Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed?

[Bboy100]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

Oh Pry,

If this is something which is truly holding you back in life, then perhaps drastic measures are required. Consider a career change. As I understand it, the Nightlife industry is just like High School and College. There's just as much elitism, Cliquishness, objectively more popular and less popular people etc. Maybe it would be worth it for you to work there for a while so you can satiate your thirst. Then you'll be able to move on with your life.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

I read this thread and it brought me back to the guys I know as adults who are always hungry, always just wanting more. Even when they have it all, every day they wake up hungry. Not only those guys but also the douchebags I've known who were douchebags well after school, that sense of anger and always wanting to prove something was still there. The kinds of guys that just can't enjoy a nice situation or take it easy, there is always that motor, hunger, that powerful ambition, and that chip on the shoulder that just keeps going.

Makes me think that there is something to these high school and college years, when you are surrounded by others your own age going through the same things as you are in life, that has a massive impact on a guy's personality well into adulthood. A character that I am kinda reminded of is Tony Stark, the cocky arrogant douchebag who always has to prove something to everyone or be the center of attention in the room.

In some way this thread might have given me some insight into why some of these guys are the way they are as adults. A mixture of always wanting that spotlight, not getting it in a certain period of their lives, and then when they do better their circumstances they always want it.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

Oh Pry,

If this is something which is truly holding you back in life, then perhaps drastic measures are required. Consider a career change. As I understand it, the Nightlife industry is just like High School and College. There's just as much elitism, Cliquishness, objectively more popular and less popular people etc. Maybe it would be worth it for you to work there for a while so you can satiate your thirst. Then you'll be able to move on with your life.

Is a career change really necessary? I've known a few people who bartend on the side and manage to get a second job in the nightlife industry. I don't know how doable that might be but I've definitely seen people working as programmers, accountants, and nurses (women) get side gigs in the nightlife industry.

Unless you're a doctor or doing investment banking, at which point you probably wouldn't even have the time to be on this forum, I don't think a career change is really that necessary as you can just do it on the side.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

This stuff used to get me down all the time, still does from time to time, being that I wasn't one of the cool kids in my school days either. After looking more into this sort of thing myself, I've learned so much about why people do what they do. Why parents pushed their kids to be popular in high school, why kids in high school & college valued social standing so much, why heavy lifting was encouraged in adolescence, and how the nightlife scene tends to take advantage of these desires of being popular among adults. I've also learned why so many guys have this strong affinity for blonde bombshells, it's not just the looks but what these women symbolize. Most importantly, why PUA or groups close to it have such a large following and appeal to so many younger guys.

Popularity is also special in those school years because it has that exclusive feeling attached to it, that's what does it for most guys. Now I could go into detail about it but everyone in the thread has done that, so I'll go another direction. We realize that the issue is ultimately validation, pride, and that need to becoming popular. The only solution I can really think of to this issue is to play that sort of game at whatever stage of life you're in, however it's supposed to be. We can all agree that the only solution is to move forward and think ahead, not get so caught up in the past.

Get a bit of your redemption while you can but much easier said than done because......

Unfortunately, there is this confusing fucked up bitch called adulthood where cool is confusing and maybe it doesn't even exist. Maybe its the meaning we attach to adulthood, whereas dating in youth is about excitement, love, intimacy, and hedonism; in adulthood its about stability and growing up. Stuff like that is the kind of stuff that makes a lot of guys who missed out and are trying to make up for lost time take their TVs and throw them out the window.

We can preach about self-esteem, recommend self-help books, recommend therapy, and talk about all of that junk but in reality, it will do no good. I think it's like telling a virgin sex isn't all that special, it's true but you won't really break through to him.

Somehow, someway, this is an issue that has to be tackled head on instead of ignored. I do hope that some experts in the game one day write about it and try to find a fix for it because I feel like this desire for popularity and validation from the game affects a lot more guys than we (or even they themselves) are willing to admit.

I've learned to kinda just live with this sort of stuff over time, distract myself from thinking about it too much, but do wish that there was a fix for it.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

I think it is so clear that the only thing that will really fix it isn't therapy but instead actually engaging in it so some extent so I have some proposals.

1 - Go fuck a ton of blonde bombshells, I mean these women embody the exact lifestyle you missed out on, go fuck a ton of them.

