- Joined
- Oct 4, 2013
- Messages
- 51
I woke up today feeling pretty grateful for all I have. GC has really helped me become a better person and appreciate life and other people. While I'm far from being an expert on women and am still working at being more of a ladies man, I do have some good experience with overcoming friendzoning and I would like to share it with my fallen comrades.
This topic has been hit on a bit and this is just my perspective on it, feel free to share your ideas on this is you wish.
To start, if you are reading this, maybe you are feeling down or recently did something stupid and said girl could be mad at you. Maybe you are trying to win her and fall in love and live happily every after and you feel you are really close. Regardless of what stage you are in, I've been there and I know it sucks. Start off by watching this performance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBbb8qkvWYY
The good news is, no matter how bad you screwed up or how bad you feel right now, they will get over it and so will you. The other news is: you will most likely never sleep with this girl. Your end goal is probably to sleep with this girl or be in a relationship with her and that's what you need to change. This is just a idealized fantasy and you aren't really in love with her. You are in love with this idealized version of her that she can never live up to. However, these are still wonderful girls and they can be really good friends for you and actually contribute a great deal to your life.
I have experienced 2 epic friendzonings and overcome both of them. While epicly friendzoned, I thought that if I just slept with these girls that all of the stuff I'd done for them would be validated. Like many friendzoned dudes, I complied with the girl's every wish and never got anything in return. I went long periods of time without sex, while they regularly got it from guys that did much less than me. They didn't respect me as a man, they probably don't respect you as a man either and you aren't going to be able to get that respect and validation b/c they aren't going to sleep with you.
To deal with this and gain that respect that you crave, you are going to redefine success. You aren't a failure and haven't failed, you have experienced a setback in life and need to redefine your goals. Here's your new mindset:
1. The goal of bending said girl and going to poundtown is now on just a bonus achievement. You aren't going to put any effort into it and you could care less if it happens b/c you are going to be so over sexed from other girls anyway.
2. The nice crap that you do for the girl, you can still do some of that crap. Limit these things to "domestic man work". She is going to need help moving sometimes or fixing stuff. Its ok to fulfill these duties, that's what friends are for.
3. This is a very important bullet! In return for doing this "domestic man work", have her fulfill your domestic needs. You are going to do this by building compliance. You will need to start slow, so don't call her over to night to shave your back or anything. An example of something small is using her chapstick. Always seek this compliance and get her invested in this friendship as well. Eventually, you will get more compliance as she bakes you cakes on your birthday or designated drives sometimes for you.
4. Let her be your basecamp when you are out. Having an attractive girl around adds value to you. So when you are out, other girls will see you having a good time with her and will be interested. They will think she is maybe your girlfriend or you are on a date, but when you go talk to them they will be a little intrigued. Be careful bringing the girls back to your basecamp though, friendzone girl could cockblock.
5. You are going to be up to your neck in women, but don't brag or flaunt it. You need to portray your easy going attitude towards sex, but never tell her in any way that you went home with some girl and had sex.
6. Since you are going to be up to your neck in women, she can have lovers too! Remember that you dropped those idealized views and you truly want her to be happy. Don't get jealous or emotional, your sexual needs are being met by someone else and so are hers.
While most advise on friendzoning is to drop the girl and go after other girls, they don't exactly highlight the value of the girl that friendzone you. These girls are good candidates to fulfill some of your domestic need that your guy friends can't. None of your guy friends are going to open their purse for you to throw your keys in. By building this compliance and respecting her, you can gain that respect that you wanted from her.
Now on to the bonus... This is the least important part of all of this. The important part was you regaining your sense of self and respect. Whether or not this girl ever sleeps with you is her call. After you build up your persona as an easy going guy and that sex is nothing shameful, let her know that she is welcome in your bed. Be casual and discrete, but direct about it. She will tell you that she really values your friendship, tell her the same. From there, the bonus is up to her. Continue with this lifestyle, if you get the bonus that's cool.
Of my 2 friendzonings, I have slept with one of them. Even though she moved away, we are very close friends and have sex every time she is in town. My other one is also a very close friend of mine. She does a lot for me and I help her out with stuff when she needs it. I told her a month or so ago that se was welcome in my bed and I didn't get in trouble or anything(a year and a half ago, she was pretty pissed at me for coming on to her). I'm pretty satisfied with how both of these turned out.
