Cafe Chronicles


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Dec 25, 2016
After discovering many types of venues, I realized that cafes suit me best, because of these advantages:
- Relatively high quality of girls
- It has the type of girls I want (intellectual, conservative, no tattoo/piercings/dyed)
- Numerous venues. I knew about 30 cafes in my cities, if I screw up in one there will be others
- I can work on something else

It has 2 weaknesses:
- Low influx of girls
- Small places, so impact of rejection is greater

Thus, by specializing in cafes I can build a process, that I can get girls over and over and over.


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Dec 25, 2016
Saturday, 11:30 pm, tea shop.

A girl came next to my table.
I waved my hands at her. She made a weird facial expression (duck face?)
Anyways, I waited 30 seconds, then opening. I held out my drink, saying "cheers," she cheered her drink with mine.

First 30 seconds was small talk (what's your name, where're you from). Then I complimented her shirts. She said she got her shirt at a men's shop. Then for 3 minutes I talked about random things, like my rings. She started asking me questions (hook point).

I focused on the fundamentals:
- Voice: In my room, my voice was deep and sweet. Unfortunately, 3 minutes in the conversation and my voice regressed
- Body language: I forgot where my hands were, and where my feet were. Leaning in or leaning out?
- Facial expression: I wasn't aware
- Eye contact: Probably good? I look between her eyes

Anyways, I asked for a date and got the number. This is the power of focus.
I used to meet girls at a lot of places, but most of the interactions were shallow, and occasionally I got lucky. Thus by focusing on getting good at just one type of venue:
- If I fail, it's because of my fundamentals, not the venue.
- "I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times"
- Game become simpler, so I can focus on the fundamentals


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Dec 25, 2016
Mixed group, 2 girls 1 guy.
When I walked in the coffee shop, the blonde girl looked at me.
I didn’t approach right away.

Building social proof:
I went in line, chatting with a old lady behind me.
Then chatting with the staff, we vibed with each other a bit.

“Nice guy” vs “Player”:
Whether to dress like an obvious player, or something low key?
I think the former. The reason is this: If I was dressing low key, when I chatting with people I would have a “nice guy” reputation. Approaching girls would make me incongruent.
On the other hand, if I dressed like a player, but I’m pro-social and chatting with people, then I’ll have a “good player” reputation. When I approached as long as I did it confidently even if I got shot down that reputation remained.

The approach:
Then while waiting for my drink, I approached the group.
I waved my hands at the girl.
Delivering the direct opener.
(Note: If it’s close, then indirect, far it must be direct).
Introduction, exchanging name.

First 30 seconds:
Small talk.
There must be a teasing/chick crack in there.
Teasing, she didn’t understand. Her friend helped me a bit (because she saw 2 instances of social proof before).
Me: You lived here your whole life, probably
Her: Yeah
Me: You must know all the secret places
Her: I don’t hear it
(Maybe my voice was too small. Need to be louder).
Her friend: He said “secret places”
Me (rewarding the friend): See, your friend have good ears
Then I interacted with her friend a bit.
Back to her, I did some small talk, and asked if I can sit down (transition to locking in phase).
Her: We’re doing homework
Me: That’s fine
Her friend: Sorry, have a good day


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Dec 25, 2016
The power of assuming attraction:
Before I met Cozy, I mistook her for someone else.

I went into the coffee shop, and I saw a group of 3 blondes on the table. One of the girl looked like her, so I came up and said “I’m here, how’re you doing?” and she responded.

She had a visible contorted look on her face. I was surprised because Cozy was cozy in person and in text before, I thought it must be because the blonde woman was her mom. I asked her, and she was.

I introduced myself to the Blonde Mom and Blonde Friend. I got to know the Blonde Cozy, and relating.

At one point the Blonde Mom and Blonde Friend left, leaving us alone.
In additional she needed comfort, so I continued to warm the Blonde Cozy up.

Then she left.
“The date was pretty short,” I thought.

