Confidence and Self Image

[Byron]

So far most of what I have learned has been from Chase's fundamentals, but even before that I would look at naturals who were extremely attractive. When I read articles on GirlsChase, I think "oh this person does this concept really well naturally, etc." Even after practicing my fundamentals for months, I still can't hold a candle to these naturals. Most of their success comes not from good looks alone, or any one thing alone. Some had things others didn't. But they all had extreme confidence and they all had a sort of self image that I'm curious about. They all sort of presented themselves (attractively) in a way that corresponded with their looks, the way they dressed themselves, how they acted, talked and their personality. Like for example, the most charismatic person I know is tall, lean, has stubble, messy hair, and sophisticated clothes. He presented himself as sort of philosophical and inspirational, yet he was really confident and successful with women. He is a few years older than me, yet he would get with women in their twenties. Then for sake of contrast, there is another guy who is short, muscular but not ripped, yet extremely tight verbal game and confidence. He is somewhat goodlooking, but in a way that ties in to how he presents himself, as the all american sort of qb guy.
There are others, but my main question is, how do you get this sort of airtight self image? All the naturals I've seen tie things in to their personality, as I saw in one of the posts earlier made by Chase. But how exactly do you do this? And how do you get that extreme confidence?
I talked lots, but that just means you can reply lots
-youngbyron

 

[Byron]

I think I should have posted this in a different category sorry but oh well

 

[diegoC]

I think I might help you.

I tell you a little about me:

My case is different to most people here I guess. When I was 19 I started going out alone but didn't go well (extreme AA, bounced because I didn't reflected confidence when doing approaches, etc.). My lack of success with women has never been because of my looks or confidence, It's just been that I never really learn how to act with girls, I had no experience at all. I had no female friends. So I stopped going out and that's it. I had some kind of depression (of course I went to movies, house parties a few times, never to clubs/bars, etc.). I use the word depression because I'm sure that is what it was, although, back then I didn't know.

I was happy just surfing in the morning (every fucking day), being in my room (no one bother me because it was in the office of my father) reading, watching surf streams, playing Counter Strike (only game) and, fortunately, not addicted to porn (jajaja). I did this like 6 years, really. I would still be a virgin if I didn't had the luck that some girls make it really easy for me to make things happen.

So, I was happy, well, I thought so. After those years I started thinking I had to do something. I wanted to be with girls I really like, and not to be with any girl that pops into my existence (the girls I had slept were fine at least). I started thinking that I couldn't understand why I couldn't be with really hot looking girls: I am a good looking guy, I am a good person, I am smart, etc. I started thinking of so many things I got going on with me as a person that I knew that i could be with any girl I wanted (as I always thought so). As you can see, my confidence was not an issue, but, I knew my lack of experience with girls was almost none, and it was my Achilles tendon.

So I started to approach and talk to girls and guys on different places to be social (I knew it would help). I started with people working at stores, models on some activation events, taxi drivers. Then I started to talk to girls on the street (just to do it, didn't expect nothing). During this few approaches I figured out that the best line to open girls walking on the street was to be direct, and, as unbelievable as it might seem, the first girl I open directly in my life ended up sleeping with me (and happened to be the hottest one I had fucked, a beauty pageant contestant). I stop daygame because I thought it was weird (stupid).

After this I startet to go to clubs/bars. The first time, just with my fundamentals (gladly, they were really good already) and my eye contact (I had discovered the idea of using elite eye contact) I could not believe what I was seeing. It was like I was honey and the girls were bees, really. I was amazed. Of course, the AA still was in me and couldn't do anything, jaja.

Eventually I search for PUA again (I had found about this years ago when a friend told me to read 'The Game'. Nice book but I didn't like the whole acting, lines, to pick up girls so I didn't care) because I thought it's methodology surely had evolved in so many year. That's how I found PUAs that rely on a style that appealed to me: Natural. So I digged in!

I read everything and gave me a good knowledge of what to do. To me this was a lot to take in but I think of myself as a natural guy (because I have discovered things by myself in so little time) that, for personal issues, never exploited it.

