FU Class promising approach leads to nothing

[journeyman]

I had a class at uni, something which happens very rarely. Just before the lecture starts, cute girl comes and asks if the seat next to me is taken.

I let her settle down and casually mention something about the lecture and she responds smilingly. After the lecture is done and is time for lunch break I reopen, and I keep talking as we are walking towards the exit, finding out where she is from etc immediately teasing her. Another guy that I know is following us now because we were supposed to get lunch together. I am deciding on whether to split up with her and reconnect later or go to eat together. She solves that problem saying that she could walk us there and eat with us.

We go to that cafeteria, this guy decides that he doesn't want to eat there so he bounces and it is just me and her left. I get her to sit with me to eat her own food while I order and we start finding out about each other. She is quite easy to talk to, so I didn't try any overgaming things basically we just vibed and I touched her incidentally and threw in the occassional teasing or chase frame. At a high point I tell her that we should hang out and how do I contact her and she tells me to grab her number (big mistake that I violated the rule of arranginge something then and there). After that, we sit in total of 1.30 hour there then I tell her to get up to go back to class. I was really getting good signals off of her, I believe I could have kissed her if I found a way to not make it awkward, being in broad daylight in between classes.

So then we get back to class, and then we split up while leaving, so after a while I text her my number and tell her to save it. She doesn't reply which I took for a very bad sign.

Today we had the same class, I sit at the exact same spot, she comes in and instead goes to seat at the front (She didn't look around so I can't know if she did it on purpose). Due to the time and effort invested I am getting like really anxious which doesn't happen with girls I know briefly and I really hated it. During break I go up to her greet her and tell her to walk with me to find some water. She does, we exchange some chit chat then as we walk back I tried to casually ask her if she got my number but came out quite unsmoothly, probably due to stress.

Then she asks where I am sitting and she decides to pick up her things and come sit with me. I read that and the compliance to walk me to my water as good signs. Then the class is done, I tell her to wait for me while I sign something and she does. We have to split so I goodbye her and ask her when she is going to join me for a drink. I honestly didn't expect that answer and she caught me completely off guard. She goes " I don't really know when I have some time, but I have your number so I will let you know" and then to make things much worse that it was nice to meet me and that she will see me around.

I only managed to say something like " see you ", I was in deep surprise, I totally thought she was down to meet. I know that asking her out during goodbye is definitely not optimal but this is what I could get going under the circumstances. I am a bit baffled as to what happened, the only thing that I can think of is that I missed an escalation window during the first day. I do believe that an escalation window existed, but there wasn't much I could do, I definitely couldn't pull before class and if I kissed her first it would destroy the tension plus it would probably be awkward in the cafeteria.

I guess it's good for mindset because I had started to think that I am the shit and that I had dates down to a sufficient degree and didn't need to work a lot on them that I only need to get approaching right. It's also interesting that I can overcome a cold approach rejection in tens of seconds and this one "hurt" for a good amount of hours which I attribute to the whole thing lasting about 2 days.

 

[Fuck This]

Don't sweat it. You planted a seed. Ball is in her court.

Early in the week is the worst time to make an open ended invite anyway.
She is going to see what her options are and choose accordingly.

If you said, "My buddy Joe plays bass in a band at the Rotten Crotch bar tonight. I told him I would help get some people in the door so they can make it a regular gig. (or any specific activity) You should come with me. Their set Kicks off at 7:00 pm. I can drive us." Then she can either accept or decline. If she declines but is genuinely is interested in you she will counter with an alternate time or date.

You have to make your intent clear, not be wishy washy.

 

[lao che]

I guess it's good for mindset because I had started to think that I am the shit

you are the shit.

however we never stop learning and we always will make mistakes no matter how good we get (and use those mistakes to aid our progress)





i know nothing about college but tworocky seems on point. in an ideal world that's how you should be asking her out. but this situation wasn't ideal. seems your cards are on the table a little bit too soon.

a better exit might have been "hey listen i gotta run off to xyz shoot me a text later. you got my number right? cool, see you around" and then exit.
asking her before that about the number was a little uncool but you already know that. in this day and age there's almost 0% chance that she didn't receive your text.

the see you around thing is a killer. she does it to you and you're like "WTF does that mean? see me around??"


well, it's gonna sting more than a reg. cold approach (IF YOU LET IT!) coz rather than some random girl you'll never see again you're gonna actually "see her around". but cool, let her see you around, let her see you being cool and sociable and flirty and pre-selected and all that other good stuff.

DON'T FORGET, you're the shit. just smile, shrug, be cool.

as an aside, there's one girl in my office i've asked out at least 5 times. she always rejects me. doesn't matter. i'm still the best she's ever gonna have she'll come 'round one day.

 

[journeyman]

@Tworocky

Thanks for the input man. I laughed at the Rotten Crotch bar, I really wish there is a bar somewhere in the world named like this.

@ lao che

You are the guardian angel of the boards lately, we all appreciate your advice.

All is fine, I got a reference point for future use. I guess I wrote the report immediately after the rejection and I come off a bit too butthurt. The reason that I wanted to arrange something on the spot is that I am not going to actually see her around again because as I said I have very few, if any classes and also because lately I've been haunted by girls changing their mind and flaking over text so I try to arrange something concrete.

Your 5-time work rejection inspires me to shoot her a text in a week or so. I guess if I do it in a cool non-needy way I might get away with persisting again after initial rejections.

Keep pimping

 

[lao che]

ha
i don't know about being a guardian angel i'm just a dude with some spare time to write some stuff on the internets


dude nothing about your report sounded butthurt, and i wasn't kidding when i said you're the shit. i read your other reports.

and that girl in my office told me yesterday she's quitting so i said "oh so that means we'll finally be able to go on a date ,-)"

ah we'll see, she's a weird one


onwards and upwards