Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about crowds

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Chase,

I've been reading a lot of articles on GC lately and loved the one article about law of social exchange.

While I do read more about developing the fundamentals to be a sexy man and getting all of that down, one thing that confuses me a lot about the social world are the crowds. Maybe it is because I was an engineer in college and we tend to see things from an overhead sort of view and want it broken down objectively.

My question while reading this articles is how do the crowds differ between high status people and low status people (excuse my harsh language) now that you're in the adult world?

Like in high school, the weird kids with odd hobbies who struggled socially were in one group while the group with hot girls and high status guys were with another, what is the adult world version of this? How do you differentiate between the high value circles and lower value ones?

How the crowds the guy with tight fundamentals and a high value runs with vary from that of a guy that doesn't have those?

Like on a socioeconomic scale, an engineer and accountant are both wealthy enough and make money but both professions also have a lot of awkward guys and don't exactly get hot girls wet, so I feel like it has more to do with it than just money alone.

 

[Richard]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

Hopefully Chase chimes in but my experience with this is that you're talking about fields where the guys who succeed have innate qualities that don't equate to sociability. Often times, the smarter and more intelligent you are the more it hurts your ability to socialize early on because you're missing key components that make it easier for people to socialize with you (not talking adulthood here, I'm talking adolescence,etc.)

So, because these guys are smart/intelligent and a little weird they miss out on the opportunities to learn to socialize and it carries with them through high school, past college, and into adulthood. Your working models of how the world/social environment work become very different; as you said, engineers and science-based guys want to break things down and look at things numerically which isn't exactly the most socially savvy thing to do. I still have some issues with this because I was a nerd in high school (fuck it, I'm still a nerd ) and had to learn to be social but my girlfriend still complains that sometimes I "analyze too much."

Anyway, the crowds don't really change; the guys who were social stay social while the weird kids, nerds, brainiacs, etc. either find like-minded people or become loners, in most cases. Keep in mind that because the weird kids, etc. never learned to properly socialize they have a hard time making friends even when surrounded by other weird kids and what not.

A good example is actually present in your post;

Like on a socioeconomic scale, an engineer and accountant are both wealthy enough and make money but both professions also have a lot of awkward guys and don't exactly get hot girls wet, so I feel like it has more to do with it than just money alone.

Only a guy who thinks logically or scientifically would analyze something like this and try to figure out it's piece in the puzzle, which is a good thing but when you spend that much time looking at pieces you forget about the bigger picture. One last thing; most guys who are weird and who have traits/qualities that make them more apt for science/accounting/engineering/etc. are usually guys think that being "social" is just an ability you're born with and they never stop to think that being social is a "skill" and that it can be actively improved; for some reason, guys never think about that until they're told it can be approached that way!

-Richard

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

Anyway, the crowds don't really change.

That is what my question was then, crowds.

As Americans we both know that the "cool crowds" in the school days (both high school and college) involved sports teams, fraternities/sororities, and those types of scenes. What crowds do the more socially savvy, higher value, and "cool" type of people congregate to in adulthood?

 

[Richard]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

Gotcha,

Keep in mind; the people who are most socially savvy in high school tend to gravitate towards sports/frats/etc. because it's what's "defined" as being "cool." Not many people are ACTUALLY cool in the sense that they provide quality value to everyone, even the nerds, etc. So, most people who were "cool" in high school start to gravitate towards what is "defined" as being cool in adulthood which, in most cases, is the night life scene.

Also, the people who are legitimately "cool" tend to pursue their own thing and don't congregate much. People only want huge social circles so they have easy access to high quality women and other high quality people but when you develop high quality game and can get laid without those extras then you tend to let them fade. So, I'd argue that "cool" people don't really congregate anywhere because they're off doing something more personally fulfilling, but the people who were in the frats/sports/etc. tend to get involved in nightlife stuff - keep in mind these were guys who got laid a lot in high school.

The guys I know who consistently get laid today are pretty big on "nerd" stuff; anime, EDM, and what not. The guy with the highest lay count I know practically orgasms over anime conventions =P So, maybe you need to clarify what your definition of "cool," "high-status," and "low-status" are, as well, because what is socially accepted isn't what's realistic or practical in this sense. Nobody I know that currently succeeds in day-game or other avenue of "game" consciously maintains a big social circle, because they simply don't have the time.

-Richard

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

People only want huge social circles so they have easy access to high quality women and other high quality people

That is what I meant by cool, the people who are a part of big social circles full of hot women and high quality people.