I know I'm different from many guys because I have always been pretty confident in myself. I know I can and deserve beautiful women. I just wanted to tell you my story to let you know that changes can be made when you really want to and that confidence is so attractive to girls.

So, regarding your question:

… how do you get this sort of airtight self image? All the naturals I've seen tie things in to their personality, as I saw in one of the posts earlier made by Chase. But how exactly do you do this?

It's hard to do so when you are not confident in yourself, because of your looks, or your personality. The first thing to do is to believe that women are not attracted to looks like we do. Yes, it helps, surely, but it's not what will make you get them. So, believe that, really believe that good looks is not the important thing.

The second thing is to improve fundamentals. I really believe you can still attract and make connections with girls without good fundamentals, but it helps to have them sorted out.
They have to be worked on a daily basis.

• Walk/Posture: Go to youtube and search for male models walking on catwalks. Find a style you like and practice in your house (if you have a big mirror great). Then walk like this. Think, think, think. It will be eventually natural.

• Slowness: This should be practice at the same time as walking. You should walk slowly. Take your time. People of high status take their time. Think James Bond. Really slow your pace, a lot. You may think you look like you are stone, don't bother about it. Do it. Everything. Moving you head, arms, etc. (this is a fundamental I have worked on, I did everything kind of fast)

• Voice: You should also speak more slowly if you are not yet(this was one of the fundamentals I didn't had. I talked damn fast). Take your time, pronounce your words.
I have read here about making your voice deeper, having a purr, etc. I really don't care about this but, if you think your voice is kind of feminine for a guy, try it.

• Fashion: I always had good sense for it, just lack of money, jaja. If you don't know about it, ask a friend that does or start looking on internet for styles you like and ask for advice (to be sure it would be good for your type)

• Gestures: Use them when talking and keeping the slow rhythm we talked about.


It's not that hard to do this stuff. Before you leave your house you are covering fashion.

Then, when you get out you should focus on walk/posture/slowness. Is not that hard to practice all of them at the same time because the three are part of the same action: walking

When talking you just have to concentrate on voice. Then you can add gestures/slowness if you can't do it along with voice at the start (I'm pretty sure you'll be able to).

This will get you to other level, that's for sure. Really. Remember what I told you about the time I go after so many years to a bar with just my fundamentals and having the girls being like bees around honey (me).

All this will give you a cool edge to yourself. This alone will raise your confidence because you will know girls are noticing you more.

Now you have to realize that you are unique. There's no one like you. The best thing I can tell you is that when you talk to girls you should not think about their hotness after you have notice them. Think this: She is the most beautiful girl in the world but she tells you she likes to kill kitties, eat shit and fart for fun. If you still like her you are weird, jajaja.

Have this mentality. Go and talk to her because you like her but focus on her mind. Your mission is to discover how is her personality and this is attractive as she will see you are not only interested in how she looks. This will relax you of the fact that you are talking to an attractive girl. Focus on her and don't talk to much about yourself. People want to be listened to.

The best example I can give you to know how to talk to a girl is to imagine any time that you were with someone you knew and you were connecting on any topic. You were happy, changing ideas, then he keeps talking and talking about the same stuff, and you get bored. You will make him know this because you won't contribute like before, your attention drifts, your body language, etc. You should talk to girls like this. The hard thing is to get to a point with girls you cold approach to want to keep talking to you, and then, keep the conversation going. Practice my friend, practice.

I want to end answering your most important question:

And how do you get that extreme confidence?

I never had this issue, but what you should do is fake it till you make it. Every time you go out think of yourself as an actor. Your role is the on of the most incredible seducer in the world. Visualizing you are good in something helps. Yes thinks this and at least you will reflect that vibe.

Eventually, with each success you have (any type of success in your way to becoming good with women: talking to lots of girls, brushing her hair early in the interaction while she is completely comfortable, kiss closes, same night sex, etc), you will be getting closer to become that character.

Hope this helps. It's a lot.

Cheers!

