gonna be super‑common in sex workers.

Now, part of the reason I (successfully) held out on fixing my total asexuality with an escort was not just the chance of getting HSV‑2, but how Iʼd have gotten it being particularly demoralizing. Now that Iʼm sexually active with normal girls, the demoralization aspect may not be so bad, since I donʼt necessarily even know I got it from the escort and not from the girl I picked up in the mall. Plus, the chance is not that high on one or two encounters — the discordant couple annual transmission rate is only around 10%.

(I donʼt even know how many seducers must have HSV‑2 and donʼt even know it. Itʼs asymptomatic in most people, and in many places itʼs not part of routine STI screening — probably for good reason.)

Maybe that is my best bet. Welllll, except for one little problem. I have a whoremonger friend who has tried hard to indoctrinate me with the idea that he and I are old and ugly and could only ever attract women using our wallets. He predicted, in spite of my defiance, that Iʼd go on to pay for sex, and when I told him hell to the fucking no, he smugly taunted, “Yeah, yeah.  Thatʼs what all white guys say.” (Heʼs partly why Iʼm here. Iʼm itching to rub his nose in my success, lol.)

Plus, itʼs not entirely legal, although the chances of getting caught are quite small with due diligence, there are loopholes, and the laws are under constitutional challenges.

5. Testosterone

Itʼs a bit confusing.

About 6 years ago I had low testosterone and a specialist of sorts put me on a replacement gel. I used that for I guess a year or two, until various factors including the specialist disappearing led to my not keeping up with it.

Then, around 2 years ago, I had similar trouble in bed with a girl. I had some serious reservations in that encounter, though, so that was probably a normal, expected result. However, I was still concerned and figured low T may have contributed, so I went to my regular doctor and he gave me a prescription for the same gel and also had before and after tests done. The strange thing is, my before result was normal! Partly due to that, I didnʼt bother continuing with it.

Itʼs a little strange that my testosterone would be so inconsistent, although that would be in line with my own observation that my horniness waxes and wanes over periods of weeks or months, partly depending on my own mental outlook towards, and experiences with, women at the time.

There were some significant differences in my overall mental disposition between 6 years ago and 2 years ago, with the former having been a bit of a low point in several respects. It is well‑documented that testosterone has an impact on mental function and emotion, but thereʼs some suggestion it can be affected by them, too. That would seem to fit my own observations.

Come to think of it, this recent lay came at a time when I had basically closed down shop towards girls here in my city, shifting my attention to planning out the move to Africa. I wasnʼt expecting to get laid until after several months of planning and preparations and setting up shop in Kampala or Nairobi. I wonder if that had an effect.

I kind of suspect my testosterone would probably go up if I were smashing girls on the regular. But thatʼs a bit of a Catch‑22!

To complicate matters, the lab screwed up on the more recent test, and took total testosterone when the requisition was for free testosterone. I believe free T is more significant, so I should probably take that more recent “normal” finding with a grain of salt and get it checked again. Yet another confusing factor is that, so Iʼve read, the reference ranges most labs use for testosterone are actually pretty low in terms of optimal health. There were also confusing order-of-magnitude inconsistencies in the free T reference ranges listed on my older and newer tests. I am constantly having to question the scientific validity of the medical profession!

Anyway, I could likely get back on TRT easily if I want to. This time, I would try to get the patch, since you have to wash the gel off before contact with a woman, which has multiple obvious drawbacks.

Now, itʼs often said that low testosterone impacts only interest in sex, not erectile function. But Iʼve also seen it claimed that it can affect erections. It seems a little equivocal.

When I was on the gel, I did get more or less spontaneous erections more often, but I vaguely recall that they werenʼt always easier on demand, although TBH itʼs not something I monitored closely.

On paying more attention to it, Iʼve noticed a tendency that not always, but very often, early in my day, unintended psychogenic erections are much more likely, and itʼs also easier to intentionally both get and keep an erection indefinitely, and that conversely, I have the greatest trouble with erections later in my day. Surprisingly, the effect is possibly even stronger than the effect of how recently Iʼve had release. If I go some days without release, then masturbate to orgasm before sleeping, then try again a half hour after getting up, I may almost paradoxically have an easier and stronger boner the second time around even though it wasnʼt even half a day later.

Testosterone level follows a diurnal pattern, so all this would seem to suggest that at least for me, testosterone does have a significant effect on ease of getting erections — a useful observation in considering treatments.

