Can someone please give a different perspective on being assertive and being non-reactive with a girl?

Shawn

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You really have no idea how she is truly feeling. If you go in sending texts that are trying to anticipate how you think she might be feeling then you run the risk of putting up unnecessary road blocks. In this instance it seems like you thought maybe she wasn't comfortable yet and came in from an angle of trying to build comfort. For all you know she was ready to jump your bones ASAP. Your job with text is not to pre-empt her feelings. It is to keep momentum headed in the right direction. If she throws up things that our counter to that momentum you diagnose and adjust accordingly. Since you often don't have direct information about why she is putting up road blocks you have to diagnose base on what information is presented to you. While you can sometimes outright ask "Seems like you have become hesitant?" that is often not the best strategy so you have to read the situation more basically. She is giving only two word response, how do you move momentum beyond this? Sometimes it means giving a little less sometimes a little more. Yes be clear on the subtext you are sending but don't get hung up trying to anticipate what she is feeling. Think, how to I smoothly move this forward, which believe it or not sometimes means backing off a bit in a smart way to get her to buy in more.
Hmm.. I see what you're saying. I'm probably falling to calibrate
Not if it is done well. She needs to be an active participant in the process. You can't carry things forward all your own. If you keep pushing it will just turn to chasing. A solid ball in court text is the perfect example of how to implement this. (Which by the way, I used chases model on ball in court texts today and it worked like a charm. Had her be like "You're right sorry, I do need to sort somethings out. I really do want to connect I'll reach out soon, promise"
Somehow, once I get onto texting I get this feeling of "I need to impress her". I don't know where this feeling comes from. I'm not projecting this when in-person but only with texting. I wrote somewhere above that there's something called texting anxiety and it affects dopamine somehow. I guess, it comes to that. It's seeking instant gratification like porn. So, I believe I tend to do everything to get instant results. Not sure, I need to sit with this thought to understand why I do this.
The changing of the date last minute is also a hard left turn and could come off as "This guy is all over the place" or worst "something's not adding up here, I'm getting alarm bells maybe this guy is dangerous."
Fuck!.. Ya, I've done this a few times in the past. I can see it from her point of view... Changing of date plans abruptly can make her alarms go off.

If she doesn't respond by tomorrow, let's say after 24h, do you think sending this will bring her back on track? : I sensed that you were not comfortable going to the Jazz bar. Did I misjudge?
This is what I meant in an earlier post when I said comfort is built through how you demonstrate your leadership. Just like you can't really know exactly what she is truly feeling, she can't know exactly where you are coming from. When there is a lack of clarity in where the momentum is headed it leaves her to interpret the situation in a myriad of ways. You have to be clear about where everything is headed. When she gets off track you find smooth ways to keep it moving in the right direction, or you risk the interaction losing clarity
True
I like to see seduction as collaborative. Yes you have to do the initial work of compelling her to be on your team but once you got her you can do wonders. That's why I personally would have called her here, gabbed a bit in a flirty way and then used that energy to Collab on a solid date idea in light of new developments. When a women wants to connect, you are taking a solid lead and managing whatever she throws at you, she will join in to make it all happen.
It feels like long time ago before covid I had these kind of smooth interactions
 
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StrayDog

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Somehow, once I get onto texting I get this feeling of "I need to impress her". I don't know where this feeling comes from. I'm not projecting this when in-person but only with texting. I wrote somewhere above that there's something called texting anxiety and it affects dopamine somehow. I guess, it comes to that. It's seeking instant gratification like porn. So, I believe I tend to do everything to get instant results. Not sure, I need to sit with this thought to understand why I do this.
I have had to adjust my text game out of similar patters. Trying to anticipate what she is feeling and making a lot of assumptions. Gunning for instant results. Lacking in clarity. This is how I am able to identify what you have going on here. These things are fundamental. Changing them will up you're game, but it doesn't necessarily make the game itself easier. These are some solid changes I have found to get better results

-Come with a stronger more compelling presence upon initial meet
-Lay the ground work for strong lover frames upon initial meet
-Create a genuine spark rather than seeming like you are just going through the motions
-Land on, or at least seed a date idea upon initial meet

