One of the first beliefs I ever picked up from the community was 'Women chase relationships' and my one and only LTR somewhat reinforced that notion, where we became exclusive without ever having the talk. This became my only reference point and I have since tried and failed to secure a second LTR. I followed the same blueprint with three other girls (who I wanted to become exclusive with) where I presented myself as a fun guy and by virtue of seeing each other so frequently, was hoping we'd fall into a relationship or better yet, they would ask me for exclusivity. Except, neither happened and I was left scratching my head how girls I had fucked 5+ times and who I'd been on countless dates with started auto-rejecting and saying stuff like 'You're just a fun guy. You're not serious' or 'I'm tired of doing stuff like this.' after giving me a blowjob in the back of a car at 3 am or asking me 'What are we?' which I responded to disingenuously.
In retrospect, what I didn't account for is the cultural differences and societal norms of how people get into relationships. It seems to me that Western women are typically more proactive and the idea of letting her initiate the relationship holds plenty of water. This is kind of what happened with my Westernised Spanish ex. However, the three girls who I failed to convert were from Eastern Europe who appeared more traditional and perhaps came from communities where the man initiates everything. For instance, if all their previous BF's had asked them for exclusivity, then that would essentially be their blueprint and they were expecting the same from me. Failure to do so is possibly what led all three girls to shut down and start creating distance between us.
It seems like advice that says to avoid the exclusivity talk and let her be the one to bring it up is perhaps another training wheel concept that is good to internalise as a beginner so you don't do dumb shit like asking her to be your GF after your first kiss, but it's something you discard as you become more advanced. Or you adjust your GF seeking strategy depending on the girl and expect to initiate the relationship if she is from a more traditional background?
Curious to hear what you guys have to say.
In retrospect, what I didn't account for is the cultural differences and societal norms of how people get into relationships. It seems to me that Western women are typically more proactive and the idea of letting her initiate the relationship holds plenty of water. This is kind of what happened with my Westernised Spanish ex. However, the three girls who I failed to convert were from Eastern Europe who appeared more traditional and perhaps came from communities where the man initiates everything. For instance, if all their previous BF's had asked them for exclusivity, then that would essentially be their blueprint and they were expecting the same from me. Failure to do so is possibly what led all three girls to shut down and start creating distance between us.
It seems like advice that says to avoid the exclusivity talk and let her be the one to bring it up is perhaps another training wheel concept that is good to internalise as a beginner so you don't do dumb shit like asking her to be your GF after your first kiss, but it's something you discard as you become more advanced. Or you adjust your GF seeking strategy depending on the girl and expect to initiate the relationship if she is from a more traditional background?
Curious to hear what you guys have to say.
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