Coworkers and familiar faces ruining your sets + your new social life on purpose.

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Sorry for the long story my dudes but I really need to add context to all of this.

I work for a very large company and thankfully, we went remote due to COVID-19. Now I had an odd situation back in early 2019 when I was getting back into the swing of things and cold approaching, tbh it was a very fun experience and I was in an odd place in life. @Grand Pooba did a series on this but I think my situation is slightly more unique.

My city has a very concentrated nightlife in certain areas so it is not an NYC or anything. The company I work for has a work clique of former frat guys and former sorority girls, it draws a lot from that demographic. Not sure how much more I need to specify but a large amount of these kids were from the east coast (a lot from Long Island and quite a few of Italian descent so maybe my east coast fellas can chime in). The clique itself was a very tight one of former frat guys and sorority girls who treated everything like high school and let you know if you are not "in". A couple guys in it would not even make eye contact and one even talked down to me. It is a very douchy clique.

In some ways, this ordeal caused me to look into cold approaching even more and it became fun for me.

This happened in summer of 2019.

I went out and did cold approaches for a couple months and from that, I was able to form light social circles. I got in good with some Euro girls (one Polish and one Hungarian girl dating a black dude who kinda reminds you of Andre 3k, both very hot), a California girl, and even made friends with a couple from Wisconsin (two beautiful blonde people where the guy looked like JJ Watt and the girl like Heidi Klum) who introduced me to this hot Latina chick out with them that night. Over the next month, I kind of share the story of my work environment with the couple, the two girls, and the California girl as I get to know them better. I have already fucked the Polish girl and the California girl, both seem cool with it.

One night we go out to a popular club in town, it is me with the couple, two Euro girls (along with Hungarian girl's boyfriend), the California girl with her friend, and a couple of guys who are friends with the couple. I see one of the coworkers (some short Italian dude from Long Island) who once again, ignores me which I am cool with, and go up to talk to the Hungarian girl, her boyfriend, and Polish girl. We are having a good time and come to find, Italian dude and one other coworker approach them in front of me while putting a hand on my shoulder saying they know me. I give that awkward look to the girl lightly shaking my head so the girls ignore the guys and I talk to the girls before telling the guys "we're going through something personal right now, I'll get back to you in a second".

I stick with the group and soon the California girl and her friend join us. We have a good time chatting and dancing but one of the guys (the Italian) smacks the Hungarian girl on the ass which pisses her off and then says "yo my boy (my name)" is a player, the black guy gets mad at the dude who says to him "sup my nigga"....yeah they're douchy and drunk.

The couple get involved and I am shaking my head giving these guys a weird look, luckily my circle knows what is going on. I avoid the guys and the guy in the relationship who is a foot taller and very muscular challenges them for harassing the girl, it is now 3 on 2 with a pissed off black guy and me telling them to cut it out. The other guy makes a snide comment about how I am lower on the work totem pole or whatever. It cools down a bit and the wander off, I am getting intimate with the Polish girl to where we make out and then come to find behind us we keep hearing "rejected rejected". Apparently my two coworkers were still trying their luck with the California girl and her friend who rejected them. As the night ends they actually go home with the two buff guys yelling rejected, me and Polish girl only slightly look back but start making out, not wanting to mock someone when they are down.

I took home the Polish girl that night and had some great sex, we even had a laugh about it while California girls went home with one of the dudes who were yelling rejected, they used the dudes (who were quite well built) as defense against my two drunk douchey coworkers.

Shit really goes downhill.

I come back to work next week and one of the guys (five total in the clique that cause me troubles, two from that night) starts trying to be friends with me after being very rude and condescending. Some girls in their cliques have also worked together to at times to make my life tricky.

Says in front of management "my guy has all the ladies!". He is more charming than the other two but again, sucks with women only drunkingly approaching them in bars and getting rejected until some desperate girl occasionally goes with him. I try to avoid the clique where the guys are now trying to get me to introduce them to women after that night, I know their angle and that they want to use me.

A couple of these guys, from what someone in the office not a part of the clique knows, were rumored to drug girls in college and be domineering towards women, even abusive. No way I am not letting these guys near women I care about so I gently reject them but make up excuses to not hang out, even though they were quite pushy with it.

