Can you be an older man and still be a 'lover' not a provider?

hey_lover

Modern Human
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Can't say I'm surprised that loads of strawman arguments have come up. Saying that it's more challenging and that it's typical for older men to leverage other attributes aside from game has now been misconstrued as some variation of '30+ men can't get young girls' which isn't even remotely close to what I said or meant.
 

climbingup

Space Monkey
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I know guys in their 40s who work 12 hour warehouse shift jobs, 4 on, 4 off. They go gaming at nightclub and pull girls in their 20s. These guys are party animals though, drink crazy and talk to everyone
 

DaVinciMatrixStyle

Space Monkey
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Can't say I'm surprised that loads of strawman arguments have come up. Saying that it's more challenging and that it's typical for older men to leverage other attributes aside from game has now been misconstrued as some variation of '30+ men can't get young girls' which isn't even remotely close to what I said or meant.
Not really, your point was as you grow older, you will have to use financial resources to attract younger women due to physical decay.
As men age, their physical attractiveness drops but their resources (should) increase and they begin leveraging that to get women, and the greater the resources the more beautiful the women. I've yet to see the the highest calibre of women anywhere else apart from being alongside the footballers, musicians, CEO's, celebrities etc. Guys leveraging huge status and resources.

Now there's a caveat to all of this. If your target demographic is within your own age, give or take a few years, then a man on a self-improvement journey will outperform himself as he grows older. He will have more tools to attract women his age, then he would have done when he was younger. He will have less competition just by virtue of most men succumbing to age and failing to limit its downside. Quadruply so, as women don't tend to date downwards (in age). However, if we're talking about older men getting 18-24 year olds, then the further you grow away from that range, the harder it will become. Then you will have to use resources to attract just like every other millionaire out there.

I won't speak for anyone else, but I have enough referential points as a 31 year old who's also not financially stable that I get way more 19 -23 year range of women.
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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I'm 34. LTR of 11 years ended some 8 months ago.

First girl I bedded? 20 year old hottie.

Me? Good looking, in decent shape, but no male model. My own biz, but I'm by no means rich. I'd say I'm at a level that an averege guy can get to if he puts in the work throught the years.
Older is really 38 and up minimum 36... 34 -38 prime years
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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A guy in his 40s marrying a late 20-something is not that rare of a view.
A divorcee in his 50s with a woman in her 30s is also not that uncommon.

I agree that there’s probably a cap but it doesn’t seem lower than 20 years of difference.
Why would a guy in his 40 would want to marry a 20 year old, it is going to be rare cause is not practical... 40 year olds with so much of an age gap is more fbs, or flings... it would be not practical, and that is why is rare.
 

DaVinciMatrixStyle

Space Monkey
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Why would a guy in his 40 would want to marry a 20 year old, it is going to be rare cause is not practical... 40 year olds with so much of an age gap is more fbs, or flings... it would be not practical, and that is why is rare.
Perfectly said!
 

ulrich

Cro-Magnon Man
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Why would a guy in his 40 would want to marry a 20 year old, it is going to be rare cause is not practical... 40 year olds with so much of an age gap is more fbs, or flings... it would be not practical, and that is why is rare.
I don’t think it’s only practicality.

Most people want some level of companionship in their partners. That’s why western society pushes for “same-age” marriages.
The closer she is to your age range, the closer you two can relate.

It takes a certain kind of guy to say “Screw it, I don’t care if we get each other as long as she is super hot and young”.
It’s just not for everybody… but that’s doesn’t mean it’s not doable.

That’s also why you normally see those ages differences in divorcees and second marriages… people who are not necessarily looking for “a woman who totally gets me”.
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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I don’t think it’s only practicality.

Most people want some level of companionship in their partners. That’s why western society pushes for “same-age” marriages.
The closer she is to your age range, the closer you two can relate.

It takes a certain kind of guy to say “Screw it, I don’t care if we get each other as long as she is super hot and young”.
It’s just not for everybody… but that’s doesn’t mean it’s not doable.

That’s also why you normally see those ages differences in divorcees and second marriages… people who are not necessarily looking for “a woman who totally gets me”.
A dude in his 40s marrying a 20 year old is a fool i dont care how hot she is... again mess around, bang them, cool.. marrying such an age gap is foolish... ideally you want a 10 year gap or less for ltr or marriage. This is in part why jhonny deph got fucked...
 

ulrich

Cro-Magnon Man
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A dude in his 40s marrying a 20 year old is a fool i dont care how hot she is... again mess around, bang them, cool.. marrying such an age gap is foolish... ideally you want a 10 year gap or less for ltr or marriage. This is in part why jhonny deph got fucked...
Well, my mom married my stepdad when she was 25 and he was 44.
30 years later, it still works for them.

