Cold approaching in Sweden

[RDRChaseMember]

I'm about to set up plans to travel to Stockholm Sweden. I'd like to know what the climate is like for cold approaching.

I often hear that Sweden aren't very open to talking to strangers and view small talk as unecessary, but perhaps with the right skills and approach, we can make a conversation work?

For guys who have experience here, lemme know!

 

[AspiringStoic]

I have done it there. Not very different to the rest of western Europe. The thing is if you do enough volume, you will see that you will meet shy, subdued, chatty and excited girls pretty much everywhere.

Your biggest problem is going to be the idea that you already have in your head that the people there aren't very open. That will sabotage you more than anything else.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

I have done it there. Not very different to the rest of western Europe. The thing is if you do enough volume, you will see that you will meet shy, subdued, chatty and excited girls pretty much everywhere.

Your biggest problem is going to be the idea that you already have in your head that the people there aren't very open. That will sabotage you more than anything else.

I mean it's not an idea it's what I've researched. I still intend to do it.

I asked this because I'm from Toronto. People there also don't like talking to strangers, but they are very weary who guys who are trying to pickup anyways (then again that city is suspicious of strangers in general). I was wondering if Sweden also has this problem or I'd that's just a cultural thing over there.

 

[AspiringStoic]

The thing that we have to get in our brains is that "daygame" is not "normal" anywhere in the world. Nowhere in the world do a "majority" of the men in the country, state, city etc walk up to women in malls, streets, cafes, bus stops etc. and try to pick them up.

The moment you do daygame you have to accept to yourself that you are "stepping outside the norm". Wherever you go and do this, you are an exception not the norm.

That said yes, in some countries, cities, parts of the world it is more common for strangers to interact.

But that does not really mean much, because you doing it in a place where its more common does not always means its a plus. In fact, if you do it in places where its not common, it can have a better impact.

Ultimately how comfortable you are doing it determines what reactions and results you get.

I would anyday put my money on an experienced guy daygaming in a "hard city" to get better results than a guy who does it irregularly doing it in whatever is classified as an easy city.

And the only way to become the guy who is comfortable and non chalant cold approaching a girl is to do it over and over again till it becomes "NORMAL TO YOU". Once its normal to you, wherever you do it, you will get good results.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

That said yes, in some countries, cities, parts of the world it is more common for strangers to in

Which countries are these? I have yet to come across those.

In fact, if you do it in places where its not common, it can have a better impact.

Perhaps, depends on how you do it. I'm just thinking of this from the nervous system feedback loop.

Theoretically speaking, if you get 1000 approaches in and out of those approaches, you get 25 numbers, and out of those numbers, 3-5 of them turn into dates, etc. But that's a high number of volume to do. Perhaps with someone who's high energy and extroverted would naturally be able to do this. But they'd have to fathom a shit ton of rejections too. I'm low energy, so by the time I get to my 5th approach, I'm stretching myself thin at that point and I'm not looking to get into that again. Couple that with rejection (not that I can't handle it) I'd be stretching myself even further.

So if the feedback loop experiences rejection over and over again (cold approach having a higher rejection rate), then how does one get comfortable with it? Do you have to get comfortable with stretching yourself thin, or getting rejection after rejection, and laser focus on the 3% who would give you the time of the day?

And if we're talking about hard city, with more acceptable dating strategies, you gotta be dominant, charismatic, lead a conversation, etc. Mastering cold approach there definitely requires a lot more to get consistent results in addition to the things I've listed. My main goal now is to engage with the process while staying true to myself.

What I've learned about myself is I have a low social battery, so I'd have to stretch myself thin just to play a numbers game. Do I get comfortable with this, or do you think there's a better way to do it?

I had a phase in my younger years doing it again and again until it becomes normal. I can start conversations with women, keep it going, make her laugh, and even get to the point where I can get her number. But my social battery didn't change, after a certain point I'm stretching myself thin. Now I'm at a point where I just want to enjoy myself. At the same time, my natural self is not gonna play the numbers game if I stick to this. So I'm still trying to find a way that works for me.

What would you say would make a big impact when you do cold approach, especially when you have to put up with the high rejection rate?

 

[Chase]

@RDRChaseMember,

I often hear that Sweden aren't very open to talking to strangers and view small talk as unecessary, but perhaps with the right skills and approach, we can make a conversation work?

Where have you heard that? Mainstream places?

The thing I have always heard from pickup guys is that Swedish girls love to drink and party.

Girls I have met on travel outside of Sweden have been very friendly and easygoing.

A Swedish playboy I used to go out with once told me, "Swedish girls like any guy -- so long as he isn't Swedish!"

That has been my default mindset with Swedish girls since then: "Just don't be Swedish and you're good!"

-C

 

[RDRChaseMember]

Where have you heard that? Mainstream places?

I've read this on dating travel blogs and from a channel called Dating Beyond Boarders. Yeah I'm thinking of joining a pub crawl in this case. I didn't know about the whole "don't be swedish" thing that's new to me. Interesting still.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Which countries are these? I have yet to come across those.

Perhaps, depends on how you do it. I'm just thinking of this from the nervous system feedback loop.

