LR Car sex on a busy street (and how to deal with LMR)

[Bboy100]

So, I met this girl at one of the popular bars in Seattle. Frankly, the entire conversation was just her talking and me doing active listening (i.e. relating back to her and/or telling my opinion about what she's talking about). Most of the topics we discussed at the bar were pretty mundane. There was only one interesting thread which was a HUGE red flag for me.

She basically told me she dumped her ex boyfriend for a "reason she doesn't know" (either she doesn't want to tell me or she has zero emotional awareness). Two weeks later, she decided she likes him so she went to work it out with him. When she went to his door, he saw another girl walk out of his apartment. So she made a huge scene, cussed him out etc. THIS IS HER SIDE OF THE STORY LOL. SO THIS IS HER PAINTING HERSELF IN THE BEST POSSIBLE LIGHT GIVEN THE CIRCUMSTANCES. I can only imagine how much worse it actually was.

She also told me that she feels like she's getting old. She's only 23. And she's trynna get married rn. I'm not about that.

Fast forward 1 hour into the date, she's making out with me. And not just a little. Like, she keeps actively getting up from her seat to kiss me. Then when I break the kiss, she'll always say things like "you're bad for me aren't you?" with a smile on her face. I would always reply inquisitively. I would ask her why she thinks I'm bad. She tells me "she doesn't kiss guys on the first date". After which she proceeded to kiss me again five minutes later LOL.

Anyways...after a while, I realized it was time to pull. Between her chasing me for makeouts and me ending them at just the right time...the tension was pretty high. So we close our tabs and I tell her "we're going on a walk". We go outside, I take her hand and just lead her to my car. We get in the back seat and start making out.
Here's where it gets interesting:

I was escalating in the backseat of my car. But when I tried to remove her shirt, she very subtly pulled away. Most guys probably wouldn't have noticed. I got the message loud and clear. But she still continued making out with me. So I just rolled with it. I didn't try to push things forward. I would have been perfectly fine leaving it at that. After a while, she started making out with me harder, biting my neck, telling me "how crazy I am" etc. I realized that now was my opportunity. So I just took Hector's advice and whipped it out.

As soon as she saw I was unzipping my pants, she started giggling and telling me "how crazy I am" again. Regardless, she excitedly started slobbin on my knob. She would intermittently stop and we would go back to just chatting. I never tried to get her to do anything else. I didn't try to take off her shirt again. I didn't tell her to suck me off more. Instead, I just enjoyed the conversation. Why? Because I genuinely wanted to give value to her. And I wanted to understand who she is. To me, the conversation was almost as satisfying as getting a blowjob. Had it been a year ago and I tried all of the "anti-lmr" techniques taught on this site, I'm 100% sure she would have closed up and gone cold on me. Instead, I found out some even more intimate details about her:

- She claims this is the first time she's sucked someone's dick on a first date
- She's admits that she's very unconfident and insecure (I gave her some pointers for how to improve it which she genuinely appreaciated)
- She doesn't want to have sex with me. I told her I was fine with this.

Also, she would intermittently go back to blowing me in between conversational threads. One time, I took her shirt and bra off, but she put them back on. Clearly she's not 100% comfortable being naked with me yet.

When she told me she didn't want to have sex with me, I asked her why. When I did this in the past, it was to "overcome objections". Like I'm some sort of used car salesman lol. Now, its because I genuinely care. Its obvious that she's really into me. It's obvious that she wants to fuck me. So I'm curious to know why she won't for its own sake. Not as a "tactic" or "technique". I was being genuine. I even told her that.
Me: "I'm not trying to change your mind or anything (about having sex with me), i'm just curious to know why not".

Is that beta? No. Leaders care for and want to understand their subordinates. So they show empathy. This is more alpha than anything else. It also shows that I respect her boundaries. This allows her to loosen up and feel comfortable around me. Anyways...I found out even more intimate details about her. She told me the reason she doesn't want to fuck me is because she's afraid of what her mom would think of her. Apparently she and her mom are very intimate and they tell each other everything. She knows her mom would be disappointed if she fucked someone on a first date. So I went on to explain to her that I think this makes no sense. Because if she always aims to please her mom, she'll always be restricted in life to what her mom does and doesn't approve of. She agreed with me. Oh by the way...I still had my dick out the entire time LOL!

