I have been thinking for days now whether I should make this post or not. And so now I have made that decision, it will be a hard pill for me to swallow per se. I decided to let my emotions cool off a bit before sitting down now. To make a long story short
I am strongly considering to delete every girl out of my life who has not contacted me in the last 30 days on her own free will and I am also considering to just forget about dating any new girls until I get my life in order.
I am not writing this to seek a pity party or any advice per se. I just wanted to put my thoughts in writing so in the future I can come back and remember vividly why I made this difficult decision.
I am 24 years old now (Birthday was April 6) and up to this point I don't feel I have achieved anything of remote success in my life and as such I had to take a step back and figure out 2 things:
1. What do I want out of life?
2. What is the #1 thing I need to do at this moment to get what I want out of life?
I made a post recently which I got some great feedback from all the guys https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/the-right-time-to-go-on-a-date-after-quarantine.22942/
And I made mention I wanted 3 things:
1. My own apartment
2. A car
3. A sweet girlfriend
At the current moment nothing in my life is going as I planned and all my efforts to improve, the results are mediocre at best. When I look back at my life the #1 problem that has caused 90% of my problems has been a lack of financial resources. I will break down in categories how being very poor from age 0 - 24 has negatively affected my life.
Health
After making that last post in May, I ended up in the hospital to be treated for major depression and I almost died to be honest. The cause for my major mental breakdown was a lack of a supportive environment for my goals and dreams. I live in a dysfunctional family. My parents and siblings fight around the clock, even at 9:00pm - 1:00am on previous occasions there has been fights in my home (I was never directly involved, I only heard the noise in the house and I ran to look what was happening. The police has been at my home to part fights between my family members at least 20 times in the past 24 months alone.
Where was I that entire time these arguments and fights played out in my household?
I was usually locked away in my bedroom working on improving myself. I have transformed my room into my sleeping area, home office, gym, eating area. My family is do dynfunctional, I dont even say good morning to most of my family members and vice versa. I am working to improve myself and they are busy fighting day and night.
My health has suffered greatly over the past 20 years + because of:
1. Family constantly fighting
2. Me constantly feeling helpless
3. My neighbors hating the family because of how much they fight, also hating me
4. Lack of sufficient money means my diet has been very poor most of my life
5. Lack of fulfilling relationships due to the above reasons and me losing confidence in myself
Relationships
I have always been the odd kid in school. I recall going through basic, middle and high school always being singled out. I was always:
1. Bullied and scorned by the girls and boys
2. Never got picked for the sports teams
3. Was never artistic, funny or had any skills that made me "cool" to the other kids
I only had 1 girlfriend in high school and the relationship lasted for maybe 2 months, if so long. I was usually the guy walking home alone from school while everyone else in school had a group of friends or a girlfriend to walk with.
(this is a very summarized way of putting it)
And the negative environment at home only reinforced how I felt. I recall 1 instance I left school after the boys teased and bullied me and I would get home and see my extended family literally drawing knives at each other and treatening to kill each other.
I moved from one negative environment to another negative one. Growing up, because my family was so poor, I had nowhere to go and I had to put up with a lot of drama expecially during my high school years.
Fact of the matter, even though I was bullied in high school as well, I do recall there were quite a few girls who liked me, thought I was cute and a bit mysterious, and because of how much crap was going on in my life, I was usually lacking so much confidence I never did anything with these girls.
Which further reinforced the nonsense I told myself. I wanted to do more and it always seemed like more forces were against me than I could manage.
I left school in 2015 and since then I have been working low wage jobs ever since. From 2015 to now, most of the girls I have had sex with, I did so in public places because of all the crap that was going on in my home. And because of that, not even 1 girl I met from 2015 to now I have had sex with more than once, which is pretty fucked up to be honest. Despite my attempts to improve myself, girls would always ghost on me.
Happiness
Obviously everything I have written far, anyone reading it can see a whole bunch of negative happenings. I have struggled so much all my life I am honestly truly happy. Many times my desire to improve myself: reading books, going on dates, building my online business, and exercising have all been a "temporary happiness" booster in my life, but deep down I don't recall a whole lot of happiness in my life.
So some people reading this might be wondering a couple things:
1. Why did I take the time to talk about all the past shit in my life which has nothing to do with the present or future
2. How is writing this helping me
3. Why all this negative writing
The answer to those potential questions anyone reading may have is my simple answer:
I needed a place to vent and just feel comfortable for once in my life on how I feel about myself as a human being. I dont have any friend or other influence I can sit down with and just be real. I have been using "self improvement" talk for quite a few years now to bury how I really feel as a man. Yes self improvement is the only way I am going to overcome my past problems, and more importantly I realize I may have to spend a good deal of time learning to truly love myself. I dont know how I am going to do that, however at least I am aware and I will do my best to find a solution.
