Buyer's Remorse Turnaround (2010)

Chase

Chieftan
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tribal-elder
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Originally posted in the first Girls Chase Forum on Friday, 17 September 2010

Quick post. Following a lay last night with a very high quality girl (conservative, beautiful, perfect body, good education & career, property owner), I got a buyer’s remorse text this morning where she was basically going into auto-rejection over the fast sex from last night. Background: this girl’s only been with I think one or two guys before, and never a foreigner. She was in a three year relationship that ended a year ago, and has been pretty consumed with work since then. She was very nervous around me and couldn’t even concentrate on what was on TV last night when I had her over at my place for dinner.

Here’s the text exchange and my thoughts:

Architect said:
Sorry for yesterday. I’m not ready for that. Seems too fast to me. I told you about Chinese girls. If you just want to find a gal for sex, I’m not you want. I want a real boyfriend who will marry me someday.

First, I was amazed that she picked up on the word “gal” and used it in a text to me – she says she’s been learning a lot of English just from texting me. Clever girl.

Second, I was momentarily stumped. “Crap,” I thought. “I really like this girl. But I don’t want to capitulate too quickly and promise her anything. How do I turn this around?”

I finally sent this text:

Chase said:
Architect, good morning. Like I said… I am very picky! I am not just looking for sex – sex is something I really only enjoy with someone I care for. I like you a lot and am very glad we have spent the time together we have. I think you are a pretty amazing girl :)

I waited a few minutes, then read back over that text and realized it almost sounded like a “farewell” text, telling her I was glad for the time we spent together. So I sent her a follow-up:

Chase said:
Let’s do something this weekend before you leave. We can meet at a restaurant if you don’t trust me ;)

She replied almost instantly to that one.

Architect said:
Ok. Maybe tomorrow night. I have class tomorrow. Are you free tomorrow?

I set it up, and then she melted again:

Chase said:
Yes, I’m free. Let me know what time your class is finished and we can do something.

Architect said:
It will finish at 4. Miss your eyes still. They look so soft.

Chase said:
You will see them soon – but I like your eyes too… They are very shy eyes.

If I had to guess the range of emotions she experienced over a twelve hour period, it looks like this:

  • Nervous: she was visibly EXTREMELY nervous at my place, filled with anticipation

  • Excited: once I was fingering her with her panties off, her nervousness transitioned to excitement, because now she knew it was going to happen

  • Blissful: after I shagged her for the second time and she had a boatload of very powerful orgasms, she was covering her mouth in bed to hide the huge smile on her face

  • Embarrassed: the bliss didn’t last long, and she got dressed quickly. By the time we made it downstairs as I was walking her out, she didn’t want the other Chinese people to see us together and bade me good night

  • Used: my instincts told me I should text her or call her last night, even though I usually wait until the following morning. My gut was probably right again in this case – she must’ve gone to bed feeling used, and woke up the next morning with it eating her up

  • Resentful: by the time she texted me, she’d already made up her mind that all I wanted from her was sex and I had victimized her

  • Relieved: my first text probably turned that all around and relieved her of ten or eleven hours of stressing out when I let her know that I liked her too and she wasn’t just another fuck to me

  • Excited: my second text communicated to her that I wanted to see her before she leaves for work next week in another city, and then off to see her family for the holiday. I clearly want more than just a one-night stand

  • Romanced: her last text tells me she’s allowing herself to fall for me again, attainability is restored, and she’s seeing my value once more – likely even HIGHER now, since I’ve taken her through a full range of emotions and to the point of auto-rejection and brought her back

All in all, think it’s played out very well for setting up a long-term relationship, which is what I’m looking at this girl for. She checks out on all the qualities and characteristics I look for, I moved quickly with her and dominated her and made her cum very hard many times the first night, shagged her twice, and she’s auto-investing quite a bit already. She’s also gone through the emotional range, hated me, then come back to loving me again, which bodes well for establishing a strong long-term bond. Happy with how this one’s proceeding.

Chase
 

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man
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Hi,

Wow, i really glad to have read this post. I thought i might note something here.

Bad boys or jerks tend to have girls, becoming damsels in distress, by putting them in a auto rejection mode or a lot more and,

not coming later to soothen that auto rejection mode. However i wonder what makes this girls stay much, (at least as i know of)

p.s Give me a heads up, i'm still new here and hope my reply is suitable. I might not get the round 1 of Forum rules comfortable. there's many words involved. Other colour fonts might help.

