Couldnt close exgirlfriend, depression kicked in, and i snapped

[ajx032]

I had been with my ex for a month and than i left her without a word. she text me but i had crippling depression issues where i quit my job and left my apt. i moved back home and didnt get out of my room for 5months cause of past rejection from women and just not happy with my life. My depression got to the point of suicidal and I had to speak with someone. I pushed everyone away and text her. We started to talk and she said she would take me to depression meetings if I want. I showed up to the city to meet her without her knowledge. She was not home. Called her and she was on a date with some guy. I had not seen her in 6 months. Anyway she came home and waited for me outside. Went inside and she was nervous. She was playful, teasing me, even had a gstring on. Tried to escalate but she pushed me away. She layed next to me and I was naked while she had on shorts and a bra. Did hard escalation, pinned her against the bed but she wouldnt bite. She said im acting weird and wanted to watch a movie. Tried to finger her but nothing. Movie ended and she fell asleep. She said she was scared I will rape her while she is a sleep. Anyway, I was like im gonna go and she said ok Bye cause she was sleeping. By the door she said my name twice. Came back and tried to close but she wouldnt budge. Depression hit me hard and i snapped. She said she doesnt want to do anything with me till i go see a counselor for my issues. She gave me her credit card to order food. I ordered food but didnt eat, She was alseep. I left at 4am. I text her back saying im done and hurt. And this time Im telling her im out rather than walking out and not saying anything.

My past is I did not lose my virginity till 28. I was clueless and assumed girls didnt find me attractive cause of mixed signals. I hit depression hard during these times. Did MM and got my first girlfriend at 28 and than dry spell for 2 years. 31 next girlfriend for 6 months and dryspell for 2 years. Now its been 6 months and im on a dryspell. I just dont get this game. Problem is women are hitting on me alot indirectly im beginning to notice but they assume i have game being im 35 but i suck at this. So im getting alot of invitations to f close but i cant even get a date. Im reading these articles, doing david deida, eckhart tolle, but i just dont get girls. Reading these articles got me messed up cause i feel like i have no clue. My self esteem has always been crap. My confidence comes from family,friends, relationships which i never had. So now im trying to build a backbone since i cant lead and women assume a good looking guy like me should know this. Im trapped and cant escape. I just dont get it

 

[lao che]

everything you need is on this site.


i can't offer you any kind words. it sounds like you're going in the right direction, though. finding out how clueless you are isn't a bad thing, buddy. use that to learn.

as for the girl with the g-string, i would have just gone to sleep there and banged her in the morning. but you decided to leave then didn't leave when she called you back. you should have followed through, or gone back and just gone to sleep there when she LMRd you again. anyway, it's done it's done.

i'll say this, when i first learned about the seduction community (about 9 years ago) my results suffered at first. but i knew that i had been doing it wrong all along, up till then. i just needed time to adjust, to calibrate, as it were. then, after i discovered girlschase, things happened for me really quickly.

keep on keepin on man

 

[Drck]

Hi Ajx,

Couple things.. it looks like you have pretty bad depression, it should definitely be addressed by professionals. You sort of want to normalize your mood before you go back to girl(s), if you have to take meds, take them...

Another thing, try to understand your ex-GF. You've been together only one month. I don't know what you guys did together and if you had sex, but these days one month is not much of a significant time. Most likely you don't even know the person well, and if you didn't sleep wither her chances are that she doesn't consider your relationship serious at all...

You left her without a word after one month, so she probably moved on with her life. She found new BF, maybe dated couple other guys.... and then you suddenly show in her town 6 months later and call her...

What was she suppose to do? She likes you, she feels for you, but at the same time she may be dating somebody else. You then try to escalate, you sort of push too much, perhaps were even too aggressive... so she tells you that you are acting weird, and that she is afraid you will rape her... There were just no vibes between you and her, maybe you felt something but she didn't...

So this girl feels sort of responsible for your depression, on one side she wants to be there for you because you feel depressed and you are suicidal and you could do something if she's not there, and on the other she may have somebody else... Thus she wants you to talk to counselor, and you definitely should. She made the right decision.

Now to the underlying problem: It seems that your depression is caused (at least partially) by not having women in your life. If there is some woman, you are happy. When she disappears, your mood goes down...

