Can't get her at my place

[adi13]

Hi guys,
I have been going out with a girl and on the third date she still didn't come home. Based on my experience going on to many dates (more than two or three) it's just a waste of time, frame battle and gets you more frustrated than enthusiastic.
When she wanted to go out for the fourth time (she proposed), I tried to get her home again, but she found a lame excuse not to so we didn't go out and I stopped responding to her messages.
She keeps chasing me, writing messages, and to be honest I want to put her on my couch, but when girls are making you wait for sex...sex is never worth waiting (#1 rule of Tomassi).

Just want to find out your opinion based on your experience.

Thanks,

 

[Jakeroviks]

I has this experience with a russian girl. Very strong girl with traditional values.

At the end of the 1st date I got inside her house, heavy making out and touching, but she kept pushing me away when I went to take off her clothes. I ended up leaving.

After the 2nd date I got to her door and she threw out a giant shit test. She asked what my position was at work. I asked why, and she said she wanted to know who the boss is. It was hot as fuck. I cracked and just told her my position and she went inside alone.

After the 3rd date I relaxed a lot. Got to her house and told her I was going up for a drink. She said no, I persisted. She said no again, and I persisted, calmly. This repeated about 5 times until she said okay, just one drink. Went inside, didn't touch or kiss her at all. Got a drink, sat on her bed talking. Slowly started kissing, pulling away, kissing, pulling away. She put up a ton of lmr but I calmly persisted, and made her mine. She was crazy in bed, crazy in general, and couldn't get enough of me for the next few days.

She was by far the hardest I've worked to take a girl to bed. Having been on a 3rd date, I'd look to see if there were any situations where you failed a major shit test, missed a window, etc. If I were you, I'd sit back, let her come to you, and go on one more date max. If nothing happens, move on the the next girl.

 

[JacobPalmer]

The next date you go on should be a "cook dinner at your place" date. Tell her to bring the wine/drinks. If she refuses then just say ok, and if she asks why not something else just say that you like her and you enjoy spending time with her, but you're a busy guy, and you just don't have time to always go out on these dates and you'd rather just have a casual one for once.

OR, and honestly I'm not even sure if I like what I'm about to say here, but tell her you like her and enjoy spending time with her, but you're getting weirded out by the fact that she doesn't want to spend time with you alone at your place, because it feels to you like she's hiding something. I think she should start qualifying/chasing hard here, but I've never tried this so I'm not sure how it would work.

 

[Fuck This]

I think Jake Nailed it...

 

[adi13]

I'd look to see if there were any situations where you failed a major shit test, missed a window, etc. If I were you, I'd sit back, let her come to you, and go on one more date max. If nothing happens, move on the the next girl.

I don't know about that, she is just very intimidated by me. We kissed and touched on the third date (which is very wired for me, I usually do that on the first one) but what I noticed is that she is not proposing or talking about coming to my place. Usually when a girls will want to do that she will give you some clues or put in a sentence "your home", but she is just deflecting. Based on reference experience this goes to nowhere.
Thanks guys, I think I will next her. Sometimes you just have to walk away.

 

[naturalmikey]

i remember a couple times going on second dates and not getting laid. that was enough for me to know, if she doesn't fuck on the first date cut her loose. if she chases then give her one more chance.

 

[adi13]

That's the thing, I have been given her three chances and I think they are enough.

 

[naturalmikey]

yeah only give girls one more chance and make them earn it. if they fuck it up they didn't deserve you.

 

[JacobPalmer]

i remember a couple times going on second dates and not getting laid. that was enough for me to know, if she doesn't fuck on the first date cut her loose. if she chases then give her one more chance.

Totally disagree with this. While you should adopt cutoffs for girls, after 1 date is often not enough time for a girl. I'd say the cutoff should be the second date. A lot of girls I've slept with needed more than 1 date to pull. A better mentality to use is "move fast but don't rush." Sometimes it'll happen on the first, sometimes the fourth etc.

It's like, let's say you go out with your ultimate celebrity crush. Are you telling me you're going to cut her off if she doesn't put out on date #1? Highly unlikely. Just make it cool and calibrated, hit those escalation windows, and pull when you're given the opportunities to do so. But don't throw in the towel after just 1 round.

