Chasing vs. Persistence

[Corsica]

Hey everyone,

I have a couple questions just to clarify some things about flaking. In Richard's article on Latinas he talks about how they flake and has an example of him persisting over text to get a girl out that was saying she was busy. My question is, how do you handle this without it looking like you're chasing?

For instance, last night at about 9:30 I texted a girl asking about her schedule this week so we could meet up. She didn't get back to me until 10 this morning and while the text was very friendly she said that she doesn't think she can this week because she's busy with finals. We know each other through mutual friends and I'm pretty sure she likes me. She said in the same text that maybe we'll see each other around new years when everyone gets together.

So what do you suggest I do here? Should I be more persistent and try to pin her down for a day this week over text? Or should I just say "yeah maybe I'll see you then" and forget about it? Thanks!

 

[Just_Dave]

Circumstance

Hey Corsica,

I'm to dissect this to the very core so bare with me: I will examine things from various aspects to give you the best results relating to your circumstance. I will try to keep everything in perspective based off the information you've given me to work off of. If after reading if there is a detail you forget to share, please do.

Chasing vs Persistence:
Chasing on a basic level is doing anything with a girl that isn't leading to you guys hooking up.
-Shopping
-Partying with her and her friends
-Having lunch with her and her friends
-Trying to be around her constantly in hopes she likes him back
-Being needy

Persistence is going after a girl but it keeping it sexual who out the process until he ultimately bed her or he says whatever and moves on
-Consistently attempting to get her out alone and making a move
-Declining her "fun", "friendly", and "social" activities
-Not being her there whenever she needs something
-No being afraid to drop her for two weeks and then resuming and trying again at a later time
-Asking her out maybe up to five different occasions after she's declined the first 4

Social Circle: Now the impending problem I see here is trying to get away from the social dynamic. Not to be critical but unless the "like" came from a romantic context then this is simply a hunch or an allegation we are working off of. No big deal if she wasn't in your social circle . . .
Because if things went awry you could drop her and act like nothing happened

Now to share what can help you, don't get so caught up in the replying back and forth of the text messages. If anything you want to kind of move these interactions to more of an face to face to gauge if she actually likes you. You don't want things to get weird in your social circle and make the rest of the group feel uncomfortable with you.

Rescheduling note: She reschedule for the group outing, not a date outing. This goes back to my earlier comment about going of an "hunch that she liked you". A reply wouldn't really be necessary, its more of trying to wait to she if she texts back in the meantime. Otherwise wait till you may or may not see her at the group outing.

New Years: Isolate her
Get her to talk to you alone, flirt, make sexy eye contact, don't forget to touch but not too much . . . remember you're trying to gauge and see if these allegations can ultimately go somewhere. If everything seems good make a move . . . if not now you know for certain that it was just a hunch that turned out to be nothing the whole time. If you really want to see if she likes you, you could bring another girl who's a friend of yours to the party to help you better access if the friend likes you.
-Preselection
-Possible Jealousy
+ If she doesn't have any feelings for you, she won't be bothered or feel threatened by the new girl

Questions, comments, concerns

Just Dave

 

[Corsica]

Thanks Just Dave!

That is some great information. So you're basically saying that as long as an interaction is maintained within my frame (sexual) and is not needy it will not be seen as chasing?

This girl had told me that I looked good with facial hair and had asked me to go to a party with her so it seemed that she like me. Do you ever see times when a girl says she can't get together even when she is interested like in Richard's article here?: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-have-sex-latinas

Also, I'm thinking it would be a good idea to respond to her last text, just to make sure she doesn't think I'm feeling hurt or rejected, but so that she knows it's no big deal to me. Your thoughts?

Thanks again!

 

[Just_Dave]

Thanks Just Dave!

That is some great information. So you're basically saying that as long as an interaction is maintained within my frame (sexual) and is not needy it will not be seen as chasing?

Yes, that's the idea

This girl had told me that I looked good with facial hair and had asked me to go to a party with her so it seemed that she like me. Do you ever see times when a girl says she can't get together even when she is interested like in Richard's article here?: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-have-sex-latinas

Thanks again!

Compliments: Girls love to give them and to receive them
If she said while caressing your face, then she likes you.
If she said it with a smile and a friendly way, just a compliment my friend.