So back to the 2 most important questions, here are my answers:
1. What do I want out of life (for 2020) ?
Answer: a nice apartment, a nice car and a sweet girlfriend
2. What is the #1 thing I need to do at this moment to get what I want out of life?
Answer: I need to improve my finances first and foremost, it is hands down the #1 missing component which has slowed down a lot of my growth from age 18 - 24. Before age 18, I had zero control because I was too young to have a job. Now I am a man, money is the only solution I see to making a difference in my life, it is the stepping stone that will allow me to explore and bring other things into my life
Coronavirus Causing Me To Reflect
Now I now a lot of GC skilled seducers have mentioned their dating life has been affected. My dating life has gotten worse as well. No surprise there. At the beginning of the Coronavirus, I was dating 3 women, at the moment both women have pretty much ghosted me.
I have spent time texting and calling these women the past 2 months. I made previous posts about them. One of the girls I was getting along well with, she has a child and the past 3 weeks, she has pretty much been very avoidant via text and has not accepted any of my phone calls. So pretty much I deleted her phone number tonight and all texts from her, that way I do not continue to chase her.
The other girl I was dating, she was actually flat out stopped responding to my texts
I know, I know what you are thinking "next these girls and build abundance with women".
I could definitely do that and then I realized the thing missing from my life is a lack of direction and pretty much me not winning at anything in life is causing a domino effect. So how do I plan on stopping this domino effect?
Full Speed Ahead With My Business, Zero Time For Women
This is probably the weirdest and most uncomfortable thing I am saying in this post so far. I love sex and I love women but honestly there are too many variables in my life that are just fucked up.
I am 24 years old and I:
1. Still dont know how to drive, I am not taking a single dollar out of my pocket for any more dates until I get that damn drivers license and ultimately get a car
2. Still live with my family who is constanty fighting, if I had a better environment, dating, sex and money would come to me a lot easier
3. Still out of shape, I have made improvements if I got my money in check, I could afford to eat healthier. Yes I exercise but my diet is still not 100% right
Attempts Made From 2015 - 2020 To Improve
With all of what I wrote above, I have done my very best in the past to take action. Here are some of the positive action steps I have taken:
1. Launched my marketing agency back in 2017, I moved from not even knowing what Wordpress is, to now building a very beautiful website
2. I have invested in courses from 2017 - 2020 on sales, copywriting and online marketing and I am constantly pushing myself to get better. Some of the top guys in the industry: Dan Lok, Jason Capital, Grant Cardone, Jordan Belfort, Anik Singal, Fred Lam, John Crestani, and many other legendary mentors. I have basically taken my paychecks and put into self education. I truly hope one day it pays off
3. I went from working on my business all alone from 2017 - 2019, to now I successfully managed to close 3 business partners on a joint venture so we can all make money and scale the business to 6 or 7 figures.
4. I exercise daily between 5:00am - 7:00am and then I do exercise again for one addional hour in the evening or night. I started this back in February 2020.
5. Since February 2020 as well, I have been doing my best to cut out low calorie foods and eat as healthy as I possibly can despite me not having a lot of money.
6. I purchased every course on Girls Chase: How to text girls, Girls Chase Mastery, Hector book on dating in college, One Date
7. In did my best to go on a date occasionally from 2015 - 2019. Some months, especially in 2019 I did break this rule to work devotedly on my online business
Dan Bilzerian Lifestyle Talk
In order for me to write this post as clear as possible, I have to go back to Dan Bilzerian quote:
"The number one reason I have so many girls in my life is because of my setup"
He says those words and it rings so true in my life. If I get my life organized, girls, money and power will all come to me easier. Me not having a car, living with my parents in a dysfunctional home and being out of shape is not probably turning away girls from me more than I know it.
So for the rest of 2020, I will do my best to focus on my money. I will be doing my best to grow my client database. So I can setup my life with a nice house and a nice car. I will have a positve environment and I think girls will be more open to wanting to be a part of my life at that point in time.
I will be working on my business 12-16 hours a day again, until I get my money in order, I will do my best to stay the fuck away from women. I have had so many girls reject me in the past and I have lost a lot of attraction in women because I did not sleep with them fast enough. Yes public sex is fun, but it is very hard to find a place to have sex... a nice apartment and a car I think would greatly improve my dating life since I would have a consistent place to pull women for sex.
I have been debating a lot with myself, should I take a break from dating and trying to get sex. This is the most uncomfortable decision I have had to make in a long time. I think is the right one and until I become a boss on my way to the fucking bank, until I get my money and ducks in a row, I will be doing my best to stay the fuck away from women.