Theoretically speaking, if you get 1000 approaches in and out of those approaches, you get 25 numbers, and out of those numbers, 3-5 of them turn into dates, etc. But that's a high number of volume to do. Perhaps with someone who's high energy and extroverted would naturally be able to do this. But they'd have to fathom a shit ton of rejections too. I'm low energy, so by the time I get to my 5th approach, I'm stretching myself thin at that point and I'm not looking to get into that again. Couple that with rejection (not that I can't handle it) I'd be stretching myself even further.

So if the feedback loop experiences rejection over and over again (cold approach having a higher rejection rate), then how does one get comfortable with it? Do you have to get comfortable with stretching yourself thin, or getting rejection after rejection, and laser focus on the 3% who would give you the time of the day?

And if we're talking about hard city, with more acceptable dating strategies, you gotta be dominant, charismatic, lead a conversation, etc. Mastering cold approach there definitely requires a lot more to get consistent results in addition to the things I've listed. My main goal now is to engage with the process while staying true to myself.

What I've learned about myself is I have a low social battery, so I'd have to stretch myself thin just to play a numbers game. Do I get comfortable with this, or do you think there's a better way to do it?

I had a phase in my younger years doing it again and again until it becomes normal. I can start conversations with women, keep it going, make her laugh, and even get to the point where I can get her number. But my social battery didn't change, after a certain point I'm stretching myself thin. Now I'm at a point where I just want to enjoy myself. At the same time, my natural self is not gonna play the numbers game if I stick to this. So I'm still trying to find a way that works for me.

What would you say would make a big impact when you do cold approach, especially when you have to put up with the high rejection rate?

If you cannot take rejection, cold approach especially daygame is not for you. You gotta read this.

Picking Up Girls and the Game of Asymmetric Returns

I’ve been relistening to Nassim Taleb’s wonderful book Fooled by Randomness, which is a probabalist’s dream read. And if there’s one thing that picking up girls turns you into, it’s a probabalist. Reading it (or listening to it on audio, as I am), you see a great many parallels between stock...

www.girlschase.com

Its a game of asymmetric returns. Either you have to train yourself to handle asymmetric returns or pursue some other form of dating.

 

[Chase]

I've read this on dating travel blogs and from a channel called Dating Beyond Boarders.

It looks like that is a YouTube channel run by a woman? And she is doing street interviews?

Honestly, if you talk to random people traveling in other countries they usually struggle because they are too scared to cold approach locals and they don't have any friends. Most people everywhere in the world meet people through their friend groups. So they go somewhere new and feel lonely because they don't know how to meet anyone.

If you want a picture of what cold approaching in XYZ country is like, you need to talk to guys who cold approach there.

Otherwise, it is all just normie non-cold approach perspectives, which are very different from those of guys who are cold approaching.

 

[RDRChaseMember]

If you cannot take rejection, cold approach especially daygame is not for you. You gotta read this.

Picking Up Girls and the Game of Asymmetric Returns

I’ve been relistening to Nassim Taleb’s wonderful book Fooled by Randomness, which is a probabalist’s dream read. And if there’s one thing that picking up girls turns you into, it’s a probabalist. Reading it (or listening to it on audio, as I am), you see a great many parallels between stock...

www.girlschase.com

Its a game of asymmetric returns. Either you have to train yourself to handle asymmetric returns or pursue some other form of dating.

I can take rejection no problem, I'm moreso tired of the small losses I guess? It's not gonna stop me from doing them.

Though the concept of asymmetric returns is new to me, but it lines up with my experience. Yeah tbh this doesn't really change my strategy, but I'll be more likely to challenge myself in similar situations.

 

[AspiringStoic]

I can take rejection no problem, I'm moreso tired of the small losses I guess? It's not gonna stop me from doing them.

Though the concept of asymmetric returns is new to me, but it lines up with my experience. Yeah tbh this doesn't really change my strategy, but I'll be more likely to challenge myself in similar situations.

By the way, if you feel socially drained, after 5 approaches, I can relate to you.

For a long time daygame gurus and books recommended doing daygame "sessions" of minimum 10 approaches each. You were supposed to do that 3-4 times a week. I for the life of me could not get myself to do 10 in one day.

So I have had great success using consistency instead of intensity. If a lot of approaches drain you, slowly train yourself to do 1-3 approaches a day. But do them consistently every single day!

Then you can scale it to 4-5 everyday. With this and the momentum you build by doing it daily, you can become crazy good at approaching and be clocking in 120-150 approaches a month.

 

[MrVariety]

I'm about to set up plans to travel to Stockholm Sweden. I'd like to know what the climate is like for cold approaching.

I often hear that Sweden aren't very open to talking to strangers and view small talk as unecessary, but perhaps with the right skills and approach, we can make a conversation work?

For guys who have experience here, lemme know!

Shy cultures is advantageous in many ways.

If a culture is more open, she will be approached more often, be more on guard, and you won't seem very special for approaching her. In a more closed culture like Sweden, you'll hear women say "I haven't been approaching like this ever in my life, omg are you my savior?" (A bit exaggerated but not really actually)

Mr Variety