“Interest in sex” is also a deceptive term. I think itʼs not a singular phenomenon, but something that happens independently on different mental levels. So, for instance, this novel experience of actually having a cute black girl decide to get naked for me definitely corresponded (both causally and reactively) with “interest in sex” on a high or “intellectual” level. However, it could be said that I probably wasnʼt “in the mood” on some lower level — thus, paradoxically, there may have also been an absence of “interest in sex”. This isnʼt something Iʼd have been very consciously attuned to, due to the novelness of the opportunity.

Considering that due to genital mutilation my erectile triggers are quite likely 90% psychological, a testosterone-mediated lack of low‑level “interest” could well have been part of the problem.

So, testosterone replacement could be part of the solution. Unfortunately, it has some drawbacks, the most important being:

  1. Increased risk of cardiovascular problems; and,

  2. The body will respond to it by downregulating endogenous testosterone production, which could cause various problems, in particular infertility that is typically but not always reversible.
Iʼll probably ask my doctor about it.

I will first need to do further research as to whether there is a way to instead boost endogenous testosterone. Iʼve heard of dietary/herbal stuff, but I need hard data or I donʼt believe it. (The internet and other such spaces are teeming with quackery, with this or that herb or fruit or supplement that cures everything, stops all wars, and repels Martians.) A more compelling approach would be to use a drug that targets an earlier point on the HPG axis, which in theory could stimulate endogenous testosterone production. As an added bonus, it might not be a gel or patch.

Great. More research. I feel like my existence revolves around researching dumb shit.  LOL.

6. Contraception

The condoms didnʼt help.

Not due to loss of sensation. I didnʼt even really get that far.

Partly it was the unsexiness of fumbling with it (done in the worst possible way, for a rather phobic reason; see the LR).

But there was also a certain loss of excitement for me just from (i) being conscious of our using contraception, and (ii) her being below the (really picky) quality Iʼd allow significant risk of parenthood with.

I find the thought of knocking up a beautiful black girl somehow extremely arousing. When Iʼve done my approaches to earn my time with pics of one of those gorgeous Dinka or Nuer or Kikuyu models, the ensuing fantasies are not of sterile, condomed sex. Iʼll almost invariably pretend Iʼm about to make her pregnant. Iʼd even tell her Iʼm about to pump her wet hole so full of my semen sheʼs going to have 10 of my beautiful mix babies. (Wait... doesnʼt she need to release 10 eggs for that?  lol) I suppose itʼs at once very crazy and very natural.

But Iʼm not living in prehistory, so of course I canʼt be leaving a trail of babies. That makes me a lot pickier about women I would or wouldnʼt knock up. (Which is not ideal psychologically. Game would be much easier to learn if I were in “blast away in every pussy in my path” mode.  LOL.)

This girl not being one of those tall, (usually very) dark and utterly perfect African beauties I might actually be willing to potentially knock up, I wasnʼt about to throw caution to the wind. But the sexier knocking up a girl is, the more un‑sexy not knocking one up becomes. I think on some level, my libido was like, “What?  You mean Iʼm not gonna pump this girl full of my sperm until she conceives? How boring.

Appreciating how women are biologically attracted to men who make lots & lots of babies is a double‑edged sword. On one hand, I really think it helped me get oneʼs clothes off! (When you know the “why” behind advice like moving faster, it sticks better.) On the other hand, it also kind of put me in touch with the part of my lizard brain tasked with making lots & lots of babies! But the latter throws my mind into a tricky balance of conflicting imperatives.

It doesnʼt help that I actually do want a child with one of those aforementioned tall, dark honeys.

I wonder, though, if I had a few little rascals to look after already, if my brain would still be wired to look at sex and women so pro‑reproductively!

I used to wonder a bit about those dudes with like 14 kids by six different babymammas. Like, didnʼt they know about birth control?  LOL! But I can actually almost understand!

Had this been one of those African beauties Iʼd have been willing to make natural love with, knowing it could make her the mother of my child, I suspect Iʼd have performed far better.

7. Things I Could Have Tried (In The Moment)

  • Go raw. No condom interruption, and probably wouldnʼt have to be completely stiff to penetrate or at least get some stimulation off her vulva, whichʼd probably be sexy enough to get harder. And enough stimulation plus psychological thrill to more than likely stay hard once inside.