I'd rather be a guy who fucks 1 or 2 different women a year but has an amazing social life as opposed to a daygamer that fucks 100+ women a year but has a lackluster one.

 

[Richard]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

There's nothi my about being a day-gamer that makes your social circle lackluster; it just becomes more restrictive and high quality. I have the luxury of only hanging out with people who are great fits for me but you don't really have that luxury while trying to maintain a huge social circle.

Its definitely one of those things you have to have or be a part of before you realize how mentally exhausting it is. This isn't just a norm for me, I'm in contact with a lot of guys who have amazing social lives and their story mirrors mine. Live and learn!

-Richard

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

There's nothi my about being a day-gamer that makes your social circle lackluster; it just becomes more restrictive and high quality. I have the luxury of only hanging out with people who are great fits for me but you don't really have that luxury while trying to maintain a huge social circle.

Its definitely one of those things you have to have or be a part of before you realize how mentally exhausting it is. This isn't just a norm for me, I'm in contact with a lot of guys who have amazing social lives and their story mirrors mine. Live and learn!

-Richard

Well I would rather prefer a huge social circle but worry if people even do that after college.

 

[Chase]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

Altair-

Status is less defined by clique in the adult world and more defined by personal qualities and value provision.

It's also very scene-dependent. e.g., the wine bar crowd has a very different impression of who is high status and who is low than the elite ghetto nightclub crowd. If the haughty wine bar girl wanders into the elite ghetto club they'll treat her like a dumb clueless broad way out of her depth. Meanwhile if the baller elite ghetto club guy wanders into the wine bar they'll treat him like a clueless thug who doesn't realize how lost at sea he seems.

Otherwise, all the rules apply. What value do you provide? What value are you expected to provide in the future? It all feeds into it.

It sounds like what you want is to be an events organizer. The guy at the center of a big MeetUp group, or a promoter for a nightclub, or a guy who hosts after parties like Alek talked about before.

I have some experience building big circles as an events organizer (as well as a few false starts before I pulled it off), and had picked the brains of some big events organizers before I tried my own hand at it. So maybe I'll do a post on this.

Chase

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

Not really Chase.

I guess what I was getting at is that when we were in high school and college, hot girls ran in certain crowds and those certain crowds had an abundance of hot girls. A good example of this is Greek Life in college as sorority girls are generally some of the most attractive girls on campus and in certain state schools, most hot girls are in a sorority.

But on a bigger scale, you look at it, there is that division. The more introverted nerdy people are in one clique while the good looking party people are in another. Party scene, hot girls, and a lot of the big talks of campus tend to revolve around that crowd.

What is the adult version of that? So lets say as a guy in his 30s, I make a lot of money and I have my life together yet I want to surround myself with that crowd of hot girls and party people, where do they congregate or are they all just married with kids at that time?

How do I center my social life to where I am getting hot girls as a virtue of my social life? Like what crowds and types of groups in adulthood draw a lot of attractive women and fun people?

Like where is that "in crowd" or high status crowd. Kinda piggybacking off of your blonde bombshell article here to more or less ask where is that crowd of people after 30 although I have more than 5 years till 30 but I rather plan ahead.

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

Not really Chase.

Altair,

You asked a question and Chase answered it for you. He showed you an underlying social pattern based on socioeconomics, i.e., how cool means one thing to one crowd and another to a different crowd.

You somehow turned that into yet another venting of "I was a loser in college, still am a loser, and want to not to be a loser anymore." I actually cannot fathom how you manage to get dressed in the morning. If you were nice about your cluelessness, I'd be more willing to help you, but not only do you incessantly whine, you don't actually take the advice given to you. People take time out of their day to try and help you, despite us knowing that you probably won't actually read what we write, and then you shit all over it by either telling us we're wrong or by not applying it and bitching about how you can't do it.

Hector

 

[Ambiance]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

Someone boot Altair off the forums for Christ's sake. The guy is spewing toxin all over an otherwise good forum with his incessant and ridiculous posts. Not good for keeping guys around, or attracting new cool guys to the forums.

Ambiance

 

[Regal Tiger]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

It sounds like what you want is to be an events organizer. The guy at the center of a big MeetUp group, or a promoter for a nightclub, or a guy who hosts after parties like Alek talked about before.

I have some experience building big circles as an events organizer (as well as a few false starts before I pulled it off), and had picked the brains of some big events organizers before I tried my own hand at it. So maybe I'll do a post on this.