-Come out the gate texting with the assumption the the ground work has already been laid
-Be the one leading the interaction. Do this by making statements that direct the conversation in the right direction
-Pace yourself in a way that builds momentum. Each step sets precedence for the next. Don't jump the gun but do keep things moving. Take a good moment to really consider a text before you send it. Do not get ahead of yourself and be aware of where the interaction is at at the moment. If you are not sure of what to say allow yourself to sit on it for a moment. Better to come in little late than to say something rash.
-Be patient with the process and know that when you are making the right moves it will all come together.
-Take her responses and mold that information into something that leads in the right direction
Example
Her: That gallery was so inspiring!
You: inspiring? Wait till you see this jazz bar!
- Be clear in where things are headed and convey clarity in what you say.
-Be flexible. You don't want to come across as bullheaded. Adjust and adapt

-Don't use texts to try and build strong comfort or sexual tension. There might be subtle tones of these elements but really everything is about leading towards a date
-Don't try to anticipate how she is feeling and instead adjust your texting based on the context that is directly being conveyed. You can't know how she is directly feeling. That is to say if she is being dodgy don't be like "maybe she is not comfortable yet" instead ask yourself how do I lead this away from a place where she is being dodgy?
-Don't let her steer the conversation in directions that are counter to momentum. Again, use what she says to bring it all towards the goal post
-Do not dole out unwarranted compliments or add value that is counter to momentum towards a date (I.E. sending a music video)
-Do not set frames where you are chasing her. The irony of it all is a lot of time we are the ones setting the chase frames not her. She is just following our lead and since it is the norm in society for men to be chasing women she just readily accepts and roles wit it.


If she doesn't respond by tomorrow, let's say after 24h, do you think sending this will bring her back on track? : I sensed that you were not comfortable going to the Jazz bar. Did I misjudge?
At this point you are pretty deeply chasing her. Anything you do will be hit or miss. Asking if you misjudged might work but it also conveys
-you are not reading between the lines
-you are second guessing yourself
She might respond well, you never know, but it definitely solidifies you chasing even more.

If it were me I would just let it cool for a week for so and either send a resurrection text acting like it never happened, or even better I would call her and just play it easy. Get some momentum going again, maybe seed a date idea without pushing too hard. Wash rinse and repeat

Yes covid has rearranged our sense of social reality a bit, but seduction always has been and always will be a primal instinct. The foundation is still the same, we just have to adjust our game to the rest of it.
 

StrayDog

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Fuck!.. Ya, I've done this a few times in the past. I can see it from her point of view... Changing of date plans abruptly can make her alarms go off.
The jazz bars being closed was a logistical issue. When we miscalculate a logistic it can be easy to feel like that is reflection of ourselves, and want to protect ourselves from losing face. However it is totally reasonable to miscalculate that the bars don't have music. What will really make the right or wrong impression is how you handle the moment. The desire to get under the misstep and hide should be avoided. It is essentially an attempt to control the situation and any moves that are made from the place will not land right. Momentum really does count for so much and a hard left turn just throws that momentum off. When there are unexpected road blocks, ask yourself "where is there still momentum". In this case the momentum isn't in the jazz bar, it's in the connection you two have. Often times with logistics the solution is to lean into them.
The difference in mindsets being
"Oh no I can't let her know I messed that up. I have to find some crafty way to hide the mistake and keep her on board"
VS
"Okay, time to take the lead and problem solve. She wants together with ME, that is the primary momentum we have. We lost a certain common ground element. How can we build another?"

That's why I would have just texted something like "Haha well actually Sarah, there is a small snafu with the jazz bar. Imma call you tomorrow and well touch base. When's the best time?" Then call and have a solid intriguing chat, build another point of reference and go from there. In this example you are still taking the lead on things. Teasing her about being FBI was a solid way to turn the interaction back around and in your hands, the key was to lean in and take the lead again.
 