2 - Bartending or something in nightlife as Bboy said but you say you work in finance in one of your reports so not sure if it is worth it at that point. I think you can look into going into ownership or some sort of role like that once you get enough money.

3 - Broadcast your fun lifestyle on social media, try to get as many followers as possible, and go from there.

At this point, we can at least suggest some actions instead of talking about seeing a therapist (which is a horrible idea).

 

[Inbocca]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

I think you can look into going into ownership or some sort of role like that once you get enough money.

I work in this industry and know a few bar/club/restaurant owners in ASU territory. Those who own multiple successful businesses have time and money to do what they want but it takes years of working all day every day to get there. Might have some fun times along the way of you go into the club scene but it's a ton of work for little short-term gain.

And therapy is mostly just teaching you how to help yourself. GC can do the same for way less money if you use it right.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

I think you can look into going into ownership or some sort of role like that once you get enough money.

I work in this industry and know a few bar/club/restaurant owners in ASU territory. Those who own multiple successful businesses have time and money to do what they want but it takes years of working all day every day to get there. Might have some fun times along the way of you go into the club scene but it's a ton of work for little short-term gain.

And therapy is mostly just teaching you how to help yourself. GC can do the same for way less money if you use it right.

OP works in finance, I am thinking he should be good to go in terms of cash when he enters his 30s and by then he can try and pursue some roles in the service industry that allow him to live out the fun experiences.

I've always been curious about Tempe, PM me when you get the chance, I have some questions.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

I think the answer to the original question is to stop posting about it on the GC boards. Maybe then y'all in the "college years wasted" club would stop triggering each other lol

Nick

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

I think the answer to the original question is to stop posting about it on the GC boards. Maybe then y'all in the "college years wasted" club would stop triggering each other lol

Nick

I say, why not post about it?

So many guys will get to a point where they will sleep with a ton of women yet still feel like losers or go into the game for the wrong reasons. it is supposd to be important to actually learn how to get laid for newbies and handle relationships but when you have someone as broken as op is, my reasoning is that it is good to go more advanced and address that issue. It isn't just OP either, I see this issue coming up for a lot of guys and when they don't know how to handle it, well you get that unhappy douche with a short temper who ends up being everyone's horrible boss.

solutions I proposed are a start, my thoughts are that getting it out of your system by experiencing something remotely similar to it to some degree is a good first step.

 

[PrettyDecent]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

Discussion was already had. Thoughts proposed. No solution yet. It's been a year +

Anyway, I'm outta this thread homies!

Nick

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

Discussion was already had. Thoughts proposed. No solution yet. It's been a year +

Anyway, I'm outta this thread homies!

Nick

True shit but I did offer some solutions later on, lets see what others think about them.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

A lot of what OP pedestalizes are experiences that a select group of people in the country get to live. Suburban upbringing, usually white (since white parents are laid back in many ways compared to oriental ones), and going to schools where most kids are a lot like them. I missed out on the high school experience but got a taste of it in college when I rushed a fraternity.

I went to a high school in California that was in an impoverished district, those kids did not party hard as they were mostly broke and their upbringings were not so happy go lucky. In a way that is what high school and to an extent college are all about, what your parents did for you. Even the college kids I knew who came from true poverty and worked through college never had the "college experience".

If you didn't have that sort of privileged upbringing, you were going to have a tough time being one of the cool kids unless you lucked out and got a sports scholarship.

The best thing to do would be to move forward and see what the higher status and trendy people of your age range (20s and out of college) are doing. A lot of my brothers who majored in business fields are getting decent offers to move to big cities for their accounting and finance jobs. Many of them are living in the hip and trendy areas of their city where partying and all that is easy.

Go out, try to associate with people in the hip and trendy areas, let go of the hate towards them, and make friends with them. By doing that, you will slowly be a part of that crowd and get perceived as higher status by the virtue of it. I can see this going wrong if you come off as desperate and try hard but I think that if you have a hook to get you into some of these crowds, it will do wonders.

Maybe a common activity that people in this crowd take part in (beer leagues, intramurals, or music scene) would be a good start, the more upscale for a 20 something the better.

 

[Grand Pooba]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

The best thing to do would be to move forward and see what the higher status and trendy people of your age range (20s and out of college) are doing.