Chase

I would like to second this article. Because I feel like all of the articles I've read about this is kind of centered around bar/drinking and in general just parties.

I would love to have some event organizer articles that would be of great help for the above scenes, but can be universally applied to other areas as well.

Though there's a great post on the forums by (Just Dave I think?) that I have dubbed 'Building a social circle fuck ya style' lol. But again, centered around parties even though I think it's gold.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

As far as I am concerned, I was perfectly reasonable with my request for Chase and all I did was clarify my intent. Any offense that was taken from my statement, well it was not intentional on my part.

Then again Hector just gets worked up about, well everything.

There is no need to boot me off the forum either as my journal shows I am making progress, Ambiance (who has had an issue with me and seems to pick a fight with me while offer NO value to this forum) should be the one that is gone.

Outside of that I think we can continue this discussion in a civil manner.

 

[Ambiance]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

Altair, the only value you bring to this forum is in the form of a lesson to us all not to deal with blokes like you. A lesson I wish I could grasp better, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this.

Unlike you, I actually read your posts before making any brazen claims and I determined that you in fact have NOT made virtually any progress. I will commend you on breaking down approach anxiety a bit, and going out in the first place. Otherwise, you are pathetic. All you do is type up posts reiterating the same dodge-the-real-problem questions, then eviscerate any attempts from the experienced, benevolent guys on the forum to help you. I highly, highly doubt you even read the articles on the main site.

Other forumites are a lot more patient and giving than I, but I assure you that people on this forum have been tired of your antics for a long time. I'm just the one who (perhaps futilely and without proper authority) is trying to put a stop to it.

This is going to really piss you off, but I challenge you to stop posting completely for awhile and read through your journal start to finish. Recognize how long you've been despondently turning your wheels. Embrace the reality that you have wasted years with all the mental masturbation you have done. Then read everything Chase has on the site. Don't post again until you can honestly say you've read half of Chase's articles, top to bottom.

You do this and I will never bother you again. Otherwise, I will do my best to curtail the poisonous threat I see you presenting to these forums.

Your call chief.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

I was going to counter with a rant of my own but I rather not derail my own thread, I leave it in Chase's hand as he actually has both authority and credibility on here.

Looking back at my post though, and I made it in such a hurry because I had an important project coming up early in the morning, I do think I could have shown much better courtesy because "not really Chase" came off as if I was disrespecting Chase which I did not intend to do.

What I wanted to say was thank you for your suggestion Chase, but I was not looking to be an event organizer, I was looking more into what crowds I should aim to be a part of in adulthood that would give me access to a lot of attractive women in my life as well as a lot of cool guys.

For example, on the quote you said:

Status is less defined by clique in the adult world and more defined by personal qualities and value provision.

The reason this makes less sense for me as someone transitioning into adulthood is because I don't see how personal qualities and value provision can actually get you access to a lot of hot girls and crowds they would run in.

I admit it Chase, I am naive as fuck as someone who just entered his mid 20s but I have a difficult time fathoming it is what I am saying.

I feel as if a lot of people can have great personal qualities and offer "value" but still not get hot girls or be a part of the sorts of crowds hot girls would run in.

Or if there is even such a thing as "crowds" or "groups" an attractive woman in the adult world would even run in?

I might have been rude with my post Chase but I want to admit to you that I am pretty fucking lost with this shit.

Just how status would help a guy get attractive women and create a life for himself where attractive women as well as other great men would be a part of his life, or if that is just some conjured up fantasy in adulthood.

 

[Michal]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

Not really Chase.

Altair,

...

Hector,

I would say the "Not really Chase" was to address the "it sounds like you want to be an event organizer." The way I see it, Altair just wants to know what kind of "adult value" or "adult social circle" will make the most attractive girls gravitate toward him seemingly automatically. He observed that sororities have that kind of pull in college. Or being a pimp in the traditional meaning of the word. Nowadays, what I see mostly on instagram are girls on boats. But I guess "own a boat" is kind of a stretch.
I can only think of being a photographer or something. Or a friend of mine is a hair stylist, and while he said it is pretty much difficult to hit on or seduce his female clients, he is pretty cool and invites some of his (mostly female) clients to a barbecue or bowling nights. Some girls go for it, others dont.
Or an extreme like The Rock in the latest F&F movie where he trains the girl football team and there are those "moms". I mean a lot of those are there because he is a really tough and real man kind of guy but some probably because he works with children.