    But I have really high standards for taking any pregnancy risk. Iʼd only stick my dick in about 8 ~ 9% of the worldʼs fertile women (or around 4.5% in my city) even with a condom. To her credit, she was within that 8 ~ 9%. I couldʼve pulled out, put a condom on later into the act, and/or asked her if she was on birth control. But she wasnʼt within the maybe ~2% globally with whom Iʼd be willing to take the risk that I lose control or she lies about birth control. (Or the perhaps 0.1 ~ 0.2% Iʼd be willing to blast away in just the once, or ≤ 0.004% repeatedly.)

  • Katchabali. Itʼs a Ugandan sex technique where you rub the frenulum and the ventral surface of the glans penis on her prepuce and clitoris. (And if sheʼs Ugandan, she squirts, lol, or so Iʼve read.) Decent chance thatʼd have gotten me hard. But thereʼs STI risk, and youʼre teasingly close to just saying “what the hell” and going in raw — but see above.

  • In the stress of this calamity, I totally forgot that I actually have female condoms, too. That may have worked better, since you donʼt have to fuck with putting the condom on once you get hard (you can put the condom into her in advance), and you donʼt really need to even be fully hard to start trying to penetrate. Iʼd quite possibly have stiffened back up once weʼre starting to “do it”.  lol.

    The only problem is, at least with the brand I have, the outer ring that holds the distal end in place at the vulva is flexible (IMO a poor design which seems to have been motivated mainly by package dimensions), and in my alone‑time testing with a Fleshlight (not anatomically accurate, but likely close enough for this test), I found that unless you keep the thrusts pretty gentle, thereʼs a significant chance of the distal end slipping right into the vagina, unless someone holds it in place. This girl isnʼt one Iʼd take any significant risk of impregnating, so it wasnʼt an ideal option.

  • Talk dirty, or act really dirty and aggressive and dominant. I was pretty tame. Being dirtier might have been more psychologically arousing, though Iʼm not certain. Unfortunately, it would have felt kind of incongruent to be acting all dominant with a wilted penis… LOL.

  • Slow down, savour the girl, and let the erection come on its own, as opposed to stressing out that, “Oh my God, I have to get it up now!

    The girl didnʼt help that any, as she seemed to want it up. In retrospect, I ought to have just confidently taken charge and told her to slow down, — with the added benefit of being a chase frame! — rather than let it stress me out worrying about what sheʼll think or that sheʼll get bored and leave.

  • Get to seducing her quicker, before testosterone is at a daily low. Especially given that I canʼt sleep in a girlʼs presence!

8. Action Plan

Seduction is useless when I canʼt perform, so that badly needs to be addressed.

My plan now, open † to suggestions, is, more or less:

  • Have my doctor do a full work-up to rule out any systemic causes of E.D.

  • Resist any suggestion to try E.D. drugs unless there is first hard evidence of a physiological cause. While not routine, there are tests that can specifically identify plumbing issues; push for that before using drugs. (Although the raging boners Iʼll get under just the right conditions probably rule out plumbing.) This is justifiable given that the use of E.D. drugs in psychogenic cases only makes the psychological problem much worse, and exposes the patient to needless health risks.

  • Have my free testosterone tested, both at the beginning and (especially) end of my day. If itʼs low, then start by looking for ways to increase it endogenously. Use testing to determine whether any such method is actually working.

  • Only consider testosterone replacement if no means is available for stimulating its endogenous production. Monitor fertility, and discontinue TRT on any significant degradation.

  • Continue to research, plan, and prepare business activities for the “indefinite vacation” to Africa, probably Uganda or Kenya. Because living there would make approaches and seductions so much more expendable! Black women are not rare here, but theyʼre enough of a minority that I suspect it makes it harder to put my brain into a state conducive to seduction. I suspect having ten times more of them — and cuter ones, at that, — would really help with opening up more and being more relaxed instead of being in this uptight, “shit, I better not screw this one up” mode.

  • Give Tinder a quick crap shoot. Just in case I find it more workable than trying to fight tons of approach anxiety trying to day game a minority. I hate just about everything about on‑line game, but given the expense of Africa, I do need to at least check out other options, in parallel with the Africa preps.

  • Keep an open mind to practicing sex with an escort; because, again, it gets rid of the “shit, I better not screw this one up” element. (Just, for the love of God, donʼt do it in Africa!) If it comes down to this, use carrageenan, and if I still get herpes, blame it on my parentsʼ dumb decision to cut half my dick off.