Shawn

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The jazz bars being closed was a logistical issue. When we miscalculate a logistic it can be easy to feel like that is reflection of ourselves, and want to protect ourselves from losing face. However it is totally reasonable to miscalculate that the bars don't have music. What will really make the right or wrong impression is how you handle the moment. The desire to get under the misstep and hide should be avoided. It is essentially an attempt to control the situation and any moves that are made from the place will not land right. Momentum really does count for so much and a hard left turn just throws that momentum off. When there are unexpected road blocks, ask yourself "where is there still momentum". In this case the momentum isn't in the jazz bar, it's in the connection you two have. Often times with logistics the solution is to lean into them.
The difference in mindsets being
"Oh no I can't let her know I messed that up. I have to find some crafty way to hide the mistake and keep her on board"
VS
"Okay, time to take the lead and problem solve. She wants together with ME, that is the primary momentum we have. We lost a certain common ground element. How can we build another?"

That's why I would have just texted something like "Haha well actually Sarah, there is a small snafu with the jazz bar. Imma call you tomorrow and well touch base. When's the best time?" Then call and have a solid intriguing chat, build another point of reference and go from there. In this example you are still taking the lead on things. Teasing her about being FBI was a solid way to turn the interaction back around and in your hands, the key was to lean in and take the lead again.
As expected, she didn't get back to me and I don't think she'll get back to me either. I did a lot of damage to salvage it anymore and like you told in your previous post, any attempt to salvage it will cause more damage. So, I might have to let her go.

I've given a lot of thought since yesterday after we talked and it all boils down to my impatience and neediness. I also thought as to why I get impatient; it's cos I get a feeling that if I don't take assertive action, then it'll come across as a weak request & I bulldoze my way into her and it just feels off to them.

BTW, I followed @TomInHo 's advice with the other girl who I told whose BF was around when I called, I soft closed her but she didn't get back to me. This may not be related to anything that I did at all but I get that feeling that I should've asked for what I wanted directly. One thing I'm failing to understand about soft-close is, doesn't it come across as weak?

P.S: Just about those emojis, those were the only 2 emojis I've used in the whole conversation and she had used a lot of them earlier

 

StrayDog

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BTW, I followed @TomInHo 's advice with the other girl who I told whose BF was around when I called, I soft closed her but she didn't get back to me. This may not be related to anything that I did at all but I get that feeling that I should've asked for what I wanted directly. One thing I'm failing to understand about soft-close is, doesn't it come across as weak?

There are a lot of elements going into this moments weather this lands or not. The stronger she already has you slotted into the lover category the more chance you have. This might be a good moment to practice what @Skills laid out with this clip from boiler room.
You have already made a proposition with her "I want to see you in person", there is not much you can do if you don't hear from her at this point.
 

Shawn

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-Come with a stronger more compelling presence upon initial meet
-Lay the ground work for strong lover frames upon initial meet
-Create a genuine spark rather than seeming like you are just going through the motions
-Land on, or at least seed a date idea upon initial meet
Today I met a girl and followed all of the above, set a date and told her I'll text her later and then while saving her name, I said "Anna" instead of "Amy" and she immediately said "you lost it" lol WTF :p... I'm going in spirals of mistakeso_O

I tried to turn it around saying "do you remember my name?" And she didn't remember either and she tried to justify and I started teasing and laughing and looks like she didn't like that.. Still I sent her an icebreaker text and she didn't respond
 

StrayDog

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Today I met a girl and followed all of the above, set a date and told her I'll text her later and then while saving her name, I said "Anna" instead of "Amy" and she immediately said "you lost it" lol WTF :p... I'm going in spirals of mistakeso_O

I tried to turn it around saying "do you remember my name?" And she didn't remember either and she tried to justify and I started teasing and laughing and looks like she didn't like that.. Still I sent her an icebreaker text and she didn't resp

Today I met a girl and followed all of the above, set a date and told her I'll text her later and then while saving her name, I said "Anna" instead of "Amy" and she immediately said "you lost it" lol WTF :p... I'm going in spirals of mistakeso_O