 

[naturalmikey]

i’ll go on second dates. i just pull back after the first of i don’t smash. if she’s gonna make a second date happen though i’ll go along for the ride, as long as she’s one of the more attractive girls i’m pursuing.

i really don’t expect anyone to “get it.” but these seeds of abundance grow. that’s all i’m trying to do is plant seeds.

 

[JacobPalmer]

i’ll go on second dates. i just pull back after the first of i don’t smash. if she’s gonna make a second date happen though i’ll go along for the ride, as long as she’s one of the more attractive girls i’m pursuing.

i really don’t expect anyone to “get it.” but these seeds of abundance grow. that’s all i’m trying to do is plant seeds.

Ahh ok I get what you're saying now. Definitely have an abundance mentality, always needed. I think you'd still need to initiate that second date though, as girls will rarely do this.

 

[adi13]

I agree with Jacob here. Most of them won't put out on the first date.

 

[JacobPalmer]

I agree with Jacob here. Most of them won't put out on the first date.

Careful there. I'm not saying most won't, because a lot do, and it's always something I go for on the first date. All I'm saying is that if it doesn't happen it's not a big deal, some girls just need a bit more time. I just don't think you need to cut bait on a girl just because she's not ready on date #1. Just keep moving things forward with her.

 

[adi13]

I'm doing only daygame so sex on the first date very rarely happens.

 

[JacobPalmer]

I'm doing only daygame so sex on the first date very rarely happens.

Ahh gotchya. Well it's still not impossible. Try hopping around to different venues on the first date if you can, should increase the odds as it will build familiarity/memories in her, and will seem like you've known each other for longer.

 

[naturalmikey]

pulling from an instadate is definitely not the norm. with daygame you have to pursue a day two. that’s part of it. to me a day two is a first date. most girls will fuck on a first date. if not with you with someone.

 

[Jakeroviks]

I'd look to see if there were any situations where you failed a major shit test, missed a window, etc. If I were you, I'd sit back, let her come to you, and go on one more date max. If nothing happens, move on the the next girl.

I don't know about that, she is just very intimidated by me. We kissed and touched on the third date (which is very wired for me, I usually do that on the first one) but what I noticed is that she is not proposing or talking about coming to my place. Usually when a girls will want to do that she will give you some clues or put in a sentence "your home", but she is just deflecting. Based on reference experience this goes to nowhere.
Thanks guys, I think I will next her. Sometimes you just have to walk away.

I would look to see if you've built enough comfort, and make sure she's not feeling something else other than intimidation. From what i've experienced, if a girl knows you, being dominant and "intimidating" actually relaxes her because she feels safe and protected by you. Chdck and make sure you're not projecting the opposite.

 

[adi13]

A little turn of events here and It might look like a field report.
Just the day after I posted this she kept texting me to meet her before I go in vacation, so I have said what 'a heck, why not? We met in front of her apartment and we kissed, touched but she still did not want to put out.
I was in short paths so she could feel my erection, and during this time when we were holding hands I kept putting her hand on my "babino". Then I have noticed something in her body language that she wanted more and when I tried to leave, because I was tired and wanted to go to sleep, she came with me at my car.
In the car I moved things forward and fast, until she said to pull my car in a dark spot. She stared kissing me and putting her hand in my pants and doing "that thing" with her hand. After this I went home and put myself to sleep but she kept texted me while I was in vacation.

I have been dating a lot of girls, but this is the first one like this. Looks like there is something to learn in game.
Ideas?

 

[JacobPalmer]

Something I think could have worked is that you turn her down at the car. That's right, you're going to turn her down and say, "Listen, I like you, and I could see us moving forward with things, but I'm not hooking up with you in my car, I'm not that kind of guy. If you want to spend a little more time with me before I head away on vacation then let's hang out at your place where it's comfortable."

And the way you say it has to be cool, calm, and not butthurt in any way.

Because she basically controlled this whole interaction between the two of you, and in the end, she got what she wanted and you didn't.