  • Forget my buddyʼs ignorant “thatʼs what all white guys say” remark. What his remark really meant is that Iʼm some fat middle‑aged slob that no attractive girl would ever want to fuck unless it was about money. (BTW, Iʼm not even remotely fat; he, however, is quite chubby.) Realistically, heʼs just trying to anesthetize the pain of his uselessness to women by trying to justify that all his peers are in the same boat heʼs in. I should not allow his ignorance to affect decisions regarding my own sexual well‑being. Having banged an escort once or twice to help knock out a mental hang‑up in no way proves his underlying assertion, especially when Iʼm actually seducing cute girls. Fuck him.  lol.

  • Keep an eye on the progress of foreskin regeneration R & D.

God, what a nightmare. Itʼs always something else!  LOL

Anyone think I could sue the hospital for recommending a needless procedure that fucked up my sex life??

† Subject to the usual condition that hitting on non-black women is just not gonna happen.


Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Aug 25, 2014
Middle East, Asia, Africa

First of all, know that we have all experienced the flaccid dick surprise at one point or another. Let me share my thoughts on a few of your points.

ThePhoenix said:
  1. Having kept myself away from women sexually for so long, I probably havenʼt made the Pavlovian connection in my brain between a womanʼs body physically in front of me and sexual gratification. (A dog who has never been called to dinner by a bell will not salivate from the sound of a bell.)

    (This is the brainwashing I allude to in this postʼs title. Because it is largely societyʼs having rammed my head full of idiotic ideals like monogamy and supplicating to women, that kept my dick lightyears away from pussy for half my life.)
  2. My being a victim of genital mutilation. (§ 2, § 3, § 4)
  3. Performance anxiety, which is a vicious cycle. Seeded by other factors.
  4. Having questionable testosterone. (§ 5)
  5. This girl not being one Iʼd be at all tempted to risk knocking up by not using a condom.  (§ 6)
  6. While this occurred just after noon, I had been awake for over 25 hours; testosterone peaks around waking and falls off over the course of the day, so it stands to reason if you donʼt sleep it may just keep falling! It is perhaps important to note, however, that I wasnʼt actually tired, or at least certainly didnʼt feel it. Au contraire — I was bloody wired! I didnʼt end up sleeping until 2:16 a.m. the next morning!
  7. It had only been about 45 h since Iʼd last had release. (This was partly to account for a planned encounter with a hotter girl Iʼm willing to take raw, an African, on a slightly later date, and which did not happen.)
1. Yes absolutely. You will have to go through a period where you re-teach your dick the meaning of pleasure. What I would suggest is that next time you focus on what gives you pleasure. Get more and more of that, for your own benefit. So if you truly enjoyed getting that blowjob, next time have her suck you for 15 or 30 minutes, and why not multiple times.

Also, for as much as I am a condom advocate, I think at this stage it is doing you a disservice. I hear what you say about not knocking her up, but for now the condom will actually holds you back from solving your problem. After decades of abstinence your brain absolutely needs to learn that penetrative sex is pleasure. For that, the condoms will suck big time: (i) when you put it up, your erection will soften or die, and (ii) it will take away plenty of the feeling. So if you already think you are desensitized from the circumcision, don't add up to the problem with a layer of latex. And of course, as you know, the condom is a poor guarantee of contraception. How many times I experienced the broken condom? Including noticing it *after* I shot my load deep inside her?

No, frankly, I think you would be much better off learning about the withdrawal method, at least until you're confident about getting pleasure. That should be your priority.

And while we're talking condoms. I usually put them on myself. I won't trust a girl to do it, if she's awkward she may kill my boner in the process.

2. Absolutely sorry about this. I can't relate myself, having not experienced what it is like. Can't help, so I won't comment!

3. Performance anxiety. Yes of course! You had so much things to worry about, no question that your head was busy with a myriad of other things so you could not really be in the moment. The man has to be taking care of so many things in order to make sex happen. Plus in your case, the anxiety of a (nearly) first time. All these questions in your head. Anxiety is real and a boner killer. Just be aware that the more directly you attack the problem, the harder it becomes, because of the vicious loop you mention.

Like all of us, I have experienced some annoying ED moments. The best way I found is to relax, forget about having sex, talk about something else. Then later at the first sign of erection again, go for it quickly before it fades away.

Your anxiety about the act itself will get better with more experience. And about getting out of your head, the best is just to focus on whatever gives you pleasure and enjoy the moment. We are not machines. We too need arousal. Give it the quality time it takes.

