- Joined
- Jul 16, 2020
- Messages
- 31
I had some philosophical doubts about cold approach. To overcome it, I had to think about things differently. I'll share it here, since it helped me overcome approach anxiety (mostly -- still not all the way there yet!).
I've reframed "cold approach" as "emotional honesty." Cold approach is an act of vulnerability -- you put your heart on your sleeve and go out on a limb with a total stranger, committed to acting gentlemanly the entire time. In doing so, you place your ego in the hands of this random girl (and her friends, if she is in a group). It takes bravery to do this. It is emotionally honest, because your intentions are clear (assuming a direct opener) while there is some risk to your ego -- it is never fun to be rejected, no matter how many times it happens to you.
Furthermore, I find I need to act with conviction if I'm going to be successful. This is especially true with girls. To me, the idea of cold approaching simply to add notches is unappealing. Fair play if that works for you -- I simply find I can't act with conviction if that's my mentality. Instead, I see it as initiating a relationship of some kind (even if it ends up as a short-lived one) with this girl if she's compatible. Personally, I hope that it will turn into something longer term, because those are the kind of relationships I find most fulfilling. Bet regardless, I make every effort to share memorable and lovely experience. If I don't act with these intentions, I cannot be sure of what I am doing, and that emotional uncertainty prevents action.
Mark Manson's piece on vulnerability provided some inspiration for this mindset. Hopefully, this will help someone overcome approach anxiety, because approaching can:
I've reframed "cold approach" as "emotional honesty." Cold approach is an act of vulnerability -- you put your heart on your sleeve and go out on a limb with a total stranger, committed to acting gentlemanly the entire time. In doing so, you place your ego in the hands of this random girl (and her friends, if she is in a group). It takes bravery to do this. It is emotionally honest, because your intentions are clear (assuming a direct opener) while there is some risk to your ego -- it is never fun to be rejected, no matter how many times it happens to you.
Furthermore, I find I need to act with conviction if I'm going to be successful. This is especially true with girls. To me, the idea of cold approaching simply to add notches is unappealing. Fair play if that works for you -- I simply find I can't act with conviction if that's my mentality. Instead, I see it as initiating a relationship of some kind (even if it ends up as a short-lived one) with this girl if she's compatible. Personally, I hope that it will turn into something longer term, because those are the kind of relationships I find most fulfilling. Bet regardless, I make every effort to share memorable and lovely experience. If I don't act with these intentions, I cannot be sure of what I am doing, and that emotional uncertainty prevents action.
Mark Manson's piece on vulnerability provided some inspiration for this mindset. Hopefully, this will help someone overcome approach anxiety, because approaching can:
- Brighten someone's day
- Provide fabulous experiences that she wouldn't otherwise have
- Allow you to more honest with yourself
