FR Cathlyn from work gives mixed signals. Feedback wanted

[Lover]

I was thinking of not posting this FR because I was embarrassed of the consequences this "failed escalation" might lead to. But I'm doing it anyway to reflect on my thoughts, and get some feedback. And to hopefully realize that I am just overthinking things.

The report

So I got a new job a couple of months ago, and I met this girl (call her Cathlyn) during the training program a month prior. She has already worked there a year and attented one day of the training program where newbies would "speed date" seniors - some team building exercise. She's 23 like I am. During our speed date she was giving a mix of friendly and nervous vibe. I chose to assume attraction. Nothing else happened, and I completely forgot about her afterwards.

Fast forward to last Friday. Our workplace was arranging a X-mas event with dinner and party. The good thing about my new workplace is that it consists mostly of women all ages, and the minority is men. I got to talk to a lot of my female coworkers and a couple of the male ones. I had built a lot of social momentum up around 11 pm and felt like anything was possible. Side note: I didn't booze that night, only drank water.

I went out on the dancefloor with a couple of girls and guys, sometimes the whole group dancing in a circle, sometimes dancing with just a single girl. Later, I see Cathlyn checking me out from her own dance group. We just keep eye contact for a couple of seconds and smile to acknowledge each other, but continue dancing with our own separate groups. Eventually we end up close to each other, and I just grab her and begin to dance with her. No talking, just dancing. We get separated again when I have to hit the bathroom.

An hour later or so, after relaxing from all the dancing so far and just talking to people again, some dude is rejecting to dance with her, and it happens as I am returning to dancefloor from the bathroom yet again (yes, I drank a lot of water that evening!). I thought it was a weak way to get to dance with somebody, but who cares. Go along, see what happens. We dance again, and I make sure we dance close to each other some of the times. 3 or 4 songs passes until the DJ plays a shitty song, and I tell her let's go outside to get some fresh air, she agrees.

We sit on a bench, and some of the others are nearby. We talk a little about superficial stuff and the job. It is cold outside, but I do rest my hand on her leg and move it up and down as we talk. She isn't really looking at me, and she isn't reciprocating my touch (probably because it's cold...). I tell her I love people who are spontaneous and have an "in-the-moment"-personality when she mentions something that describes she is exactly that, and she laughs. I wasn't really worried about our conversation at this point, but rather the lack of touch from her end.

Everything from this point on happens so fast because I begin to think what I want from her, and what could she probably want from me. I assume sex - so I want to lead the conversations towards going home to either her or me. I ask her where she lives, and how she's getting home. She got here with her bike and will ride home with it - a ride that would take 40-45 minutes. I got there with the subway.. so tell her to come with me to the subway station, and we will see what we do from there. She doesn't want to - "think it's too soon to leave".

When she is done saying this, I snap out of my presence and turn into my head right away. It's like a light bulb got lit up with the subtext: "what am I doing inviting a coworker home? She could ruin my reputation".

I think for a couple of seconds and tell her that I actually want to stay a little longer to get myself warm again before going home, and let's hit the dancefloor one more time to make that happen. She agrees, and we go inside. I hang up my jacket and scarf, but she has already walked to the dancefloor without me as I'm struggling to get my scarf off. When I get to the dancefloor, I find some of my other friends and begin to just dance with them. After a minute or two I see her again with some other girls, but barely mind this anymore. I spend the rest of the event in the company of the other coworkers to get out of my head again and go home alone

After-thoughts

From the looks of it, I should read the GC articles about gaming coworkers because obviously, I hadn't thought about the consequences before I began messing with Cathlyn. And the only thing I was initially worried about, was word getting out that I tried to hook up with her (and failed). But as I really thought about it the day after, I remembered a quote of a recent article by Chase: that everything should be viewed as practice. I used to think like this as a teenager. Even if I get a bad rep for this, I'll have to learn how to turn it around. So right now, I feel like Scotty P from The Millers

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Some things I realize when I read this post and think of some of my older FR's:

• - I'm not making anyone feeling they're special
  - My vibe is not sexy
  - I focus too much on getting to know other people and keeping things factual. There is an explanation to this one though. I used to be the funny guy/comedian, and of course that didn't work out. I have turned 180 degrees because I'm not sure where to draw the line. Or maybe I should get ideas to how I banter more?

Any feedback is welcome! What could I have done better? What is good to be aware of during workplace seduction? etc.

 

[Hue]

A-jay,

That's good to view it as practice man, no point in ruminating.