4. Testosterone. Yeah we are not twenty year olds anymore. But there are still ways of increasing testosterone naturally. To name a few:
  • Lift weights
  • Avoid processed food
  • Eat more meat and fish
  • Eat healthy dietary fats to boost your cholesterol. Cholesterol is the building block of testosterone. Eggs are best. Up to 6 eggs a day is perfectly safe! Do your own research on the topic if you have not already done it.
  • Eat cruciferous vegetables. They are estrogen inhibitors and as such will contribute to higher T
  • Switch beer for red wine
  • Fuck more girls :)
I have done all these myself in the last two years. My facial hair has become fuller so that I could grow a goatee (thing I couldn't do before). And I think my libido has increased. I have never tested my T levels, but I think I have improved my own situation.

In any case, I would recommend you take a look at this Triple Your T guide, and all the other resources there.

But before blaming it on your T levels, I would consider your own mindset (I know, the bad societal programming...) as a culprit. The more you realize that your sexual aggressiveness is welcome and desirable, the better off you will be. Your recent LR, I'm sure, was an eye opener. You can do much more!

5. I would normally agree, but in your case, your best course of action I think would still be to go raw - for now, until you have taught your brain about sexual pleasure. The condom will actually hold you back. Not what you need now!

6. Next time, plan to have your escalation done by 11pm. You took ages here!

7. Try to have at least 48 hours moratorium on jerking off before a scheduled date...

Some more remarks:
  • Indefinite vacation in Africa. It would be good if you could cement your on going learning curve with a few more lays, before you consider this.
  • Sex with an escort. Perhaps a good idea actually! So you can gain more confidence about the act itself, and remove one less cause to anxiety.
  • Your buddy doesn't want you to succeed, because it would have to make him reconsider all what he believes true. You're totally right in your assessment!

Alright, I hope the above helps! To be fair, from your own comments (sections 7 and 8), you have already figured most of this by yourself.



Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Nov 14, 2017

Thank you, I appreciate the advice! Iʼll share some new findings Iʼve made, then respond to some of your other points towards the bottom.

Alternative Contraceptives

I agree totally that right now condoms are probably doing me more harm than good.

You made me revisit contraceptive strategy in even more depth, which led me to a very interesting idea.

I had already been planning on just using withdrawal in some cases.

However, I can never make a 100% mental separation between sex and reproduction because they truly arenʼt 100% separable. I know enough people who have had “oopsie” babies. So, my strategy is always that the degree of risk Iʼm willing to take in a particular instance is proportional to how happy vs. horrified Iʼd be to have that particular girlʼs genes in my child. Thatʼs something I get a rough idea of pretty quickly based on instinct. (Same instinct that keeps me far away from white girls, Chinese girls, ...)

Latoya wasnʼt unattractive but she had what I perceived as a serious genetic flaw, and also wasnʼt one of those girls I feel instantly drawn to, so I felt I had to keep the pregnancy risk with her very low. I didnʼt feel withdrawal was a good enough option in her case.

would have been comfortable relying on it with the girl I almost got home a couple months before Latoya, among others. Unfortunately, that girlʼs relative was picking her up after the date and I didnʼt think to suggest a change of plans.

Withdrawal and condoms are actually not remarkably different in their typical use failure rate. But perfect use is probably much easier to accomplish with condoms than withdrawal — especially considering that “typical use” for condoms includes mistakes that make me shake my head, like unrolling it before putting it on! Iʼve tried withdrawal on a toy pussy. It seems easy enough. But especially as a beginner, on a real live woman it could be a different story. Itʼs also probably not the most pleasurable thing to have to do — for either party — right in the moment where the instinct is to bury your seed in her.

I couldnʼt find any research backing up the commonly cited 4% perfect use failure rate for withdrawal. Actually, I traced it back to an academic paper in which it was presented as a sheer guess. But I did find research that found the pre‑ejaculate of 37% of men to contain sperm with reasonable motility, even without a recent ejaculation.

Still, I started to think about options other than condoms, and that led me to something Iʼd never considered before! In a seduction, diaphragms and cervical caps wonʼt usually be options, because they have to be fitted. However, contraceptive sponges are over-the-counter and donʼt need to be fitted. Their typical use efficacy is far from ideal, but itʼs in the same general range as condoms and withdrawal. Itʼs an attractive option, because you get to feel the pussy, and you can even cum in her without being too worried.

