Can't Stop Crying.....I wish someone could help me.

[nexus321]

Last night I went out with some of my guy friends. There was a total of 5 of them. I was like a machine when it came to approaching, it impressed them. But each and everytime I would get blown out of the set. It got to me when I got home. I started sobbing and crying, (I'm 24 years old) and I've been doing nightgame for 4 years every weekend. Still no girlfriend, I still haven't even kissed a girl in my life. All I kept thinking was "what is the point?" I'm never gonna be happy. Just some lonely loser who ends up killing himself, like that elliot rodgers guy did. I feel like that's where I'm headed.


I just don't know what to do, I've tried everything, every opener, every kino technique, every transition. Women just don't like me, it's like I'm some alien or something. I just don't know what to do at this point.

 

[Mr. oblivious]

Last night I went out with some of my guy friends. There was a total of 5 of them. I was like a machine when it came to approaching, it impressed them. But each and everytime I would get blown out of the set. It got to me when I got home. I started sobbing and crying, (I'm 24 years old) and I've been doing nightgame for 4 years every weekend. Still no girlfriend, I still haven't even kissed a girl in my life. All I kept thinking was "what is the point?" I'm never gonna be happy. Just some lonely loser who ends up killing himself, like that elliot rodgers guy did. I feel like that's where I'm headed.


I just don't know what to do, I've tried everything, every opener, every kino technique, every transition. Women just don't like me, it's like I'm some alien or something. I just don't know what to do at this point.

Have you tried day game ?

after four years have you reflected on whats happening in those interacting ?

You have only 1 post on this forum how are we sap post to work out what is wrong if you don't post ?

I suggest righting down your interaction create a journal so some of the experienced members can give you advice and you can improve with every interaction

Also i think you need to be more confident you mental state is probably present when your opening women so you body language etc. is that of someone who thinks they're an alien and they can't get women. If you have read some of the post there are tips about mind sets and about getting yourself set up fundamentally right and you will be bound to see progress.

Good luck and chin up

 

[Big Daddy]

Mr. Oblivious,

I think you're right, but It's very hard for someone in his position to change body language out of thin air. I know because building muscle is such a pain in the ass for me and there was a time I didn't even want to go to the gym as that was a place tied with negative thoughts of "no gainz".

(Chase managed to get out of depression out of shear motivation and willpower, but not everyone can do that.)

What I needed was a one-way ticket straight to gainzville. I needed results ASAP. And that's what you need, Nexus. You have to facilitate your way to a girl's number as much as you can. And that means three things:

1) Change your focus to daygame
2) Post your FRs
3) Read FRs

That's it. Get results (or not). Post. Break it down. Get results. I want to see your in the Field Reports section, buddy!

 

[Whizzy]

While it may be hard, if he wants fast improvements then the extra effort will up his success immensely. It might be awkward and uncomfortable now, but once its habit you'll be glad that you did. I forget who (i'll try to find it later) wrote a post in the past few months about body posture and how we feel. Try being upright, shoulders back etc and if you normally slouch a bit then you will notice a decent shift in your mood. Just something small like that can make a huge difference. Also try browsing through the multitude of field reports on this forum, and pay particular attention to the lay reports initially as that is what many people aspire to become with woman in the end

 

[trashKENNUT]

nexus321,

Check, improve your fundamentals. then

I will suggest day game, and be sociable, like joining classes or groups. The joining classes and groups is hoping for you to get lucky. and you will probably get one or two women interested on dates.

I am sometimes quite surprise that people don't get at least a makeout on one dates after 200 sets. Because when my rough estimation and i note this with every other guy i know. For at least 50 women, 1 women you be intimate with. This is my estimation, even the guys i knew who were "terrible" further down than the average. But whatever it is, i wish you all the best.

Zac

 

[Mr.Rob]

Let me ask you this Nexus321,

what do you think girls are like? Describe how you perceive women.

