Brum's Journy

[Lotus]

I feel god awful right now but I need to write this shit out while it's fresh.... relatively

Past two days a lot has gone down....

FWB

Yes.

The girl I have been hooking up with gave me the talk after round 2 two nights ago. She said she really liked me blah blah and she wanted to know where I stood. I told her I didn't see this thing going to the next level and I didn't want to hurt her blah blah. At first it seemed like she was not going to take it well and I patiently, quietly watched GoT and accepted that she wanted to continue hanging out. She said we had hung out a lot in the past couple weeks(noted) and was begining to like me a lot, so I offered that we space our hangout out more.... anyway she clearly couldnt turn down free no strings attached dick. It's great seeing my time and effort in learning paying off.

"Older" woman

The girl I met at Horse this weekend was playing read reciept games and I was going to just next her, but she followed up again yesterday asking how I was doing so I decided to make my move texts are as follows:

Her: wow how is your day going today?? this day is off the hook!(snowing) Anyway I just wanted to say HI
Me: It's been great I left work at lunch. how about you?
Her: Figures everyone I have spoke today is off and praying for more. I working in the ER and it's a hot mess and I work tomorrow.
Me: Woah don't throw me with everyone else I went to work but no one else did so I left.
Her: I'm not thowing you with everyone silly I'm just jealous.
Me: Okay we will trade. I am tired of snow and I want the green grass to come back.
Her: Ok lets trade haha no I want the green grass too.
Me: So whats your schedule looking like? you still owe me a drink.
Her: my schedule is a bit tight. I'm hanging in fells friday if you want to meet me out? otherwise I'm free sunday.
Me: Hmmm I might be able to do Sunday.
Her: Hmmm you let me know I would love to see you!!!!

I didn't want to meet her out as I already did that work once, looking back my texting was pretty awful but she ate it up. this light is extra green.

Thursday night

Wasn't going to go out but it was dollar bud lights and my buddy said he was buying.

My roommate and I ended up playing foosball with these two chicks. They were talking about how they had not lost all night so I anchored up the back and we blew them out multiple times, getting us some free booze. At one point I suggested mixing up the teams and bingo ended up with the cute girl on my team. We won 2/3 of course and I ended up grabbing her number and actually I need to send my icebreaker.

As she was putting her number in, another group of 4 girls walked up to us 1 of which I had gone to school with. My roommate ended up going home with her but dumass didn't bring a condom. Anyway, the girls' sister was really hot but she was doing too cool for school thing and I was not interested in putting any energy into that and I was pretty high energy on the night so we were on different spectrums. Did a little dancing with the girl I knew and some random chick which worked nice for preselection. One of the 4 was a cute tiny little thing... which is my weakness . I endedup going back to their place with her but I done fucked it all up. We got back and both got down to our underwear, spooned and passed the fuck out. Fucked this one up.

I tried to do make some recovery moves this morning and show her I am not some loser that spends the night and makes no moves. Started tracing my hand all over her back, shoulders and legs from my big spoon position. She was digging it and got goosebumps on her legs, so I started kissing on her neck as well. She started breathing heavey and grabbed my dick but as soon as I moved to turn her around for a kiss she resisted and said, "no not in the morning I have to leave soon".

I think I have to chalk this up as a failed escalation even though I had no intention of trying to fuck her this morning. It makes no sense, but I wanted to give her just enough to want more as a sort of recovery for my failure the night before. She defeated me but I'm going to try to persist either way.

The lack of any escalation the night before was the only big mistake I made, so I'm hoping I looked came off as sexy enough that she will give me another shot. Not sure how to proceed though.

Conclusion

the more I learn and interact with women the more I realize MY game is not about doing anything over then being cool, not needy and not fuckin shit up. My new vibe, and the way I present my self is enough to get women attracted.... less is more. I'm disapointed in myself for being an idiot my I'm feeling this way from a completely emotionaly detached position. Yea I'm an idiot but if I go out tonight I can just as easily meet someone new.