There is a risk she takes it out before the 6 hours are up; I couldnʼt find any data on that, but presumably conception becomes at least somewhat more likely. Then again, Iʼve also read of girls wrapping their legs around a guy, stopping him from pulling out!  lol

Contraceptive Uncertainties

With all these different methods, I had some pressing questions about efficacy, the difference between “perfect” and “typical” use, why some sources significantly disagree on the failure rates, and how the rates translate into absolute pregnancy risk to seducers as opposed to monogamous couples.

So I ended up doing a lot of research, sifting through several dozen research papers, and even building a simulator to investigate how polygamy factors in and to help fit research data to extract single‑act probabilities.

The first thing I have to say is, the more you research, the more uncertainty you find!

The simplicity of the efficacy rates given to the lay public is quite misleading. Itʼs easy to think, “well, the chart says 18 women will get pregnant on the male condom and 21 women on the female condom, so the male condom must be more reliable.” Not so fast!

In reality, there are so many differences between studies in their protocols, selection criteria, demographics, and mathematical methods that looking at those figures comparatively becomes meaningless. For instance, the female condom study did tests for pre‑clinical pregnancies and counted those as failures, whereas many other studies did not. (About 24% of pregnancies end before the woman even suspects sheʼs pregnant.) The male condom studies also tended to have older couples and lower coital frequency. The FC study recruited on 8+ acts per month and ejected women below 4 acts/month, whereas other studies kept women as long as they were “sexually active.” And as for the math, several prominent researchers have pointed out serious flaws in the analysis methodology of most contraceptive studies.

You speak of condom breakage. There are a number of studies on that and they disagree wildly. I have seen breakage cited as high as 7.3% and as low as 0.28%. I should point out that the studies at the upper range seem to have captured more user error. Storage conditions can also be an issue with condoms, even before you buy them! (Being in a hot country, you need to look out for that!)

And then there is the nightmare of just what is “typical use”. Let me quote one paper to show just how useful those figures are (emphasis mine):
Understanding contraceptive failure; J. Trussell in 2009 said:
Pregnancy rates during typical use reflect how effective methods are for the average person who does not always use methods correctly or consistently, and in fact may not actually even use it at all. In surveys and in most clinical trials, a woman is ‘using’ a contraceptive method if she reports that she is using that method. Therefore, typical use of the condom could include actually using a condom only occasionally, and a woman could report that she is ‘using’ the pill even though her supplies ran out several months ago.
Coming up with a fancy simulator wasnʼt of much use when the only input data for it I could find was basically garbage.  LOL

The uncertainties are pretty sobering. As seducers, the only non-permanent contraceptive methods we have reliable access to, basically, are male condoms, female condoms, withdrawal, and sponges. (And spermicides, but theyʼre only reliable enough to use as an adjunct.) These are all at the lower end of reliability. All of the really reliable contraceptives are things the female controls and are mostly outside of our view.

It makes me even pickier about the women Iʼd put my dick in.

Interim Findings

While Iʼve put together a lot of specific research, itʼs not done and I canʼt afford more time for now, so Iʼve put it aside. In the meantime, Iʼll have to rely on some very preliminary simulator results which contain tons of assumptions.

For most methods, the result below is based on only a single study. Iʼm being kinder to the male condom than the other methods since perfect use is a no‑brainer. These results are also based on a model in which women sometimes favour sexy, promiscuous men during their fertile window. (I arbitrarily set this to a 35% chance of non‑random selection.)

Pinsem is the probability a sex act will be equivalent to unprotected insemination, and clin‑preg is the chance a single act (ONS with a woman who finds you sexy) leads to clinical pregnancy, assuming no other birth control:

blast away: Pinsem = 1, clin‑preg = 1 : 13
withdrawal: Pinsem = 0.08580, clin‑preg = 1 : 153
 female condom: Pinsem = 0.06129, clin‑preg = 1 : 214
 sponge: Pinsem = 0.05135, clin‑preg = 1 : 256
male condom: Pinsem = 0.01667, clin‑preg = 1 : 790
 female condom + withdrawal: Pinsem = 0.00526, clin‑preg = 1 : 2,505
 sponge + withdrawal: Pinsem = 0.00441, clin‑preg = 1 : 2,987
male condom + withdrawal: Pinsem = 0.00143, clin‑preg = 1 : 9,213
male condom + sponge: Pinsem = 0.00086, clin‑preg = 1 : 15,308
stay away: Pinsem = 0, clin‑preg = 1 : 

I grouped female condom and sponge because depending on the study you look at and the parity of the woman, the female condom may be better. My study selection was maybe a bit nicer to the sponge, because I have doubts that the outer ring of the FC2 will necessarily stay outside the vagina.