Are they judgmental?
Are they mostly mean or kind of cold for the most part?
Are they nice sweet balls of sunshine?
Are they fun and spontaneous?
Are they stuck up little bitches?

What is your honest opinion of how you see women in general?

 

[Anonymous]

Hey Nexus,

Hey man it's inspirational to hear that you have been approaching for four years without results. When you do start to get some results imagine how easy it is going to be for you to approach. There is huge potential here...

You should start a journal for sure, let us know exactly what you say when you approach a girl. I'm sure we can help you out.

 

[nexus321]

Last night I went out with some of my guy friends. There was a total of 5 of them. I was like a machine when it came to approaching, it impressed them. But each and everytime I would get blown out of the set. It got to me when I got home. I started sobbing and crying, (I'm 24 years old) and I've been doing nightgame for 4 years every weekend. Still no girlfriend, I still haven't even kissed a girl in my life. All I kept thinking was "what is the point?" I'm never gonna be happy. Just some lonely loser who ends up killing himself, like that elliot rodgers guy did. I feel like that's where I'm headed.


I just don't know what to do, I've tried everything, every opener, every kino technique, every transition. Women just don't like me, it's like I'm some alien or something. I just don't know what to do at this point.

Have you tried day game ?

after four years have you reflected on whats happening in those interacting ?

You have only 1 post on this forum how are we sap post to work out what is wrong if you don't post ?

I suggest righting down your interaction create a journal so some of the experienced members can give you advice and you can improve with every interaction

Also i think you need to be more confident you mental state is probably present when your opening women so you body language etc. is that of someone who thinks they're an alien and they can't get women. If you have read some of the post there are tips about mind sets and about getting yourself set up fundamentally right and you will be bound to see progress.

Good luck and chin up

Yeah I have, I did daygame last year and approached 53 sets. I got 15 phone numbers but when I called/texted they didn't answer. It was strange considering I thought those interactions went great, sometimes the girl would talk to me for 40 min to an hour and make me promise to call her. But when I did, they didn't pickup...
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong, maybe nothing. It seems women today have unrealistically high standards.
Okay I'll write down every interaction and start posting on it in the forum.
Thanks man I appreciate it I'm doing better now emotionally.

 

[nexus321]

Mr. Oblivious,

I think you're right, but It's very hard for someone in his position to change body language out of thin air. I know because building muscle is such a pain in the ass for me and there was a time I didn't even want to go to the gym as that was a place tied with negative thoughts of "no gainz".

(Chase managed to get out of depression out of shear motivation and willpower, but not everyone can do that.)

What I needed was a one-way ticket straight to gainzville. I needed results ASAP. And that's what you need, Nexus. You have to facilitate your way to a girl's number as much as you can. And that means three things:

1) Change your focus to daygame
2) Post your FRs
3) Read FRs

That's it. Get results (or not). Post. Break it down. Get results. I want to see your in the Field Reports section, buddy!

Okay dude I'll do that. Thanks man.

 

[Drck]

Well, stop approaching because it doesn’t work. Duh!

Stop being like a machine. Your friends can see you, other people can see you, she can see you too. You are approaching one girl after another like a machine, and your friends are fools because it is not impressive. You are putting too much effort into it, you are on the hunt – and girls feel it thus they run away…

Stop doing openers, stop kino techniques and transitions. Stop all the techniques. Girls are not stupid, they “read” easily what you are doing....

Talk to her instead, just like a person to person. No techniques at all. Also, as mentioned above, work on fundamentals and day game. It is not that they don’t like you – they just don’t like all those things that you do…

 

[Anonymous]

What Drck said. It's commendable that you're going out there and you're making yourself vulnerable. That takes courage. Guts. Balls. Give yourself props. Relax. Breathe. Most guys don't have the guile to do what you're doing. Don't give up.

