Can't Get a Second Date to Save My Life

[ramirezs316]

So I've been dating all summer. Online girls, girls I've met when out, you name it. Barring the few dates where I just wasn't feeling the girl, I've been trying to close on most of them. But I've hit a wall: I haven't gotten a true second date since January.

A few of my closing attempts have been inelegant. Trying to get the girl to her place way too early, not being able to go to her place or mine, or her going dark after the first date. My more experienced brother likes to brag that he "always gets a second date." He told me to be less aggressive with some girls and go for the close on the second date. So I've been going in with a 50/50 mentality. If logistics and chemistry are there, try to close. If not, keep it short, don't escalate and save for the second date. I feel like customizing my technique will give me a greater chance.

Friday, I tried this with my next date. She was a gorgeous, shy girl who I met three weeks before at a club. She seemed distant in chat, but agreed to a date and gave me her number. Despite our mismatched schedules, her texting was pretty enthusiastic. When we met up, I found out she had work early in the morning, but she made the effort to see me that night. Because of the time crunch, I decided to probably not escalate, especially because she was so hard to read. I was getting her laughing and smiling (and I got there early so she had to pay for her own drink lol) but she was shit testing me a little about not remembering what kind of work she did. I mentioned I do acting, and she playfully joked that she couldn't believe anything I was telling her (this was a running joke that night). I moved her to a couch, where her answers became very terse, which worried me for a sec but I qualified her and got a good response. We moved away to a less noisy spot at a booth, where we were able to sit close and she got more personal in questions and answers (and started complementing me), and she mentioned seeing me "next time." When we walked out, she seemed insistent I didn't have to walk her to her car, but I persisted. At her car, she hugged me, told me she had a nice time and then said "we should do this again sometime." I kept it vague and said "yeah" to keep some mystery. We joked one last time and she left.

I followed Chase's second date rules after. Texted her I had a nice time then 2 days later texted her to see her schedule for dinner. Its been four days total and I haven't heard back. She seemed like a shy, guarded girl who needed time to open up. I was able to get compliance from her, come off a little like a jerk or mysterious guy, deep dive her, I had my arm around her most of the night, and got her to want a second date without me saying anything. Everything I did seemed right for the situation but its starting to seem like I have to get lucky for a second date rather than be skilled. Any pointers on this date and future dates?

 

[Mr.Rob]

I've never gone on a second date in my life...
That being said I'm not a big icy pimp or anything buuuttttt,

My advice to remedy this:

Everything I did seemed right for the situation but its starting to seem like I have to get lucky for a second date rather than be skilled. Any pointers on this date and future dates?

Close on the first date

-Rob

 

[ramirezs316]

I've never gone on a second date in my life...
That being said I'm not a big icy pimp or anything buuuttttt,

My advice to remedy this:

Everything I did seemed right for the situation but its starting to seem like I have to get lucky for a second date rather than be skilled. Any pointers on this date and future dates?

Close on the first date

-Rob

Yeah I've been trying. Like I said, for this last one, she had to push the time up and then she had to work in the morning (which she hadn't mentioned in text), so the date lasted maybe 90 minutes. I kept her out until 12:30 when she had to be at work at 8. I don't think I have the skills nor she had the temperament for me to try to escalate in that window. I think a move like that would've blown up in my face.

Regardless, second dates shouldn't be an impossibility. I didn't do something stupid like kiss her or ask her when we'll see each other again like I've done in the past. It felt like a good enough date that there would be no problem getting her out a second time.

 

[Franco]

ramirez,

"Close on the first date" is indeed the answer here.

When we met up, I found out she had work early in the morning, but she made the effort to see me that night. Because of the time crunch, I decided to probably not escalate, especially because she was so hard to read.

I can't even count the number of girls who've gone on a first date with me that mentioned that they have "work early in the morning," just to have them come back to my place after the date and have sex until 3:00 am. This is a common female tactic to try to keep you in the provider role. Your job is to recognize this tactic, completely ignore it, and pursue the lover role anyway.

When we walked out, she seemed insistent I didn't have to walk her to her car, but I persisted.

Before you walk out, you should already be attempting to pull her back to your place, and you should be rather persistent (playfully). Also, never insist on performing the "provider" role of walking her back to her car. Sometimes I'll still be persisting with a girl and we eventually end up at her car, and at that point, I decide whether or not I should persist harder or if I should move in for a kiss (that I cut off quickly) to leave her wanting more, followed by walking back to my car.