At some point, assuming I get all this a little more robust & polished, I might put up a couple threads with updated & more detailed figures, much more detail on my findings about specific contraceptives, the murky math behind their failures, common pitfalls in studies, common mistakes in computing combined efficacy, details of the simulator model, how per-woman failure rates translate to polygamous scenarios, approaches and limitations in modeling the pregnancy to parenthood trajectory probability, some ideas I had about allocating risk budget according to the womanʼs perceived fitness, and how to make a gorilla walk backwards. I already had some of it written but it kept getting revised until I gave up!

Immediate Approach

Ordinarily, my approach would be to choose one of the above methods for each girl based on what my feelings would be towards knocking up that particular girl. To practice on girls I would really strongly prefer not to knock up, just use a stronger method, such as male condom plus withdrawal or sponge.

But right now I need sex to be as sensual and intimate as possible, and so I think the best approach is to just put in a sponge and then enjoy the girl fully, even finishing inside her. This also adds to the motivation to lay her!

Iʼm not sure how badly trying to put in a sponge (which you also have to wet first) might trigger LMR. Iʼm pretty sure Latoya would have let me, so at worst itʼs just a matter of getting more girls home — at least some will be willing. Or if I find it difficult, just get a few thrusts in before bringing it up.

The catch is, unless sheʼs on some other birth control method, thereʼs still a 1 : 256 chance she gets pregnant. Iʼm going to have to tolerate that, at least until I have overcome the arousal issues. An unfortunate but necessary effect of that, however, is that Iʼm going to get even more picky with what girls Iʼll talk to.

The reason is that I badly want a baby with one of those profoundly beautiful tall, dark, dark chocolate South Sudanese women. Iʼve basically accepted that in order for that to happen, Iʼll have to have and probably raise my kid in Africa, not here. Because my chances of knocking up one of those in my country is not much higher than being struck by lightning — Iʼve only even seen two in well over a year! And I would not be quick to sponsor a woman to immigrate into a country where I have little abundance of women I like. (Plus, if itʼs a boy, raising him in Africa instead of this cuckold country is one of the best things I could possibly do for him!) My country gives citizenship by descent, so we can raise the kid there and the kid can always come here as a teen or adult if itʼs advantageous and she or he wants to.

But itʼs not too practical to have kids on two continents, so if I accidentally knock up a girl here and she keeps it, then having one with a Nilotic girl becomes very problematic and could well go down the drain. (If I hadnʼt have waited so long to learn women, I couldʼve raised them sequentially, but now Iʼm old enough to make that risky.)

So, until I can overcome the arousal issues, I have no choice but to be really picky with girls on this continent. So, Iʼm not going to approach girls with glasses, or chunky girls, or girls seriously shorter than me, or women wearing weave, or ones with a blah face. And I wonʼt approach redbones (lighter‑skinned black women) unless theyʼre otherwise super‑hot. Women like that Iʼm not willing to take the 1 : 256 chance of getting locked down to this continent for, and right now I donʼt want to bother using stronger but less sensual contraception.

To be honest this will probably just drive me to Africa even faster — not even to get at my ideal, but just to make sure that if I do happen to get locked to a city by accidentally knocking up a girl, that at least itʼs a city where Iʼll stand a fighting chance of ever finding my ideal. (Thatʼs why I have to stick to a 700 km radius around South Sudan.)

Other Stuff

Seppuku said:
So if you truly enjoyed getting that blowjob, next time have her suck you for 15 or 30 minutes, and why not multiple times.
Thatʼs an idea. I sort of wish I had let myself orgasm from her blowjob. However, I was concerned that it might interfere in being able to fuck her, since then I would be even less horny. I can potentially get hard again in maybe 15 minutes — but that is assuming good conditions, which were obviously not present here.

Seppuku said:
In any case, I would recommend you take a look at this Triple Your T guide, and all the other resources there.
I had a quick browse through that and saved it for future reference. All of that is pretty daunting to say the least! I guess the best way to go about it is, pick the changes that are most practical, and change a little bit at a time, so itʼs not an overwhelming life disruption, lol.

Seppuku said:
7. Try to have at least 48 hours moratorium on jerking off before a scheduled date...
I try to work things out that way, but in practice it becomes complicated by unknown timing.

