Coworkers

[Rakehell]

What’s the consensus on sleeping with girls you work with? Is it always a one way trip to disaster town? Anyone here done it?

Admittedly its kind of a bucket list thing for me, like something I want to do just to say that I have before. I can run game pretty good on the girl’s at work but I noticed i’m reluctant on pulling the trigger. Like i’ll have a girl emotionally primed, sexually primed, and super compliant/clearly aroused, but i’m not so sure on where to take it from there.

Not sure if this is one of those instances where you should play it safe and wait on a clear window (whatever that might look like), or what.
I’d appreciate some feedback, or your process if you’ve actually done this before.

 

[ulrich]

Do it if you want but be aware of the repercussions.
Preferably be super discreet and choose a partner who knows how to keep a secret.
If she is prone to lose reputation for sleeping with you, she is likely to throw you under the bus.

In my opinion, the main disadvantage of hitting on someone at work is that she is gonna push hard to move things slow and it could land you in the friendzone. It’s like extended social circle.
With the experience you have @SunKing, I think you should be able to sidestep that trap.

 

[Rakehell]

Do it if you want but be aware of the repercussions.
Preferably be super discreet and choose a partner who knows how to keep a secret.
If she is prone to lose reputation for sleeping with you, she is likely to throw you under the bus.

@uriel Haha yeah it figures. But can any girl keep a secret really? I’ll be keeping that in mind

In my opinion, the main disadvantage of hitting on someone at work is that she is gonna push hard to move things slow and it could land you in the friendzone. It’s like extended social circle.
With the experience you have @SunKing, I think you should be able to sidestep that trap.

I appreciate that, and I think you’re totally right.

I’ve been running with this frame about keeping business and relationships seperate because most can’t handle their emotions. And how i’ve worked with exes before who’d make it hard at work when thing’s didn’t work out. As a way to communicate “hey I wont make shit hard for us if things blow over”

I’m just at a loss for how to isolate or some plausible deniability way to meet outside.

 

[sab]

In my view, keeping business and relationships separate is best. This is even more so if you are in business culture which is ruled by some corporate code of ethics/behaviors. I have seen many high execs (even CEOs or politicians) pay the price for such temptations. I prefer to game outside the place that provides me with a paycheck. That's me.

 

[ulrich]

I’m just at a loss for how to isolate or some plausible deniability way to meet outside.

Casually walk near her desk and start a conversation.
If it is going well you can say “hey, I’m going to grab some coffe, want to join me?”… extra points if you get her out of the office to a Starbucks or something.

Do that 1-3 times and then tell her she is cool and you should grab a bite sometime, then ask for her personal number.

 

[Rakehell]

Casually walk near her desk and start a conversation.
If it is going well you can say “hey, I’m going to grab some coffe, want to join me?”… extra points if you get her out of the office to a Starbucks or something.

Do that 1-3 times and then tell her she is cool and you should grab a bite sometime, then ask for her personal number.

Guess it couldn’t hurt to try. I work in retail so it isn’t the traditional office set up as you could imagine. Still will try to implement it in some way

In my view, keeping business and relationships separate is best. This is even more so if you are in business culture which is ruled by some corporate code of ethics/behaviors. I have seen many high execs (even CEOs or politicians) pay the price for such temptations. I prefer to game outside the place that provides me with a paycheck. That's me.

I can respect that. My job isn’t my passion, it isn’t even a career I plan to pursue. Maybe i’d feel differently in the circumstances you described. (Ceo or politician)

 

[Starboy]

As someone who used to work in the same big retail store for 4 years i've known of many dalliances/relationships and have asked out several girls and gotten interest from others. I didn't hook up with any unfortunately because my game was bad and I didn't know how to escalate and move things forward. I was afraid to pull the trigger.

With girls that showed interest and some signals I was always worried about my reputation and rumors being spread about me if I was awkward on a date with a girl or sent texts she'd interpret as being weird or me being overt she'd tell mutual people we knew. I've known dudes who hooked up with girls that worked in the same floor/dept. Most of them were casual flings and later on it wouldn't matter.

No matter how underwraps you try to keep that ur seeing a girl other people will find out. They will notice how much time u spend talking to a girl,what the vibes look like,the expressions you have. This one guy and girl started dating when at first the girl wasn't into him and even ribbed him by calling him a skinny twig. At some point something happened between them and it was awkward because they worked in the same department and they almost tried to avoid each other which was funny.

With me this one girl and I had hung out a couple times after work in non platonic contexts and I used taking the train together with her since we took similiar routes as plausible deniability for our first time together. This girl was kinda weird in that she'd be cold sometimes unexpectedly at work and not as friendly and I wouldn't know why. I just asked if she wanted to go out and this was the 2nd time we went out to a bar and the right vibe was there and I should've escalated even if I didn't have any logistics to pull. I didn't cuz I was scared and she lost respect for me and any future ask outs she would just flake/cancel and just be more cold at work and i'd come to autoreject her in return and it was a really weird dynamic between us. This other guy I know made the same mistake of moving too slow with a girl he liked and the girl didn't like him anymore.

This other girl I went out with was obviously into me,but I questioned how much I really liked her at 1st. I just decided i'll give her a chance and go out with her even if she wasn't hot like that I needed experience. Suggested a place for us to hangout and we went to this arcade and the vibe was missing and nothing happened which honestly was for the best she wasn't my type. Nothing got awkward between us though we had a close friendship for years while we worked together and she ended up dating this other guy who I think was better for her.

So yeah if you have clear signs that a girl is interested in you/attracted to you could go for it,but just make it look casual. Get some compliance/investment from a girl so you have "proof" that she likes you and watch for signals. A key is whether she lets you touch her consistently or she touches you. Don't ask her out in a way that will come off like a formal date. You are a young dude working a retail job which are fairly replaceable if you have some experience so if you don't have any deep serious friendships that you're concerned about don't be afraid to pull the trigger if you know the opportunity is there.

 

[Rakehell]

don't be afraid to pull the trigger if you know the opportunity is there.

Ugh needed this yesterday. I had a girl primed and compliant with me at work, we ended up alone toward the end with no tasks left. I had gotten her seated next to me fully open, and gotten her to pull her mask down. In my gut I knew she wanted something to happen but I was too bogged down in my head to try anything and missed the window. Partly because I wasn’t sure if it was the right move (married but a really sweet girl + the whole stigma around trying stuff with coworkers), and partly because of how I was feeling that day. Had me stuck in my seat. We ended up just leaving together, I could tell she was in her head about something too, I probably made her feel insecure.

We were the closing crew and it was just us, so doubt i’ll get another shot like that again. Believe you me I was utterly disgusted with myself. Can’t win them all I guess.

 

[Starboy]

Well I wouldn't escalate at work even if it's around the end of the shift big risk for things to backfire. She's married too so even bigger risk (although I did hear of a asset protection guy hooking up with a married manager in some backroom and got caught lol). If you get her compliant and aroused in a out of work environment then you could go for it,but her being married she's likely going to give you resistance. You would need a context for her to meetup/hangout with you outside. That's going to be the main issue. Unless u know she's strongly attracted to u and is in a bad relationship I would avoid it.