I tried to turn it around saying "do you remember my name?" And she didn't remember either and she tried to justify and I started teasing and laughing and looks like she didn't like that.. Still I sent her an icebreaker text and she didn't respond
Bro, way to keep at it. You're really out there hustling. It sounds like you did some really solid things on this set but in the closing moment either she wasn't really hooked in the first place or she was just shit testing you (or both but if you landed on a date my guess is shit test). Either way, by coming at her like "well do you remember my name?" is a defensive stance. You never pass a shit test from a defensive/reactive stance. She set a frame of you losing and you accepted it by playing by the frame she set. Then teasing her like "ha I won". It can be hard to think on your toes out there. Its all the frame you are coming with from the get go. Think of a frame as a pair of sunglasses. They just color your world. If your frame is "I'm the coolest mother fucker this gal has met" then "you lost it" doesn't mean that you lost the game. It means she is dissipointed because she wants to mean something to you. So you don't need to justify yourself, you need to comfort her. You spin it like she is saying you lost her phone number. "Don't worry, I haven't lost it. I haven't even saved it yet. Ill be sure we connect, dear. You can count on it. Amy (changing her name in the phone)" now you have set a frame where she is chasing you. If she was indeed hooked her attraction just spiked big time, and if she wasn't quite hooked it probably spiked as well. Of course that example is only one way to pass a shit test, but the underlying mindset is still the same. If she is shit testing you in the first place it is a good sign because it means she is invested in you being a solid man. The confident lover you seem to be. When you know this about shit tests it makes it easier to not sweat them. Also if possible when going for a number close, just hand her your phone casually and let her her number in like "well here, Imma grab your number".

Something about where you are coming from in the first place seems to keep putting you in the chasing position. The mistake here wasn't that you forgot her name, its how you rolled with it. It's the same with the jazz bar. Something is compelling you to try to get under these rockblocks and save face when really they are just minor hiccups. Its like something inside you already feels like you're coming from a losing stance so when something happens that seems to confirm that you scramble to try and turn it around (at least that's my take, I don't claim to know your inner workings). You have mentioned several times that you don't want to come across as weak or non assertive. What has you feeling like you will come across this way in the first place? Do you already feel weak, so much so that you have to prove to yourself otherwise? What if the issue isn't that you come across weak, but that you come across lacking clarity or a level head? Maybe your fear that you look weak is what is ultimately making you look weak. I don't have the answers, Just putting questions out there that might help you understand the frame you are coming from. That said Yes it can be helpful for you to understand your internal motivations, and impulses that are subcounciously making this happen. But you can also look at from a technical stand point. Like, how do I really get good at framing everything in a certain light. Like a poet can make the whole world happy or sad just by how they write about it.

A lot of things can catch us off guard when we are out in field. That's why its important to have our head in the game. To approach a set with a sharp awareness like anything can happen. That said, it is a game. I mean its a real life game about human connection but its still a game. Something that has helped me not sweat when a shit test is thrown, is just playing the game for its own sake and because its fun. Like "Oooo here comes the boss battle! Lets do this!" Yeah its cool to succeed. But I just have fun playing regardless.

Also, when you do a lot the is right in a set like you did with this one. Be sure to define and celebrate what was successful about it. A lot of wins here
 
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StrayDog

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@Shawn seems like you have been day gaming a bunch. Have you tried night game much lately? You might have some solid success in a different arena
 

Shawn

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Bro, way to keep at it. You're really out there hustling.
Ya, I'm grinding a lot and its going nowhere. Last time I got laid from cold-approach was in July last year. I went on no-fap hard mode twice 90 days each. So there was nothing during that time. I had not seen an escort before but recently I wanted to try something and to get rid of that feeling of touch-anxiety and so I saw one. It felt good but I realized its not for me. I felt empty after that, I felt like a loser. So, I want to get it the right way and cold-approach has worked for me in the past. In fact its working even now, all the 5-6 girls that I have lost in the past couple of months were super into me at some point and I fucked it up at some point or the other. So, I cant say its not working. In fact, I have tried everything and cold-approach is something that matches my energy. My energy doesnt match night game, social circle has worked but it takes tremendous amount of time and effort to even get a girl out and apps are the worst. All that algorithm shit is real. I have tested it thoroughly and I'm not going back there. I dont even enjoy talking to girls who I havent even met. Its as good as seeing a hooker

