How it stated
I was just begining on my concious journey to get better with women
I looked at the space of my school cafetria and said: "the table next to the lunch is the perfect spot for meeting new girls"
That day at lunch I satvat that table.
The first few minutes I just said hello to everyone I knew.
Then I met a bright and cheery girl her name was Jane,( not my girl) and we talked for a bit. Then she moved up in the line and we stopped talking
Then I met my girl, she had a little less than average face, but a beautifull figure. Her name was Amy. So we tallked a little and the same thing happend to her with the other girl
The followup
One day I was chosen to read a poem at an asembly in the school( i've did this consecutivly every school year in high school) while I was sitting on the section for people presenting I met Amy. She was there to sing a song at the assembly. She was very shy and nervous , I told her: "well you got to get up and do it sometime , why not now" She told me that it was easier said than done.
After that she presented, and she sang pretty decent. She was last to preform, so some of the people were leaving, but most stayed to cheer her on.
We had some minor incounters after that, mostly consisting of her showing me off to her friends, getting a guy to.stop touching her innapropriatly, and her showing me off to her current boyfriend and telling him how she was breaking up with him. We would call each other from time to time, talk about what was wrong with her, like how her sister had cancer, or just talk about sex and relationships.
I still hadnt had sex with this girl- and it has been about 3-4 weeks already
She had invited me to her sweet sixteen sometime last month. I met her family and two of her friends. The party wasnt very lively at first, but eventualy i showed her one of the salsa dances I learned a few months back. I cant remember the name, but it was the national dance of the Dominican Republic.
After dancing a few more minutes I was leaving with her escorting me down the stairs. I spent all night holding this girl in my arms dancing, and I said - why not , lets kiss her. She regected the kiss and said" you have to ask me if I want to go out with you first" I said - whatever, might as well do it. And after that we still didnt kiss cause she kept saying i have to know you better . This continued to this month, our breakup just a little after our "one month anniversery" she still didnt want to kiss , she didnt want to tell me what was wrong with her, and would only talk to this guy named Ford, her "best friend". I just wanted to tell her" Im the fucking boyfriend, You tell me your fucking problems, not your fucking "bestfriend"
We didnt kiss, we didnt talk anymore, she had her irrtating bestfriend, we hadnt ever had sex with each other. - our relationship was a big bag of shit.
And yesterday, I gave her a drawing and a poem that was supposed to help her feel better after she told me some guy was messing with her. It was a drawing of two people kissing, and my poem was a poem by paublo Neruda where I added some stanzas - here it is I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair. Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets. Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
I hunger for your sleek laugh, your hands the color of a savage harvest, hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails, I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.
I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body, the sovereign nose of your arrogant face, I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,
Waking at sunrise my head rushes with thoughts of you
Multiple magnitudes of madness do not break me from your sweet embrace
My spirit dies to devour your body
Carefully eating around the endless curves of your body
savoring the sweet taste of your skin
i want to eat away the sadness in your heart
Breaking you free from the dark
A beacon to the lighthouse on the island of desire
Through all the harsh summers and savage winters
My passion for you will not die
I leave my ears open to devour your voice
I leave my eyes open to gaze into your charm
I leave my body open to devour your passion and anguish
-Matthew moon and paublo neruda
her reaction was- "do you wanna kiss", and I said "yes". She said no and went back in her class.
On my way out I saw her and her best friend carrying stuff so i helped them get to the gym
When we got there she was like" matthew you leave, you irritatin me, im already irritated and you irritatin me more , Ford you stay here cause I wanna talk to you." I told her i didnt think that was cool and she is supposed to talk to me , the fucking boyfriend, not the bestfriend. I said it was more like Ford was her boyfriend than me, and I left. I just wanted to put up the middle finger and say" Fuck you and your boyfriend bitch" but i didnt. I went home that day sad, and i asked my mom for advice; she told me i should go out to the mall and meet some more girls, because you shouldnt wait for amy, her skin always looked dry and she had odd teeth that went inwards . I said " cool" and thats what I plan to do with my friends this weekend after school gets out.
Today I feel guilty, the way she ran away from me when I saw her on the stairs, this has happened to me a few times when a interaction went bad.
Sticking points
I had a few sticking points this time
They were
Being slotted into the boyfriend teritory: she already said I was her boyfriend before we started dating.
Friend zone: even though she always put my hand on her ass and I would carry her places we never kissed, and thats a friendship.
Moving fast: this is probobly what contributed to the above the most, i was indecisisive about when I was talking to her at first.
What I learned
I learned how to hold a woman- i was always touching her, picking her up or dancing with her. I may not have learned exactly how to hold a girl, but I had a great confidence boost from this relationship.
Her guy friends are usaly nothing- most of the time i dont pay attention to her guy friends, but when she would only talk to ford I got mad. The way my friend Arron handles his girl is how I would like to handle my girls, : its cool for her to have guy friends but when it gets serious, dont talk to them anymore.
Thank you anyone who read this, I still have some left over " FUCK YOU'S" for Amy, so I should get some sleep. I cant wait to get out there and start my journey agin. I have tonnes to learn and I hope to share future interactions with everyone.