I will setup my life so girls want to be a part of it.
I am strongly considering to delete every girl out of my life who has not contacted me in the last 30 days on her own free will and I am also considering to just forget about dating any new girls until I get my life in order.
I am not writing this to seek a pity party or any advice per se. I just wanted to put my thoughts in writing so in the future I can come back and remember vividly why I made this difficult decision.
I am 24 years old now (Birthday was April 6) and up to this point I don't feel I have achieved anything of remote success in my life and as such I had to take a step back and figure out 2 things:
1. What do I want out of life?
2. What is the #1 thing I need to do at this moment to get what I want out of life?
I made a post recently which I got some great feedback from all the guys https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/the-right-time-to-go-on-a-date-after-quarantine.22942/
And I made mention I wanted 3 things:
1. My own apartment
2. A car
3. A sweet girlfriend
At the current moment nothing in my life is going as I planned and all my efforts to improve, the results are mediocre at best. When I look back at my life the #1 problem that has caused 90% of my problems has been a lack of financial resources. I will break down in categories how being very poor from age 0 - 24 has negatively affected my life.
Health
After making that last post in May, I ended up in the hospital to be treated for major depression and I almost died to be honest. The cause for my major mental breakdown was a lack of a supportive environment for my goals and dreams. I live in a dysfunctional family. My parents and siblings fight around the clock, even at 9:00pm - 1:00am on previous occasions there has been fights in my home (I was never directly involved, I only heard the noise in the house and I ran to look what was happening. The police has been at my home to part fights between my family members at least 20 times in the past 24 months alone.
Where was I that entire time these arguments and fights played out in my household?
I was usually locked away in my bedroom working on improving myself. I have transformed my room into my sleeping area, home office, gym, eating area. My family is do dynfunctional, I dont even say good morning to most of my family members and vice versa. I am working to improve myself and they are busy fighting day and night.
My health has suffered greatly over the past 20 years + because of:
1. Family constantly fighting
2. Me constantly feeling helpless
3. My neighbors hating the family because of how much they fight, also hating me
4. Lack of sufficient money means my diet has been very poor most of my life
5. Lack of fulfilling relationships due to the above reasons and me losing confidence in myself
Relationships
I have always been the odd kid in school. I recall going through basic, middle and high school always being singled out. I was always:
1. Bullied and scorned by the girls and boys
2. Never got picked for the sports teams
3. Was never artistic, funny or had any skills that made me "cool" to the other kids
I only had 1 girlfriend in high school and the relationship lasted for maybe 2 months, if so long. I was usually the guy walking home alone from school while everyone else in school had a group of friends or a girlfriend to walk with.
(this is a very summarized way of putting it)
And the negative environment at home only reinforced how I felt. I recall 1 instance I left school after the boys teased and bullied me and I would get home and see my extended family literally drawing knives at each other and treatening to kill each other.
I moved from one negative environment to another negative one. Growing up, because my family was so poor, I had nowhere to go and I had to put up with a lot of drama expecially during my high school years.
Fact of the matter, even though I was bullied in high school as well, I do recall there were quite a few girls who liked me, thought I was cute and a bit mysterious, and because of how much crap was going on in my life, I was usually lacking so much confidence I never did anything with these girls.
Which further reinforced the nonsense I told myself. I wanted to do more and it always seemed like more forces were against me than I could manage.
I left school in 2015 and since then I have been working low wage jobs ever since. From 2015 to now, most of the girls I have had sex with, I did so in public places because of all the crap that was going on in my home. And because of that, not even 1 girl I met from 2015 to now I have had sex with more than once, which is pretty fucked up to be honest. Despite my attempts to improve myself, girls would always ghost on me.
Happiness
Obviously everything I have written far, anyone reading it can see a whole bunch of negative happenings. I have struggled so much all my life I am honestly truly happy. Many times my desire to improve myself: reading books, going on dates, building my online business, and exercising have all been a "temporary happiness" booster in my life, but deep down I don't recall a whole lot of happiness in my life.
So some people reading this might be wondering a couple things:
1. Why did I take the time to talk about all the past shit in my life which has nothing to do with the present or future
2. How is writing this helping me
3. Why all this negative writing
The answer to those potential questions anyone reading may have is my simple answer:
I needed a place to vent and just feel comfortable for once in my life on how I feel about myself as a human being. I dont have any friend or other influence I can sit down with and just be real. I have been using "self improvement" talk for quite a few years now to bury how I really feel as a man. Yes self improvement is the only way I am going to overcome my past problems, and more importantly I realize I may have to spend a good deal of time learning to truly love myself. I dont know how I am going to do that, however at least I am aware and I will do my best to find a solution.