I think introspection is a huge aspect that most guys overlook. If you're approaching a lot, you have a lot of experience to draw from, and thus, lots of mistakes to learn from. You want to learn from every interaction, reflect on what you did and keep tweaking, keep changing little things, (or big things) until something sticks. If you don't have access to private coaching or a good eye to check your blindspots, you have to use trial and error and emulate basic principles like body language and vocal tonality from exemplars (whether they be friends who are good with women, or movie examples of men moving in a certain way or talking, walking, etc.)

Being honest is crucial. Honest with yourself, and what you want. Don't pay attention to your friends; don't do it for your friends, or to impress them. Do it because it makes you feel good. Because it makes you feel alive. Learn to laugh at yourself. Have fun. Don't think of it as work. When you learn to enjoy the process, and not focus on the results, you'll start getting results. Because when you're having fun, when you're feeling loose and enjoying yourself, the people around you can feel it. They can feel your good vibes. And that's attractive. You're not trying to be attractive at that point. You just are. By being chill, laid-back, making other people have a good time around you, and having a good time yourself. When you do this, women will notice. And you won't even be trying to seduce them. But they will be seduced by the good vibes you're sending out. At that point, all you have to do is express your interest in a confident way:

Girl: [gives you eye contact]

You: [sexy smile, having fun] Hi. I think you look... absolutely stunning in that dress. I'm [nexus]. And you are?


Keep it simple. Have fun. Be sexy. Don't take yourself too seriously.

 

[trashKENNUT]

I think other guys have point this.

Erm, there's tendency that girls see you have this "proudness"/ego boost when you approach them infront of your friends. Girls don't like that. and some side note you should take into consideration.

IT feels good but it can come off wrong as well.

Zac

 

[nexus321]

What Drck said. It's commendable that you're going out there and you're making yourself vulnerable. That takes courage. Guts. Balls. Give yourself props. Relax. Breathe. Most guys don't have the guile to do what you're doing. Don't give up.

I think introspection is a huge aspect that most guys overlook. If you're approaching a lot, you have a lot of experience to draw from, and thus, lots of mistakes to learn from. You want to learn from every interaction, reflect on what you did and keep tweaking, keep changing little things, (or big things) until something sticks. If you don't have access to private coaching or a good eye to check your blindspots, you have to use trial and error and emulate basic principles like body language and vocal tonality from exemplars (whether they be friends who are good with women, or movie examples of men moving in a certain way or talking, walking, etc.)

Being honest is crucial. Honest with yourself, and what you want. Don't pay attention to your friends; don't do it for your friends, or to impress them. Do it because it makes you feel good. Because it makes you feel alive. Learn to laugh at yourself. Have fun. Don't think of it as work. When you learn to enjoy the process, and not focus on the results, you'll start getting results. Because when you're having fun, when you're feeling loose and enjoying yourself, the people around you can feel it. They can feel your good vibes. And that's attractive. You're not trying to be attractive at that point. You just are. By being chill, laid-back, making other people have a good time around you, and having a good time yourself. When you do this, women will notice. And you won't even be trying to seduce them. But they will be seduced by the good vibes you're sending out. At that point, all you have to do is express your interest in a confident way:

Girl: [gives you eye contact]

You: [sexy smile, having fun] Hi. I think you look... absolutely stunning in that dress. I'm [nexus]. And you are?


Keep it simple. Have fun. Be sexy. Don't take yourself too seriously.

I noticed something, today I was chit chatting with the cashier at this electronic store. And I felt I did well but it's like something when it comes to eye contact, when I look girls in the eye they suddenly log off. You know what I mean? Like they can see right through me or something. How do I work on my fundamentals?
btw I saw the hottest brunette of my life today, I got Approach Anxiety, I should have approached!

 

[Anonymous]

Eye contact is simple, but has so much behind it at the same time. It's one of the most important fundamentals you want to solidify.