I've never been at a party with co-workers (although I'm attending a Xmas one this Sunday), so don't have experience with your exact situation.

However, I have been in an open relationship with a co-worker at one of my jobs for a little over a month now.
To set that in motion I used things like a lingering handshake on introduction, asking her about her initial interest in our research lab/her major, asking about her tattoos, and being myself.

I got her number right quick because she ate most of that^ up, and set up dinner later that week. She persisted quite a bit, but eventually I got her from hooking up 1st date to fucking the next (we went to my favorite bar and saw multiple groups I'm friends with, probably helped she saw more of me outside the lab). We never talked or talk about work when we're together.

Basically, I'd recommend removing your relationship with one another away from the work scene entirely. I'd get her number and get her on a date as soon as possible - maybe get her # after work, or in a nonchalant, unassuming way if you're around all your coworkers.

Unless there's a serious relationship in the work place, I think it's sort of frowned upon because of what the effects on working together could be. Keep it between you and don't kiss and tell, ja'feel?

Best of luck and keep it real

Hueman

 

[Lover]

Hey Hueman, just read your sweet LR from your work party, good job bro

I got her number right quick because she ate most of that^ up, and set up dinner later that week. She persisted quite a bit, but eventually I got her from hooking up 1st date to fucking the next (we went to my favorite bar and saw multiple groups I'm friends with, probably helped she saw more of me outside the lab). We never talked or talk about work when we're together.

Basically, I'd recommend removing your relationship with one another away from the work scene entirely. I'd get her number and get her on a date as soon as possible - maybe get her # after work, or in a nonchalant, unassuming way if you're around all your coworkers.

Unless there's a serious relationship in the work place, I think it's sort of frowned upon because of what the effects on working together could be. Keep it between you and don't kiss and tell, ja'feel?

I was just looking for a quick fuck. She was the only one that looked somewhat interested in me at the party, and I wanted her to know my intentions. But as I'm reading my FR now, I can see how fast I was really moving - which is too fast for my current level of game. She was comfortable talking to me, but that's about it. She had talked about herself, I had talked about myself. I couldn't think of ways to keep the conversation going and did what I thought was right at the moment: move things forward. Maybe I moved too much forward

The good thing is, my position in the organisation (and hers as well) is one where they mail us available tasks, and I'm handed some of the tasks that I apply for. But these tasks are to be done individually, so I'm never going to see her when I'm working. Our leaders arrange a couple of meetings every year where we are all assembled (something like the training program I mentioned in my first post), and there are also two or three parties for the whole organisation. As you have guessed by now, I won't see her that much, and I probably shouldn't be afraid that she will ruin my reputation.

I actually did what you described on my other job (made her give me a ride back home one day and offered to teach her some salsa at my place), but that girl ended up flaking. Next time I saw her, she apologized that she didn't leave a message (that was her words, but her tone didn't sound apologetic at all ). I said "that's cool, I've had my head full anyway". No bad vibes between us. We understood what we meant.

You're probably right about getting away from the work place and not talking about work. Isolating the girl is important.. but I think my conversation with Cathlyn lacked what you had with your girl: the right vibe. You said you got her number because how she just ate your firsthand impression up. I don't think I even came close to that this time. I just assumed attraction based on her non-verbals. But had I not tried to move things forward, I wouldn't have known how she felt about me. I might still have wondered if she were into me at all. And even if she is, I played wrong

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Let's see at the summer party if she's still single lol

a-jay

 

[Hue]

Thanks man, let's just hope my boss never finds out (;

That could be both a good and a bad thing if you don't see her too often. On one hand, if you kill small interactions with her, you can build up your sexy / charismatic vibe, with little room for fuck ups. If you don't see her at all, then you're still a stranger.

Even saying hi with a sexy smile could help out a lot, and her emotions have probably died down a bit since your last interaction with her. Until you see her next, I'd say just get more experience with women outside the workplace, use that same magic when you run into her, and pretend like your not coworkers.

Best of luck my man

Hueman

 

[skin_man]

Just to add to what Hueman has said,
No pattern of offices are set in stone so if you have made a 180 degree turn from being the entertaining guy, why not go full 180 degrees and appear sexual.

Your haircut, clothes and shoes. Your eye contact, gait and voice. And have some cool photos done which you only show yourself with cute ladies.

This and some great conversation skills.. Basic enough is all you should get together first. Should take a week or two to fix.

After this, you may expect to find ladies eye you and draw near to you. From there you can respond to approach invites and lead things to a close.

It's practice.

Happy New Year