 

[Byron]

That cleared up a lot, especially about the confidence! I need to work especially on that because that will boost EVERYTHING else. For fashion, I asically switched to smaller, a bit classier clothes, but not in any particular style (like grunge or whatever idk). It has seemed to work so far. I would argue that looks are important, but not so much looks as a groomed sort of manner. I'm currently focusing most on slowness and posture, and thanks for the good advice! But I have another question. I don't want to pretend to be an incredible seducer because I want to avoid stereotyping myself. Like, I want the attributes and fundamentals of an incredibly sexy man, but my problem is trying to mesh that with my natural personality so it is ME not just a mask I put on. That was part of the original question. You are right though. We are all unique.
A lot to think about and a lot to work on
thanks-
youngbyron

 

[diegoC]

But I have another question. I don't want to pretend to be an incredible seducer because I want to avoid stereotyping myself. Like, I want the attributes and fundamentals of an incredibly sexy man, but my problem is trying to mesh that with my natural personality so it is ME not just a mask I put on.

There are lots of post here about being sexy, bad boy, etc.

I have to say that is good to take some insights from them. Now, what I think is important to get girls, like I've said in other posts, is Attraction + Connection.

Attraction is just the thing that make a girl think you seem interesting. That is all about the vibe/energy, masculinity, dominance I think. During interactions you should keep it at your beat, you should guide it, not her. That is why is important to focus on her. Almost all the time you should focus on her, not on you. There have been here some advice of some guys that you should not tell nothing about yourself and be completely mysterious. I'm sure it has worked for them but I think is not necessary when you sense the girl really wants to know about you. A genuine answer its okay, but then you should try to focus on her. This will keep the mystery on yourself, you will still keep your beat, and she will continue to talk which is very important so she invests a lot more (besides, people love to talk about themselves).

• The vibe usually changes during an interaction. I guess at the start is important you get her attention, so have to have a strong energy to make her stop and notice you (way more important during daygame). Then, as she starts investing it will naturally chill down, of course.

• Dominance is something that will be expressed by you leading the interaction. Also, when you challenge her when you not agree with her. Is important to disagree with girls, and then, try to make your point stand over hers. If you can't dont sweat it, at least, you are a guy that can disagree. When you do this, don't be emotional about it, just in a relaxed/playful manner. If you are saying something and she asks you a question, don't stop an answer, finish your statement and then do it.

Connection is just touching subjects that really matter. Usually it have to do with emotions, character traits, motivations. Like a girl travelling to your country, leaving hers... what motivates her. You won't ask at once but you should dig to get that out from her. It's important to connect with someone because only having attraction is not enough to a solid close in my opinion.

The start of an interaction is all attraction. At first you should try to talk about whatever you can pick up from her (better) or the environment an make it a conversation. Here you could be playful with her, witty, make her laugh. This will relax her to keep talking to you. Then you should connect. It can be the other way around, of course, but I always find it better when I don't touch important topics at the start because they usually talk about that at the start of much of their interactions.


All this will make you very interesting in my opinion. You should be yourself, of course, you should be funny in you own sense of humor, its just that know you know how attraction between a man and a woman works, and you are just taking advantage of that. Is not a mask, is just knowing how to act in this situations in the best way to make girls be attracted to you. Help them know you. They will be very glad.

Cheers!

 

[PrettyDecent]

Hey YoungByron,

I'm sure you've read this article, but perhaps reading this with the question you had in mind could help: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-p ... z2H4SKhPqv.

