Can't get over performance anxiety and it's eating at me...

[pickupq123]

Hey guys,

I came THIS close to losing my virginity today. Had condom on and everything, but when it came to insertion, I just couldn't get 100% hard. I was about 70%, and it wasn't enough to penetrate I guess. I've had this problem for a while now, and I've been working so hard to fix it, but I'm starting to get beat up over it. The girl even asked me why I kept getting soft right before sex. My questions...

1) This girl is also a virgin. I'm sorry if this is a silly question, but how 'hard' do I need to force myself in there? My hope was that even with 70% erection, I would at least be able to penetrate and get 100% hard when I was in there, but I just couldn't get in and I didn't want to hurt her. Chase mentioned in his articles to go in soft, so I thought I would be able to do this with a condom on, but I still couldn't budge in.

2) Any other tips/tricks you guys can think of that can help get me over this hump? I like this girl, and I just want to lose my virginity at this point... I thought if the girl was wet I would just be able to slide it in there, but I guess not? I've read the article on performance anxiety and it has helped, but I guess it's not enough.

3) Is the fault 100% me, or if there are circumstances on her end that would make it hard to fit? I'm not 'big' by any means (average).

 

[Franco]

pickupq,

Did you get her sufficiently wet before trying to go inside?

A girl's vagina is always usually more tight and dry until she's sexually aroused, making it very difficult for an erect (and large) penis to get inside. Even with my girlfriends, I tend to rub their pussies a lot with my fingers before I even move things toward sex to get her sufficiently lubricated so that, as soon as I do whip my cock out, I can put it right in painlessly.

It could be that, while you were attempting to get yourself hard, you may have been causing the "mood" to (literally) "dry up" for her, so when you finally tried, she wasn't as sexually turned on and lubricated down there, so it made it difficult for you to get inside.

I would make a conscious effort to make sure that she's constantly aroused as much as possible, even while you're trying to get yourself aroused. It's basically a "give and take" type of thing where you both need to be aroused to make sex happen. So make sure you give yourself every advantage and constantly be stimulating her to keep her "in the moment."

NOTE: When you first enter a girl, especially if she's nervous, it will be rather tight and tough to get in. So you need to be patient and slowly push yourself slightly farther with each thrust until you can fully penetrate her. If she's nervous, it's best just to take it slow.

- Franco

 

[pickupq123]

Thanks for the reply. She wasn't as wet as she could be, but she was still semi-wet. We always do a lot of foreplay beforehand. I don't really know what more I can do to try and get 100% hard before entry.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey PQ mate check out this article, I can't say definitely whether the techniques described will work cos I am still in the process of trying them, but it seems very honestly written and logical: http://rebootblueprint.com/overcome-performance-anxiety/

The other thing u might want to look into is toxic shame, the idea here is that to be a worthwhile human being all we need to do is simply be, whereas we tend to fall into the trap of thinking we have to do things to measure up, such as being a badass in bed and getting a raging boner on demand and so on. This causes anxiety. Whereas if u take the view of just being in the moment, letting your bodily responses happen and making use of them as appropriate, you're freed from the idea you have to perform. Well easier said than done (trust me I know this) but there are lots of resources to help u if u search for them. Good job writing it up & asking the question

Cheers bro. Ray

 

[pickupq123]

Thanks Ray,

I have seen that in the past. I might try the no porn/masturbation thing, see if it helps. I've lasted about 7 days in the past and was crazy horny all the time, but I couldn't last all day like that. We'll see how my self control does this time and if it has any effect.