 

[Mr.Rob]

The last girl I fucked wouldn't let me hit it in the morning (because I guess she gets too sore to take dick the way I slang it... literally made me stop fucking her 2nd round because it was too painful and then wouldn't even suck my dick Lol I should've been nicer though) and I was MAD horny. I persisted very similar to you did when you woke up but I kept going and going for about an hour and a half. She wouldn't let me kiss her and I would just playfully manhandle kiss her which she liked but then resisted immediately.

She eventually got up, put her clothes on, and told me to take her home. I told her to wait while I make myself breakfast.

Moral of the story, and a moral I need to remind myself of is with escalation I'm going to try every angle possible until we either have sex or she gets up and leaves. Obviously within reason and still respecting her boundaries of what she's comfortable with.

Talk soon,

-Rob

 

[Lotus]

Back to basics

I told her to wait while I make myself breakfast.

Yes!

This weekend I realized I have been getting away from thing that had been working very well in the past month. I'm still getting good results and phone numbers but I have made it increasingly hard to move some interactions forward.

-some of my fundamentals have been inadequate especially my eye contact when in 1v1 situations.
- grabbed a phone number with a girl under 21(white dress) so I didn't specifically set up a date... I think it's time to set up my first coffee date.
- white dress from above- I did not isolate her and really deep dive her... so our connection was relatively minimal
-another group of girls my buddy and I really kicked it off with, but they both went cold on him. partly my fault.

My next couple dates/ interactions I just need to get back to fundamentals... all the other shit goes out the window without them.

Side note: I was getting white dress's phone number when another girl I was chatting up came over and got all bitch mode on me( she refused to give me her number because she had a boyfriend) apparently she decided I am only allowed to ask for one number a night. Should work as nice preselection.

My confidence on approaching is definitely continuing to rise and I'm more naturally getting into more interactions with women.. but I still want to push this comfort zone more and more.

 

[Lotus]

This post is referencing the girl from Thursday night: AKA the failed escalation/failed to escalate.

I'm not sure my goal of this entry I am just going to write and maybe by the end I'll get something beneficial out of the reflection.

So last I left this, I posted in General for help on moving forward, with the assumption that she is lost. I recovered enough for a date last Friday. She was warmer then expected over text, but last minute she asked to if I could pick her, I tried to beat that frame but in the end I relented because I didn't want to toss this opportunity. It worked out because I picked her up and parked my car at my place. So we were able to walk from my place thus making it easier to enable me pulling her inside.

The date itself went well she is really cool, cute and driven. We hit it off pretty well. After we went back to my place sat on the couch and talked I began to escalate, at first she was slightly resistant( I think shy) but once I kissed her she started to melt. I ended it early in order to do the 3 step escalation. Her friends started blowing her up to go out..... she was late getting ready so this happened at 10.

The only reason I relented was because she said she wanted me to meet her out and spend the night. We texted later about it but after she said she was leaving soon and to come over I never heard back.

She texts me the next morning saying
"soooooo my phone broke not even kidding
I just had to get it fixed
I think it got water dmgd in the rain bc we were stand outside for forever waiting for an uber"

I'm not convinced any of this is a game but she already acknowledged my texting sucks.

She invited me out the next night, but I had and didn't give a strait answer just said maybe..... she never responded.
I followed up yesterday and she texted me late late sorry I just got off.

Set up a hesitant hang out for this weekend, I say hesitant bc we talked about getting together this weekend but she was seemingly cold and has yet to officially confirm.

I'm not really sure what she is playing at, but I plenty of abundance and I need to remind myself.

 

[Lotus]

Failed escalation/failed to escalate

texted her the day before to make sure we were still on she said yea. Day of came and she canceled saying she was forced to work an extra shift and she was pissed. Given the oodles of mistake made I think it's time for a next. I found myself deleting her texts to help with my escalation levels and she never has yet to get in contact with me.... so I really need to next her because she hasn't invested anything.