When you make eye contact, you're communicating so much information, more than people realize. Your eye contact should be focused, but not "hard", not "staring". You want to relax your eyes, but at the same time, just gaze into her. Really try to grasp what you're feeling when you look into her eyes. Even if you feel nervous, excited, etc. don't shrink back. Embrace that feeling. Whatever you're feeling internally, your eyes will communicate that to the woman. If you're developing a positive and warm vibe internally, when you make eye contact with people, your state will be contagious. She will "catch" your feelings, and as long as she's not in an equally bad or foul mood, she's going to start feeling whatever you're feeling, and she won't really understand why. Just that being around you, talking to you, looking into your eyes will make her feel good.

But it begins with internal state. And when I talk about state, I don't necessarily mean it in the pickup sense, but your emotional and general well-being. People can feel when things are off. You want to work on your internals, just as much as your externals. They should be congruent as possible. Develop a positive, grounded mindset. Be accepting, warm, nonjudgmental. This all factors into your vibe. It becomes disarming, and your eyes are the vehicle for the internal emotions you feel, as well as your body language and posture.

Again, this is all trial and error. Use examples from movies. While the actual scenarios in movies might not be realistic, the body language and facial expressions, etc. are exemplary. Emulate the greats.

 

[-B-]

You need to get an honest outside 3rd person perspective on your situation whether you can do it yourself or you need a friend... or even a random girl (who is brutally honest if you want it that bad) to see you in action and asses whats going wrong with you.

These girls are all turning you down for a specific or often common reason and usually most of the time they are going to be similar. The problem is that you don't understand what is going on and why you are getting turned down... saying "girls just don't like me"

The truth is that there is no static quick way or guide to be good at anything. There are a lot of tips that can help you but no secret or guide that can make everyone immediately proficient at something.

this is because there are literally an infinite number of ways you can fuck up with girls in any given situation.... literally

-you could have all the game in the world, and the personality, but look like quazi motto

-you could be good looking but nervous or be too focused on objectively carrying out a process and trying to "game" her and come across a certain way... and not be showing your best personality characteristics and creating a good vibe and mood. coming off 1 dimensional guy trying to "game"

-you could be in a professional or logistical situation, or just present yourself in a way that makes you look inferior, or that you are looking up to the girl... marketing yourself as lower than her

- You might be too obvious in public with your objectives and intents and girls view you as a wanna be pua (A guy who is trying really hard to approach a lot of women in the venue is obviously doing so because he is trying to get women, hence has no women)... btw pua makes most women's skin crawl (some are cool and open minded about it, but most find it too objective and a turn off)

- You could be on fire and doing everything right with a very hot girl who really clicks with you and digs your default personality... but then your jealous room mate and friend tells her about the time you got an STI behind your back and then she wants nothing to do with you sexually

-You could actually move TOO fast. You should always be moving FORWARD, but at a pace she is comfortable with. otherwise she will flake, say no and negative momentum will build up


My point is that you can fuck up in an infinite number of ways. Also most guys just keep doing approaches and just trying to build up experience... and they are not getting to the root of their problem... like somehow it will magically sort out itself.

Take it from somebody who as worked to get good at several things and not found any success just trying to build up data points and experience and rely only on that. Its more about looking at situations from a 3rd person perspective, diagnosing with an honest eye, then working hard and practicing on THOSE points.

Think of it like you are in a boat. A leak can spring up anywhere and your boat can sink. Some men spend forever trying to reinforce areas that are already fine enough (doing thousands of random approaches). Your boat will sink over and over again no matter how hard you work. All you needed to do was find where that leak was and fix it and everything is smooth sailing. It can be a lot easier said than done to "patch" these areas. like losing a lot of weight or getting over social anxieties and confidence (what i am working on).