Your brother may be better at getting second dates, but you want to be the guy who is better at getting laid (preferably on the first date).

- Franco

 

[ramirezs316]

ramirez,

"Close on the first date" is indeed the answer here.

When we met up, I found out she had work early in the morning, but she made the effort to see me that night. Because of the time crunch, I decided to probably not escalate, especially because she was so hard to read.

I can't even count the number of girls who've gone on a first date with me that mentioned that they have "work early in the morning," just to have them come back to my place after the date and have sex until 3:00 am. This is a common female tactic to try to keep you in the provider role. Your job is to recognize this tactic, completely ignore it, and pursue the lover role anyway.

When we walked out, she seemed insistent I didn't have to walk her to her car, but I persisted.

Before you walk out, you should already be attempting to pull her back to your place, and you should be rather persistent (playfully). Also, never insist on performing the "provider" role of walking her back to her car. Sometimes I'll still be persisting with a girl and we eventually end up at her car, and at that point, I decide whether or not I should persist harder or if I should move in for a kiss (that I cut off quickly) to leave her wanting more, followed by walking back to my car.

Your brother may be better at getting second dates, but you want to be the guy who is better at getting laid (preferably on the first date).

- Franco

I was in another city, so I would've had to go back to her place, which can bring about its own challenges. She mentioned having work the next day at the very beginning of the date because it was late after she had to move the date up. This seemed very important to her. Do girls just bullshit this, or even if its genuine, do they expect you to take them home?

I had no idea walking her to her car was too boyfriendish. Geez, I should pretty much do nothing nice on a date then lol.

Sometimes, depending how the girl acts (this one for example was shy, guarded, sometimes playful and sometimes snarky), and especially if I feel like I have a small window, it can seem like trying to pull when enough rapport hasn't been formed would be detrimental. Should I just be completely ignoring these circumstances?

Regardless, the date seemed like a small window she was able to give me to see me during her busy schedule and it was something we would expand on on the next date when we had more time. How should I proceed to get her out again? A "keep the ball rolling" text? A voice message? Wait a week and then message?

Also, what does a good first date with no sex look like?

 

[Franco]

I was in another city, so I would've had to go back to her place, which can bring about its own challenges. She mentioned having work the next day at the very beginning of the date because it was late after she had to move the date up. This seemed very important to her. Do girls just bullshit this, or even if its genuine, do they expect you to take them home?

Sometimes it's genuine, but often times it isn't. When it is genuine, it does suck because it can be a ball-buster to your planned logistics of how you were going to bed her, but there's really nothing you can do about that except find out for yourself by persisting. The hardest part is figuring out whether or not she left because she genuinely had a pressing matter or if she left because you didn't run your interaction the right way. When you run your interaction the right way, she just comes home with you, and you realize at that point that it was all BS.

I had no idea walking her to her car was too boyfriendish. Geez, I should pretty much do nothing nice on a date then lol.

After you have sex with her, you can walk her out to her car ALL you want, and she'll swoon over it.

Sometimes, depending how the girl acts (this one for example was shy, guarded, sometimes playful and sometimes snarky), and especially if I feel like I have a small window, it can seem like trying to pull when enough rapport hasn't been formed would be detrimental. Should I just be completely ignoring these circumstances?

Well, it's always important to maintain a frame that you are the dominant guy in this conversation, and nothing she says fazes you. I actually like girls like this -- I tend to be even "snarkier" with them if I can because I find that it genuinely turns them on when you can fight fire with fire, and these girls are often the ones who are practically salivating when you finally get them alone in your bedroom!

I forgot to comment on this from your original thread:

I followed Chase's second date rules after. Texted her I had a nice time then 2 days later texted her to see her schedule for dinner.

I wouldn't do this. She should be the one to text you after the date if she genuinely enjoyed it. I never text a girl first after a date. If I don't hear from her, it's almost always meant that she wasn't interested (or I ran the interaction incorrectly). It's best to just wait a few days and then text her again with the intention of setting up your next meet.

Regardless, the date seemed like a small window she was able to give me to see me during her busy schedule and it was something we would expand on on the next date when we had more time. How should I proceed to get her out again? A "keep the ball rolling" text? A voice message? Wait a week and then message?

I guess I would wait another few days and try again. If she didn't reply to your last text, then it might be dead in the water. But it wouldn't hurt to try once more with another text message.

