Classmates Commiting Social Faux Pas

[James D]

Hey there,

There's a class I attend weekly in which a few guys sitting in proximity behave in socially awkward ways and commit major faux pas:

They speak to me loudly, saying: " Hey man, you staring at this girl? I SAW you! You LIKE her dude! Why don't you tell her?" Me: A WTF are you talking about facial expression. Him: "Dude that girl sitting right in front of you! You going to ask her out?" Me: Eye roll and gets back to my own business. The guys giggle among themselves like idiots. The girl heard it all obviously.

They speak bluntly and act in a socially awkward manner. This bothers the heck out of me. I did not engage them, thinking they would beat me at their own kid pleasantries and I did not want to risk losing face socially.

The fact that they speak so loudly attracts major attention. This fucks me up socially
How do I handle this situation and manage though this arena?
Any suggestions form you guys are welcomed.

High school kids are sometimes weird.

Cheers,
James D

 

[Inbocca]

If you're in high school, it's safe to assume most people aren't going to be socially adept. Many grow out of it in college, some even after that (or not at all). But in high school, kids are still gawky, immature, or otherwise downright dense. Only a few have the life experience that gives high-level social skills at that age.

Keep in mind that testing and AMOGing aren't the same as faux pas. The former is deliberate and should be met with superior maneuvering (follow the Law of Least Effort like you did and maybe give a witty quip if that will put them in their place), but the latter is a result of social ineptitude, which means if you do outmaneuver them they probably won't even realize it. If there's more of them than there are of you, it won't matter how well you follow social rules if nobody else recognizes them - you'll look like the odd one out.

Try to think about why they're doing what they're doing. If he's not trying to push you out of the running with her, what does he have to gain by calling you out like that? More than likely a chuckle out of his buddies if he gets you all embarrassed, or maybe he can tell you don't like him based on your reactions and that's his way of engaging you. In this case, acting coldly gave him what he wanted - either your perceived embarrassment or confirmation that you don't like him and he got under your skin. What I would have done would have been to sort of play along, but in a way where you're in control. Obviously he's not expecting you to actually follow his advice, certainly not in a suave manner after that obtuse introduction. Doing just that would catch him off guard completely. Give him an amused smile and say "You know, I was just thinking that very same thing." *turn to give girl full attention* "Howdy gorgeous, how's your day going?"

You're doing this in a clearly playful way, showing them you don't take yourself too seriously and their prods don't phase you. She'll pick up on that too, plus even your joking compliment is going to make her smile. While those idiots are yukking it up, you just turned their attempt at provoking you into a flirty joke in which they're no longer a part - it's just you and her now.

Best of luck,
Inbocca

 

[James D]

Keep in mind that testing and AMOGing aren't the same as faux pas. The former is deliberate and should be met with superior maneuvering (follow the Law of Least Effort like you did and maybe give a witty quip if that will put them in their place), but the latter is a result of social ineptitude, which means if you do outmaneuver them they probably won't even realize it. If there's more of them than there are of you, it won't matter how well you follow social rules if nobody else recognizes them - you'll look like the odd one out.

I never saw this from that angle. Thanks for pointing it out to me.
Well, I'll play along in a way, like you said, that I'm still in control. Hope I'll manage to pull if off correctly.


James D