It sounds like you did some really solid things on this set but in the closing moment either she wasn't really hooked in the first place or she was just shit testing you (or both but if you landed on a date my guess is shit test). Either way, by coming at her like "well do you remember my name?" is a defensive stance. You never pass a shit test from a defensive/reactive stance.
I dont know why I did that. I reflected later on that and I realized that I actually made it a big deal than her

She set a frame of you losing and you accepted it by playing by the frame she set. Then teasing her like "ha I won". It can be hard to think on your toes out there. Its all the frame you are coming with from the get go. Think of a frame as a pair of sunglasses. They just color your world. If your frame is "I'm the coolest mother fucker this gal has met" then "you lost it" doesn't mean that you lost the game. It means she is dissipointed because she wants to mean something to you. So you don't need to justify yourself, you need to comfort her. You spin it like she is saying you lost her phone number. "Don't worry, I haven't lost it. I haven't even saved it yet. Ill be sure we connect, dear. You can count on it. Amy (changing her name in the phone)" now you have set a frame where she is chasing you.
But I dont know what else I could've done either. I'm not sure if I could say something like above cos when I have said something like this in the past, I easily fall into the friend zone.. maybe its my vibe that is not congruent in saying things which are comforting. In one of the article from Chase, he mentions about building attraction through comfort and I think I'm failing to do that. As long as I'm teasing, I'm good.. I can build massive attraction but the moment I lean towards to comfort, I get friend-zoned.

One more thing to add is, before covid I used to be in asshole mode with girls all the time and also with my social circle and i must admit that it affected me a lot and I've mellowed down a lot. But maybe I haven't mellowed down but I'm trying to hide that part and it's not congruent with my behavior

This is my analysis but I may be completely wrong. Its been very frustrating tbh

If she was indeed hooked her attraction just spiked big time, and if she wasn't quite hooked it probably spiked as well. Of course that example is only one way to pass a shit test, but the underlying mindset is still the same. If she is shit testing you in the first place it is a good sign because it means she is invested in you being a solid man. The confident lover you seem to be. When you know this about shit tests it makes it easier to not sweat them. Also if possible when going for a number close, just hand her your phone casually and let her her number in like "well here, Imma grab your number".
Ya, she was attracted and looking at me all the time with doe eyes and even put her phone in her bag (she was on the phone when I approached her) to talk to me and gave me full attention but right after the above thing happened, it just changed everything for her. She didn't even make proper eye contact after that

Something about where you are coming from in the first place seems to keep putting you in the chasing position. The mistake here wasn't that you forgot her name, its how you rolled with it. It's the same with the jazz bar. Something is compelling you to try to get under these rockblocks and save face when really they are just minor hiccups. Its like something inside you already feels like you're coming from a losing stance so when something happens that seems to confirm that you scramble to try and turn it around (at least that's my take, I don't claim to know your inner workings). You have mentioned several times that you don't want to come across as weak or non assertive.
I dont really know. In the past few days, I have spent a lot of time on reflecting everything that is going on, I'm losing a lot of girls but I'm not able to pin-point what I'm doing wrong. When I meet a girl, she'll be super excited and super into me but it just falls flat at some point after saying and doing something.

You've asked some very good questions below: Could you elaborate them a bit?
What has you feeling like you will come across this way in the first place?
Like I mentioned above, the moment I start to get real with girls - they lose interest. This is something that I have noticed a lot in the past and so I keep my attraction vibe of teasing and challenging going on. You saw that with the Jazz thing and also yesterday. I dont let my guard down and be vulnerable to not let the girl lose interest in me

Do you already feel weak, so much so that you have to prove to yourself otherwise?
I think I do. Do you have any pointers on what I can change?

What if the issue isn't that you come across weak, but that you come across lacking clarity or a level head?
I really cant see what that is. From my POV, it was not a big-deal what happened with the girl yesterday IMO but that just went south

Maybe your fear that you look weak is what is ultimately making you look weak. I don't have the answers, Just putting questions out there that might help you understand the frame you are coming from. That said Yes it can be helpful for you to understand your internal motivations, and impulses that are subcounciously making this happen. But you can also look at from a technical stand point. Like, how do I really get good at framing everything in a certain light. Like a poet can make the whole world happy or sad just by how they write about it.