Go out, try to associate with people in the hip and trendy areas, let go of the hate towards them, and make friends with them. By doing that, you will slowly be a part of that crowd and get perceived as higher status by the virtue of it. I can see this going wrong if you come off as desperate and try hard but I think that if you have a hook to get you into some of these crowds, it will do wonders.

YESSSS!!!! EXACTLY!
Both very constructive feedback comments, please take note.
Learn to get along with all kinds of people, especially the ones who you *think* dislike you. A lot of the time it is all in our heads, and we're just projecting.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

I like the turn this thread has taken too but now I am almost forced to ask, what are the so called popular people and cool kids doing after college in their 20s anyways? Do any activities and groups attract them?

Franco said a lot of good things about EDM a while back but I'd like to know more about this since I was in a similar situation as OP, though it doesn't bother me nearly as much.

 

[Bboy100]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

what are the so called popular people and cool kids doing after college in their 20s anyways? Do any activities and groups attract them?

I dunno about college students. I would assume they all get jobs in their respective fields. So the answer would be that they probably don't congregate in one place. As for "popular kids in high school"...here's a study you all might find interesting: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1 ... 0/abstract

 

[The Tool]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

For me. All of the "popular kids" and I mean ALL of them. From my graduating class of about 350. Are pretty much doing nothing with their lives. Most of them knocked up a girl shortly after high school, and none of them have a degree past a 2 year associates. Its actually quite interesting to see the popular kids and even the popular "bullies" not succeeding. You would think excellent social skills would correlate to increased performance in the work place and even school. But knocking up a girl you got because of those "early adept" social skills really can hinder where you go in life.

So instead of regretting "not having those early sexual and party like experiences" relish in that you did not. You probably focused on academics. Which in my opinion is the better option anyway. So you are succeeding in ways in which they could not even imagine. Its goes from you jealous of them in high school because they are partying and getting laid to them jealous of you because at 30 you have a hot wife and a PHD. Where as they are 30. divorced. And working in a kitchen somewhere for $9.25 an hour.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

Tool:

A PhD isn't really worth it IMO, many years of living on a stipend just to specialize in one very small subject? No thanks! A lot I've known end up becoming post docs and regretting their decisions. Same with getting married to a hot wife, fuck that, I prefer to be a bachelor with his shit together who can enjoy life without being tied down in a relationship.

To comment on your post, I didn't see it play out like that at all, not with popular kids in high school and especially not with the ones in college. It is well documented that students in Greek Life, on average, have much higher grades. How successful you end up in life really comes down to how successful your parents were and generally, people don't go down a social class. Most of the times people either stay at where they are or maybe move up, learned that in a sociology class.

Moving on, with the cool kids in college, I noticed that the ones at my university were the ones who were getting offers at Big 4 accounting firms, Wall Street, getting into med school, and other great options. Even looking at it now, I am surprised to see how sorority girls I knew who were in the prettier sororities ended up moving to major cities such as NYC or LA and getting decent work in advertising and other careers.

I found that it was the depressed loners (which I was through most of college) and people without many social connections who ended up moving back home after college, ending up unemployed, getting work as baristas, and trying to piece their lives together.

 

[The Tool]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

PHD is worth it definitely. Depends what you obtain it in. Mine will be in relationship psychology/therapy. (working on it now)

Guess we can agree to disagree on our definitions of success and what we want to obtain out of life. Some people like myself prefer to embrace intellect and the brain evolution gave us. Some like to relish in hedonistic tendencies and use the penis evolution gave them. To each their own.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

True but it is objective in some regards man.

Just like in high school and college, the brainy types were for the most part rejected by hot girls while the party animals got them. My view is that if you are a brainy type of guy who prefers to stay indoors and pursue intellectual things, that's great, but you will rarely be perceived as cool or popular like OP wants to be. You will always be seen as a "nerd" and regardless of age, hot girls hate nerds. Hot girls only love nerds when they are past their prime in terms of looks and want a free meal ticket, some sucker to leech off of.

OP is trying to be the latter so getting a PHD won't do him any good.

 

[Franco]

Re: Chase & Franco: How can late bloomers stop being haunted by what they missed

Locking this thread.

Good information has already been given in this thread. Try it or don't try it. The topic is extremely abstract, so further discussion is just speculation at best.

- Franco