My phone vibrated,
“Hey are you here yet?”
A text from Cozy.


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Dec 25, 2016
Blowing up limiting beliefs.

I planned to blow up soft beliefs first.

For example, when I was in a coffee shop, a girl in group looked at me, but I missed. I had 2 limiting beliefs:
- Approaching girl in group is hard
- Approaching a girl again if I miss the chance is impossible

Thus, I approached anyway.


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Dec 25, 2016
Recently I'm testing out a new structure of meeting girls. Essentially it's this article:
"What Women Need: Everything You (Men) Need to Know"

What I did was calibrating according to what she need right now. For example:
- Fashion: If I was in normal clothes, I already put her at ease, thus I used more intrigue techniques. If I was already in flashy clothes, she already intrigued, thus I would focus more on putting her at ease
- Signs: If a girl threw signs she wanted to be seduced. If a girl did not throw sign she wanted to be put at ease.
- One approach went like this:

In a coffee shop, the girl next to me looked at me. She was with a friend.
It meant she wanted to be seduced. So I opened with a "How are you doing?".
Her voice was hesitated, meaning she wanted to be put at ease. So I introduced, talked with both of the girl and the friend.
Then I started deep diving, asking about her major choices and hobby, to make sure she felt accepted.
I asked her out quickly, at 3 minutes:

Me: Are you free tomorrow?
Her: No ... I'm going to [part of town I was living in] tomorrow
It was a hint
Me: Yeah, I can take you out
Her: Yes
Showing that I "get it."

And now I screwed up:
Me: Great, we can go ______, or ______, and then ________, also ________
Her: Actually I'm busy tomorrow
Basically the "oversell" technique. In hindsight, this would work if I was one-on-one with the girl, because this tapped into her need to be seduced. But when she was with a friend, this would freak her out because her friend was watching. Thus I should have exchanged number and ejected in a low effort fashion to put her at ease.

Pros of the "what women need" structure:
- Low fundamentals need: You don't need to have good fundamentals to execute well
- Can be used in both social circle and cold approach
- Consistent: I had 90% opening rate in coffee shops with this structure, because opening depends on what she need right now. Hooking rate hovering around 40%.
- It's harmonious: This structure actually leaves a girl better after interacting with me
- Complex: There are 7 needs in that article.
Though I didn't mind complexity that much. I admitted that it was easy to forget needs in the interaction. But for the "low fundamental needs" and "consistency" benefits I think it was worth mastering this structure for opening and beginning stage of interaction.


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Dec 25, 2016
I reviewed my notes. Most approaches, I had the girls’ need to be put at ease and to be seduced perfectly executed. So I added 2 more needs in:
- To be intrigued: With “zero small talk flirtation” tech
- To be challenged: For example intentionally disagree with girls.

Girl looked at me.
She want to be seduced.
so I came in.
She was talking animatedly.
“I like your conversation ... it’s interesting” (intrigue)
But then I didn’t join the conversation, asking her name for compliance.
and talk with her.
So I flirted most of the time. For example:
I asked, “Friend or sister”
She and her friend was close, I said “Aww. You guys has good friendships” (intrigue)
“We’re very close”
“and rivalship” (challenge)
And asking her out when I saw the window.
She turned down first time, I persisted once and got her to agree
She was with friend so I traded number.


Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Dec 25, 2016
Recent improvements with my game:
- Using compliance in interactions: I didn’t calibrate it well, but after 100 instances it will help.
I got 3 numbers, 1 email from coffee shops. Surprisingly the phone numbers were all dead, but the girl giving out email responded.
Probably because email was more creative.
- Night time street game: 2 cheek kisses.
- Beach game: I played with one girl in the water. Heavy touching. Pulling her out of the beach to my place was the current sticking point,
- Deep voice: 10 days nofap helped. My broscience theory was that the body thought, “Oh shit, no action in 10 days, We have to make the voice deeper so he can get laid.”