A lot of things can catch us off guard when we are out in field. That's why its important to have our head in the game. To approach a set with a sharp awareness like anything can happen. That said, it is a game. I mean its a real life game about human connection but its still a game. Something that has helped me not sweat when a shit test is thrown, is just playing the game for its own sake and because its fun. Like "Oooo here comes the boss battle! Lets do this!" Yeah its cool to succeed. But I just have fun playing regardless.

Also, when you do a lot the is right in a set like you did with this one. Be sure to define and celebrate what was successful about it. A lot of wins here
I see something is off with my vibe, it can just all be neediness or something else that I cant really see and I cant see a way out of this catch 22 situation
 
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Shawn

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Btw, I tried to resurrect a girl who I had left with a ball-in-your-court text a couple of months ago. We had a few back and forth texts and she sent this last text. Not sure what to make of it

 
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StrayDog

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Btw, I tried to resurrect a girl who I had left with a ball-in-your-court text a couple of months ago. We had a few back and forth texts and she sent this last text. Not sure what to make of it

Man, it's super tricky to help diagnose what you're sticking points are exactly without just seeing you run game a few times. I can super relate to the frustration of knowing you are slipping and not knowing exactly what it is you are doing the isn't getting results. From I can gleam from your texts are pacing and framing issues (like with this last text for example it seems like there might be a pacing thing where the moment you got a hit you kind of jump right into trying to set something up, also there seems to already be a strong frame of you pursuing her that i can gleam form the tone she comes at you with). That's the only real concrete stuff we have to go on here. From what you say it sounds like you are pretty confident on the open but somewhere in the hook/ getting her out on a date stage of things you drop the ball. Each stage in the process lays the ground work for the next though so it's hard to know exactly what's happening. Knowing exactly where you drop the ball though is crucial cause it allows you to really focus on improving that part. I asked all those questions simply to exemplify that often what we think is the issue might not be the issue at all.

Just some more ideas:
-Find a wingman/mentor. Someone who is equal to, or preferably better than you who can analyze your game real time. It's tricky to go at it alone.
-Keep a journal of your approaches and really break them down (like: this is the moment the energy changed, what are 5 things that it could have been?)
-Screen harder for dtf women, or women who are free at the moment for instant dates. I have had pretty solid success at tap rooms in the evening. It is more lowkey so you can run day game style approaches like you would at coffee shop, but the women are generally more available and open (both in schedule and otherwise)
-Never be too certain that your fundamentals are exactly where you need them. One time I straight up asked a women "We seemed to have awesome energy, what changed?" and she told me I smelled too strongly of BO. I asked a few close friends and they told be that I did not have that on lock. I thought I did. I could have sworn I did. But I didn't and quickly became aware of where I was slacking in the hygiene department. I thought back on all the times I just couldn't put my finger on why the vibe shifted. Was it just because I stunk? Fixing that changed so much about my mindset and my approaches and there was a discernable improvement in my game
-I know you said day game suits your energy level more, but sometimes changing arenas just for a bit can I prove game in our preferred arena ten fold. There was the longest time when I just wouldn't fuck with night game. I felt out of my element. I decided to take a leap and try to crack that egg just for one month. At this point I can't even say with arena I prefer.
-This might be a tough pill to swallow but maybe lower your standards for a moment. I don't know what kind of women you are approaching, but maybe connecting with some gals who are super cool but not all the way up in the looks department could you help get back in the swing. Going all the way through the seduction process. Yes looks add a different element to it all, but ultimately women are women. Still takes game to sync up with a 6
-It sounds like you are also developing other aspects of your life already, but taking off days to just hang with homies and all that is key.
-Move to a city with a more desirable sexual market place (if this applies)
Also, I think you might be psyching yourself out a bit here as well. It makes sense, especially when there has been a string of rejections. It can be easy to falter in the home stretch. When you start to feel your legs tremble, so to speak, take it as a sign to quickly get your head in the game and trust you know where you are going. You have done this before, you can do it again.