We continued to talk some more about her mother, her insecurities around her mother, confidence issues etc. This was actually a fairly long conversation. We talked about this stuff alone for about 15 minutes. She told about all of this because she knew I wouldn't judge her. Then she started making out with me again. This time, she took my shirt off. I escalated to sex no problem. Oh and by the way...my car was literally parked in the middle of one of the busiest streets in Seattle. A lot of people passed by us. I'm pretty sure a few of them saw us LOL

Moral of the story: The external actions..."addressing her objections" and "making her feel comfortable" with sex are technically good advice. But you must be congruent. You have to honestly care about what she says and thinks and have a desire to understand her perspective and her desires. If you don't, you can give her the best reasons to fuck you in the world. She'll still sense that you're insincere and that you're just trying to get laid. So she'll clam up. Moreover, if she wants to fuck you, you don't necessarily have to address her objections ( I didn't. I just told her my opinion. I didn't actually give her a solution or reframe). She just has to know that you understand and respect her point of view.

 

[Frost]

That was an interesting change in perspective. Good job busting through all that shit and getting there!

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

All of this was quite GC congruent

But you finally saw how to contextualize the advice, and then also whipping it out was good, since it's you doing you, not trying to get her to do anything (but that's also GC advice, technically ).

Your problem was attainability, since you had the "bad boy" vibe going (e.g., her calling you "bad"), and by deep diving her, you fixed the attainabilty.

Just translated everything you did into the GC model (or I guess VAC, whiSebastianstrian Drake. Chase's new model is even MORE accurate to this situation,but I can't say it yet, since it's in the new product).

See?

But, you've learned to speak your own language, which meanssss

You're thinking like a natural. Welcome to the club.

Could you leave GC behind and learn completely solo now? Probably and you'd do just fine. Maybe give GC a six month break and then come back to see if you can reframe some of the stuff to improve your weak points. Or maybe you've completely outgrown it. Who knows.

Hector

 

[Bboy100]

Your problem was attainability, since you had the "bad boy" vibe going (e.g., her calling you "bad"), and by deep diving her, you fixed the attainabilty.

Just translated everything you did into the GC model (or I guess VAC, whiSebastianstrian Drake. Chase's new model is even MORE accurate to this situation,but I can't say it yet, since it's in the new product).

See?

Yes. In terms of the actions I took, that's true. But that's not what I was thinking and it wasn't the vibe I was putting out. It wasn't "uh oh, she doesn't want to sleep with me yet! Better fix attainability!". It was "how can I add value to this women's life and have fun?"

Which adds a new element. It goes from "she wants to put the breaks on sex and I want to keep it going" to "we're out having a good time together and adding value to each other's lives". In the former, we're opponents and she senses that. In the latter, we're friends & companions.

I think this makes a world of difference. And I think it necessarily excludes thinking too much about technical aspects like "attainability" and "value". Because once you make it about that stuff, you're focusing on how to have sex with her (which in that moment is value leeching cause she does not yet want to have sex) instead of focusing on how to actually give value. It's not that GC doesn't support this concept. But GC doesn't make it clear that this is a necessary ingredient.

also whipping it out was good, since it's you doing you, not trying to get her to do anything (but that's also GC advice, technically ).

Damnit. Being original is impossible these days! Thank Obama.

 

[Big Daddy]

@ Hector & Bboy

The thing about forgetting "techniques" and understanding principles is that I think it's almost impossible do it without enough repetition. Only then you won't care more about finding the right piece to the puzzle and can focus on the big picture.

I feel like to reach this level, you have to be the mechanical guy trying to gather data points and work your way into success and only after repeating that enough, things will start to make sense for you. Those who have faster progress generally had more exposure to this thoughtout life (e.g. Franco).

I feel the only exception to this is if you have a personal coach watching you 1-on-1.

This is not even game-related.

I first started to think like this in high school when I was first introduced to math functions and could mechanically solve all problems, but I didn't know shit of what I was doing (and I would never be able to at the time). It was only a couple of years later of many problems solved that it started to "slow down" and I could see the puzzle as a whole and finally understood the principles behind the algorithm I was going through.

[Which, by the way, was the exact feeling I got from reading this report.]

@ report:

Killer.

How much time do you think you spent in the car before sex?

 

[lux7]

Funny I stumble upon this randomly just about when I'm experiencing something similar: it's been a few months I naturally relented from relentlessly pushing towards sex once back home with a "it better happen ASAP mentality" and feel that was a huge step forward.

Disclaimer:
Not included are times when you're naturally horny and/or when she's ready to go. Then don't dwadle.