Calls & Texts Bumps in Meet Scheduling: Blind Selection, Quick-Draw, Double-Texts, and Socials

[ThePhoenix]

I've hit several aspects that feel awkward...

Picking Days Blindly

This has always bothered me. I'm not clairvoyant so I have no idea what days the girl is free. From a purely mathematical standpoint it makes more sense to probe what days she has free as an open question and then act accordingly. The reason is, if I instead simply propose a day, the probability it aligns with her free time is much lower.

However, simply asking her when she is free runs the risk of looking overly available and therefore needy.

I've typically handled this by a compromise, in which I propose two possible days I have free. However, this still has a high probability of missing her free time.

It seems like a particularly dangerous game of roulette when you consider the briefness of the attraction window. (I sometimes wonder if that window is related to the fertility window. Research has shown that women are most attracted to bad boys during their fertile window, and husbands when they are infertile.)

Is there a better way?


Pulling the Trigger Quickly

You've got a girl from day game who already agreed in person to meet up. I think it's best to not have electronic contact drag on, so usually I'm pretty brief and I get to scheduling quickly, on the thinking that she's already agreed to meet, why waste time on textual smalltalk?

However, with a couple girls recently I have had the girl go silent after my doing this.

The most recent case was on a tall Ghanaian girl (see full approach):

Hey Soraya, it's Phoenix.. nice meeting you! Save my #

No answer for a couple days, then I try a little callback humour:

So Soraya, were you finally able to find something to soften Mr. [Politician], or do we have to put up with [the inflation] for the rest of eternity?

Hey!
Hahaa! I couldn't find any

That's it, no discounts for you! So, how's your week looking? I should have some time tomorrow or Wed.

No answer a day and a half later.

Did I jump the gun here? Or were things already borked?

What can I try to get things back on track with this one?


Double-Texting

I've seen advice to not "double text", and I'm pretty sure I don't, but I'm not sure exactly what it even means to "double text".

Where the confusion arises is that girls will sometimes send me two, three, or even four texts in rapid succession. Typically each one is on a different thread, like you might use paragraph breaks in a piece of writing. Is that "double texting"?

Fearing that it might be, I never do that, but what happens instead is that sometimes I run two unrelated thoughts into a single text. For instance, above, the "That's it, no discounts for you!" and "So, how's your week looking? I should have some..." are actually two separate threads, but I stuff them into a single SMS so as to not "double text".

Am I missing the boat here? Should I just send those as two separate texts in rapid succession, like the girls do?

I'm thinking that maybe the condemned behaviour is not actually this, but instead sending something, waiting some time, and then sending something more as a needy knee-jerk reaction to the girl's failure to respond. (Personally I would not call that "double texting", I'd call it something else, like "serial texting".)


"Socials"

I've been under the assumption that if a woman is only willing to give you socials, not a number, she only wants you for validation, not sex. This usually doesn't happen, usually I get a number.

Sometimes a girl asks me if I have Instagram or whatever and I just say no and go for a number instead, because I don't feel like it's useful to be her follower, plus legitimately I don't use them. Often she asks socials first, but if I say I don't have it, then she'll give me a number.

I did have one case recently where a girl wanted to use "socials", in particular she asked if I had Snapchat, and she explained that she doesn't check SMS much. She was still willing to give me her phone number, but she was totally non-responsive on SMS even after weeks. I wonder if I would've gotten her had I used Snapchat, or if it's more likely the interaction was borked anyway. (It may be just as well—this girl seemed extremely awkward and phobic and noted having social anxiety.)

 

[OldGuy]

Read up on 'soft close'. When she agrees on a get together (coffee, drinks, etc.) you should get a 'hard close' (time, place) while still with her, instead of working it out on text later. Don't give her a chance to cool!

 

[D. Gately]

For a girl I meet online I just throw out a midweek date [and place!] or two like Wed/Thu night for drinks. If she says she's not available then I say what nights typically work for you? Some are open weekends due to work/school, some only on weeknights.

Any girl who is legit interested will give you a response. I don't want to waste a Sat night on a girl I haven't met anyway, and she likely feels the same most often. Some may want an afternooon coffee date first, it all depends. Or you could ask them to a museum date, something different, or ice cream, etc.

If it ends up in a back-and-forth where she does keep replying but isn't available when you're free, I just go with, 'I'll be at Bar XYZ at 8pm on Wed, hope to see you there.'
I'll be where I want, when I choose, having fun, and she's free to join me. If not, her loss.

As you suspected if you chase her constantly you're losing value. If she replies she can't make it, don't bother answering. If she's not a time-waster she will come up with a date for you. Otherwise wait a week or two or put her on the Hail Mary list for mass texts.

I can honestly say any girl that's shown interest in me IRL has come out on a date even if it took 2-3 weeks to figure out. People are traveling, have work/family issues, and the rest of it. I've certainly turned down invitations from very hot college girls because I was simply too busy for them.

If you've picked her up in a bar then see the above poster's advice for seeding the next meet.