The comfort vs tension aspect of game is a tricky balance for sure. Building tension at the wrong times and in the wrong ways kills attraction just as much as building comfort at the wrong time and in the wrong ways. Maybe there is something to be examined there. How and when are you applying these elements? Teasing at an inopportune moment, like when tension is already too high, is just as bad as being comforting when there is no energy

wish I could give you more concrete things. But again it's tricky to do so not seeing you game real time. And besides, I have my own sticking points as well
 
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Shawn

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I think I was too quick to respond to your previous message. Yesterday I went through your questions and post again and I think your assumption about framing is spot-on. I hadn't quite understood framing very well. So, I went through several posts from Chase relating to frame control yesterday. Also, I kept those things that you had mentioned about framing in mind and went out yesterday and tried to be aware of what I was doing and I discovered a lot of things about myself and the interaction. When I got back, I did a thorough analysis of why I do what I do and I was able to come up with reasons although I couldn't find answers. I went out today and tried implementing them and it was super hard. So, the reason I'm faltering at framing is:

1. I normally don't do street approaches since it's hard and it doesn't resonate with my personality. However, these days there are not many girls indoors So I'm trying street approaches. In steet approaches, I'll have to chase the girl literally in one way or the other and it already sets a wrong precedent like I'm chasing her and from there I can never get back the frame. How can I make her think that she's after me when I'm the one who literally went after her?

2. I mostly approach stationary girls and this is much better than stopping the girl or walking with the girl on streets. Yet, I'm the one who goes to talk to her and the vibe to begin with is again the same as me chasing her.

3. Cold-approach during normal times itself is very hard and when girls are wearing masks, it's hard to calibrate without completely seeing her facial expressions. Here in Australia, covid is still in a very bad state and everybody still wears masks. My biggest strength when approaching is my smile and it's my weapon to diffuse any tension. But with mask on, I'm at a disadvantage to show her that I'm safe. So, my approaches are not very strong and it's hard to set the right frame

Above are outer game related but there are a few inner game issues I'm having problem in setting the right frame:

4. This one is big. When I'm out approaching and get a series of rejections and finally when a girl hooks, I feel a sense of relief and I don't push too hard so as not to lose the girl. I feel like her talking to me is a win. She's doing me a favor compared to all the girls who rejected before her and I enter her frame

5. I'm on a dry spell and just having a girl open up to me makes me feel validated. I hesitate to lose this feeling of validation. I know it's not the right mindset but it's something that I'm doing sub-consciously

6. Like I mentioned earlier, having a strong frame has made me come across as rude and arrogant in the past with girls and also I lost some friends. I believe this is affecting my vibe as well

7. I've had some brutal rejections (I even posted one of that here) a couple of months ago and it kind of has affected my frame big time.

8. Since my texting is also another sticking point, I try to be extra careful and that in itself affects my frame

Despite all this, I sometimes manage to get back the frame, like the art gallery girl. I had a strong frame with her until I started texting

So, I'm now aware how my frame is bad and why I'm having problems setting the right frame but I don't know what to do about it.

Just some more ideas:
-Find a wingman/mentor. Someone who is equal to, or preferably better than you who can analyze your game real time. It's tricky to go at it alone.
This is such a wise thing that you said about someone "better" that I didn't know this and I'd say my frame got fucked up big time by hanging out with a wing who was new to this. I used to hangout with this guy for all of 2021 and most of 2020 and I got sucked into his frame big time, now I think about it. I've stopped hanging out with him in the past 2 months finally. I don't want to blame him completely cos it was also my mistake to get advice from him. He'd give me all the anti-game advice and I would buy that. I don't have any idea why I did that. I was always considered a natural since I discovered game only 3 years ago while I was getting laid through cold-approach long before I knew something like game or cold-approach existed. I was lacking a structure but I knew that what he's advising is totally wrong but since I was going through dry-spell, I just believed whatever he used to say so that at least I'll try something different. There are many things but just off the top of my head: not to tease girls cos it'll come across as try hard, should be friends with girls and take it slow, game is all red-pill and that's bad etc etc. I can go on for hours about his advices. He is the first person I saw so closely putting pussy on a pedestal. He is so sure of himself that whenever I tried to tell him that's not the right way to treat chics, he'd get so defensive that it'd make me wonder if what I'm preaching is even right. He had read pickup material for 4 years. So, I thought he at least has enough knowledge theoritically. Anyway, like I said earlier, it was just my mistake to get into his frame thinking he's "better" and I do much better solo.