For instance, in this specific case, there was a wishy-washy date with Latoya on day X. There was also a tentative date with a Kenyan girl on something like day X+2. I had already decided I was going to fuck the Kenyan girl raw (maybe a little brave on a girl that has a child, lol).

Going raw makes the timing tricky because (i) you donʼt want to have a low sex drive with her, but (ii) you donʼt want to go TOO long without release, since itʼs a lot more exciting and could maybe lead to P.E. in that case. P.E. also becomes a pregnancy risk going raw! Plus, sex drive I find can actually get lower if you abstain too long. (I also hypothesize there could be greater risk of genetic disorders in the offspring of infrequent ejaculation, due to DNA fragmentation. Not that I really wanted a child with this one, but if I lose the choice I at least would want a healthy child.)

So it seems if youʼre taking a girl raw, thereʼs some optimal time from last release. (Although that time depends on conflicting factors.)

But that caused a dilemma here, because letʼs say that optimal time is 4 days for raw, probably more with a rubber. That means for the sake of the Kenyan girl I should masturbate on day X-2, but then that doesnʼt leave me very horny for the Latoya date if that does materialize. Conversely, if I leave more space for the Latoya date, say by backing it up to X-5, and then Latoya doesnʼt happen, then I risk either (i) my body might get a mind of its own and try to impregnate the Kenyan, or (ii) I have to whack off on day X when the Latoya date doesnʼt happen, and then end up limp for the Kenyan.

I made the decision to optimize for the Kenyan, being more attracted to her and also with Latoya having been very equivocal about scheduling. Unfortunately, I lost that gamble.

Seppuku said:
  • Indefinite vacation in Africa. It would be good if you could cement your on going learning curve with a few more lays, before you consider this.
Unfortunately, a few more lays here could take me a couple of years!

Most of the women to be found in my country — even as tourists — are so attractive to me that Iʼd rather make love with a bottlenose dolphin. (Apparently thatʼs actually a thing!  lol) Although the remaining minority would still be numerous enough were I approaching them shamelessly, in practice that does not happen and they instead become the subject of debilitating approach anxiety. Even getting one into bed hasnʼt cured that! I do ok with the girls I actually open, but I donʼt open nearly enough, and the time I have to waste wandering around and chickening out is oppressive.

I realize many African women try to mooch. Iʼm immune to it. My cheapness may cost me a few girls, but Iʼm sure Iʼll become more smooth in my evasions over time. Remember, my goal is always to not pay for jack shit, and Iʼve proven quite good at that.

Now, if you think Iʼm liable to encounter women who would resort to chantage or theft, then let me know specifically what to look out for! I somehow donʼt think a few lays in a cushy Western state will do much to immunize someone from that sort of thing, anyway. I suspect the guys getting hammered and hitting bars will proably encounter that sort of thing a lot more than I would doing day game. As will those who show off wealth. Just common sense! Or those who go to Nigeria!

Also, have you encountered many African women who are not Kenyan? I have so far gathered that Kenyan women in specific have a reputation for being shallow and materialistic — much more than from some of the nearby countries, in particular Rwanda, Uganda and South Sudan.

Also, if this is how much game the average Kenyan dude has, Iʼm not too worried.  ;P  XD

Seppuku said:
  • Sex with an escort. Perhaps a good idea actually! So you can gain more confidence about the act itself, and remove one less cause to anxiety.
  • Your buddy doesnʼt want you to succeed, because it would have to make him reconsider all what he believes true. Youʼre totally right in your assessment!
A little twist of irony: Iʼm considering calling up the escort whose number he sent me a couple years back, since it seems much less likely sheʼd be an enforcement op. Heʼs normally in a different city and heʼs not much into black girls anyway, so hopefully the risk of anything getting back to him is small...

UPDATE: I met with him recently and he was proud of me for the lay.  :) Even asked me to compose a pot shot text to get back a lover he botched out of neglect! It seems his game isnʼt completely gone, but heʼs lazy. A Tinder girl says “bring condoms” and heʼll go, but one that says, “Iʼm lonely”, and he wonʼt bother because the uncertain win isnʼt worth the hassle. (I told him the latter is still most likely DTF.) And when he gets drunk he gets all white knightey with me, lol. And he strongly thinks women in developing countries are (i) way more beautiful as a rule, and (ii) out of our league unless itʼs a sugar daddy arrangement (of course he doesnʼt call it that), because they are bred to go for their physically perfect male counterparts. I canʼt wait to surprise him!