Okay it's done.

A receipt

This weekend two of my good friends moved into the city, but they have girls so we went out and I chilled very hard didn't apporach at all. Had a blast though. Saturday night came around, and we were at the last bar for the night I went up to order a drink and noticed a HB8/9 standing next to me. Without giving her my full attention I said "Hey, how's your night going?"

She looked at me...didn't respond and went back to signing her receipt...... or so I thought

As she turned to walk away she handed a peice of her receipt and said "Text me"

Honestly I thought she blew me off and wasnt expecting a response. The next day around 6/7ish I finally sent my icebreaker.

" Me:Hey XXX, this is Brum or you can just call me the guy you gave your number to on a reciept
Her: Haha I was wondering what you name was I couldn't tell by your signature.
Me: haha I love the fact that you tried rather then just asked
Her: I love a good mystery
Me: Not knowing does up the anti. So how was your date?
Her: Haven't actually had one in a while actually I was out with work friends last night.
Me: sounds like a perfect time to have one then
Her: I could be into that
Me: Okay so how was your night out the coworkers *made a decision that not enough rapport was built yet*
Her: My name is XXXX XXX just incase you forgot what i look like
Her: Fun we just got off work and decided to go out and they show me the area to make sure I get home alive"

after that i learn a little bit more and schedule a date for this sunday. nothing all too exciting. Defintley of one the highest quality girls I have scored a date with so far. Nice way to bounce back from a flake.

Also, there was a girl from a couple months ago that my roommate made a fool of who basically just asked me out over facebook. She is cute enough to go so I'll so how this rolls.

 

[Lotus]

The rejections/failures are piling up more then theyhad been in the past 5-6 months since I have started my journey. At first it hit me pretty hard and I tried to stay positive but now I am realizing that I need to allow the failures to pile up and let them strip me down to a bare nothing. Get rid of my ego and build more arrogance. It's a journey I'm not trying to get the end goal now that's just ridiculous.

This realization is also helping me in sales because it's exactly the same thing

 

[Mr.Rob]

The rejections/failures are piling up more then theyhad been in the past 5-6 months since I have started my journey. At first it hit me pretty hard and I tried to stay positive but now I am realizing that I need to allow the failures to pile up and let them strip me down to a bare nothing. Get rid of my ego and build more arrogance. It's a journey I'm not trying to get the end goal now that's just ridiculous.

This realization is also helping me in sales because it's exactly the same thing

YES!

When I first started I looked around on the boards and saw guys that started close to my level excel more rapidly and get better results than I was even though I put in just as much work.

At the time I got a bit frustrated and borderline jealous but at one point my perspective shifted and I realized that I was getting stronger by being persistent in learning all of this. Not quitting even though I countless rejections.

When I finally started getting results I REALLY cherished them and had a greater sense of appreciation for it.

Then last year around this time I went through a big 4 months dry spell after getting a couple great results right off the bat and my attitude was "I'm glad it's hard! I don't want this shit to be easy!"

And I broke through my dryspell with a new appreciation for the grind and sex itself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=189ORL6cIBs
A bit melodramatic perhaps but this is the attitude I seek to emulate if at all possible in all areas of my life.

Keep it pimpin,

-Rob

 

[Lotus]

Rob,

haha yea, but the living with that passion is how you will yourself to do it every dam day. good video thanks for sharing.


I had a pretty good week this week. two major revelations that will help me to grow. First J-wick's post on comfort zone and second my previous post on friday the 27th.
I went out both nights this weekend and had major successes both nights.

Friday

I made my post right before leaving to go out in my hometown for the night. My 40 minute drive home allowed me to focus mentally and get amped up for the night. I mental swagger was astounding and i was just oozing confidence. Went out with 5 dudes which normally I don't like but I was in a place where i did not care. First bar we went to had 1 drink and it was pretty empty. There was a bachelorette party dancing but it wasn't anything we could do anything with. The next bar Dock st. was pretty crowded. I walk in and notice a couple looks but we walk past get a drink and go upstairs... another bachelorette party but this one was split up into smaller groups so it was workable.