Zac, :)
 

kota748

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Nov 20, 2012
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I would also like to make an addition to Zac's remarks:

I would like to know how we can sooth and turn around the auto-rejection mode. Is there a certain mindset or a process to follow to allow the women to feel a stronger bond after the auto-rejection?

Is it a good idea to try and get this sort of turnaround, or try to avoid it completely in the first place?

-Kota
 

Chase

Chieftan
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Hey gents,

Zac, nope, you're doing fine. The forum rules were originally in other colors, yes, but we disabled colors to remove some of the possible noise/confusion (e.g., people posting in fluorescent pink) and just made moderator posts blue and regular posts black.

But on posting, you're good.

Kota-

kota748 said:
I would like to know how we can sooth and turn around the auto-rejection mode. Is there a certain mindset or a process to follow to allow the women to feel a stronger bond after the auto-rejection?

This is monstrously difficult, and it's made more difficult by the fact that if you haven't slept with a girl and she's in auto-rejection, she's liable to cut off contact with you and go ice cold so you can't hurt her anymore. Which means, 99 times out of a hundred, even if you're REALLY good, you're done.

The best way around it is to simply let her see you with other women. This can both remind her that yes, this IS a desirable man, despite her ego-protection mode being switched to "on," and it can also make you seem more approachable again - other women clearly like you, so maybe she should.

If you've slept with her, it's far easier though, and usually auto-rejection comes because she thinks you don't care about her feelings. In that case, it's just, "Calm down, let's do what you want and we'll talk, okay?" Provided, of course, you haven't repeatedly put her into auto-rejection, promised to get her out, then not done so (or otherwise capitulated), which is how a lot of men end their relationships(!).

kota748 said:
Is it a good idea to try and get this sort of turnaround, or try to avoid it completely in the first place?

-Kota

The latter. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure...

You can usually avoid auto-rejection once you've seen it enough and know how to spot it coming over the horizon. Even when you've seen it a million times though, it's still really, really difficult to turn around.

It's kind of like asking if it's easier to fix a house that's burned down, or just stamp the fire out when you drop a match on the floor. Much easier to stamp the match out; by the time the house is burned down, you're better off moving to a new house; even if you rebuild it, you'll have all kinds of structural damage that's never going away no matter how pretty you paint it on the outside.

Chase
 

kota748

Space Monkey
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Chase said:
It's kind of like asking if it's easier to fix a house that's burned down, or just stamp the fire out when you drop a match on the floor. Much easier to stamp the match out; by the time the house is burned down, you're better off moving to a new house; even if you rebuild it, you'll have all kinds of structural damage that's never going away no matter how pretty you paint it on the outside.

Chase

Wow Chase, Thank you for your answers. I really like this analogy of the burning house. It makes it really clear in a sense how difficult it would be.

You brought up

Chase said:
...You can usually avoid auto-rejection once you've seen it enough and know how to spot it coming over the horizon...

My only question now, is how do you spot auto-rejection? Especially before it happens. What does auto-rejection usually look like?
 

ZacAdam

Cro-Magnon Man
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Hi Kota,

Hope this helps

You will know auto-rejection once you seen enough. :) it's also somewhat gut feeling and you will know it once you take notice of your conversations, and her facial expression will reflect it too.

Before u know it, she wouldn't talk to you or at least avoid you altogether.

Exposure to meet a lot of girls, and friends, it helps.

Zac
 

Chase

Chieftan
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Yep.

Only thing I can add to Zac's reply is to say that you can see a draining of warmth and excitement from her... where before she was all about you, suddenly she starts going cold. You'll see me refer to auto-rejection a lot as a girl "going cold," because (at least to me) this is how it feels. The warmth dissipates, and only coldness remains. Little things, like her smiles become less authentic, the light that was there in her eyes begins to fade, and what not. You've got to catch it as soon as it starts happening and "warm her back up," because once she goes completely cold, it's sort of like letting a flame die out when you're out of matches. That's it, no more fire.

Chase
 

PrettyDecent

Tribal Elder
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As I'm starting to work on increasing my own empathy levels to understand what a girl is thinking throughout a seduction, I find this a great example to follow.

~PD
 
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