Cheers,
Jake

 

[Byron]

The Success factor is essentially what I want to accomplish, yes, but my problem is that the ways described in there are difficult for me to understand and put into action. I understand the concept of it, and the concept of how to achieve it, but I cannot seem to apply it in ways that work, and tie that in to fundamentals, which are the basis for everything I do in seduction.
-youngbyron

 

[FixYourselves]

This might sound strange, but you could try filming yourself with a camera. If you just look at the camera and talk about something that interests you, and watch it back, then you can see how you might come across to others. You can then make adjustments accordingly, e.g. clearer talking, speaking with more confidence, less stammering, less crutch words (umm, uhh, like, etc.), eye contact. I have only started doing this recently, but have genuinely found that it has carried over into my interactions on a day-to-day basis and made me a more confident individual. Give it a try if you get the chance

 

[Good Vibes]

There have been here some advice of some guys that you should not tell nothing about yourself and be completely mysterious. I'm sure it has worked for them but I think is not necessary when you sense the girl really wants to know about you. A genuine answer its okay, but then you should try to focus on her. This will keep the mystery on yourself, you will still keep your beat, and she will continue to talk which is very important so she invests a lot more (besides, people love to talk about themselves).

Sure, you may succeed with a girl by filtering info about yourself before you bone her but you are risking her developing "Buyers Remorse" when a girl knows too much about you and loses interest. It is better to only tell stuff about yourself if she asks for it.

For three reasons,

you can gauge how interested she is in you,
it shows you are of higher value, (if she didn't ask you about it, why are you trying to impress her)
it develops a questioning momentum from her (her chasing you).

When you answer her questions about yourself you should be brief about it and make it out to be of no big deal regardless of how interesting or great it is. You can also bypass her questions with a joke or give her nothing at all if it's too personal.

There have been here some advice of some guys that you should not tell nothing about yourself and be completely mysterious.... I think it's not necessary when you sense the girl really wants to know about you.

What you are sensing may not be accurate. Don't assume that with her, that's what "nice guys" do.

As far as being "completely mysterious" you would only remain that way to girls who are not interested in you. Ask yourself how often should a girl not be interested in you. Your answer should be never if you have mastered this technique assuming you're doing everything else right of course.

 

[Richard]

Great question, and I think that I can help. First, you have to understand that not everyone is an extreme natural, but I believe in pick-up, everyone has at least one field of almost natural expertise, one area where they learn quickly, or you may be like me, I'll give you my personal background:
I've always a great conversationalist in my comfort zone, I've dated one girl in my life for over a year though, and learned alot from being with her, and learned alot after breaking up with her. This is what truly inspired me to join the pick up community, and I've been elevating since then. When I started out, I had huge approach anxiety remedied only by swallowing my fear and just doing it. My anxiety wore off quickly, and I really began to fly. My area of expertise is picking up on emotion, I read people outstandingly, and it helps me to control the conversations when I meet women, because I subconsciously judge their character, and empathize with it (I plan on studying therapy in college). My natural area was connection, building rapport, and deep diving. Then, my mindset affected me, because, I knew of my intentions with women, and thought they knew as well. Eventually, that mind set staggered off, and I'm perfectly calm with women, and have alot of fun meeting new women.
Now, back to your question. Extreme confidence is built! Confidence comes from repetition, and experience, this is true for all aspects of life. Think back to the first time you went driving, you were probably a nervous wreck the first few times, but eventually got it down pact, and drive perfectly without hesitation! The same is true for women, learning to be attractive is exactly that, learned. Confidence and natural attractiveness cannot be taught completely, cannot be guided completely. It is up to you, to open women, and build your own confidence, and at the same time, it will boost your subconscious attraction levels. So, get out there and open women! Go now!

 

[Richard]

The Success factor is essentially what I want to accomplish, yes, but my problem is that the ways described in there are difficult for me to understand and put into action. I understand the concept of it, and the concept of how to achieve it, but I cannot seem to apply it in ways that work, and tie that in to fundamentals, which are the basis for everything I do in seduction.
-youngbyron

Starting off, you will not pick up every woman you want because you simply don't have enough experience to deal with what they can throw at you. But as far as success goes, it completely depends upon you, if you understand the fundamentals of pick up, then don't over think them before an approach, because you'll pressure yourself into using the fundamentals, and will come across as scripted instead of genuine. Push all your fundamentals into the outskirts of your mind, and just approach women, and open them. Write down your individual conquests, and review them later with fundamentals in mind to look at things you did right, and things you could work on.
- Zphix