Socializing Connecting Social Circles Backfiring

[Black]

Hey. I recently read some articles about college game and one or two brought up "being a bridge" between social circles. . . that happens to be something I naturally enjoy doing.

For the last two years the number of social circles I'm involved in - actively hanging out together - has steadily grown from 0 to 2 or 3. . . to juggling 4 or more these last months.
Also, in general, "respect" has increased while "drama" has decreased - mostly because I keep shuffling them around to my maximize my benefit (i.e. if a group is stagnant and the vibes are so-so, I'll give it a rest for a weekend or two to try this or that party with such and such, personally organize a meetup with these other people, etc. . .)

However, politics and status-jockeying still rear their ugly heads from time to time.
One of the times when shit does tend to hit the fan - or (rather, lately) gets so close to that I absolutely stop investing in that circle - is when I introduce a buddy or two from a circle to another and I get blind-sided by someone acting up big time. It really feels like this or that group got "infected". . .

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For example:

Some time ago I mentioned this status-jockeying guy who had began using social media to imply I'm a "creepy guy that never gets laid and has sex with corspes instead". Fortunately, my bigger problem now is to keep secrecy about the social circle girls I did bed and avoid drama as I look for new ones but I digress. . .
How did this guy appear anyway? Let's call him "g".

Some months ago I had social circles A and B - I was newer to the later but I already had about 3 more or less solid buddies there.
I started bringing these guys to my bar/clubbing nights with A - as B was kind of lacking in nightlife stuff.
. . .but the alpha female running B, lets call her "s" did not react well, as she later turned out to be constantly setting frames, bad mouthing people, and basically applying "divide and conquer" strategies to keep herself at the "center" of the group i.e. to befriend my friends but make sure I did not befriend hers.
. . . so she suddenly invited herself to an A meetup where "g" had happened to show up for the first time. Nothing much happened yet.

Weeks later I was organizing a Christmas dinner with about 4 people from B (yup, I still thought it was a pretty awesome), a friend from A (who brought friends who were cool), a classmate and a number of other friends I eventually chose not invite. "s" suddenly brought about 3 more friends of her (who were not-to-cool) - plus "g" - altering the composition of the group and the vibe. . . to my disadvantage.

Since then, things went downhill as "g" left A to be established firmly in B where he followed "s" everywhere and became her tool to bring me down in status (as he was already trying to do that in A, albeit with limited prospects there). . .
Not too different from when I first appeared in B and "s" showered me in compliments while blatantly ignoring others.

Other than organizing the New Year's party with an A-based group, I kept pressing forward in B for about a month; building on the initial friendships and trying to develop a couple new ones. . . but it all came to nothing as my best friend in B left town and "s" became more overt about setting frames, causing drama, turning a chump or two against me, etc. . .
Eventually it was two or three people dominating the conversation and I'd get ignored (or attacked) if I said anything.

Long story short, I reduced my investment in B to 0 and about one more month later the configuration of the group had changed again, all the hysteria, idiots encouraged to rivalize with me, all that is subdued with "s" dominating the conversations with yet other people. . .

Now, from time to time I run into "g" in bars who seems to be hanging out with other friends now. . .
"s" eventually contacted me for gossip, I led her on a bit then ignored her.
She also strengthened her ties with the people she had badmouthed to me, just in case (i.e. that Indian guy she more or less accuses of being a creep and a rapist, she now likes his social media stuff and so on. . .)

Anyway. . .

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These last two years I've had one or two more situations like this and they have this in common:

1) the people acting up are not "average" - they are pretty toxic to start with.
2) it leverages on a minor political tension that would otherwise be easy to deal with alone
3) and the most important: I DONT SEE IT COMING

I don't see it coming because those doing it are not chumps like "g" being lame and openly attacking me from the start, but seriously fucked up people like "s" who are capable of being two-faced to the extreme and for a long period of time (until they get a chance to "act up" and do a 180 degree behaviour change). Also, it can involve people I'm not even planning to bring over across groups, or thinking about in any way (like "s" who invited herself, and "g" who was checking out group A, that one time).

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Lately, I've been having the opportunity to mix groups again, other groups - giving a lot of value to some new friends.
Actually, many opportunities, in all kinds of combinations. . . but, as usual, I'm being careful and only thinking about carrying out one of these.

Any tips to avoid drama?
Not being a bridge, ever? Waiting until I'm close friends before helping anyone? What?

 

[skin_man]

First of all, it feels pretty great to be able to shuffle between social groups. You get uninhibited and also get very much attention from each group as they try to maybe live up to your expectations in a bid to keep you or be very flat and open with you to see if you'll still hang with them for much longer.

Most times when these social circles realise that you have other groups you hang out with, they may begin to actually compete for your person, maybe even spying on your other group just to get a glimpse of who they can one-up.

The reverse however is that these groups can get tired of you shuffling around and actually point drama in your direction so as to permanently get rid of you. (like a fwb would act to make you commit or put out).

Any tips to avoid drama?
Not being a bridge, ever? Waiting until I'm close friends before helping anyone? What?

I relate to your tale, just wont bore you with details so I fast forward to what I think could help:

SOLUTION?
After being a bridge for a certain period, stick with a particular group. Yes it would seem like you're dropping your "freedom", but it does not mean you cant make new friends or create new contacts outside. It only means that even though you are the bridge, you actually begin getting deeply involved with the status-jockeying and politics of THIS particular group and rise in the ranks (as it were), while still keeping your tabs on the other groups you're in. This way, you'll draw respect and have to deal with only the drama you choose to join from the other circles.

Even when the main social group you've become a part of has drama, you would learn to handle them and deal with them, beautiful thing is that, you'll be doing it from an abundance mindset because you have others who you can hang out with, no matter what.

Also you would help the others in the group see your bridging tendencies and they too could become like mini-bridges that bring other people round your now central group. Even if any group goes away, and you're left by yourself, you can always resume being a bridge and grow it up again. You'll begin to notice patterns at this point and then you can actively sift through issues better and maintain more longterm relationships.

Funny enough, this bridging ability could be put to good use in making you a mini celebrity as you might have to keep your group around doing shit that gets you noticed in your overall environment. But that's too much now isn't it.

Hope this helps.

 

[Black]

Thank you!