Social life aftermath and my pickup spots being compromised.

A month later, Polish girl has to move to California which sucks but we have sex in her empty apartment, it was some of the best sex I have had. I go out some more, solo at times even though I hang out with the two couples (blondes and Hungarian chick + her boyfriend) who are good friends. Occasionally go out with California girls. As I go out solo though, I keep running into my coworkers since city only has only a strip of bars.

The issue is, they keep crashing my set as I cold approach girls. One of them even tries to AMOG me outright by talking to girls I am talking to and when I ignore him, he knows my name so he uses that against me. It happened to me 6 different times in 2019 and I have only dealt with it three times, two situations where they were being so drunk and belligerent the bouncer threw them out and once when the girl herself just told them to fuck off. The other 3 times were a failure where none of us got anything, twice they used girls in their clique to crash an approach I was doing but the girl I was chatting with creeped out and left.

I feel like after initially excluding me, my coworkers were trying to barge their way into my life and I have no interest in having them in it due to how toxic they are. Even at work, they spread rumors saying I was always partying on weekends and such but luckily two managers see through their crap (one is a Jewish woman who hates their stereotype anyways).

One of the managers (Jewish woman) sat me down and said to keep doing what I am doing, she knows how those types of people operate. The other coworkers not in the clique feel very disrespected and see their nonsense, it has made them have enough.

I've made friends with two coworkers I have gone out and had fun times with who vouch for me.

After 2020, one of the two guys who harassed me at night has been fired of harassment during a company trip, the other guy quit, but three still remain and they are more calculated in a way. Remote work after COVID-19 has been a god send for me to not deal with that but I feel like as an inexperienced dude who has only recently saw success with remote work that I could have handled this better.

It's like these people who hated me initially now want to barge their way into the life I have built and take what I have earned, using whatever means necessary. Also comes to show that frat guys do not get laid that after college.

Any advice for the future and how anyone can deal with this scenario?

@Skills
@Grand Pooba
@ anyone who is good with social dynamics
 

Grand Pooba

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I empathize and sympathize with your situation, and really hate these types of folk that like to put you down to make themselves feel better - and, especially with women this is awful.

The difference between this and my series is that these work guys are not really your friends, they're just people that unfortunately you are contended to work with - so they're not really on your side in any way, they're ultimately in it for themselves and their little clique.

It's hard to say what to do here - the main problem is that your city just sounds very small, and I'm not sure where you live. In a big metropolis one of the advantages is to be able to make mistakes and get away with it, because you don't have to deal with the repercussions as severely as in a small place where you have a reputation to manage much stronger and tighter.

I'm not sure what to do here - have you considered a new job or a new city to be in? I know it sounds extreme; recovery from a social circle reputation problem (this is what you are facing) is not my specialty or anything easy. At least your managers are on your side - that will help a lot in all kinds of ways including your mental toughness, so keep it that way. It also sounds like there are only three problem people right? At least that is manageable, I think - maybe someone else with this skill can chime in.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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I empathize and sympathize with your situation, and really hate these types of folk that like to put you down to make themselves feel better - and, especially with women this is awful.

The difference between this and my series is that these work guys are not really your friends, they're just people that unfortunately you are contended to work with - so they're not really on your side in any way, they're ultimately in it for themselves and their little clique.

It's hard to say what to do here - the main problem is that your city just sounds very small, and I'm not sure where you live. In a big metropolis one of the advantages is to be able to make mistakes and get away with it, because you don't have to deal with the repercussions as severely as in a small place where you have a reputation to manage much stronger and tighter.

I'm not sure what to do here - have you considered a new job or a new city to be in? I know it sounds extreme; recovery from a social circle reputation problem (this is what you are facing) is not my specialty or anything easy. At least your managers are on your side - that will help a lot in all kinds of ways including your mental toughness, so keep it that way. It also sounds like there are only three problem people right? At least that is manageable, I think - maybe someone else with this skill can chime in.

If you count the metro it is big enough but yeah, it really only has one major strip of bars you can go to to meet women. I do not want to leave the job since the brand name of the company is good and I am clicking with my coworkers outside of the clique.

Appreciate your empathy man.