I guess the answer to Altair's question would be "be one of the most attractive guys out there and then do whatever you like to do because women will gravitate toward you"

 

[Chase]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

@ Altair-

What is the adult version of that? So lets say as a guy in his 30s, I make a lot of money and I have my life together yet I want to surround myself with that crowd of hot girls and party people, where do they congregate or are they all just married with kids at that time?

Yeah, you've got to realize, most people after 30 are married. Or they partied a lot in their 20s and are over it now. If you're looking to be the "cool guy who goes out" in his 30s, you're looking at a much smaller group of people.

There are the lower/middle tier upper class "cool" people. That's going to things like wine tastings, art gallery openings, charity events, and the like. Some of the middle tier ones get to more exclusive parties, like yacht parties, mansion parties, etc.

There are the drug-using partiers. Most of these folks still active in their 30s have more subdued party lifestyles. They go to lounges, smaller after parties, and mostly all know each other from their partying days in their 20s. Lots of former bar staff in these crowds - former DJs, former bartenders, etc. Often they're still single in their 30s because they partied and hooked up hardcore their entire 20s. Or sometimes they're freshly divorced and linking back up with some of their old compatriots still in the party scene.

There are the professionally successful guys. These are the guys with rapidly advancing careers who make a lot of money, travel a bunch, and run in a click of ambitious, energetic, successful guys. Some of them are bachelors, some of them are married. But they all go out, get VIP tables, travel to Las Vegas, etc., and hook up with random girls. Their social circles are typically large male/buddy circles, but it's easy for them to meet women wherever they party because they're a group of confident, clearly high status males.

And there are the expats. Again, mostly males. Most of the female expats have married by their early 30s. And once they divorce they tend to stay rooted in their home countries. But there are cool groups of 30-something expat males in many countries. Like the professionally successful guys, some of these guys will be single, some won't be. But they'll mostly all take new girls from time to time. These guys will do things like get massages, go on small group trips to places they can ski or surf, etc. Sometimes they'll bring their wives and girlfriends along or sometimes they'll go just the boys and bang new girls (or just hang out).

The whole "hanging out with large groups of people" phenomenon is mostly tied to young people who are crammed together in weird, unnatural settings (high school, university). You can create this for a time in your twenties by joining the party lifestyle. But eventually you realize it's pretty pointless, and you come to prefer small groups of cool people over big groups of faceless randoms.

The saddest thing you will ever see is a bar filled with single divorcés in their 40s and 50s, the men in suits, the women in flashy dresses, trying to pick each other up and shag. You walk into a place like this and are like, "It's like they just failed so hard they had to try to relive their 20s again." I've been to bars like this a few times and it's always depressing.

The cool guy in his 30s shags girls from his work. Or girls he meets at the coffee shop. Or some girl he picks up at the bar he goes to to pound a few drinks back. He isn't trying to join some group of people and be The Man anymore. That's for kids.


@ Regal Tiger-

I would like to second this article. Because I feel like all of the articles I've read about this is kind of centered around bar/drinking and in general just parties.

I would love to have some event organizer articles that would be of great help for the above scenes, but can be universally applied to other areas as well.

Though there's a great post on the forums by (Just Dave I think?) that I have dubbed 'Building a social circle fuck ya style' lol. But again, centered around parties even though I think it's gold.

Okay, noted.

Even if this is not what Altair wants, I'd still like to do a post (or two?) on this. I think it'd be a fun topic. And I've been trying to do more "lifestyle" stuff in general now... since I feel that's a topic we've devoted less time and attention to than we probably should have.

Chase

 

[Regal Tiger]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

@ Regal Tiger-
Okay, noted.

Even if this is not what Altair wants, I'd still like to do a post (or two?) on this. I think it'd be a fun topic. And I've been trying to do more "lifestyle" stuff in general now... since I feel that's a topic we've devoted less time and attention to than we probably should have.

Chase

Very much appreciated on the lifestyle in general articles my good man.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Re: Chase I am loving recent articles about social life but a question about cro

Hi Chase,

Thanks for getting to the nitty gritty and answering my question about this. I guess to get to the root of it all, I really just want to grow my social network by a significant margin. At times I see these college kids with 1k followers on IG and tons of likes on photos as well as pics of them in large groups or doing stuff with friends, I want that but for my 30s.

It is like for a while I was the quiet kid without much social prowess and now I want that social reach in my life but wonder if celeb status is the only way to get it.

I think you answered the question well and I am grateful for it but also, given today's trends that marriage is becoming less common and people don't grow up as they used to, do you think that there could potentially be a hope for the kind of life I want in my 30s?