Commitment Pressure

JRob

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
71
Honestly, this could probably be further divided into multiple threads. My girlfriend of slightly less than a year keeps bringing up marriage or engagement. It's kind of an on going quick commitment theme. She wanted to be gf fast, then she moved in because of distance from work fast (two months), and now that I want to pump the brakes and have her get her own place she's not responding well to that. A lot of that is my fault for not sticking to my frame, but I think I might be on a runaway train if I can't articulate this. Oh, and by the way she brings up major issues out of the blue or when we are out almost like an ambush. It's hard to prepare. Other than that she's mostly awesome (when not randomly annoying). Any ideas?
 

Hector Papi Castillo

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Dec 2, 2013
Messages
2,589
You kind of set yourself up for this by conceding commitment after commitment. The "I want to be your girlfriend" one is fine quickly, but moving in quickly was a bad move if you didn't already want to marry her/have kids. Never done either, but my criteria now is upon first having sex with her, do I feel like I could marry her/knock her up? If I don't feel it after the first time we have sex, I never will, I don't think.

If she leaves your apartment, as you're suggesting, the relationship will probably die. She'll either cheat or make your life so terrible it won't be worth it. You can't go backwards, as much as you'd like to.

I'd say that given the way you ran it, if you don't knock her up soon or marry her, the relationship will probably end (maybe before, or maybe after she finds someone else who will give her what she wants).

And considering you want her to move out, it sounds like you really don't want to be with her anymore. I'd say end it, but of course easier said than done.

Hector
 
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