The thing is these people come from a frat environment which I am aware of having been in one myself but they went to different schools which had a richer student demographic. For months when I arrived they ignored me, the girls too in their work clique, and now due to one odd run in they are trying to leech what I have and it sucks. The thing is I know what these dudes are about, they are the type always trying to be cool, brag about who they know, and show off.

Their angle is they get more girls into their cliques because apparently things are running dry with the sorority girls in their clique who just want a husband and these dudes cannot cold approach either. The other issue for them is that once their status is gone, they are very dry lame people. People are around them because they have to be, not because they want to be.

It is the same story though but I have months to fix it, bars prolly open back up later in 2020 here but people are still going out a bit anyways. I hung out with the couple this weekend who introduced me to a new girl :)

Problem here is that these guys have an "in" by working with me and somehow are trying to pounce on that, it gets worse when they get girls (only a couple girls left at this point) involved. To some degree they have kind of worn on my passion for nightgame, I was doing pretty good with it but these dudes have made it a journey to try and ruin almost any decent set I get going some nights. I go to bars hoping they are not there but they always are and what is funny is, I have seen them approach and fail hard. When I am doing well though, they still intervene and sometimes the girl saves me but the AMOGing is outright too with one guy who is kind of bigger and buff.

Comes to show, frat life is super overhyped for them to be doing this. I think it could be cultural too, my Jewish manager has warned me about the type I am dealing with (east coast, wealthier family, from Long Island or such, and usually of Italian descent not to shit on any group though since real Italians are pretty cool).
 

Toby2030

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I have been in a similar situation at my previous job before I moved.
1. Get your managers on your side, it sounds like you have that already. They might try to turn them against you.
2. Tell them politly that you aren't interested in mixing business and friends, and if they therefore please would leave you alone when you are going out.
3. When you are out you ignore them. Act like they are strangers to you, and don't initiated a conversation with them. "Excuse me?", "I don't know you". If they keep talking to you and the girl, you just keep looking at the girl and act like you don't hear them. They will either walk off, or get physical. If they get physical you either move the set (which in a lot of cases is a good thing) or you ask him to take his hands off you, he will probably then escalate the situation and at that point you get in contact with a bouncer and get him banned once and for all at the venue. If you can then bring the girl with you when you talk with the bouncer. It makes everything easier.

If they don't accept it, you tell it to them once again in a harder tone that you don't want anything to do with them. And to leave you the fuck alone. If they then again don't do what you tell them, consider reporting them to the police. At that point, we are very close to stalking.
 

Skills

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You have to ignore them, and if they are in one bar i would bounce to another bar...

If they come in your group, introduce them john this is coworkar a, then sussy this is coworker a, etccc then i would move the group...or give them the back to kind of physically leave them out...

if they try to talk to the group i would cut them mid sentence and do and change the topic and again position myself to leave them out

If they bother you at work have a talk with them first, then have a talk with your manager on what to do, then hr on that order...

I already kind of told you in another posts why this stuff like this happening and hue told you too...

The thing is if they know they are getting to you they will keep doing it...

 

DarkKnight

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Lol I actually know these kind of guys.... I would go DML's route and not play this nice at all and maybe even bait them knowing they will try the same tactics over and over again (people tend to behave in patterns). The only reason they try this with you is because they have the feeling they can get away with it. Also such guys have a pre conceived idea of how you are as "lower status" because you were not in their douchy group, so they have the expectation that you will remain lower than them. I am not saying you are lower, I am saying that they have created that belief for themselves.

Honestly I would go DML's route strictly mentioning that you do not mix business with private and if they do not respect that file a complaint for harassment. You don't owe them shit. I think you're boundaries have been a bit passive agressive instead of firm and resolute. If you change up to firm and resolute they will try to test you on this, but you have to stay firm and maybe even threaten to escalate faster so they get the message ;).
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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What you are is dealing is with my friends up north from the Tri-State area called “FLIDs” (Fucking Long Island Douchebags), one of my friends who went to Penn St told me all about the them and I dealt with some in an internship. There are articles about FLIDs you guys can look up and I dealt with the type at a summer internship at a big firm in NYC. Yeah, the worst ones are usually either of the more macho heritage groups like Italian or Eastern European although the German background ones can be psychopaths (your heritage is a bit more important on Long Island than other places). The Italian American ones get extra jealous and salty, they also have more to prove.

