Close to giving up on White, American girls

[ramirezs316]

So after reading the two new posts on women from different parts of the world (Brazil and the Philippines), I'm starting to think that culturally and socially, America just doesn't cut it sometimes. I'm referring to your archetypical white girls--blondes, brunettes, and redheads. Don't get me wrong, some of the most beautiful women in the world are typical white American girls (I still melt over hot blondes with green eyes). But for us guys who are a little outside the norm in terms of ethnicity, I'm starting to become frustrated at their ambivalence.

As an ethnically ambiguous man (seriously, I've been asked if I'm Mexican, Italian, Greek, Middle Eastern, French, Jewish), I find I can open more easily with non-white girls. It's almost automatic for me with some women (Hispanic women love me). But damn if I don't have difficulty with white girls (save for one last year, who found my race exotic, but whom I lost for other reasons). I either intimidate them or scare them outright, and if I do get numbers from them, I usually can't get them to text back. Now, it could be that for them, I need tighter fundamentals. But I still live in a college town, so I'm competing with college guys, and from what I see, most white girls stick to either white guys or black guys.

And after reading the Brazil and Philippines articles where those cultures are so much more forward and open, I'm really wishing I had the funds to travel. It's too easy sometimes to break down women by their racial features and which ones you do or don't like. I'm not trying to do that here--hot is hot. But culture and custom are two things that can't be ignored and I may be hitting a wall with that. Anyone else have this problem?

 

[LucidityComeBackToMe]

ramirezs316

I definitely can relate to your sentiments. My grade school and high school demographic makeup was mostly white so that is what I grew up being attracted to. I am Eurasian but look Asian enough that I get associated as being an "Asian guy." Every once in a while I get confused for a Latino but that is rare. I usually get asked by girls what I am when I have been on dates. I used to think white women were the most attractive and really really wanted one, lol. I tend to not like the typical ones though and I like redheads, brunettes, and blondes that are pale (skin type 1). Over the past few years they have become less and less appealing to me and I actually have more of a thing for Mid-Eastern, East Indian, Southeast Asian, and Latina women now.

Like you I can tell that my reception from white women is different than it is for non-white ones. I am convinced that if I was a white guy these women would be more responsive especially since I am pretty white washed myself (I listen to indie music that would appeal to hipsters, hardly know anything about Asian culture, and don't take off my shoes when I go inside people's houses hahaha). Interesting enough, Latina women seem to be the most responsive with me as well. Even when I was still in school it was always Latinas that made a point to try to talk to me (I am very shy) and white girls never attempted to talk to me. At the office which is a big building shared by various companies, it is always the Black women that go out of their way to say "Hi!" or "How are you doing today!" Young white women NEVER do this! The older mid-age ones are more likely. When it comes to opening doors for women, white women are the ones that are most likely not to say thank you. Well at least in my experience (anecdotal yes I know).

If you don't want to completely give up on them I would suggest going for the artsy, creative, open-minded, liberal type of white women that live in big cities. Your chances are more slim with the conservative and traditional Republican WASP types. Stay away from suburbs and small towns. Again from my experience the WASP types don't really understand ethnically mixed/ambiguous people and will put a simple label on you. They will just think of me as that "Asian guy" or think I'm Vietnamese or Chinese (lots of them in Socal). Also keep an open mind for women that are directly from Europe. I swear when I was in Paris, France I felt like I saw more interracial couples than I did same race couples. Lot of the atypical ones too (white man and black women, Asian man and white woman, etc.). I should be taking my own advice though and try dating a hipster chick.

 

[Marty]

Ramirez:

I must admit I disagree with you.

I used to live in Russia for a few years. The girls there, though many are beautiful, are terribly arrogant and bitchy. They tend to be arch-conservative and will try to drag you into a relationship, if not outright marriage. Though I spoke the language fluently, I was never accepted by them and was treated as a contemptible outsider.

Coming to live in the States for the first time, I must say I was pleasantly surprised. Not only are many of the girls very beautiful indeed, but they are open and receptive to men. Generally, if you state directly that you are not seeking a relationship as such, but only a casual connection, they appreciate your candor and start giggling at the idea... in contrast to Russian girls who would act horrified and aghast at such a suggestion.

Where women are concerned I definitely like the USA best of all the many places I have lived.

-Marty

 

[Rasta]

Very interesting thread because I can relate to it in a certain way. I am white, but I've always struggled with white women in general. But then I have black and latina women practically opening with me. And when they do, especially latinas, I can connect with them on an emotional level far easier than white women. I think this may be due to the fact that I'm French and do I understand cultural differences and am very interested in learning more from them. So when you have a Puerto Rican or Columbian who still has family back home, we can totally relate and build a connection.

I just need to find more ways of connecting with white women.

 

[Verisimilitude]

ramirezs316 were you born in America and have you lived there your whole life? I think guys just have a tough time with people from their own country. Its because people desire the exotic and unfamiliar. Girls and guys. I don't think American white women are the problem, your mentality towards them is. That's not to say that you might truly have more success with other women, but by reading your post, you seem to be very bitter. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that your "type" (usually don't like that word, but here it applies) is white American women and you have grown up trying to chase them. And then you read this website. The problem is, you still have memories of your past failures and it clouds your judgement. This isn't to say you shouldn't travel or go after Brazilian women, but consider that your problems with white American women might come from YOU instead of THEM.

