FR Compliance Discrepancy - Tons of Body Language Compliance and Almost Zero Sexual Compliance

[Jan]

I met this chick from Tinder. I’m 36, she is 27. We had a rather brief conversation online, then I proposed that we skip the app, and meet for a date. She agreed initially but she asked if we can postpone it to the weekend without giving a reason. I told her that “It’s not a good reason to cancel, and that people who know me well don’t cancel a date after they had agreed to meet a day or two earlier.”. She said that she doesn’t do this usually. After I didn’t reply, she contacted me again. Interestingly she started calling me Sir, from that time on.

We had another conversation for about 30-45” online. We built some comfort, I showed some vulnerability, and then I proposed a date on the next day.

Tonight, Monday morning, we met for drinks. It was funny at first because as we both dressed in a very similar style. We both dressed black from bottom to top, and we both had black high neck, long sleeve top. Why do I mention this? Because I was really surprised by her clothes choice.

Tinder chicks I meet, when they come to a first date, they usually dress casually. Nothing hot or sexy. This changes dramatically on the second date thought. On the second date, they dress classy and hot.

This time it was different. I must have done something different online to prone her to wear these clothes. My intuition is that it was my remark about her cancelling our date.

DATE

Date itself was fairly surprising too. The most difficult thing for me to understand was discrepancy between her body language and sexual compliance. On one hand, she was almost fully compliant when it comes to body language. I would look one way, she looked that way. I would cross my hands, she would do the same. I looked at her, she looked at me. It may sounds bizarre, but I consider her clothes choice as a form of almost psychic compliance. I didn’t ask her to wear anything in particular, but If I did I would have asked what she actually did wear that evening. And it fully matched with my clothes.

But here is the plot twist. Sexual compliance was almost nonexistent. I don’t remember when I received so much resistance on simple things like hands touch, hugs, close proximity. I didn’t even try to kiss her because I expected it’s not gonna work after that early resistance.

What is the reason for this massive discrepancy between body language and sexual compliance?

I have a theory. I think it’s something related to boyfriend vs sexy man vibe. Honestly speaking, I’m at this stage that I don’t know exactly what I want. Or rather, I have two seemingly conflicting, and seemingly supportive goals. On one hand, I’m 36, I had my fun time with many women, doing game. I want to find a girlfriend. And I want to have kids. On the other hand, I have recently unlocked another level of game, and I would like to spend another few months practicing sexual game. I feel like my attraction game is strong or very strong, my comfort game is decent, but my sexual game is so poor. I can find a girl for a relationship quite easily, I had many multiple fwb. But. ONS and fast sex, or sex on first date is very rare (happened maybe 2 or 3 times in my life, every time when I was leaving the country, so urgency principle worked in my favor).

I feel that I project confusing vibes. On one hand, I give authority vibe, so I get so much compliance. On the other hand, boyfriend vibe, and I got so much resistance. Today was special when it comes to boyfriend vibe. I actually told her about my inner indecision, about thinking to finish my adventurous stage and slowly proceed to relationship phase. I guess this might have caused extra resistance. She told me that she makes boys wait until 3rd date or longer before having sex, hahahah.

Any thoughts anyone?

 

[mist]

But here is the plot twist. Sexual compliance was almost nonexistent. I don’t remember when I received so much resistance on simple things like hands touch, hugs, close proximity. I didn’t even try to kiss her because I expected it’s not gonna work after that early resistance.

What is the reason for this massive discrepancy between body language and sexual compliance?

I have a theory. I think it’s something related to boyfriend vs sexy man vibe.

Your sub communications could very well be a problem, but the money is in the details and nature of the resistance.

How she resists compliance tells you a ton. For us to really get a picture you'd need to get a bit more nitty gritty on the tension and escalation.

Not discrediting vibe and frame by any means, just more details on the escalation would be appreciated for seeing where you could tighten calibration.

 

[Alpha13SC]

Once I had a date with a girl and she barely kissed at the end of the date. Very compliant tho. She said she s uncomfortable with people touching her, and had some fears. She said she wanted a hug and we should start with that. It wouldn't crossed my mind in about 1000 years to try that, because I was more direct and aggresive.

After some hugs, she started to open more, she stood closer to me. FFW, that girl turned out to be my LTR after, and I saw she was hesitant on touching others.

Now, if I would encounter this kind of situations, I would make a little bit of fun, ask what's wrong in a funny way and also ask for a hug. Don't assure a good output, but I take it as a reference for future dates.

 

[Jan]

Your sub communications could very well be a problem, but the money is in the details and nature of the resistance.

How she resists compliance tells you a ton. For us to really get a picture you'd need to get a bit more nitty gritty on the tension and escalation.

Not discrediting vibe and frame by any means, just more details on the escalation would be appreciated for seeing where you could tighten calibration.

We were in a bar, sitting next to each other and talking for like an hour or two. She had her hands on the bar and I grabbed one of her hands, and she kind of pulled it. I've done this many times with other girls, so I don't think there is anything odd about how I did it.

Probably its not very helpful, but there is not much more details about it.

It was a fairly big and light bar. She seemed little scared when I tried to come closer to her. I don't know, maybe she is not comfortable getting physical in public, or maybe she has a boyfriend. I kind of suspect that she may have a boyfriend because when we talked about relationship expectations on Tinder, I told her - "I guess you are looking for a serious relationship." And she said something like: "I'm definitely not looking for a one night stand, more someone to hang out with, chill out, but most likely not a serious relationship neither."