FR Compliance is utterly useless

[TrailBlazer]

So I thought that if you have a highly compliant girl that does everything you tell her to do, things are easy. Unfortunately it isn’t that way.

I have a girl I’ve been meeting for a while now, on every meeting I raise compliance in small steps, I use all the other techniques, gambits, everything. She follows me everywhere and responds well to my touch.

Despite this, nothing has happened between us. We’ve been touching a lot, she said she finds me attractive, she said she needs sex… everything screams green light. But nothing ever happens.

Maybe I need to do some bigger steps to escalate physically once we are isolated, but I’m still scared to do these large actions with an intent. I can do them on girls I don’t like, but with the ones I do like, I can’t do it.

But I don’t know what to do. This FR could be the same for every of the 20+ dates we’ve been on (yes, you might say we are friends at this point, but she still gives me plenty of signs and windows to escalate, every time).

I’m tired of building the compliance all over again each time, with nothing coming after it. I have used so.many.techniques with her, I don’t believe that just due to my fear of escalation, nothing ever happens. With so much attraction and compliance, she should start doing the moves herself.

But when I set my mind to do it and escalate hard, she senses my agenda and closes off. It has to be natural. But I always miss the windows. I really don’t know how to stop missing them. It drains me mentally because with other girls that I don’t like too much, things are easy. Any ideas on how to work on this?

 

[KJ Francis]

Try taking the bits of skin above and below your teeth, and press it directly onto her skin in the same area, then remove it after a couple seconds.

Her compliance in that case is passive acceptance.

 

[TrailBlazer]

Try taking the bits of skin above and below your teeth, and press it directly onto her skin in the same area, then remove it after a couple seconds.

Her compliance in that case is passive acceptance.

Bro I know, and I’ve done it with girls I don’t like. And I’ve been calm and confident because I literally didn’t care what they think.

But with others like this one, I overthink. I care. And it ruins my flow. And I just won’t escalate when I care too much.

But I can’t bring myself to not care. Not artificially. I’d have to actually have 2 or 3 better girls in my life, to not care about this one anymore. Which might take years to accomplish.

So if there’s some solution I don’t see it.

 

[James D]

Maybe I need to do some bigger steps to escalate physically once we are isolated, but I’m still scared to do these large actions with an intent.

Yep there you go.

But I don’t know what to do.

Isolate and escalate.

With so much attraction and compliance, she should start doing the moves herself.

This mindset is cancerous.

Building compliance at start is easy and feels safe. It's fun.

But you have to increase the compliance intensity until you reach the ultimate compliance:

Your dick in her pussy.

Seems you're doing a great job at building the compliance at start.

But by the 3rd act, you either:

1. Pussy out
2. Rush the escalation, likely out of fear.

Worse:

You're expecting the girl to make moves.

This can happen but relying on that won't get you far.

 

[KJ Francis]

Bro I know, and I’ve done it with girls I don’t like. And I’ve been calm and confident because I literally didn’t care what they think.

But with others like this one, I overthink. I care. And it ruins my flow. And I just won’t escalate when I care too much.

But I can’t bring myself to not care. Not artificially. I’d have to actually have 2 or 3 better girls in my life, to not care about this one anymore. Which might take years to accomplish.

So if there’s some solution I don’t see it.

Sounds like oneitis. Sort of like approach anxiety in a tiny village. Fear of rejection because if the escalation isn't welcomed you could lose a very rare mating opportunity and social proof, then you're toast.

Personally I find it helps shortcut the brain and add a little abundance feeling even to passively see a lot of hot girls around. So if you go walk the bar strip at night even without opening, you'll internalize there are semi attainable options around.

Outside of the individual interaction ramping re James above you may also need to simply increase exposure a lot. Also the reference experiences of a kiss being received well, or calibration lessons from it not going well.

"Repetition is the father of learning. Repetition is the father of learning." - Lil Wayne

Edit corrected quote

 

[Water69]

This is parody brotato, just escalate works everyttime

 

[James Cruse]

Maybe I need to do some bigger steps to escalate physically once we are isolated, but I’m still scared to do these large actions with an intent. I can do them on girls I don’t like, but with the ones I do like, I can’t do it.

This is the problem - not enough escalation. Compliance isn't useful if you're not escalating further towards sex.

