Conversation: Bait Statements

[NarrowJ]

I get girls throwing the bait out there with various things. Here are a couple examples:

1 - "I broke my phone last night. Because I threw it"

2 - "Yeah the other night was crazy... I woke up wearing someone else's pants"

In both examples, I feel like she's trying to create intrigue and get me to ask what happened/why these things happened. More specifically:

In #1 she just wants attention? Like she is going to tell me this bad shit that happened that prompted her to throw the phone. Then she can go ahead with the pity party, full on.

On #1 I responded something like: "temper temper lady! Those things aren't cheap" - not asking for any info on what happened to prompt her throwing the phone, but instead a little playfulness and leveling the situation perhaps?

In #2 it almost seems like she's trying to hint at something to make me jealous? She is looking for some kind of overreaction here. Testing me to see that I care. Then if I overreact she can turn it around on me? Then make some explanation that her pants got something spilled on them and borrowed a pair from a girlfriend?

On #2 I didn't respond at all. Then she ended up texting me again, changing the subject to something else entirely.


What do you guys think? Did I handle both situations appropriately, or could I have done something to condition them to the fact that I will offer attention, but just not for things like this where she is basically fishing for it? Or am I reading into statements like these a little too much?

Thanks guys
-NJ

 

[ProblemSolving]

Hey NJ!

You responded how I would have. You were playful and at the same time avoided getting roped into a texting convo. The only thing I would do differently is if I wanted to see one of them soon, I'd take the opportunity to set up another meet. This way it conditions them to contact you when they want to see you again.

Good call on not reacting to the second one. Women will throw out random, potentially inflammatory statements to see how you'll react and where she stands with you. You were cool, no harm done. Some women's brain-to-mouth filter is almost non-existent, so with them, it's especially important to pay attention to their actions rather than their words.

You may have also came across negative bait statements in more serious relationships, where she will accuse you of something. Stuff like, "You're such a selfish, careless, etc, person". Ignoring these has always served me well.

 

[NarrowJ]

Thanks for the response, ProblemSolving.

I think #1 was easy to handle- just deflect by commenting on it but not asking questions. She recognizes that I am not interested in continuing a convo thread about the cause of her throwing the phone. Problem solved (pun intended)

#2 is harder, I wasn't sure what to say to disarm her- so I said nothing.... And she ended up just texting me about some other subject, and so I kept on like nothing happened and scheduled our next meetup. Been seeing her for a while, so I think that's the deal here. She knows we are sexual partners and wants to gauge my level of investment without asking directly. And that's ok, but on this one I still wonder if there's a way to subconsciously deliver some message to her- that hey, I don't put up with this kind of bullshit, but here's the deal: you treat me well and give me what I want, and I'll reciprocate? Without getting into the mess she tries to put forward.

Cheers
-NJ

 

[ProblemSolving]

NJ, you accomplished exactly what you wanted to with the second one haha. No one likes to be ignored, but women are especially sensitive to brush offs because it happens so rarely to them. Withdrawing your attention is a POWERFUL conditioning tool. She got the message loud and clear.

Not only that, but she contacted you again with a more neutral topic and you reciprocated - positive reinforcement BABY!