As for that racist comment, not shocked, these dudes are generally very racist. Not sure of OP's race but a guy not white getting hot girls really gets under their skin.

All of them come from the plastic huff and puff your chest out Long Island culture where AMOGing is a way of life. Most of the women you are dealing with are probably “JAPs” (Jewish American Princesses) and more commonly the infamously toxic East Coast Italian chick. A lot of these types also have an added inferiority complex since on the social totem pole in the Tri-State area, it is usually rich old-money WASPs or wealthier Jewish families that run things. Most of these guys have families that are more new money wealth and trying to overcompensate. Their need for validation is big as a result and their pride gets easily hurt, they are happy to look for a fight and have likely been in some!

The culture they come from is image heavy, all appearances (what car you drive, what hot girls you can get, your house, your family name, what gym you work out at, etc.), and kind of the high school never ends type of culture. Add to that a more brash approach you don’t see in the upper middle class down south or in the midwest which is why you are running into what you are.

I ran into this issue for a couple weeks back when I was learning game in college and had some luck scoring women during an NYC internship, one guy got very intrusive and bothersome. In my case it was just two guys total who were trying to make my life tough and both were interns like me who were trying get me to introduce them to women. I dealt with them but it was only for two months since it was an internship. Here is what I would do:

  1. Continue to work on relationships with your good coworkers and go out with them if you can. It will make you allies in the office. Have good times with guys and girls in the office who have also felt excluded by the type, they might have some more useful information for you.

  2. If you run into the FLIDs, just use the “wait one minute” tactic and talk to the girl. If the guy keeps intervening then use that to move her if she seems agitated and maybe be more near a bouncer. You can work this to DHV and for social proof, they are constantly chasing you now. If one of the girls intervenes then see how your girl reacts, if said girl talks to you then tell her just 1 second you are talking about something personal and focus on your girl. With girls intervening it is tricky though but the girls will hardly be persistent, they need to save face.

  3. By now, FLIDs will still be disruptive with you but let them be, they will likely be bothering the coworkers you have too but tell them to be peaceful. If they do not get reactions, they will likely resort to being more animated or throwing a tantrum if even slightly provoked. Use this as evidence.

  4. Now is the tricky part, find the group in the FLIDs who is kind of over it or just tired of the shit of the others, you can detect them by how they interact with the others and if they are more lax around you compared to the others. Try to see if you can form a light friendship or be on decent terms with them. They might have had it with the others too and could be okay with being more on your side.

  5. Go to HR once you have enough evidence and only start going after the one or two trouble markers, do not go after the whole group. If even one gets fired, then the others will slowly start to act up.

  6. Do not go out alone for the time being, go out with coworkers or friends. These guys will find you and try to harass you more or try to actually fight you. Once again, they come from a very short-tempered type of macho culture, some of them even know how to fight.

  7. In the mean time, learn some basic self defense moves, you'll need it. I know I sound foolish saying this but this is unlike any other demographic, I was thrown off by how different these fuckers were compared to the southern and midwestern frat guys I was dealing with. You might end up having to fight one, it's how they do things in Long Island, upper middle class but trashy as fuck. Expect direct challenges every time they see you.

  8. Continue to live your amazing life, realize that deep down these dudes are pretty worthless once they are away from their cliques and daddy's money. People are only around them because they have to be.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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@Proactivity Wait a minute....it all makes sense for me! I stayed in NYC for a bit with friends and they just called them all "bridge and tunnel". Usually the people that would live on the outskirts but come to the city to party, drink, and enjoy the Manhattan amenities while brag about how they get so much space where they are at. Completely disregarding that they commute 30+ min to come to the city to party lol.

This is exactly in line with the type I have known, particularly the tough guy bro attitude and intimidation tactics. You were also 100% spot on about the women though I do not notice any Jewish girls, only Italian chicks and the odd crazy looking blonde. Even the Italian women seem to have that angry hawkish look to them too, like they are pissed off at something but none of the girls are hot. All in the 5 to 7 at best type of range and I am not trying to be bitter here lol.

Getting to a big part of it, yea, the cockblocking. Luckily I have not had to deal with these dudes in COVID and online dating is working out but they were persistently annoying.