That is no good, you are dependent on women and that is the reason why you can't find them and keep them. You are needy, clingy and insecure, women feel it and they don't want to stick around you because they sort of have to take care of you, they have to feel responsible for your moods...

Any normal and mature woman don't want to do that, she doesn't want to be the object of her guy's happiness. It is emotionally draining, exhausting, she has to play the guy's mamma and she hates it... She wants to be mamma to her kids, not to her lover...

The guy can be the best and sexiest seducer but if he is needy, clingy and insecure, no mature women will stick around him...

Normal woman wants independent and emotionally stable man, she wants a man who is a strong emotional support for her...

So try to find happiness in something else first. You will never find happiness in women, you will only make it worse because the more you try the more you get frustrated and depressed. Find a hobby, start exercising, find something that makes you happy, do something that you really like... Balance your emotions, work on independence from women - and only then return to date women. Women should never be #1 on a guy's list of importance, they should be #2, if not #3 or #4...

Once you can find a way to be happy independently of women, they will actually be seeking you as they will find you very attractive, independent and emotionally stable...

Good luck and hope it helps!

 

[Idle Billy]

I'm not expecting the OP to return, but it seems he had a very magnanimous GF, considering he left her "without a word"!

 

[ajx032]

What do you mean return?

As far as her, I had a year dry spell after constant rejection. Mixed signals screwed me over and the fear of rejection destoryed me even till today. It was Halloween I saw her in a crowd glowing. Pushed my way through the crowd and approached her. Talked with her alil bit and did alil escalataion. She was open to it. I was alil surprised. Went out to smoke and she doesnt even smoke. She dropped me off me and didnt close cause she wanted to drop her friend off. Got 5 flakes in a row, 2 girls setup dates and they never showed up. With her I just wanted to delete her number cause I didnt think she was gonna show. So I decided if Im going to get rejected I might as well invite her to my place. She text back and showed up. She is jamaican ghetto, dark skin like my dream girl but OK looking. Anyway when she walked in my room she asked if I was nervous but I denied. She automatically laid on my bed without asking and I was really surprised but didnt show. Made out, watched a movie, but she didnt like my place. Didnt have money, broke, so I made her walk 10 blocks to her place while she wore high heels. Went to her place and closed. I couldnt sleep and she kept on asking y. I just didnt understand why she would be so easy and better looking but the other girls who were not attractive didnt give me the time or day. We started as just hanging out and since I was desperate I asked her on a date and for continue sex I asked her to be my girlfriend. She cooked, clean, gave me money, showered me, washed me, drove me around, gave me money for food. I never spent any holidays with girls since I couldnt get any. Now for the first time she invited me over to thanksgiving at her friends. I didnt know this depression I had was kicking back in. My friends were still not getting girls, and the few girls I approach I got rejected. So now I start getting pissed off that why she would pick me when other girls are rejecting me. She knew I didnt loose my virginity till 28 cause after the ONS i told her so. She was surprised but didnt understand. Which made me believe there is something really wrong with me. Anyway came the night before xmas and I start asking her why she wants to be with me, started to accuse her so she can reject me. Xmas plans were canceled. I showed up the night before with her gift and she was hurt/wasted drunk. Had sex but I told her I am not happy. She did everything she can but I just dont understand why she went with me when other girls rejected me. After xmas I stopped talking with her. I snapped on not getting girls and left everything in the city, left my job, left my furniture, security deposit and moved back to my parents house. She tried to get in touch with me but my depression was crippling. I just couldnt deal with women rejecting me. Its gotten worse to the point where I started practicing kundalini yoga and had panic attacks. See I had a job, nice career, money, car, nice place to live but still rejection from women. I just didnt see and dont see of working since that didnt get me girls. Im a simple guy who wanted a few friends in school, girlfriend in college, marriage, kids, jobs. Thats what my parents and society promised me. But that is not what happened. I am lost now and this world is too much. Its like im in fight club where my great depression is my life. Everyone is getting laid, getting married, but I am the reject by society who they cant relate with.