I’m tired of building the compliance all over again each time, with nothing coming after it. I have used so.many.techniques with her, I don’t believe that just due to my fear of escalation, nothing ever happens. With so much attraction and compliance, she should start doing the moves herself.

What you're really saying here is: "I'm sick of leading because it's a risk and I'm worried about rejection".

Most (if not all) women are too passive to make moves for you, and too scared to take risks like that, even if she's very interested.

I think too many men have been brainwashed by the media that women are these "Boss Babes" and Mary Sue's that are really pro-active and willing to take a tonne of risks in their life and with men. Men then translate this to: Women will lead me if, if she wants me.
This is purely fantasy - women simply don't behave like this. Women are usually passive, cautious, emotional and are revolted by leading men (or even leading herself).

Women will usually set boundaries AFTER you lead, this isn't an indication of her actually wanting to lead you.

Perhaps you (and many guys here) need to purge your mind of western media "boss babe/Mary sue" brainwashing, it's ruining your relationships with women.

 

[Ratata]

This is simple fear of rejection.

Next time you're alone with her, kiss her. Go for the kiss. Try to kiss her. Noooooo, not daring to do it or making excuses isn't enough. You actually have to pull her close and kiss her. If you don't dare to kiss her lips, ask her this "Wow smells so good! Is that perfume I'm smelling?" Then lean closer, put your nose in her neck, then go "Omg what are you doing to me?" And start kissing her neck.

There are two outcomes from that behaviour: She does nothing and lets you keep kissing her neck. Then move up to her lips and start making out with her.

Or... She could ask "WTF are you doing, are you CRAZY, STOP NOW!" Upon which you stop. Immediately. And apologize cuz you got carried away. Then change the topic. She'll respect you for going for it. And as long as you actually stop when given a stop signal, you'll be ok. You're allowed to try. But you're not allowed to continue if she doesn't like it. (This is pretty basic stuff, but I'm still writing it here in case you forgot, or never knew, cuz... well you seem pretty out of it tbh)

Look, she's there alone with you for a reason. It's not cuz she wants a buddy. Or, well, the way you're acting, she might want a buddy.

Also this is a repeat of all your complaining which boils down to just one thing: You're being a pussy. So, stop being a pussy and escalate. You'll get a mmm that's good, or a no. But by this time you're so invested that a no would be a huuuge blow to your ego, so you don't dare to escalate. Moreover, you haven't followed our advice and gone out and met OTHER girls, new girls, who you have less time invested in, and thus are easier to experiment with, cuz there's literally zero repercussion in just kissing some random girl out there instead, after you've gone through the regular stuff.

Honestly, if you've had 20+ dates with her... Man, those aren't dates anymore. They're just you hanging out, cuz you're FRIENDS.

But all is not lost. By kissing her, or being a bit forward, you can be fucking good friends!!!! And perhaps even romantic too, if that's what you wanna do instead.

Wait. I feel like I'm repeating myself. What did I say in previous threads that were just the same as this one?

Next time, can you do me a favour and write what Ratata would have advice in the actual thread, so I don't have to repeat myself?

 

[Chase]

She follows me everywhere and responds well to my touch.

This is compliance.

Despite this, nothing has happened between us. We’ve been touching a lot, she said she finds me attractive, she said she needs sex… everything screams green light. But nothing ever happens.

Have you asked her to comply with sex?

If yes, but rejected, that is non-compliance.

If no, then you are not asking for enough compliance.

but with the ones I do like, I can’t do it.

Sounds like you are not asking for any compliance that counts.

but she still gives me plenty of signs and windows to escalate, every time).

You should try asking her for compliance (with sex).

I’m tired of building the compliance all over again each time, with nothing coming after it. I have used so.many.techniques with her, I don’t believe that just due to my fear of escalation, nothing ever happens. With so much attraction and compliance, she should start doing the moves herself.

No, that is not how compliance works.

"To comply" is to do as requested or ordered.

It sounds like this girl is compliant to what you ask her for, however you are not requesting compliance with sex.

But when I set my mind to do it and escalate hard, she senses my agenda and closes off.

So then is she non-compliant to having sex?

Or are you just "intuiting" that she would not comply with sex, and are not in point of fact asking her for compliance for sex?

But I always miss the windows. I really don’t know how to stop missing them.

Start asking for compliance.

It drains me mentally because with other girls that I don’t like too much, things are easy. Any ideas on how to work on this?