Started dancing near the girls and but facing my homies.... they won't put themselves out there and dance...eventually one of the cute girls broke off enough and faced me up.. we danced for a couple minutes(no grinding) and then I moved her to the wall so we could talk. She was pretty infatuated and really fun to talk with.. kept telling me how sexy I was great connection but my logistics were bad and of course she wasn't going to leave the party... but i conceded an hour and enjoyed her company.

I wish i remembered how we got there but we were talking about her tits vs ass and i said i am an assman.. ended up grabbing both at the same time to feel out which was better and she loved it... haha. never done that before with a girl i just met.

There was another interaction with a cute bleach blonde but it was outside and she was smoking but cigarettes turn me off so i bailed.

Saturday

Met another girl she was pretty cool to talk to as well. was wearing a sexy brown leather jacket which i complemented her on. She was very goodlooking as well and smart( works at morgan stanley). I'd refer to her as that but she likes star wars as well so I'm calling her that LOL. This was the younger/ party hard side of town that i normal'y don't frequent bc quality is not as low and it's college kid heavey. I was really surprised to find this chick. It was my buddy's birthday and there were 6/7 of us so I didn't even approach anyone but this girl. Same move as the night before, dance a little, smile sexy, move her, post up on a wall lock in for about 40 minutes.

Again I didn't go for the pull just number closed. I really want to rack up a lot of the date reference points and work on my conversation game. Part of me believes that while i know another part of me is just afraid of another failed ONS. All of the girls i have pulled home first night haven't panned out the way i would like. I think if i up my sexual talk more it will make it easier to do that, but I'm not sure if it will fit well into the process i have been using.

Anyway... I'm happy with the progress i'm making. But i want to make sure i don't take steps back so each weekend i really want to focus on one or two things to work on for the night.

My date tonight flaked because she got called in to host a party at her restaurant.(reciept girl), but she was apologetic and rescheduled for tomorrow night. Looking forward to this.

right now i still have 1 girl i have consistent sex with everytime we hang out and 3 dates pending.

My quality(of women) has increased substantially just in the past two weeks. just keep plugging away!

Also purchased The Power of Now, and The way of the Superior Man.

This week I am looking to read, workout, eat healthy and go on some dates!!

 

[ray_zorse]

Good to hear the pipeline is in a good state. Keep pimpin it dude
Ray

 

[Lotus]

Thanks Ray!

Yesterday I spent a good amount of time wandering the city, which left me time for my thoughts.

I believe the girl from Friday could have been pulled back to my friends house. There was a good intermediatary location for food, she defintley seemed antsy at points, and her reaction to her friends coming over to ask how she was doing changed. At first she was noncomital to them, and i think that was hoping I would make the pull. Later it turned to "well i can't leave the bachelorrette party."

my previous post exemplefies it all... my mindset subconsiously isn't even to try to pull on the first night when i go out. So when look for cues it's always cues to not pull rather then cues to pull. Glass half full vs half empty.

Just a simple mindset change should make a difference

 

[Lotus]

I apologize if I muddle up my journal with nonsense and self talk, but the more times I write/think about something the more likely it is to stick.

When I approach someone I'm going to make it a goal of mine within 5 minutes of the interaction to verbally, and/or physically express my attraction, I have been relying on fundamentals(eye contact and smile) to show my intent but recent things have come to light and I need to make sure I pull the banana all the way out. No one wants half a banana that's only half the fun

Star wars

was able to set up a date, but I had my doubts throughout.