I was just begining on my concious journey to get better with women
I looked at the space of my school cafetria and said: "the table next to the lunch is the perfect spot for meeting new girls"
That day at lunch I satvat that table.
The first few minutes I just said hello to everyone I knew.
Then I met a bright and cheery girl her name was Jane,( not my girl) and we talked for a bit. Then she moved up in the line and we stopped talking
Then I met my girl, she had a little less than average face, but a beautifull figure. Her name was Amy. So we tallked a little and the same thing happend to her with the other girl
The followup
One day I was chosen to read a poem at an asembly in the school( i've did this consecutivly every school year in high school) while I was sitting on the section for people presenting I met Amy. She was there to sing a song at the assembly. She was very shy and nervous , I told her: "well you got to get up and do it sometime , why not now" She told me that it was easier said than done.
After that she presented, and she sang pretty decent. She was last to preform, so some of the people were leaving, but most stayed to cheer her on.
We had some minor incounters after that, mostly consisting of her showing me off to her friends, getting a guy to.stop touching her innapropriatly, and her showing me off to her current boyfriend and telling him how she was breaking up with him. We would call each other from time to time, talk about what was wrong with her, like how her sister had cancer, or just talk about sex and relationships.
I still hadnt had sex with this girl- and it has been about 3-4 weeks already
She had invited me to her sweet sixteen sometime last month. I met her family and two of her friends. The party wasnt very lively at first, but eventualy i showed her one of the salsa dances I learned a few months back. I cant remember the name, but it was the national dance of the Dominican Republic.
After dancing a few more minutes I was leaving with her escorting me down the stairs. I spent all night holding this girl in my arms dancing, and I said - why not , lets kiss her. She regected the kiss and said" you have to ask me if I want to go out with you first" I said - whatever, might as well do it. And after that we still didnt kiss cause she kept saying i have to know you better . This continued to this month, our breakup just a little after our "one month anniversery" she still didnt want to kiss , she didnt want to tell me what was wrong with her, and would only talk to this guy named Ford, her "best friend". I just wanted to tell her" Im the fucking boyfriend, You tell me your fucking problems, not your fucking "bestfriend"
We didnt kiss, we didnt talk anymore, she had her irrtating bestfriend, we hadnt ever had sex with each other. - our relationship was a big bag of shit.
And yesterday, I gave her a drawing and a poem that was supposed to help her feel better after she told me some guy was messing with her. It was a drawing of two people kissing, and my poem was a poem by paublo Neruda where I added some stanzas - here it is I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair. Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets. Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
I hunger for your sleek laugh, your hands the color of a savage harvest, hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails, I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.
I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body, the sovereign nose of your arrogant face, I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,
Waking at sunrise my head rushes with thoughts of you
Multiple magnitudes of madness do not break me from your sweet embrace
My spirit dies to devour your body
Carefully eating around the endless curves of your body
savoring the sweet taste of your skin
i want to eat away the sadness in your heart
Breaking you free from the dark
A beacon to the lighthouse on the island of desire
Through all the harsh summers and savage winters
My passion for you will not die
I leave my ears open to devour your voice
I leave my eyes open to gaze into your charm
I leave my body open to devour your passion and anguish
-Matthew moon and paublo neruda
her reaction was- "do you wanna kiss", and I said "yes". She said no and went back in her class.
On my way out I saw her and her best friend carrying stuff so i helped them get to the gym
When we got there she was like" matthew you leave, you irritatin me, im already irritated and you irritatin me more , Ford you stay here cause I wanna talk to you." I told her i didnt think that was cool and she is supposed to talk to me , the fucking boyfriend, not the bestfriend. I said it was more like Ford was her boyfriend than me, and I left. I just wanted to put up the middle finger and say" Fuck you and your boyfriend bitch" but i didnt. I went home that day sad, and i asked my mom for advice; she told me i should go out to the mall and meet some more girls, because you shouldnt wait for amy, her skin always looked dry and she had odd teeth that went inwards . I said " cool" and thats what I plan to do with my friends this weekend after school gets out.
Today I feel guilty, the way she ran away from me when I saw her on the stairs, this has happened to me a few times when a interaction went bad.
Sticking points
I had a few sticking points this time
They were
Being slotted into the boyfriend teritory: she already said I was her boyfriend before we started dating.
Friend zone: even though she always put my hand on her ass and I would carry her places we never kissed, and thats a friendship.
Moving fast: this is probobly what contributed to the above the most, i was indecisisive about when I was talking to her at first.
What I learned
I learned how to hold a woman- i was always touching her, picking her up or dancing with her. I may not have learned exactly how to hold a girl, but I had a great confidence boost from this relationship.
Her guy friends are usaly nothing- most of the time i dont pay attention to her guy friends, but when she would only talk to ford I got mad. The way my friend Arron handles his girl is how I would like to handle my girls, : its cool for her to have guy friends but when it gets serious, dont talk to them anymore.
Thank you anyone who read this, I still have some left over " FUCK YOU'S" for Amy, so I should get some sleep. I cant wait to get out there and start my journey agin. I have tonnes to learn and I hope to share future interactions with everyone.