 

[lao che]

OP,

you say girls are interested in you but only want you for sex. what's the problem here?


i'm gonna guess where you're going wrong - you get attention from a girl (because of your looks, you say) first few minutes all is good, then you start talking about yourself too much, start telling the girl that you had depression, or that normally you're not good with girls, or that you lost your virginity so late, or that you had to move bAck with your folks because ... blah blah blah ... and then the girl loses interest because why the fuck does she care about all that you've only just met her and you're not even pretending to try to get to know her, you're just unloading onto her. so then when she exits the convo or the relationship you think "she didn't care about me at all she was only interested in my looks/only wanted to fuck ... sigh ... poor me "
girl does not equal therapist. girl does not equal emotional tampon. all you should really see when you look at a girl is fun. sexy fun times. sounds harsh, i know, but that's all she wants and it's all you should give her. don't give her your baggage. if you spend more time with one girl and like each other's company then you can start to maybe make her a bigger part of your life (i.e make her your proper girl instead of a fuck buddy)
but your attitude when talking to girls needs to change from 'you're nice please be my girlfriend' to 'you're cool, let's fuck'

would you mind disclosing where you are? country, or city.

this thread is fascinating. i've read your other thread, too. i'm gonna keep following.

one more thing i'll say - the dream that you're chasing doesn't exist. the dudes who look like they got their shit together, don't exist. everyone is worried. everyone has fears and insecurities and nervousness. everyone has things that keep them awake at night. everyone is pretending, to one degree or another. everyone is trying to overcome their own personal demons.
people who look happy, the marriage and the white picket fence, have usually done it for someone else's happiness. like through parental pressure, or the pressure of the girlfriend.and who the hell wants that? we've all heard those stories about becoming a lawyer or doctor because that's what the folks wanted, and marrying little miss whoeverthefuck because it was the 'right choice' and then getting to 35/40 and realizing what a mistake they'd made. who the fuck wants that? there are always cracks beneath the surface. take care of yourself man, number 1

 

[lao che]

now, as for this jamaican girl ... sounds like she's a pretty good girl, tbh


but you get her and push her away. constant questioning instead of acceptance.

why? you're hot! why are you with me when the other, uglier girls will have nothing to do with me?


there are a few possibilities here.

1. she has low self esteem
2. she likes a 'fixer upper'
3. (more likely) your value is higher than you believe it to be. which could be why you are not getting the lower quality girls. they see you as out of their league and push you away the same as you push away miss jamaica. the thought process is similar "why does this attractive person want anything to do with me?"


i'm a bit of a loser, so i've pushed girls away because of that,

"look, you'd be better off with someone else. we should end it now so you have time to find a better man"

i never wanted a girl to hitch her wagon to my horse, because i never wanted the responsibility (felt like i would stifle my girlfriend. drag her down. or at least not allow her to fulfill her potential). it's different for you. you're good looking, well educated with good employment prospects. a girl is with you through her own choice. if a girl wants to be with you you shouldn't question the whys, you should just be a man.

 

[lao che]

(from the other thread)

"" Had a girl 23 give me her number straight out, talked with her for a lil bit about nothing and than when I text her again, she lost interest. This 23 year old girl is not even good looking, lives with her mom, didnt go to college, while I have moved around, traveled, got my masters, had a career but she still rejected me. Just like that..""


did you tell her that? therein lies the (a) problem. it comes down to attainability again, as mentioned in my previous post. if in the first few minutes (or messages) you're telling her how well-traveled and educated you are, and about your promising career, then a 23yo ugly chick who lives with moms won't be able to relate. because you aren't being relatable. you're just talking about yourself, and your positive attributes. trying to sell yourself. and what happens when people are given the hard sell? they start to doubt, to disbelieve. to look for reasons to say no. esp if you're an unattractive young girl living at home. "she's not thinking "wow, really? you have a job and a master's degree? unzip your fly buddy, here comes the best BJ ever!" she'll start thinking "what's wrong with this guy?" or "if you're so special what do you want with me?"

you need to learn to take the judgementalism out of your interactions. "she's not even good looking" "she didn't even go to college, but I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE" find things to relate on. areas of interest. look for similarities, not differences.
in fact, you need to shut up about yourself and focus on the girls that you are interacting with. let them draw info out of you, slowly. avoid questions. be mysterious and inquisitive. find things you like about individual girls and tell them what you like. get to know a girl without her really getting to know you

as i said earlier, and as others have mentioned, everything you need is on this site. get a subscription, and read everything from the earliest articles onward.