Also, what does a good first date with no sex look like?

These days, I consider any first date with no sex to be a "bad" first date. But, that being said, the best "bad" first date would be her still coming back to your place, getting completely naked in your bed, and you being centimeters away from having your cock inside her. It's much more likely she'd be willing to see you on a second date when she was dripping wet laying on your bed thinking about you railing her! =)

- Franco

 

[ramirezs316]

I was in another city, so I would've had to go back to her place, which can bring about its own challenges. She mentioned having work the next day at the very beginning of the date because it was late after she had to move the date up. This seemed very important to her. Do girls just bullshit this, or even if its genuine, do they expect you to take them home?

Sometimes it's genuine, but often times it isn't. When it is genuine, it does suck because it can be a ball-buster to your planned logistics of how you were going to bed her, but there's really nothing you can do about that except find out for yourself by persisting. The hardest part is figuring out whether or not she left because she genuinely had a pressing matter or if she left because you didn't run your interaction the right way. When you run your interaction the right way, she just comes home with you, and you realize at that point that it was all BS.

I had no idea walking her to her car was too boyfriendish. Geez, I should pretty much do nothing nice on a date then lol.

After you have sex with her, you can walk her out to her car ALL you want, and she'll swoon over it.

Sometimes, depending how the girl acts (this one for example was shy, guarded, sometimes playful and sometimes snarky), and especially if I feel like I have a small window, it can seem like trying to pull when enough rapport hasn't been formed would be detrimental. Should I just be completely ignoring these circumstances?

Well, it's always important to maintain a frame that you are the dominant guy in this conversation, and nothing she says fazes you. I actually like girls like this -- I tend to be even "snarkier" with them if I can because I find that it genuinely turns them on when you can fight fire with fire, and these girls are often the ones who are practically salivating when you finally get them alone in your bedroom!

I forgot to comment on this from your original thread:

I followed Chase's second date rules after. Texted her I had a nice time then 2 days later texted her to see her schedule for dinner.

I wouldn't do this. She should be the one to text you after the date if she genuinely enjoyed it. I never text a girl first after a date. If I don't hear from her, it's almost always meant that she wasn't interested (or I ran the interaction incorrectly). It's best to just wait a few days and then text her again with the intention of setting up your next meet.

Regardless, the date seemed like a small window she was able to give me to see me during her busy schedule and it was something we would expand on on the next date when we had more time. How should I proceed to get her out again? A "keep the ball rolling" text? A voice message? Wait a week and then message?

I guess I would wait another few days and try again. If she didn't reply to your last text, then it might be dead in the water. But it wouldn't hurt to try once more with another text message.

Also, what does a good first date with no sex look like?

These days, I consider any first date with no sex to be a "bad" first date. But, that being said, the best "bad" first date would be her still coming back to your place, getting completely naked in your bed, and you being centimeters away from having your cock inside her. It's much more likely she'd be willing to see you on a second date when she was dripping wet laying on your bed thinking about you railing her! =)

- Franco

Yeah I like girls who are snarky too. I wasn't allowing myself to be fazed by it either. In fact, when she made the joke that she couldn't believe anything I was saying because I'm an actor, I ran with it the whole night. On another note, the venue I picked ended up being one of her favorite places, so that adds to the sting if I don't hear back (I never get that lucky lol).

I've never had a problem texting the girl the next day, and I was going by Chase's second date post. I texted her to set up the next date on Monday. Should I bother trying to text her to set up something for this weekend? Like say, text her Thursday? Or should I wait till early next week?

Also, got a text example for this situation (especially given she seemed like a lot of things were working for her on the date). Maybe use the actor thing to remind her of good feelings? I just don't want to say something needy lol.

 

[mindful]

I forgot to comment on this from your original thread:

I followed Chase's second date rules after. Texted her I had a nice time then 2 days later texted her to see her schedule for dinner.


I wouldn't do this. She should be the one to text you after the date if she genuinely enjoyed it. I never text a girl first after a date. If I don't hear from her, it's almost always meant that she wasn't interested (or I ran the interaction incorrectly). It's best to just wait a few days and then text her again with the intention of setting up your next meet.


I'm in the same boat here. Just went out with a girl tonight. I had to meet her away from my location and near hers and I didn't go for the pull at the end.

What are you saying here? I'm not understanding it correctly. Do you mean just don't even send the next day text saying you had a good time. just wait a few days then ask her when she's free again?

thanks.