Me: Hey XXX, It was nice meeting you last night looking forward to hanging out- brum (3:00 am)
Her: Looking forward to it as well (9:30 am)
Me: Hey Star wars, how was the rest of your weekend? (didn't relate anything from the meet except how she saved my name, which is why the reaction was dry) 5:30 pm Monday
Her: Heyy it was good just did a little puppy sitting, how about you? - 6:45 pm Monday



[/quote]Me: And you didn't invite me! mine was good also, accomplished a lot. -7:45 pm Monday
Her: maybe next time - 8:30 pm Monday
Me: What kind of dog is it? - 9:15 ish
Her: Cockapoo 10:00 ish
Me: that's sweet, when are you free this week so we can get that drink? no idea-ish
Her: I am free Thursday- 9:30 am Tuesday
Me: Thursday works, Lets do XX at XX. 6:00 pm Tuesday
Her: works for me - 7:45 pm Tuesday
Me: sounds good see you then - 9:00 pm

honestly Monday I just wanted to text her set it up an be done with it, but she was playing texting games or whatever the fuck it was. I know I need to pay less attention to texting "game" because I got the date and that's all that matters.

I have noticed as I try to increase quality everything changes, and I have to react well by not reacting. This is a good reference point to have.

edit: But then I read this and it makes me wonder..... why do I need to compliment? Can I execute everything else without telling the girl I think she is cute?

Then, one day, you meet a man. An interesting man. A man who seems... different. And he doesn't chase you. He doesn't compliment you. He isn't interested in the fact that you are a woman... in fact, he seems to think there are lots of other women just like you all over the place. Suddenly, you don't feel so special. You feel like just another girl to this guy... why doesn't he realize you're amazing?

from

https://www.girlschase.com/content/10-wa ... nd-love-it

point number 2

 

[Lotus]

Well I went on a follow up date with the girl from Sister came home....

I could have played it better but I actually took her to this fantastic Italian place and the food was so good that fuck it. She's a quiet nerd and maybe I ran through too much stuff on the first date so conversation was more awkward haha. But she was playing with her hair and avoiding eye contact, and nervous twitching so I was still golden.

Met her at my place we walked over from there found out she loves wine so after we ate I pulled her home for a glass of wine. She isn't very touchy and she is shy but she is horny as hell so I knew I had to be bold. I showed her some pics of my wild weekend and then just man handle kissed her.

From there it was easy going.

I may have done to much foreplay and timed the condom going on at the wrong time, but I couldn't get hard it was weird. Then I got hard and we went at it for an hour and a half(longest I've ever gone non stop)

I kept giving her these cute little ass slaps and everytime she gave out these tiny little moans... Every time. Loved it.

I really have no idea if I am heading toward the relationship zone or not it's strange... Can't read want she wants, other then my dick.

She isn't touchy at all, no hug when she left. She is a very secret nerd freak, strange but I like it.

 

[Lotus]

Pretty chill weekend. Went out Friday in my hometown with my roommate, he is definitely becoming more of a hindrance then help when picking up girls. He just won't open girls on his own, but if I can get him talking he is fine.

We go to the bar dock street and I order us a couple drinks while he is in the bathroom. I notice a cutie in a bright salmon colored dress to my right. we make eye contact and

Me: Hey
Her: Hello
Me: How is your night going
.....

I comment on her dress and we start chatting it up. My roommate comes back and stand next to me and eventually I introduce him. I broke circle to introduce him because we just got to the bar.... shouldn't have but I did. Number closed her saying we were going upstairs.

Saw her late and never reopened her which was the reason she never responded to my icebreaker... lesson learned.. oh well.

We went to another bar towards the end of the night and me and a different buddy started hiting off with these two Mexican chicks... one of which I actually grabbed her number via tinder previously haha. I got the other girls number with a plan to hangout in the future. She responded to my ice breaker well.. gonna reach out today.

The nerdy girl from my last post has entered into a regular. she came over last night for some more wild sexy . 2.5 girls in rotation.

Going back to Indiana this weekend... should be able to follow up on the mayhem that happened last time and im drastically better then last time as well.

 

[Lotus]

Good morning!