This is how Michael Jordan got so good as explicitly stated in "Michael Jordan to the max". In college, Michaels coaches and scouts said he was a phenomenal player, but he was a bad shooter and not the best at defense. So Michael did not just play constantly play in more games, he did not go hard on working out and getting in better shape, he didn't further focus on his dribbling, passing, and game awareness... he said "im going to take my weaknesses and turn them into my biggest strengths" he did this by "shooting, shooting, shooting, shooting, shooting" and "working tirelessly at defense". Once he did in fact turn his only weakness into his best traits, he was an unstoppable fucking juggernaut.

I feel for you. I can tell you have the drive and the determination to get better. You just don't know what is going on and you need proper perspective and vision on what to direct that determination towards. You need to understand what is going on in these situations and what needs to be fixed

if you can't look at yourself and these situations from a 3rd person outlook and see whats going on. You are going to have to find someone else who can give you an honest and even brutal analysis.

I highly doubt that your struggles with women are this mysterious unsolvable thing that can never be explained, they are just hard to see from your perspective. Anyone of average social intelligence could be a fly on the wall during your "night game", or even just take a look at you, and tell you exactly why you are failing.

You just have to find someone honest and to the point enough who will tell you when it could even be hurtful.

Then you work tirelessly on that

 

[-B-]

Also

There might be some problems that people think are unsolvable even after they are identified. Like, I can get in better shape, but i have an ugly face. well the thing is in most cases, where there is a will there is a way. For example you could eat healthy and really work on your skin while constantly doing facial muscle exercises to build a more attractive face over time. You can actually develop a more attractive conture to your face by working on the muscles just like you can your body (although most of society would think doing that would be weird).

Most importantly it takes an ability to keep innovating, looking at things differently, and constantly trying different things and in ways that most people would say you are crazy for. Then combining it with will and determination to keep going and trying until you overcome. The reason why so many people fail is that they practice a shit load, but they never shake it up, they never change, they never innovate.... yet they expect different results.

watch the "ted talks" on David Blaine. He is incredible. He always finds a way to get it done even though he is just an average guy. He holds the official world record for holding his breath under water. and he holds the record over a man who is genetically suited to be the best at it by far who held all the previous records for a long time. He did it by thinking outside the box, trying unique, different, even crazy ideas, and having unbelievable determination and the will to move forward and keep going

 

[Dern]

Nexus,

I'm in a similar boat: been approaching for a year and still don't have a lay.

Working on it though, and I know it's going to happen.

I agree with everything that's been said so far: fundamentals, vibe, and having a third-person view (whether that be voice-recording or video-taping yourself, getting a mentor to watch + critique you, getting a wingman).

I do feel that your vibe does have a large impact on how your fundamentals are presented. Even though Chase wrote an article on how state doesn't matter, I think that it actually does for a lot of people. I think what Chase meant in that article was that you don't need to be jumping around the walls happy (in fact this is probably bad unless you embrace this persona as your gaming vibe); there's been times where he didn't feel like going out at all but ironically, gotten the best results from. But in general, I say you need to be happy with yourself to approach well. You need to open with 100% belief and assurance. Obviously you can do some physical things (eg., standing straight) to boost your inner state, but at the same time, you need a positive inner state to exude a positive outer state (eg., warm eye-contact, an audible voice).

 

[Mr. oblivious]

Chase managed to get out of depression out of shear motivation and willpower, but not everyone can do that.

Everyone can do that but not everyone believes they can do it

 

[Big Daddy]

Which is the same as saying that not everyone can do it. The thing with "it's a mental fight" is true - if you focus on seeing the bright side of things you'll be in far better position than you were originally. Does that mean you'll be able to free yourself from depression? You might or you might not be able. Not everyone can do it.

My point was that, given that he knows about GC, there are easier and faster ways of solving his problem than stopping his life to fight depression. If he can think that way while getting out and meeting girls, awesome! But if he can't to that - well, okay, give the FRs a chance never-the-less, don't over think/stress with correcting body language and shit for now.

 

[Whizzy]

Most importantly have fun, if you're not at least some of the time then have fun anyways