 

[Estate]

I had a phase like this a while back actually.

I was just mis-judging the situation. I lot of the advice on this site is to not make her your girlfriend, therefore beore you actually date a girl you need to screen her hard to know she's going be be a dead cert to get back to bed then push hard for it on the date.

I went on a few dates with the mind-set of easing off this type of pushing. I was thinking it would be nice to actually have a girlfriend for a while instead of juggling all this stuff.
Anyway, long story short was that I realized I was backing off SO much that I was probably coming off boring. At the time I thought I'd ease back the sexual talk and just try to come off sort of suffisticated and brooding. After a few dates which went nowhere in the end, I sort of realized that was it... I was just coming off a bit boring and even if my mission wasn't to bed her an hour into the date, I still needed to banter, deep dive, ellicite some emotion from these girls and I just started to ramp things up again which relieved the issue.

 

[Franco]

mindful,

What are you saying here? I'm not understanding it correctly. Do you mean just don't even send the next day text saying you had a good time. just wait a few days then ask her when she's free again?

The text you send the next day letting her know you had a good time should ONLY be sent if you actually bedded her. The reason for this is that she enters a completely new phase of thinking once she's had sex with you, and she'll be worried about how you think about her and how the night went. Sending the text saying you had a good time afterward alleviates a lot of the tension on her end, and it makes her feel appreciated and not used.

- Franco

 

[mindful]

Ok. I did not bed her. And I should have pushed. I realized this immediately after the interaction. Anyways, when should I hit her up again for another date? And how should the introduction text be?

This is more for the learning experience. I'm not too high on this chick even though the conversation is the best I've had with a girl in a while. Had her talking most of the time where she actually pointed it out that "I'm talking to much". But I just reassured her that she wasn't and I was enjoying listening to her. I'm also trying to get out of the habit of reactions over results. I was throwing sexual innuendo throughout the date and even when I met her I immediately let her know I thought she looked good/ cute. However, she didn't give me "reactions". Got the touching in, which she was receptive of. Investment with holding her hands playing with Jewelry. When we were about to go our butts were wet so I told her to turn around and let me see how wet she was. I gave her a light squeeze. Again, she allowed my touching etc but I wasn't getting the reactions I was hoping for.

Sorry. That was a little long winded.

 

[Franco]

mindful,

Anyways, when should I hit her up again for another date? And how should the introduction text be?

Usually 2-3 days seems to be about the right amount. You should probably start out with something simple such as:

"Hey Alexa, how was your weekend? "

Then after she replies, you can make a small comment on it and suggest the meet up in the very next text if you want to.

- Franco

 

[ramirezs316]

To follow up on the situation that started this thread. I shot the girl a text on Sunday and haven't heard back. Tomorrow will have been two weeks since the first date, so it's safe to say that this one is DEAD. It sucks that if I hadn't felt constrained by time, I might've started escalating. As it was, the date kinda ended up feeling like I was running out the clock. From now on, I'm just going to ignore everything and push on the first date. Oh, and I have also decided to never trust anything a girl says on a date unless it's after I sleep with her.

Even though I'm a little bummed about this one (she had so much of what I'm looking for in a girlfriend), I have about 4 new girls from online game that I can see. In fact, my online game is going crazy well. And one of the girls seems like prime girlfriend material, so she'll be a good test to see if I can push through this time.

 

[mindful]

My follow up as well:

I texted this girl 2 days later (Friday). No response. I was expecting this anyways.

I'm not too worried. Have a few other girls in the works.

The only thing that really threw me off was when i used one of the 8 questions... "so what do you think of me so far". She said I'm "nice". Then also looked at my hair and smiled. I was then like "what?" or something like that. I've been rocking a new cut lately, short on sides, longer on top and combed over. I have noticed i get way more looks when I'm out now. I teased her about her laughing then she said she liked it (I don't think she ran into many guys with a cut like mine). Anyways, that sort of messed me up a little, since i thought i ran the interaction pretty well - balancing between deep diving, some laughter, and throwing sexual shit into the mix / touching.

Also, i went all out in terms of my attire. white button up, rolled sleeves, watch on wrist. Dark colored jeans with leather boots. She rolled up in jeans, flip flops, and a pretty shirt lol. So... maybe she thought i was out of her league? I'm a little confused by this meet up as far as learning points.

Anyways, thanks for the responses thus far.