Parties:
Well, I'm going to be straight forward here, going to a party with a girl is actually not the best time to get intimate with her. Unless you've already been hooking up with her, but even in that circumstance you'd want to push for just you and her to be alone. If anything when you go to a party the girl is looking to have "fun" in that instance and not sex. Chase talks about this in his book about meeting a girl in different modes, the way they interact with you. Whether they're in fun mode or even they want sex mode.

Girls will throw out alternatives but they're more centered around fun and not hooking up because they want to take things slow. They're biologically wired for this, it's nothing against you. They just want to make sure you'll stick around after sex.

Interested?: Yes
Girls love you when you walk away because they realize that you've stopped going after them, and not they have to make a choice of how bad they want you. I've done this a lot and still have girls coming back to me and openly asking me what happened between us. Unfortunately for them I was either with a girlfriend or not in the same city to be bothered.

 

[Corsica]

Ok thanks!

So I guess I won't respond to her text and see what happens.

Just for clarification: in my second post when I say she invited me to a party, I'm referring to an earlier time a couple weeks ago when she invited me to a party out of the blue, not the New Years Eve party of the first post.

THanks again!

 

[Just_Dave]

Ok thanks!

So I guess I won't respond to her text and see what happens.

Just for clarification: in my second post when I say she invited me to a party, I'm referring to an earlier time a couple weeks ago when she invited me to a party out of the blue, not the New Years Eve party of the first post.

THanks again!

Oh that makes sense about the party, well she sounds like a cool girl and I wish you the best. The cool thing is she invites you to different parties and what not and that's always cool. Be sure to keep me posted and I wish you the best.

 

[Franco]

Corsica,

That is some great information. So you're basically saying that as long as an interaction is maintained within my frame (sexual) and is not needy it will not be seen as chasing?

To add to this, "chasing" also consists of trying to get (sexual) investment from a girl, having her decline, and then still trying again repeatedly when she isn't ready to do so -- this still comes across as needy.

So in order to not "chase" a girl who you are trying to move things towards sex with, you need to make sure that you become aloof when she has clearly turned down your offers to get together. At that point, she'll begin to realize that she had an opportunity to be with a man who was direct and willing to move the interaction forward (which is attractive to women), so she'll take a step back and try to chase you because she can see that you're not the type of guy who's going to hang around long if she doesn't move things forward with you. That conveys that you are high value (because you seemingly have other options, so you don't care one way or another if she goes out with you), and that is going to make her curious about you.



- Franco

 

[Prehistoric]

Corsica's situation reminds me a little of one personal situation from June, before I started reading anything about dating etc..

I met this girl in a social circle, and about the third time we met (I guess that was kinda late..) I told her we should meet alone to drink/eat something. She said she couldn't, she didn't know when she had time etc..

I didn't see her for one week. One week later she sends me a FB message telling me some mutual friends of ours were organizing some sort of excursion. I told her I way busy and I couldn't. I was cool and polite yet less warm than previously (I say this because I had a problem in the past of getting mean and super-cold with girls after rejections - which I think now it is not useful - I had to work a lot on staying polite and cool)

Now my questions (which given the situation described by Corsica probably apply to him too) are:

1) was it ok for me to decline her invitation to this social/group event?
2) for the future, was it ok to stop asking her out after the first time given the situation or should I have asked her out a couple of times more before forgetting all about her?

 

[Thedoctor]

Corsica,

Here's a great article to go with the advice already provided: https://www.girlschase.com/content/why-c ... tence-does

-Doc

 

[Corsica]

Thanks guys!

This girl ended up texting me yesterday, but kind of has me scratching my head. She texted "Merry Christmas! I hope you have a great day and know that I am grateful to call you my friend "
Now first off, this could be a group text to all of our group, but I'm not sure. I tend to think not. But then what was the purpose of her sending this text? Is she trying to friendzone me? Why would she text me at all just to friendzone me?

Also Franco, you say that "chasing" also consists of trying to get (sexual) investment from a girl, having her decline, and then still trying again repeatedly when she isn't ready to do so". I'm wondering then, is there a difference in person vs. over the phone, texting etc. For example how does one persist in trying to get physical with a girl when she resisting without looking needy?