Most of them do have a targeting trouble maker mentality though. Like they will occasionally start crap with others at a bar that are total strangers and laugh about it in a group.

What this has shown me is how quickly frat prestige runs out and how limited it is. These dudes are trying to be a part of my life now lol. At times they just come in to ruin the set, it is their only reason lol.

I am tight with HR at my company and we have had some of them fired. Now it is time to team up with others and find the resolution for good but damn. That post was way too much for me to take in, there was too much real life in, like others having faced these exact types.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Well "bridge and tunnel" is almost anyone not from Manhattan using the train to get there so it is a broader term, FLID would be accurate here. Yeah it is what happens when you get new money kids who are spoiled, all driven on the party culture, never had to work for anything, have a touchy ego, feel very entitled, and often times being very validation seeking. Life in Long Island is a constant game of one upmanship and in certain sub-cultures, particularly Italian Americans, it is really bad. Even Italian Americans I know from places like New England (solid people) and outside of that area look down on these guys and they really look down on Italians from Staten Island.

It is pretty much the norm for anyone from the area though, no matter the heritage, to have that "I want it I take it" mentality. Hot girls, like with most men, are top of mind but as you can see, it is not as easy to find them in these demographics. Italian American women, for the most part, are shorter, age poorly, and have rather rash looking faces. Usually like the 5% of girls in their groups are hot and they pair off with some local guy who was good at sports growing up.

Majority of these dudes suck at giving value hence why cold approach becomes less of an option for them. If they do cold approach, it is in a very creepy PUA way of where they want their friends to see them do it.

Given that they suck with that, they do find for nearby or guys affiliated in anyway to leech off of. They'll usually start with a "Oh Truth, yeah truth's the man yo, I am like, truth's the man". Then they will try to nose in on every area of your life as a group and push to get as much details as possible. Very likely that most of these guys didn't even go to that bar before that night happened with your two coworkers.

In an overarching way though, it just comes to show how the stuff this site preaches is so powerful. You have these somewhat privileged guys who probably had it easy in high school and college, now life hit, and they cannot get anything going. Then you have guys like us who had to make our own way and lucked out through cold approach, meeting awesome women. Now the former is trying to leech off the latter.

Still make allies from low hanging fruit in that group but do not let them close. If given the chance, they will leech off of you and try to pounce on girls in your circle, often just creeping them out.
 

trashKENNUT

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Still make allies from low hanging fruit in that group but do not let them close. If given the chance, they will leech off of you and try to pounce on girls in your circle, often just creeping them out.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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One other thing I'll add as more of a long-term thing OP, learn how to fight. Join an MMA gym once this COVID-19 situation clears up and learn the basics of fighting like takedowns, submissions and all of that. It will raise your confidence, make you more alert, make you even more attractive to women, and mentally put you at ease knowing that you are okay even if shit goes crazy.

Many of these type of people you are dealing with are a mix of suburban snob along with east coast tough. Granted these guys won't last a week in the Bronx and would get their asses whipped hard by some pissed off minority who isn't dealing with their shit but they are in their own bubble. Athletics, physical dominance, and that kind of AMOGing are a way of life for these people. If you do not know how to fight or put up a beatdown, that can also be a trigger for them to keep going after you

A friend of mines is a cool Mexican guy, kind of looks like Mario Lopez, and he is dating this one gorgeous Italian chick from Long Island (easily top 1% for her background) so in other words the demographic in question. Now he wrestled a bit in college and did MMA for four years, even pursuing a career in it. Sometimes, he comes down south for sporting events and we chat. His girlfriend tells me how much shit they got the first time she had him visit Long Island, her brother tried to fight him but got put in an armbar.

One time I visit the couple in Manhattan as I am in the city, it was not that long ago, and we go for drinks. One guy tries to pick up his girlfriend who ignores him, he is with a friend and after she ignores him. I chat with the guys, both from Long Island, one is Italian and boasting about it and the other some blond k id.

My friend's girlfriend goes to my friend, they shout "she wants the barback" (most barbacks in NYC are Hispanic). We ignore them until a barback gets pissed at them, they try to bully the barback and the bartender is having none of it. Tells them to get out, the Italian dude splashes his drink in the direction of my friend and gets it on his girlfriend. A quick one-two, my friend knocks both of them out. Bartender claps and so do a couple near us, these dudes learned it was not Long Island fast. We all get a free drink and door guy gets them out, bartender pleads to let them get up so they can yell they got knocked out.