Last night I realized I am at my first real peak. The past month I haven't made any real progress. I briefly upped my quality and have since got nothing substantial the past few times I have gone out. I could make all kinds of execuses why I haven't made anything happen, but I'm just not good enough...

My fundamentals aren't as good as they should be. Sometimes i feel like they are slipping. If I don't constantly focus on them... boom gone. I think in part this is because my social circle has expanded exponentially since I first moved... I end up out at bars where I know so many people it's hard to leave my comfort zone and meet new people. Before I was just going out with my roommate and he was looking for girls as well... so it was sink or swim, but when I'm not forced to choose I choose to float lol...

A couple of the guys are pure naturals and completely dominate conversation and just look so dam chill while doing it... I'm not a social noob, but around them I certainly feel like it... maybe it's because I played college ball with them years ago and they were my elders at the time( I was a freshman when they were seniors) so i look up to them and I'm "inside my head around" them. Maybe a little of both.

Last night I went out with my kickball group for a couple hours and i just couldn't get anything going i felt akward, and most of my conversation was platonic. At one point I went over and talked to one my natural buddys and he introduced us to 2 really attractive girls and I couldn't get anythign going. The were just handed to me on a silver platter but I couldnt get anything... I think this comes down to mentally putting attractive girls on a pedastal compared to ordinary girls, because on my way out i was talking to a girl i hooked up with two weeks ago and just killed it.... so maybe it's not that bad but there is a mental block i need to hurdle.



Side note: I'm about to make a career change in the next month, and I have a decent amount of options through my network. One of the companies I have 3 friends that have been there for 3+ years so i could get a job instantly if i decide to.... Did some research on it and they will allow me to relocate, which might be what I need... because sink or swim I choose to fucking swim.

Another option is to go the medical sales route, which would be a really good career move since i spent the last 10 months learning sales and I could earn a killing pretty quickly, but it's local and I would likely continue to stagnant socially.

Luckily after all I have been through in the past year I am overlly concerned... my emotions feel pretty dam stable it's kind of unnverving haha.

Well that was a lot

 

[Lotus]

Been busy and haven't been out meeting new people, so that's why this weekend I was pretty rusty and not much productive happened.

It was my alumni weekend and it was actually pretty pathetic. I was hoping to pull a lot of social circle gaming given I have changed so much since graduation, but almost no one came back. There was a girl I had previously made out with back when I was in school but never did more that I tried to schedule a meet up with, didn't work out both nights and it was pretty much guaranteed, but oh well.

also, spent a lot of time with my soccer bros who were still in school.

Anyway Friday I met a group where I was acquaintances and they had some cute girls, so I tried to turn that into a lay. It didn't really work out so well.

I generated good interest with 3 of the girls, and I'm not very good with social circle game, so I didn't really have a solid plan which hampered my results. After hanging out with them I went to the one bar. Ended up flirting with 3 girls, but got 0 numbers. I was way to fucked up and high(bigger problem), but 3 approaches(none of the girls from the previous social circle).

+3

Saturday was the alumni game and then we went into some day drinking at the soccer house and some beer olympics, my problem here is I feel like going back and approaching at my small school at any level gets me judged as a creep just because the girls are younger, so it just wasn't worth it.

Watched the "fight" and lost all social momentum, re joined the social circle from the night before for some drinking games and their keg. It was already late as shit(12:30am) so I was forced to decide whether to go to the bar or stick out this group and see what happens. I decide to stick it out, but I still wasn't sure which girl to go for and I thought I only had one chance.

Maybe I was just being a pussy, but I didn't get a real opportunity until about 3 am. I was able to isolate this cute, short blonde outside on the porch. We were talking for about 5 minutes and I got nervous about a natural escalation not occurring so I just said fuck it grabbed her hand and pulled her on my lap. No resistance. We started making out right and once she started breathing heavier I began kissing her neck and making my natural escalation. I was rubbing the outside of her shorts and she started moaning... blah blah.
+15

I got inside her pants briefly but no more then that, which is actually more disappointing then not getting inside.