I can’t tell how easy or hard it has been but it was not a shitshow, I can tell you that.

For reference, both are widowers.
 

Will_V

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Well, my mom married my stepdad when she was 25 and he was 44.
30 years later, it still works for them.

I can’t tell how easy or hard it has been but it was not a shitshow, I can tell you that.

For reference, both are widowers.

My father is 24 years older than my mother, and it was the first time for either of them getting married. They separated after more than 20 years for a variety of reasons, but neither remarried and they still keep in touch.

I'm not going to exactly disagree with @Skills here, but I think it also very much depends on context. My mother came from a pretty conservative upbringing, with very stable parents who stuck together until the end. If she had been a typical 21 year old it would've likely not lasted very long at all.

Almost anything is possible in relationships, but they all have to be approached and managed according to their unique requirements and risks. And some are far more difficult to keep on track than others.
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
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Well, my mom married my stepdad when she was 25 and he was 44.
30 years later, it still works for them.

I can’t tell how easy or hard it has been but it was not a shitshow, I can tell you that.

For reference, both are widowers.

Dude just like pick up, is a game of odds the chances of working is super low odds, the reason is in part friction..... Just like a super christian girl marrying non religious dude....... A black dude marrying a Chinese etc... friction lower odds.... Also as i said "observation" again vs field testing which is the main problem all along a lot of the responses in this whole post... here is blackdragon, as much as i disagree with him, he makes a good point here:

 

Chase

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These can both be correct:

A dude in his 40s marrying a 20 year old is a fool i dont care how hot she is... again mess around, bang them, cool.. marrying such an age gap is foolish... ideally you want a 10 year gap or less for ltr or marriage. This is in part why jhonny deph got fucked...
Well, my mom married my stepdad when she was 25 and he was 44.
30 years later, it still works for them.

It's pretty consistent to see successful older guys (40+, 50+, older) wifing up women in the 25-29 age range and having that work.

OTOH, women in developed societies that successful older men will marry when they are 18, 19, 20, all tend to be women who are screwed in the head.

There are legitimate country bumpkin girls who will marry at 20, usually to a guy who is also 20, or 21 or 22. These girls are marrying guys they know well who are from their area, though. They aren't marrying Mr. 50-Something from Metropolis. They don't even have a way to meet him.

The kinds of girls the older guy is able to meet who are also down to marry that young are pretty much all psychos who are marrying for safety (attachment disorder) or money (gold diggers) or status (social climbers).

By the time she reaches around age 25-27 or so she is pretty stable in life and has reasonably matured. Older men who like younger women and/or aim to have children with their bride are pretty safe targeting the 25-29 age range.

That's not to say you couldn't make a marriage to a 20 y/o work. But she's still a child at that point (brain doesn't really stop maturing until age 26), and you are really going to need to screen hard for precocious maturity + screen out the psychos/diggers hard if you don't want problems.

...

Just watched that Caleb Jones video. He is telling women not to have children until they're in their 30s? Peak decadence!

He definitely has some very strong opinions about how other people should be living their lives. Bit of a head trip.

I think that is the first time I have seen a YouTube video recommended, then clicked on it and it only had 124 views. Kinda surprising, I thought he had a bigger audience?

Chase
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
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I think having the ABILITY to provide is more important than actually providing in the Short term. The crux of being a man in a relationship comes down to the 3 P's. Provide, Protect and Procreate.

Personally in the first 30-60 days of dating, what I am going to provide is going to be experiences. Experiences best had with female companionship. I'm going to enjoy dinner and drinks in a nice restaurant with pleasant company that will be a great deal of fun in the sack after. Not hunting for a maybe or likely candidate.. If that is "Providing" then I'm guilty. But really I'm not spending /wasting time in bars when I can be rested up and committed to earning resources I can use for my own entertainment in the company of a woman whom I enjoy.

The "Thrill of the Hunt" is different from the satisfaction of an enjoyable experience shared with a woman. One is not replaceable with the other. But depending on the Man's mindset, usually one is more satisfying than the other.
 
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