So back to the 2 most important questions, here are my answers:
1. What do I want out of life (for 2020) ?
Answer: a nice apartment, a nice car and a sweet girlfriend
2. What is the #1 thing I need to do at this moment to get what I want out of life?
Answer: I need to improve my finances first and foremost, it is hands down the #1 missing component which has slowed down a lot of my growth from age 18 - 24. Before age 18, I had zero control because I was too young to have a job. Now I am a man, money is the only solution I see to making a difference in my life, it is the stepping stone that will allow me to explore and bring other things into my life
Coronavirus Causing Me To Reflect
Now I now a lot of GC skilled seducers have mentioned their dating life has been affected. My dating life has gotten worse as well. No surprise there. At the beginning of the Coronavirus, I was dating 3 women, at the moment both women have pretty much ghosted me.
I have spent time texting and calling these women the past 2 months. I made previous posts about them. One of the girls I was getting along well with, she has a child and the past 3 weeks, she has pretty much been very avoidant via text and has not accepted any of my phone calls. So pretty much I deleted her phone number tonight and all texts from her, that way I do not continue to chase her.
The other girl I was dating, she was actually flat out stopped responding to my texts
I know, I know what you are thinking "next these girls and build abundance with women".
I could definitely do that and then I realized the thing missing from my life is a lack of direction and pretty much me not winning at anything in life is causing a domino effect. So how do I plan on stopping this domino effect?
Full Speed Ahead With My Business, Zero Time For Women
This is probably the weirdest and most uncomfortable thing I am saying in this post so far. I love sex and I love women but honestly there are too many variables in my life that are just fucked up.
I am 24 years old and I:
1. Still dont know how to drive, I am not taking a single dollar out of my pocket for any more dates until I get that damn drivers license and ultimately get a car
2. Still live with my family who is constanty fighting, if I had a better environment, dating, sex and money would come to me a lot easier
3. Still out of shape, I have made improvements if I got my money in check, I could afford to eat healthier. Yes I exercise but my diet is still not 100% right
Attempts Made From 2015 - 2020 To Improve
With all of what I wrote above, I have done my very best in the past to take action. Here are some of the positive action steps I have taken:
1. Launched my marketing agency back in 2017, I moved from not even knowing what Wordpress is, to now building a very beautiful website
2. I have invested in courses from 2017 - 2020 on sales, copywriting and online marketing and I am constantly pushing myself to get better. Some of the top guys in the industry: Dan Lok, Jason Capital, Grant Cardone, Jordan Belfort, Anik Singal, Fred Lam, John Crestani, and many other legendary mentors. I have basically taken my paychecks and put into self education. I truly hope one day it pays off
3. I went from working on my business all alone from 2017 - 2019, to now I successfully managed to close 3 business partners on a joint venture so we can all make money and scale the business to 6 or 7 figures.
4. I exercise daily between 5:00am - 7:00am and then I do exercise again for one addional hour in the evening or night. I started this back in February 2020.
5. Since February 2020 as well, I have been doing my best to cut out low calorie foods and eat as healthy as I possibly can despite me not having a lot of money.
6. I purchased every course on Girls Chase: How to text girls, Girls Chase Mastery, Hector book on dating in college, One Date
7. In did my best to go on a date occasionally from 2015 - 2019. Some months, especially in 2019 I did break this rule to work devotedly on my online business
Dan Bilzerian Lifestyle Talk
In order for me to write this post as clear as possible, I have to go back to Dan Bilzerian quote:
"The number one reason I have so many girls in my life is because of my setup"
He says those words and it rings so true in my life. If I get my life organized, girls, money and power will all come to me easier. Me not having a car, living with my parents in a dysfunctional home and being out of shape is not probably turning away girls from me more than I know it.
So for the rest of 2020, I will do my best to focus on my money. I will be doing my best to grow my client database. So I can setup my life with a nice house and a nice car. I will have a positve environment and I think girls will be more open to wanting to be a part of my life at that point in time.
I will be working on my business 12-16 hours a day again, until I get my money in order, I will do my best to stay the fuck away from women. I have had so many girls reject me in the past and I have lost a lot of attraction in women because I did not sleep with them fast enough. Yes public sex is fun, but it is very hard to find a place to have sex... a nice apartment and a car I think would greatly improve my dating life since I would have a consistent place to pull women for sex.
I have been debating a lot with myself, should I take a break from dating and trying to get sex. This is the most uncomfortable decision I have had to make in a long time. I think is the right one and until I become a boss on my way to the fucking bank, until I get my money and ducks in a row, I will be doing my best to stay the fuck away from women.
I will setup my life so girls want to be a part of it.
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