-Keep a journal of your approaches and really break them down (like: this is the moment the energy changed, what are 5 things that it could have been?)
Yes, I've done it in the past, I should do it more regularly now
-Screen harder for dtf women, or women who are free at the moment for instant dates. I have had pretty solid success at tap rooms in the evening. It is more lowkey so you can run day game style approaches like you would at coffee shop, but the women are generally more available and open (both in schedule and otherwise)
It's really hard to find girls just to even approach atm as I mentioned above
-Never be too certain that your fundamentals are exactly where you need them. One time I straight up asked a women "We seemed to have awesome energy, what changed?" and she told me I smelled too strongly of BO. I asked a few close friends and they told be that I did not have that on lock. I thought I did. I could have sworn I did. But I didn't and quickly became aware of where I was slacking in the hygiene department. I thought back on all the times I just couldn't put my finger on why the vibe shifted. Was it just because I stunk? Fixing that changed so much about my mindset and my approaches and there was a discernable improvement in my game
Girl is a big mirror of one's fundamentals. In the past when I've got lazy and went out with bad dressing, that's when mostly I got brutal rejections. But ya I'm trying my best but I don't know what else can I do
-I know you said day game suits your energy level more, but sometimes changing arenas just for a bit can I prove game in our preferred arena ten fold. There was the longest time when I just wouldn't fuck with night game. I felt out of my element. I decided to take a leap and try to crack that egg just for one month. At this point I can't even say with arena I prefer.
Like I mentioned earlier, there's no night game scene at least for sometime now but when we get back, I'll probably have to try
-This might be a tough pill to swallow but maybe lower your standards for a moment. I don't know what kind of women you are approaching, but maybe connecting with some gals who are super cool but not all the way up in the looks department could you help get back in the swing. Going all the way through the seduction process. Yes looks add a different element to it all, but ultimately women are women. Still takes game to sync up with a 6
Hmm.. I'd take this advice with a grain of salt honestly. Most of the brutal rejections I've had were all from below average looking girls, ironically. I won't say, hot girls won't reject but there's something about below average girls that doesn't sit well with me when they reject. I've tried this too but what I've noticed as you said is, girls are girls. It doesn't matter how she looks, she'll accept or reject you based on many different reasons

-It sounds like you are also developing other aspects of your life already, but taking off days to just hang with homies and all that is key.
Ya bro. This is big. I really need to do this more. I used to hangout most of the time with the wing that I mentioned above but after I've stopped hanging out with him, I really don't have an active social life. I'm all the time out cold-approaching or working

-Move to a city with a more desirable sexual market place (if this applies)
This is hard rn. I was thinking of doing it but I have many things that I'm comfortable with where I'm living now and in fact those are the things that help me with having time day gaming. So, although there's not enough volume where I live, I'm on fence with this

Also, I think you might be psyching yourself out a bit here as well. It makes sense, especially when there has been a string of rejections. It can be easy to falter in the home stretch. When you start to feel your legs tremble, so to speak, take it as a sign to quickly get your head in the game and trust you know where you are going. You have done this before, you can do it again.
If you're saying not to stop what I'm doing, I agree but these days I'm feeling very depressed and I'm just physically pushing myself to go out. I've lost the enthusiasm after grinding for this long

The comfort vs tension aspect of game is a tricky balance for sure. Building tension at the wrong times and in the wrong ways kills attraction just as much as building comfort at the wrong time and in the wrong ways. Maybe there is something to be examined there. How and when are you applying these elements? Teasing at an inopportune moment, like when tension is already too high, is just as bad as being comforting when there is no energy
This is true. I don't know what I can do about that either
wish I could give you more concrete things. But again it's tricky to do so not seeing you game real time. And besides, I have my own sticking points as well
Oh btw, I truly appreciate your help bro. It means a lot to me. You're taking time to analyse and write detailed suggestions/answers, I can't be more thankful
 
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