Good luck with your ladies and thanks GC.
Sorry, gotta go to work. Not time to proofread.
This topic has been hit on a bit and this is just my perspective on it, feel free to share your ideas on this is you wish.
To start, if you are reading this, maybe you are feeling down or recently did something stupid and said girl could be mad at you. Maybe you are trying to win her and fall in love and live happily every after and you feel you are really close. Regardless of what stage you are in, I've been there and I know it sucks. Start off by watching this performance:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBbb8qkvWYY
The good news is, no matter how bad you screwed up or how bad you feel right now, they will get over it and so will you. The other news is: you will most likely never sleep with this girl. Your end goal is probably to sleep with this girl or be in a relationship with her and that's what you need to change. This is just a idealized fantasy and you aren't really in love with her. You are in love with this idealized version of her that she can never live up to. However, these are still wonderful girls and they can be really good friends for you and actually contribute a great deal to your life.
I have experienced 2 epic friendzonings and overcome both of them. While epicly friendzoned, I thought that if I just slept with these girls that all of the stuff I'd done for them would be validated. Like many friendzoned dudes, I complied with the girl's every wish and never got anything in return. I went long periods of time without sex, while they regularly got it from guys that did much less than me. They didn't respect me as a man, they probably don't respect you as a man either and you aren't going to be able to get that respect and validation b/c they aren't going to sleep with you.
To deal with this and gain that respect that you crave, you are going to redefine success. You aren't a failure and haven't failed, you have experienced a setback in life and need to redefine your goals. Here's your new mindset:
1. The goal of bending said girl and going to poundtown is now on just a bonus achievement. You aren't going to put any effort into it and you could care less if it happens b/c you are going to be so over sexed from other girls anyway.
2. The nice crap that you do for the girl, you can still do some of that crap. Limit these things to "domestic man work". She is going to need help moving sometimes or fixing stuff. Its ok to fulfill these duties, that's what friends are for.
3. This is a very important bullet! In return for doing this "domestic man work", have her fulfill your domestic needs. You are going to do this by building compliance. You will need to start slow, so don't call her over to night to shave your back or anything. An example of something small is using her chapstick. Always seek this compliance and get her invested in this friendship as well. Eventually, you will get more compliance as she bakes you cakes on your birthday or designated drives sometimes for you.
4. Let her be your basecamp when you are out. Having an attractive girl around adds value to you. So when you are out, other girls will see you having a good time with her and will be interested. They will think she is maybe your girlfriend or you are on a date, but when you go talk to them they will be a little intrigued. Be careful bringing the girls back to your basecamp though, friendzone girl could cockblock.
5. You are going to be up to your neck in women, but don't brag or flaunt it. You need to portray your easy going attitude towards sex, but never tell her in any way that you went home with some girl and had sex.
6. Since you are going to be up to your neck in women, she can have lovers too! Remember that you dropped those idealized views and you truly want her to be happy. Don't get jealous or emotional, your sexual needs are being met by someone else and so are hers.
While most advise on friendzoning is to drop the girl and go after other girls, they don't exactly highlight the value of the girl that friendzone you. These girls are good candidates to fulfill some of your domestic need that your guy friends can't. None of your guy friends are going to open their purse for you to throw your keys in. By building this compliance and respecting her, you can gain that respect that you wanted from her.
Now on to the bonus... This is the least important part of all of this. The important part was you regaining your sense of self and respect. Whether or not this girl ever sleeps with you is her call. After you build up your persona as an easy going guy and that sex is nothing shameful, let her know that she is welcome in your bed. Be casual and discrete, but direct about it. She will tell you that she really values your friendship, tell her the same. From there, the bonus is up to her. Continue with this lifestyle, if you get the bonus that's cool.
Of my 2 friendzonings, I have slept with one of them. Even though she moved away, we are very close friends and have sex every time she is in town. My other one is also a very close friend of mine. She does a lot for me and I help her out with stuff when she needs it. I told her a month or so ago that se was welcome in my bed and I didn't get in trouble or anything(a year and a half ago, she was pretty pissed at me for coming on to her). I'm pretty satisfied with how both of these turned out.
Good luck with your ladies and thanks GC.
Sorry, gotta go to work. Not time to proofread.
