Can You Increase Depth of Feeling?

[Imran]

Hello gentlemen

My question doesn't solely relate to picking up women, but applies to all aspects of life. I don't know if anybody can relate to this, but I struggle to FEEL strongly in real life situations. If I watch a heartbreaking drama or a romantic scene then I can feel strongly but when it comes to real life it just doesn't seem to happen. I am 22 and never been in a relationship (partly for medical reasons which were fixed at 21) but also because I struggle to open up and be vulnerable.

It's like when I interact with people in real life, I just see them as products of nature/nurture, with no depth. But this is shortsightedness on my part rather than a lack of substance in others. My life view is pretty pessimistic. We're born, we cling selfishly to self-preservation, and then we die. I wish I believed in a higher purpose or deity, but I don't. It's tough to trick yourself into thinking something you don't believe. This results in a cocky, sarcastic demeanor which girls do find attractive, but really I'm just covering up the emptiness I feel inside.

When you can't feel love or passion deeply, the woman can't feel it either (mirror neurons), plus life is less fulfilling/enjoyable in general.

Anybody else faced with this problem? Any solutions? Is it possible to feel more passionately, or are we stuck with what we're born with?

Edit:

There's this article on how to be romantic that comes closest: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-become-romantic

It tells you that it's good to be romantic, and examples of what romantic men do, but I want to know more about how a romantic man THINKS. I want to adopt the romantic man's mindset. There was a perfect clip on Youtube that's been taken down now, but it's from Mad Men if anyone watches it. Don Draper watches a teacher dancing with school children and we go to his POV and she's dancing in slow motion with beautiful music playing in the background. He reaches down and runs his fingertips through the grass underneath him while watching her with a deep appreciation for her beauty. He is only brought out of this trance when he is interrupted. I want to be able to tap into what he was thinking and how he felt during that moment.

 

[Drck]

Hello Imran,

You probably suffered emotional trauma, possibly related to your medical issue. This could have caused you to close off. Because of that you don't want to share and open up and you are suppressing your emotions, even unintentionally. Your emotions, however, build up, which makes you hypersensitive in some situations, and less sensitive in others...

You say that your life is pessimistic: We are born, we cling selfishly to self-preservation, and then we die. You say that you feel emptiness inside. Well, I don't see it too pessimistic. This is simply a reality, that is probably how it is. In my opinion (and it is only opinion) people feel the same and they try to escape this truth through religion as well as other outlets. It is actually pretty hard-core point of view on life, it takes guts to admit it, and it may of course be quite depressing.

But you have to deal with it, it is a reality, learn to suck it up. You could probably find lots of answers in Buddhism. Buddhism is not really a religion, there is no belief needed, all is rather analytical description of life, of self... You don't have to become Buddhist; just the knowledge itself is great...

To feel love and passion deeply, you could learn meditation and relaxation. These will greatly improve your emotions, they will definitely help. Learn acceptance and forgiveness, learn humbleness. It is a little bit of paradox, for example, during meditation you are not trying to feel any love, rather you are letting go of everything, e.g. you are not trying to love. Which will bring opposite effect - the love will just show up, on its own. The love was always there, but the more you were seeking it the more it was hiding. It is the same like with girls - when you chase them, they run away. Then you stop chasing them - and all of the sudden they will show up on their own...

You cannot really create great feelings/vibes/love for women by looking for it or by pretending it. It is just there, it is already there. When you meet a girl you really like, your hormones will kick in automatically, your mind will start spinning no matter what you do, you will start doing things you thought you are not capable off... Don't seek "love", don't seek "vibes", don't seek "romance". Seek abundance mentality - talk to many many girls and the rest will just happen on its own... The miracle of great vibes and love is already there, it is a gift from Mother Nature...

I wouldn't try to cover up the emptiness - explore it instead, accept it as part of your life. Use the emptiness in your benefit: Lots of guys are too emotional, too reactive, too sensitive. By keeping the emptiness you will keep your emotions low - which will actually give you a desired trait that girls seek out. Girls love this non-reactive, somehow emotionally distant guy who doesn't have time to chase them because he is busy with his life...

As far as cognitive perception, you can try to change your belief system. Currently you somehow believe that life has no purpose, that it is depressing and you are pessimistic. Try to change it, find some purpose: Life is great, it is a gift to be thankful for, and there are many great things, such as XYZ to experience...

You could also try to open up more, share more with people, especially with your friends. Try to seek good things in people. Learn to express your emotions in a healthy and assertive way...

Hope it helps

 

[Imran]

Thank you, Drck. That helps immensely.