The sticking points came from:
-us being exposed on the front porch
- not being persistent enough
- no solid logistics

I also want to note I turned down guaranteed sex from a girl I previously slept with bc of this tourney, go get em!

Next week is my vaca.... I need to go out this week and get warmed up

 

[Lotus]

So I'm about 90 percent committted to my relocation. Theres just a couple more people I want to grab opinions from before I commit to making it happen and ensure there are no glaring holes in my plan.

I moved to the city 5 months ago and it was fantastic for my pick-up growth. In that period I have made out with, fucked and gone on more dates then any other period in my life. I love the city because it is extremely walkable and there are so many different areas of night life to explore, but I have begun to stagnate. I'm so over my job and I've been itching to move since I graduated college, and i did move but only 40 minutes away and stayed in state.

What is holding me back?
- fear of starting over -----> It will force me to grow
- failure -----> I refuse to fail
- not being able to meet new people ----> I have never struggled to make new friends
- that I'm moving for the wrong reasons -----> but i have desired a move for a long time
-I will have to move back and save up for a couple months------> 1 marshmellow now 2 later

So im pretty much there, but I really don't want to move home. I'm going to commit by the end of the week... shittttt haha.

On a pick-up related note... I noted a couple posts ago that i have started to peak and am not feeling as confident as I was when I first started... I've been trying to figure out what and I think I have lost some of my "edge" and excitment i had when I first started here. Just knowing about the secret society gave me a little extra arrogance and confidence which worked magically. Since coming down from that high I lost that edge. I need to get that back.

I need to refocus and reprioritize my desires and begin moving with a purpose. Iv'e been coming home from work without a direction of what I want to achieve.... find it again.. get that edge back garrrr!

Yeah... I like to pep talk myself

 

[Lotus]

Finally making the first step towards the move.... heading back home for a month or two until I find a new job where I want to. Two weeks we have to be out of the place in the city. Hit me pretty hard just now, kind of scary. 6 1/2 months after getting settle in the new city. Tons of amazing memories and lots of people met, but not any money saved. No fiscal comfort zone to be able to completely relocate.

It is also signaling the beginning of the end of the two casual relationships I am in. One of the girls I finally got to open up this weekend. Cute, smart, no drama, no unnecessary texting, great sex. Not sure if I'll be able to maintain once home.

I'm a pretty confident person after GC and 6 months in the city, far from what I was after my break up. Still a little worried about how I'll be without the validation that I have been able to maintain VIA the new social circle and the girls. New page, New chapter.

On another note I brought a girl home Saturday night, but passed out. We are planning on going on a date next week, lets leave Baltimore with a bang . Pun intended haha

 

[Lotus]

Move out of the city this weekend and now I'm back living with my mom. It's a really weird feeling I'm not sure how to describe it. I'm a very "if you not moving forward your moving backwards person", and being back home at 24 feels like a step backwards even though I know I made the right decision for now. I need to pad my finances before following though on the relocation/ job change.

Other than that I can't shake the feeling off being "off". I haven't felt this way in over 7 months and I'm having trouble believing it's just because I'm in my parents house again. I'm wondering if just living in the city provided validation. Just knowing any moment I could step out of my apartment and socialize may have been enough, and it's not like I went out every day of the week. I've only gone out once in the past month to pick up, and I brought a girl home. So I'm really confused where this is coming from... maybe just the memories of being back brings me to place I felt like I would never come back to.

Possibilities:
- found out my ex of 8 months just got engaged
- one of my casual relationships is in limbo because she would always come to my apartment... neither of us want to meet parents.

This weekend I'm going to the beach to visit my other casual and 4th of July I think I'm flying to Detroit. Just need to make it through the week.

My date last week was awful. She was 100% less attractive then I remembered and her pictures show. Also, kept laughing so loud at my not so funny comments that I wanted to shoot myself within 5 minutes of getting there. Didn't even attempt a pull just got out ASAP. Worst date I've been on by far.