Start asking for compliance.

...

The title of this report is "Compliance is utterly useless", but if you do not ask for compliance, how can she comply?

Like so many of your posts, @TrailBlazer, you have failed to do the right thing, then turned the blame upon the thing you have not bothered to do.

A better report title would be "My balls are utterly useless", because here you have a girl who is apparently begging for it, giving you a bunch of escalation windows, but you are not asking for compliance with sex.

Compliance is not the issue.

Underdeveloped ball size is the issue.

Stop asking "why doesn't compliance work?" when, in fact, all the compliance you are asking for, you are getting, and meanwhile you are not asking for compliance past a certain point.

Instead, start asking "why are my balls so tiny?" and you will be much closer to solving the real issue, and hopefully will then focus on developing a massive set of nuts.

Chase

 

[TrailBlazer]

Compliance is not the issue.

Underdeveloped ball size is the issue.

I’m glad you said that. Because it shines light on a question I haven’t gotten answered in the 6 years I’ve been focusing on game. And that is: how does one develop massive balls?

How do you go for it when the opportunity presents itself? How do you train that ball muscle?

I’m not risk-averse in all areas. My wingmen praise me for going into situations they wouldn’t. I can escalate with girls when I don’t care about their opinion of me.

I can shine in situations where I “own” the moment, because I’m the one that cares less. But with beautiful girls, the stakes are too high, and (by society’s standards) beautiful girls’ opinion is more valid than mine (“he was creepy” will be believed).

The only excercise to develop ball size I’ve found so far is to just go on many dates and escalate every time. But that takes massive amounts of time and mental energy (one can be destroyed for weeks from a promising but failed date).

So I’m looking for some safer way to practice risk-taking, vibe changes and escalation.

 

[Skills]

compliance on itself is not enough.... For example in my style of game i use compliance, micro escalations, escalation, investment and arousal...

Compliance is important which is good news, but you still have to do the rest... A good thing for beginners that i seen help some guys is gunwitch 3 keys... (maybe use that see if it works for you)...

Confused About Pickup and Seduction? This Article Will Change That

If you study seduction, you’ll run into conflicting advice. Truth is, it ALL works, but not with ALL women, and not for ALL guys. The solution? Focus on these 3 keys. Contents I. The Science of Women II. So Who Should I Be? III. The Three Keys of Seduction IV. Advanced Techniques V. Seek Other...

www.girlschase.com

 

[TrailBlazer]

Moreover, you haven't followed our advice and gone out and met OTHER girls, new girls, who you have less time invested in, and thus are easier to experiment with, cuz there's literally zero repercussion in just kissing some random girl out there instead, after you've gone through the regular stuff.

So you’re right, but when you overthink the relationship for months and study game even more because of it, I can guarantee you won’t be calm during the actual escalation. That’s why I avoid it: I just don’t feel good in my skin in the moment, and I’m sure it would go wrong. I can’t even ask people the time without getting weird faces, when I’m in that headspace.

So the ultimate solution is to meet more girls and stop caring as much about this one. Yes, your advice. But it’s unfair to say I haven’t been following it. I’ve been going out (as the primary activity of my day) every day for the past 8 months, with small pauses 6 years. I really put the work in, it takes a ton of effort to walk around the city and push myself to approach, but I do it every day.

And I do get the occasional date (you know that rate, 1 in every 300 approaches). So I’m doing everything right, I just need to stick 300 approaches into one week at least.

And I even wrote down my typical daygame (it’s been the same for the past 6 years, I never give up). You can find it here:

Thread 'Is forcing them the only way?'
https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/is-forcing-them-the-only-way.31650/post-202772

But I’m not sure we’ll find any way to improve that rate. My wingmen are shocked I’m even getting dates at all (they’re getting none). Maybe in Europe that’s a really good rate, that 1 in 300.

 

[TrailBlazer]

compliance on itself is not enough.... For example in my style of game i use compliance, micro escalations, escalation, investment and arousal...

Compliance is important which is good news, but you still have to do the rest... A good thing for beginners that i seen help some guys is gunwitch 3 keys... (maybe use that see if it works for you)...

That’s great. However when you do all of these steps to make sex happen, does it still make you feel accomplished?

With my successful seductions, I know that had I missed a single escalation window, or didn’t build any of the things you mention, I would have nothing. I don’t even know if the girls liked me, I just did the right things at the right time.

