Contacting your ex when you're down

[lux7]

By pure chance I'm in the same city as my ex.

It's a tough period for me.
I don't know many people here, I don't go out much if at all (I feel bad spending money when I don't have an income), I haven't managed to find a good job so far despite my best attempts and all my family and closest friends are far away.

She's outgoing and goes out often, knows many people, so I see her as a possible new good friend and a great contact that could bring me back at least to good social life.
But at the same time I think it would be a bad idea.

Every time we've met without being in a relationship it's gotten sexual and some feelings resurfaced, we haven't been in touch since almost 2 years after I cut off contact, and her last mail said she felt bad as she thought I was her best option for a relationship.


What do you think?

 

[trashKENNUT]

L7,

By pure chance I'm in the same city as my ex.

It's a tough period for me.
I don't know many people here, I don't go out much if at all (I feel bad spending money when I don't have an income), I haven't managed to find a good job so far despite my best attempts and all my family and closest friends are far away.

She's outgoing and goes out often, knows many people, so I see her as a possible new good friend and a great contact that could bring me back at least to good social life.
But at the same time I think it would be a bad idea.

Every time we've met without being in a relationship it's gotten sexual and some feelings resurfaced, we haven't been in touch since almost 2 years after I cut off contact, and her last mail said she felt bad as she thought I was her best option for a relationship.


What do you think?

Better avoid it if possible. It's great going back but if she wants a relationship like my ex needed one, too, It's better to let her go. it will be messier if you get sexual and tell her that you want to be single, that's not going to be good.

z@c+

 

[Stewie]

By pure chance I'm in the same city as my ex.

It's a tough period for me.
I don't know many people here, I don't go out much if at all (I feel bad spending money when I don't have an income), I haven't managed to find a good job so far despite my best attempts and all my family and closest friends are far away.

She's outgoing and goes out often, knows many people, so I see her as a possible new good friend and a great contact that could bring me back at least to good social life.
But at the same time I think it would be a bad idea.

Every time we've met without being in a relationship it's gotten sexual and some feelings resurfaced, we haven't been in touch since almost 2 years after I cut off contact, and her last mail said she felt bad as she thought I was her best option for a relationship.


What do you think?

Ditto what Zac said, in order to be better and accomplish the things that you want to in life, you must first learn to try things on your own and this includes going out in a new city and meeting people. Doing this will help you tremendously in developing screening techniques, social skills, and various other fundamentals that you would not get by just chilling at your place. Besides who said you had to break the bank? Go out, buy A drink, sip on it all night, and socialize my friend. Life is too short to let money hold you back ( though of course you need to be cautious when you don't have it). Best of luck

R4L

 

[Thedoctor]

Lucifer,

Despite what a lot of people say, you can be friends with your exes, so long as it ended on fairly even terms and there are no huge residual feelings.

She's outgoing and goes out often, knows many people, so I see her as a possible new good friend and a great contact that could bring me back at least to good social life.

This can be possible if you go about it the right way. That is, you do not engage in any behaviour that signals sexual interest.

Every time we've met without being in a relationship it's gotten sexual and some feelings resurfaced, we haven't been in touch since almost 2 years after I cut off contact, and her last mail said she felt bad as she thought I was her best option for a relationship.

However, this statement should worry you. If you think feelings will arise from either side, I'd suggest steering clear. If your primary reason for considering this is because you don't know that many people where you live, don't do it. There are a ton of ways to meet new people:

-classes (cooking, photography, bartending etc.)
-volunteering (great, especially if money is an issue for you)
-websites such as meetup.com

Try some of these out.

-John

 

[lux7]

Besides who said you had to break the bank? Go out, buy A drink, sip on it all night, and socialize my friend. Life is too short to let money hold you back ( though of course you need to be cautious when you don't have it). Best of luck

R4L

So true, I actually wouldn't have financial problems for quite a while even by going out every day, but I "feel bad" at spending without an income. I might be either too stingy or have too strong values around money, depending if you wanna see the positive or negatives of it .

 

[lux7]

Lucifer,

Despite what a lot of people say, you can be friends with your exes, so long as it ended on fairly even terms and there are no huge residual feelings.

-John

True.
Might be rare, but certainly possible.