Breaking Up When You Live Together

[MelbourneBounce]

My girlfriend and I have been in a wonderful LTR for quite some time now. We actually live together.

However, she's starting to change from the sweet, innocent girl I fell in love with. She has met some new girlfriends who are always trying to get her out to parties.

I've framed partying as a bad thing, and something I don't want her to do- and she's never been the type of girl who wanted to party. This was fine for a while but the social pressure has gotten too high and she wants to party more and more. She doesn't drink and doesn't dress up in short skirts and high heels when she does go out, but, like Chase said, "Everyone thinks their girl is different..."

I have no interest in controlling her and she resists ANY effort to control her or take away her freedom.

Partying a big red flag for me- I don't want a party girl as a serious girlfriend so I'm going to have the conversation of "I feel the sparks going... We can break up now or we can give it 30 days and see where we're at..."

The only problem is, we live together and have 4 months left on our lease. If we break up, I'll want to go and spend a few months travelling.

My question is, how do you break-up with someone you live with, still have a lease on an apartment with and have it go smoothly?I run my own online business so there's no job to further complicate matters.

Any advice or perspective is appreciated!

 

[Thedoctor]

M.B.,

If she wasn't a partier when your first met her, it may just be something she needs to get out of her system. Things may very well go back to the way things were in a few months after she's done partying. My advice would be to wait it out until your lease is up. Let her do her thing. Don't get jealous or start imposing rules.

Now, if you're 100% decided you wanna break up, then I guess it depends on who's on the lease? If it's just your name, then out she goes. If it's only on her name, you need to move out if she says you cannot stay. If you're both on the lease, then I think you need to sit down and have a chat about who is staying and going. If she refuses to be mature about it, I believe you can take her to court for her half of what she owes if she's on the lease (This varies from place to place. You can google if there is a "Landlord and Tenant" board in the city where you live - they'll tell you how to proceed).

If it goes maturely (and you both decide to stay), I'd suggest laying down "ground rules" for the remainder of the lease to avoid unnecessary disputes.

Good luck,
-John

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hi M.B.,

Whenever problems arise in a relationship it's usually the result of shoddy leadership from the man. The fact that her new friends have more influence over her than you do, tells me you have probably been asleep at the wheel for a bit. Making sure she is investing/chasing in the relationship is absolutely critical. This is especially difficult, since I assume you run your online business from home most of the day, so she never has to really worry about you attracting other girls.

Partying a big red flag for me- I don't want a party girl as a serious girlfriend so I'm going to have the conversation of "I feel the sparks going... We can break up now or we can give it 30 days and see where we're at..."

Good instincts. If she makes a habit of partying without you, there's a problem. However, confronting her this way comes from a place of weakness. Instead, go party with your boys, go cold approach on your own, whatever you want, just make sure you're hitting on chicks. The old saying rings true, "What's good for the goose, is good for the gander". Not only will this ease your mind as you start to develop some abundance, but it might turn the tables on her if she starts to get insecure about you going out all the time.