If you knock one of them clean out assuming you have been provoked enough and are defending yourself, the rest will be very careful around you.
 

Starboy

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All I have to contribute to this thread is what a bunch of faggots lol. Those guys are the most worthless,pathethic walking human beings to exist on the planet. You seem to be handling it well so far. You have people on your side to back you up. It's not like you're solo doloing in a bar trying to pickup girls and these guys are obstructing your sets. I would suggest lift heavy weights if you're not already and practice some martial arts when covid 19 ends I want to do that too. That way you'll be more intimidating and guys won't try to fuck with you as hard.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Oh yeah, I got stories about the racism for days. That one night, I even heard the Italian guy saying more racist shit about the black guy dating the Hungarian woman, you can tell he was sour. Here is what is strange, I have often noticed that amongst East Coast guys, the Italians and Polish are the most adamant about their racism, Italians moreso. Could just be my own experience but I notice even with Italians, the darker and swarthier they look, the more racist and brash they are.

I am not even sure if it is exclusive to East Coast Italians, I have heard from my Italian friends that Northern Italians (usually blonds and lighter features) are usually chill, classy, and cool. Even now I notice my best experiences with Italians came from ones that look white as snow but the worst ones from the ones who were kind of Latino looking.

I digress.

The thing about these guys is that they are not scared to start trouble with anyone. Sometimes they will try to challenge the biggest guy at the bar or provoke him.

I mean I gotta say, these "FLIDs", they are a special kind of messed up. Something extra has to be going into that psychology of theirs because I've known southern and other kinds of frat guys who were not like this or at least to that level.

Their women are nothing special either but a part of me gets all psychological with the types, like what in the actual hell goes on in their heads to make them this special kind of screwed up?
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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Yup, all adds up. The racism towards black people and minorities in general, as my friends explains it, is because Italians are still to some degree considered less white on the east coast compared to a WASP or even an Irishman. Now the darker the Italian, the more this becomes something of worry to them. Oh and you can bet that every single Italian American girl from the area has been warned repeatedly by her family to not mix it up with darker guys, hence why it is more common to see a good looking Irish, WASP, Jew, Germanic, Scandinavian, or even Eastern European descent white woman going interracial.

The racism is used as a defense mechanism to further distance themselves from people of color. In NYC, social class also mixes in with race so a WASP, German, or Jew might happily get along with a black or non-white person, the women happily going interracial. The Irish are kind of in-between because they made a lot of social gains and got out of things like committing crimes fast.

East Coast Italians have the gritty culture but also a very image-heavy one focused on gossip and appearances. Now mix that in with an inferiority complex towards other whites that usually plays out with racism. Occasionally, they'll do "business" with gays and minorities if it benefits them and will poach on women of color since they are "easy prey" but if you want to get an East Coast Italian pissed? Get a Monica Bellucci lookalike doing interracial, they'll go apesh1t crazy.

All of the bullying, targeting, snobbery, trying to put you down, and trying to leech off of you is due to that inferiority complex. While the state has an Italian American governor and the city a mayor who is Italian, on a population level, they are not on the same level social as Northern Europeans, Jews, Irish, and WASPs which kind of burns them.

Most I have known were very anti-semitic as well.
 

Indian Race Troll (IRT)

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This is.....this....I mean, this is just way too accurate. Did you grow up in Long Island or something? I have been around these people enough and know them inside out. Even when I was growing up in Georgia we got a lot of transplants from the northeast and the worst ones were from places like Long Island, Jersey, Pittsburgh, and to a lesser extent Boston. You know when I say to a lesser extent Boston something is wrong for sure.

Dude come to think of it, even my racist black boss (who also hated black people and called Michael Jordan an Uncle Tom) was from that demographic, the heck man.

The worst part is how a toxic culture can pollute a place like this. Outside of these people, most folks at my company are good but you get a handful of these people happening and it turns into a shitshow. What gets me more than anything is the snobby attitude but the tendency to force themselves into the lives of people and poach on property/belongings, like dude, if you are so great then why try to eat off my plate?
 
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