Calls & Texts "Call to Action" text message

[Marty]

Hello friends,

As you may know, in one of his articles Ricardus recommends a standard message that a friend of his uses to salvage situations where the girl had been showing a keen interest, then suddenly became non-responsive.

A girl I kissed in cold approach has not responded for a few days; I like to think that qualifies in the category described above. Here's what she said to me that night outside her apartment:

• Espresso&Cream: I'm afraid I can't invite you in, as I don't really know you... We only met tonight. We have to be careful, here, in America! (like I just got off the boat, LOL) But I can give you my phone number. I'd be happy to go out with you! (she actually said this) Have you got your phone with you?

She then punches in her number, gets out her own phone, verifies that my number comes up (I see it), and we discuss what evenings she's normally free. We then kiss before parting.

I sent an icebreaker lunchtime Sunday, phoned her Sunday evening with no answer, tried again five minutes later in case she just felt she needed to get ready to receive my call, same result, then immediately fired off a warm text inviting her out. No dice. Is it really possible she'd spin things out 48 hours just to get me more intrigued? I doubt it. Something must be concerning her.

I'm thinking writing Friday morning (everyone's usually in a good mood then), as follows:

I really want to see you again, just in case that wasn't absolutely clear! And my guess is that you do too... I can make it happen, but I need you to work with me here. Can you do that for me?

Can you critique the text? Thanks! The intention is to give it a "leadership" tone, since her behavior in the streets at night implied that she saw me as something of an authority figure (and after all she's 14 years younger).

No doubt many of you think I'm foolish to go so far as to open a thread dedicated to an individual girl, but honestly, I did quite like her!

-Marty

 

[Thedoctor]

Marty,

If she said, in person, she wanted to go out on a date and you discussed her schedule, why didn't you schedule a date in person? That way you're not trying to set a date via text, which can often be painful.

It doesn't say how long you waited after meeting her to send the first text. Is it possible you waited too long? As well, you say you texted, then called twice, then texted. . . in the same day, without one reply from her. That's too much. And I've found that a lot of girls are a little nervous regarding phone calls. You would probably have more luck with trying to arrange the date with a couple texts. All in all, sorry to say, but I don't think there's much salvaging the situation.

Just my thoughts

-Doc

 

[Marty]

Doctor:

If she said, in person, she wanted to go out on a date and you discussed her schedule, why didn't you schedule a date in person?

You want the honest answer, Doctor? Because I'm a complete fucking idiot. No other explanation fits the facts

Seriously, I realized this too, but too late. About 24 hours too late, to be precise. (facepalm)

It doesn't say how long you waited after meeting her to send the first text.

Here's the itinerary It begins late Saturday night (i.e. the early hours of Sunday):

• Sun 2:15 AM: Meet girl and her best friend
  Sun 2:45 AM: Receive phone number (and kiss)
  Sun 2:00 PM: Icebreaker text
  Sun 9:05 PM: Call, no answer
  Sun 9:09 PM: Call, no answer
  Sun 9:11 PM: Text date suggestion

I keep getting very close and then losing girls. I guess that means I'm learning, but it's much more distressing psychologically than when you're just rebuffed on the approach!

Thanks for your help, Doctor.

-Marty

 

[MonsterzRock]

OMG, I did almost the exact same thing and in the same boat as you, Marty!

Going on week 3, one text per week, we're both busy as bees, and have probably a dozen acquaintances/friends in common.
And I only see her at the same club every 2-3 months.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Marty, hey -

Whenever I've met a girl who's initially very excited or showing interest, and she doesn't respond to my texts/calls later, I consider that as a sign she was expecting me to escalate before. There are also girls who are excited and show interest that are more than happy to meet later, but they'll also text you back. General rule of thumb: If the girl has somewhere to go (or, that she knows for a fact you couldn't have physically escalated), you'll get a reply from her. Conversely, if she sees that you could have closed, but didn't, the less likely she'll respond to your messages later. It boils down to her belief in your ability to successfully close, despite her resistance.

I'm not sure how much you were pushing to go in her apartment during the final interaction, but if you're able to take her for another "brief walk" and then physically escalate in a park or somewhere, she might've let you in the apartment after. Perhaps its wishful thinking, but this situation was evidently do-or-die, so it'd have been worth it to try.

The second best thing, as Doctor noted, would've been to schedule a date, but sometimes we really get caught up in the moment . Anyways, I wouldn't push it any further. A week or two of radio silence would help, perhaps. Next time, try just an icebreaker, and scheduling text later.That way, if she doesn't immediately respond and you give her radio silence, she'll be more likely to answer the second time around. No need for calls unless you need to make her more comfortable with your presence (which is more for 1 minute interactions).

Hope that helps, brother!

~Nick