So much effort is put into learning to be like this, sex doesn’t feel like a “free gift” at all.

So basically I thought seduction would be a free shortcut to results, but it really isn’t, it’s costly in terms of time and effort. So are we even getting anything special? Doesn’t it also annoy you how difficult all of this is? Had I put so much effort into any sport, I’d be a pro by now.

Does it ever get easy for you? Do the years of failures ever stop hurting?

 

[KJ Francis]

Do the years of failures ever stop hurting?

skills would be kj

 

[gameboy]

I’m looking for some safer way to practice risk-taking,

You're good man, you are really good!

 

[Ratata]

I’m looking for some safer way to practice risk-taking, vibe changes and escalation.

Bro...

Here's some good news! You're already not taking risks. And what has it gotten you? Like, what did you say last time I checked; that this is some kind of laboratory where you can explore your own limits? Well, how's that going for ya?

Like, in a years time when this thing hopefully disgusts you enough to finally move on — either because you implode and confess before her, or because she dumps you cuz she finally found Chad (probably me taking her home after like two minutes - max - of talking to her before going straight to makeouts and logistics — btw I only said these things to trigger jealousy, and if it did, you have a much bigger problem than you can even admit here), or you do what is needed and end things on amicable terms... Then and only then will you be able to see what you did wrong, and make the proper changes for your next encounter. Meanwhile, I hope you've got some patience. The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.

Even more good news! You probably won't make this mistake twice....... But as it is, you're stuck, and that's fine. Keep going on date #21, #22 or #∞, it doesn't matter. This thing is a floater. The sooner you flush it the better.

What I hope you do, though, is write more FRs about your other encounters. Why? Because I truly think this particular girl is a lost cause. IMHO there isn't much to learn from her anymore, unless you want more attention for your mental masturbation. And I don't think anyone wants that, even you. No, the real headway is what you're gonna make from your other pickups. As it is, more about this girl is just mental masturbation, and IMHO you shouldn't talk to us about that, but your therapist.

What's more important is that you're able to break away. I mean it, gtf away from her! It's too easy to meet her again, cuz she gives you hope. But you're destroying that hope yourself every time you lack the self-confidence to act when you know you should (despite whimpers about muh risk free escalation routines). You will in fact evolve faster by cutting her out.

With that said, you do have a ton of tools at your disposal. So far I haven't seen you use any of those. Here's a few reminders:

• The lingering hand-hold, to check for her compliance and attraction.
• Heightened proximity: seating yourself physically closer, or just getting closer to her in any way possible.
• Talking slower, and ... add ... pauses...... While gazing into her beautiful eyes as she gazes back at youh.... OMG
• Asking to smell her perfume, and then getting captivated and worked up by being so close to her ear lobe that you cannot contain yourself any longer, so you go "Omg what are you doing to me!" then kiss her neck. If she likes it, she'll let you keep kissing her. If not, she'll either stop you or shove you off. And even that might not be a loss, cuz now she finally knows that you've got a pair.
• Dumb kiss-close routines, such as "All Alabama girls are horrible kissers! Oh yeah, you're not? Prove it!"

Have you used any of these before? Will you next time you're getting private with some girl?

 

[Chase]

I can shine in situations where I “own” the moment, because I’m the one that cares less. But with beautiful girls, the stakes are too high, and (by society’s standards) beautiful girls’ opinion is more valid than mine (“he was creepy” will be believed).

Dude... stop gulping down red pill content by the gallon.

Yes, guys get accused of stuff sometimes, and people will take the woman's side, but it is not that common.

Worrying about that just says you are not even in the game.

It is like that scene from Mo' Money - "It's a psychological thing; only the guys who aren't getting laid are sitting at home thinking about what [STDs] they can get":

So I’m looking for some safer way to practice risk-taking, vibe changes and escalation.

This is like saying, "I'm looking for a safe way to become a STONE COLD KILLER."

There is just no safe way to do certain things.

There's not really a seduction kiddie pool where you can learn to doggie paddle without your feet losing contact with the bottom.

I guess you could just pick up girls you don't really care about... fat girls, UGs, etc., and gradually work your way up as you gain confidence.

Doesn't sound very fun for me but if hot girls freak you out but you're fine with ugly girls, maybe that is just the ticket.

Chase