I met Laura (short, cute, petite Indian girl) through social circle, over a happy hour. To preface, we never knew each other's ages, but I found out after the date that she's rougly 37; I'm 26, and think that age might have been the barrier. On our first date we grabbed dinner at a local pizzeria in walking distance from my apartment. The date started on awkward footing, but improved as the evening wore on. When she arrived, I reserved seats outside, but we had to wait another 30 min for our table. I suggested we walk outside while waiting, and after a few minutes we sat on a park bench and got in some deep conversation. She started with her hands crossed for the first 10 minutes, but soon after warmed up and was telling me all about her work, travels, etc. She seemed to have an “ahah!” moment with me when I mentioned her work progression from a cold read. About 20 min later, still waiting for our table, I told her we’d go back and see if there was bar seating. Back at the restaurant, without no table, we grabbed a spot at the bar. At the bar we talked about her exercise classes, running, her multiple trips to India, upcoming travel to Machu Pichu, how she went to Catholic school for 12 years – in short she seemed to really open up about herself. About an hour and a half in to the date, I went for the pull.
Me: Oh cool. Your travel plans are pretty adventurous. So…I was thinking…how about after pizza we walk over to my apartment and I can show you my new place.
Laura: Sure! That would be cool.
Maybe I can show you pictures from my travels to Malaysia too.
Laura: Sounds good. I’d love to see your pictures.
We stayed at the restaurant for another 45 minutes and the date seemed like it continued to go well. She seemed into me and even did a cold read on myself saying that she didn’t see me staying in my current town too long (which I took for her slotting me out of boyfriend material) – I tend to move around a lot. Again, (as she said 2-3 times before), she brought about how she wanted to send me some article she read from an interesting topic we were discussing, which I took as investment from her in me. Already 1 glass of wine down, she ordered a second glass, and asked that I help her finish it. However, things started to go south. Not inherently bad at face value, about 10 minutes before we left the restaurant, she told me she couldn’t stay too long at my place. I took that as her anti-slut defense kicking in, but it was more than that.
The walk to my apartment precluded what would happen at my place. During the entire walk, she complained about it being far, and had her hands crossed the entire time. Though the walk was just 0.4mi, and she’s in great shape. She said things like:
Laura: I should have just drove my car. Your place is farther than I expected.
Laura: Where are you taking me? This is scary. (I live in a well-to-do city neighborhood…)
I didn’t think much of how she acted during the walk to my place, but it was telling of what was to come.
Not helping the situation, both my roommates were on the couch watching TV (I live with two girls) when she entered. Laura and my roommates said “hi” to each other, but nothing more. I asked her to take her shoes off, which she obliged. Soon after, she mentioned again that she couldn’t stay too long but did want to see my pictures.
I went into my bedroom, but she stayed in the kitchen. While sitting on my bed, I fired up my lap top, thinking she would come to my bedroom, but still was in the kitchen just standing there silent. I called her name, and she walked into my room. While sitting on my bed right next to each other, for about 10 minutes I showed her photos of my travels. I didn’t notice any obvious signs from her wanting me to kiss her, but figured she wanted me to – she came back to my place, was sitting on my bed beside me. I went for the kiss but she moved her head back, stood up, and said she only had a few minutes left. I moved farther apart from her to give her space, and continued to show her pictures. But from that point she seemed she did want to leave. A few minutes later, she said that she wanted to go, and ask that I walk her back to her car. I told her it was a bit far to walk, and she got quite angry at one point told me to "at least be a gentleman." I never did walk her back to her car. I eventually caved in when we were outside and offered, but she angrily said that she was fine.
Please share any thoughts on what I could have done differently. I’m chalking this one off as there was little I could have done, but I’m thinking I needed to get her more aroused, bring up implicit sexual humor, or it was the age gap. I was stumped why she didn’t want to kiss me at the very least. My belief is that my age, if she did pick up during the date that I'm a bit younger than her, that she thinks I’m too young. Later on I looked her up on linkedin and, going off when she graduated college, she’s 37 and I’m 26. Mind you, she looks young for her age, more like 25, or 30, at best. I never took her as acting that age during the date, and it didn’t seem it would have been an issue as she seemed pretty interested in me during the date. I’m chalking this one off as there was little I could have done, but I’m thinking I needed to get her more aroused, bring up implicit sexual humor, etc.
Me: Oh cool. Your travel plans are pretty adventurous. So…I was thinking…how about after pizza we walk over to my apartment and I can show you my new place.
Laura: Sure! That would be cool.
Maybe I can show you pictures from my travels to Malaysia too.
Laura: Sounds good. I’d love to see your pictures.
We stayed at the restaurant for another 45 minutes and the date seemed like it continued to go well. She seemed into me and even did a cold read on myself saying that she didn’t see me staying in my current town too long (which I took for her slotting me out of boyfriend material) – I tend to move around a lot. Again, (as she said 2-3 times before), she brought about how she wanted to send me some article she read from an interesting topic we were discussing, which I took as investment from her in me. Already 1 glass of wine down, she ordered a second glass, and asked that I help her finish it. However, things started to go south. Not inherently bad at face value, about 10 minutes before we left the restaurant, she told me she couldn’t stay too long at my place. I took that as her anti-slut defense kicking in, but it was more than that.
The walk to my apartment precluded what would happen at my place. During the entire walk, she complained about it being far, and had her hands crossed the entire time. Though the walk was just 0.4mi, and she’s in great shape. She said things like:
Laura: I should have just drove my car. Your place is farther than I expected.
Laura: Where are you taking me? This is scary. (I live in a well-to-do city neighborhood…)
I didn’t think much of how she acted during the walk to my place, but it was telling of what was to come.
Not helping the situation, both my roommates were on the couch watching TV (I live with two girls) when she entered. Laura and my roommates said “hi” to each other, but nothing more. I asked her to take her shoes off, which she obliged. Soon after, she mentioned again that she couldn’t stay too long but did want to see my pictures.
I went into my bedroom, but she stayed in the kitchen. While sitting on my bed, I fired up my lap top, thinking she would come to my bedroom, but still was in the kitchen just standing there silent. I called her name, and she walked into my room. While sitting on my bed right next to each other, for about 10 minutes I showed her photos of my travels. I didn’t notice any obvious signs from her wanting me to kiss her, but figured she wanted me to – she came back to my place, was sitting on my bed beside me. I went for the kiss but she moved her head back, stood up, and said she only had a few minutes left. I moved farther apart from her to give her space, and continued to show her pictures. But from that point she seemed she did want to leave. A few minutes later, she said that she wanted to go, and ask that I walk her back to her car. I told her it was a bit far to walk, and she got quite angry at one point told me to "at least be a gentleman." I never did walk her back to her car. I eventually caved in when we were outside and offered, but she angrily said that she was fine.
Please share any thoughts on what I could have done differently. I’m chalking this one off as there was little I could have done, but I’m thinking I needed to get her more aroused, bring up implicit sexual humor, or it was the age gap. I was stumped why she didn’t want to kiss me at the very least. My belief is that my age, if she did pick up during the date that I'm a bit younger than her, that she thinks I’m too young. Later on I looked her up on linkedin and, going off when she graduated college, she’s 37 and I’m 26. Mind you, she looks young for her age, more like 25, or 30, at best. I never took her as acting that age during the date, and it didn’t seem it would have been an issue as she seemed pretty interested in me during the date. I’m chalking this one off as there was little I could have done, but I’m thinking I needed to get her more aroused, bring up implicit sexual humor, etc.
but it was me who delayed us leaving, by a lot of time.