 

[ramirezs316]

ramirezs316 were you born in America and have you lived there your whole life? I think guys just have a tough time with people from their own country. Its because people desire the exotic and unfamiliar. Girls and guys. I don't think American white women are the problem, your mentality towards them is. That's not to say that you might truly have more success with other women, but by reading your post, you seem to be very bitter. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that your "type" (usually don't like that word, but here it applies) is white American women and you have grown up trying to chase them. And then you read this website. The problem is, you still have memories of your past failures and it clouds your judgement. This isn't to say you shouldn't travel or go after Brazilian women, but consider that your problems with white American women might come from YOU instead of THEM.

Okay, giving up on white women might be extreme. I am American and live in America. I am mixed race (half white, the other half Spanish/Native American), so I've never fit into any racial boxes. You are correct, when I was younger, I liked white women a great deal, but my tastes are very broad now. I don't mean to come off as bitter, I've just noticed different reactions among white women in comparison to non-white women. I wanted to see if anyone else has had the same experience, and if so, has calibrated their approaches. In America, white culture is usually the default culture, and white women the standard objects of beauty, so we filter almost everything through it, and I assume pickup too.

 

[Grand Pooba]

Hey man,

Reading this girl's chase article (link below) gave me some perspective on this. While I share your sentiments myself, and am trying to overcome them, I feel like it's an attitude thing.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/asian ... et-success

 

[Anonymous]

Hey man,

Reading this girl's chase article (link below) gave me some perspective on this. While I share your sentiments myself, and am trying to overcome them, I feel like it's an attitude thing.

https://www.girlschase.com/content/asian ... et-success

I actually wrote this article for Chase, this is Jerome, but I like to go by Jeremy, I have a master in counseling and study psychology of men and women in higher education.

The reason why certain minority men have strong white girl fetish: It is mostly due to a inferiority complex. His desire is a manifest of his ego, he feels he is not good enough or is ashamed of his culture and is trying to date up , by dating a white girl he feels he can finally have status in society. White girls have the most status in our western society, that is why he is pursuing that group.

It is truly a shame he lacks any love for his culture and more importantly for himself, the issue is not tactic or game, it is more of attitude and psycho-therapy.

If he learns to love his culture and be proud of his past, he will realize his love for all women. And look for healthy relationships versus trying to pedalize a certain type of girl, or a dream girl.

 

[BlackBolt]

Last year, my 1st year of college, I came to the university believing that getting girls here would be cake (especially white girls) since I'm a built, black guy. Actually, my failure to convert all those numbers I was getting early in the fall last year was what led me to GC and Chase's article What to Do When a Girl Doesn't Text Back. A lot of my black friends were struggling with white women and we would all complain to each other that if we were white we'd be getting more white girls too. Since then, I realized that my friends and I had an entitled mentality and expecting girls (no matter the race) to just fall on my lap was foolish. You've got to work on the fundamentals to get the girls you most want. I started approaching different types of girls last year and slept with more white girls than any other race. However, I was very hesitant and reluctant to approach Asians. I was going to give up on Asians even though I found them attractive (I actually find all kinds of girls attractive) just because I had some irrational fear of approaching them. I persevered in spite of my fear and I actually got with one Asian girl last winter semester. Now I've only been with one Asian so far but my fear of approaching them has went down drastically, and I plan to bed many more girls of all kinds of races in the future!

Jeremy,

I agree with what you said also. My roommate is Taiwanese and one of my best friends is Chinese and they both said that for them to get with an Asian girl, she'd have to be stunning. Yet, they would settle for an "OK" white girl. That kind of confused me, if you want high standards for one type of girl, then shouldn't you have high standards for all women?

 

[Grand Pooba]

Blackbolt, I can sympathize with you on your point about Asians. I am mixed race, mostly Pakistani and slightly Danish, and I have long felt a hesitance and reluctance to approach Asians, and even white girls. For a long time I've thought "they'll only like me if I'm white" or something, which was a really sad and closed minded way to view the problem. I feel like I was telling myself that it's their fault basically, not my own for being closed off and not willing to improve myself and my fundamentals to be able to get them.

I've been working to change this mentality - when you think these things for years, sometimes it takes a while to get rid of them also - but in the process I've noticed more and more Asian girls checking me out all the time, something I was completely oblivious to before. And in discovering this new opening, so to speak, two of the last three girls I've dated in any capacity were Chinese and Taiwanese, and one of those became the best girlfriend I've had to date. She even told me once, "I'd never imagined I'd be with someone like you, but I'm glad that I am." I don't think I would have managed to even bother talking to them or approaching them had I not opened myself to the idea that, yes, in fact, they might actually be into me, and I just need to work on my game to get them and not let my own perceptions or entitlement mentality hold me back.

My fear with them has definitely fallen, and I am becoming more open minded with everybody. You just don't know what's out there! I plan to bed more girls of all races in the future as well.

 

[BlackBolt]

Ozz,

Do you have any idea what the fear of approaching Asians is? I have overcome it to an extent but I just can't pinpoint exactly why I was afraid to approach them in the 1st place. It was like I was psyching myself out with nothing logical to go on but my own fear. What do you think the source of your hesitation was?

 

[Grand Pooba]

My source of hesitation is/was the same for Asians as it sometimes is for white girls too: that they're not going to like me because of my background, so what's the point? I think also a lot of times girls can be nervous and scared, and I saw that or the potential for it and got scared myself, rather than be a dominant and confident leader. For me it was largely a lack of confidence and self esteem in myself. Is that what you feel?

I think I now realize it's just better policy to be open minded, and if the girl I'm talking to still has some preconceived sense about me that's holding her back or affecting her perception for me, then I should just move on and find someone that doesn't, because there are plenty of those as well.