Hello! Someone recommended I start a journal here in the forum. I purchased One Date earlier this year. Finally decided to create a forum account because of the @D. Gately interview. I really really resonated with his interview in a lot of ways. I'm going to give my backstory. Thanks in advance for reading.
I'm 43 years old, 6'2", 13%-14% body fat (average about 187 pounds), been lifting for years, of average looks. I'm stronger than I look... because of my frame, the muscle hides really well (booooo). I have taken really good care of my skin and often get told I look early to mid-30's. I probably think too much and I think that hurts me. I'm morbidly introspective.
I was in an INCREDIBLE marriage for 14 years and a terrible one for the last 2 (total 16 years). Long story short, the "love of my life" developed hereditary mental illness in her late 30's / early 40's and went completely off the deep end. Got abusive towards me and our son. Our marriage should never ended... we were the couple that all of our friends were jealous of. Friends and lovers. Even 12 years into the marriage, we were having sex 3 or 4 times per week. She would rarely tell me no for sex - and since I worked at home - she would poke her head in my office and say stuff like: "I'm horny" and then just walk out. Great sex life, true partnership.
I have been self-employed since right after college. Without getting too deep - I currently run two companies... a rapidly growing software company I co-founded and a consulting agency within a specific, niche industry that I have a good amount of recognition in.
I have a son that I have almost full custody of (my ex has since gotten better - but she can't hold a job - so the state has awarded me the maximum amount of time that a parent can get in my state without fully taking the child away from the other parent - a much more serious process and something that - frankly - the situation doesn't warrant). So - I'm juggling a lot with 2 businesses, my son, dancing, my social life, dating, and life obligations.
Was raised in a very conservative Christian family. Was very active in church throughout my 20's and part of my 30's... but I would say that I am very distant from the church right now.
During the divorce, I began to think about my future. I desired more kids (at that time) and wondered if I would ever be able to find a younger woman to have a 2nd family with.
After the divorce (March 2024), I started to "get back out there" - and decided to learn Latin dance as a way to get myself into a scene (I live in a major American city 1M+ people). I really had ZERO success in 2024. I think I went on 4 dates the entire year. Took two approach / dating courses (Todd V and one from a YouTube, Jack Denmo).
My main problem was just massive awkwardness and not really knowing how to talk to women. I mean, it's so cliche' I can barely stand writing it. I made friends at the studio, got into a friend group - even had some girls show interest - but quickly fumbled those opportunities.
I would approach girls out in public - but it never turned into a date. The 4 dates I had in 2024 were: 1 from an app, 3 from girls that I met in my dance scene.
Last October, I met an attractive 29 yr old at my dance studio (girl next door looks, a solid 7 with a 9 body) and it started this weird relationship that was off and on from October to May of this year. Including a 3 month period we weren't talking. It completely broke me because I got some serious one-itis over her. That was a catalyst for change. It also gave me some social proof in my social circle (everyone saw all of the Instagram stories together, us dancing together, she would follow me around the dance studio, she was getting DM's from guys every week and she was turning them all down - she kind of attached to me - but it was a fucked up unhealthy relationship and eventually we mutually broke it off - what little of a "relationship" it was - she was SOOOOO GODDAMN AVOIDANT - it was why she was chronically single). I got way too invested / attached to her.
The other catalyst was finding a dating coach on Twitter that ABSOLUTELY changed my results. He and I would talk over WhatsApp. I would leave voice notes for him and he would reply. He walked me through approach, text game, but mostly mindset. I had massive confidence and self-image issues. Again - probably from all the overthinking. Goddamn, I just wish I could shut my brain off sometimes.
He absolutely changed my results, but it seriously took like 7 months of major deprogramming (I hired him in the fall of 2024 and continue to work with him now). Meeting him is probably the #1 thing that has changed my results. I owe my change to him.
I still had terrible approach results in early 2025. But - he recommended that I get professional photos done and get on apps.
This was the final catalyst for a very rapid and sudden change.
Everything coalesced at once... the mindset shifts he was helping me with, a change in my self-identity, the photos (taken by Justin Harder, highly recommend him), the failed relationship with Elizabeth that broke me, setting up a top tier dating profile on 4 apps, and then my coach and I working on my texting game.
From the middle of May to now (late October), I have slept with 17 women ranging in age from 19 to 49. 90% of them have been off of apps.
I got very good at "direct to my house" dates... Literally, the text exchanges are incredible. I fucked a stunning 23 yr old in July ... we matched at 4pm and I was inside her at 8pm. Happened with a 19 yr old, as well. My text game is super super sharp now. I would post some examples here, but I can't yet figure out how to easily upload them to the post.
I've also gotten very good at cocktail dates. I have a "date rhythm" and several places that I go to. I'm very comfortable with physical escalation on dates and once I got some date experience under my belt - all my concerns about "what to talk about" went away. I'm in sales and marketing for my companies... so I am used to building rapport and talking. I just had to get enough reps in to start to see how to utilize those skills in a social setting (as opposed to a business setting).
The pulls from cocktail dates to my bedroom have been shockingly easy. Again - I give a lot of credit to my coach for mentoring me through all of this stuff. Also - Chase's stuff in One Date on LMR was invaluable (plus my coach's).
I have not had back end problems. My bedroom game must be good, because I keep getting "repeat customers". To wit....
I currently have 5 FWB's situations set up (this is not an exaggeration)... I have done this mostly through the Tinder "short term fun" category and using the app Feeld... where I've met women in their 30's who are looking for FWB situations straight up. Including married women who are in open relationships. My previous main was a professional 25 yr old (who I still see). I've kind of started favoring a fit divorced woman in her mid-30's that I met on Feeld because she has told me that she just wants one FWB that she can hang out with - so we fuck raw which is preferable to me. We're both tested and she told me that she would let me know if she starts sleeping with someone else.
Being so active on Feeld has made me open more to the kink / fetish scene... and I'm quite dominant in the bedroom so it's almost like discovering something that
Here's the deal.... I've definitely made some breakthroughs. The last 5 months have been unbelievable. I definitely have a lot of reason to be grateful.
HOWEVER!!!!!
I am not happy with where things are and that's why I'm making this journal.
Here's what I want to work on:
(a) Most of my lays have been with 5's and 6's... I've only cracked through the 7 "ceiling" a few times. I want way more 7's and 8's. I wan
(b) I feel like I'm vastly undershooting my potential
(c) I'm completely dependent on apps basically
(d) I feel like there's still something off in my being / mindset that is keeping me from the success I want - it's like I"m manifesting mediocrity
(e) It doesn't sit well with me that I can't pull in day game, night game, and very little in social circle
(f) I match with hot girls on apps - but they all ghost or drop off - seriously, in 5 months I have only gotten a few young hot girls on an app out on a date or for a hookup - despite getting a ton to initially match - it makes me think I need an additional upgrade to my pictures - knowing what I know now
I'm actually quite discouraged right now - it feels like I'm just wasting my life away. It feels like I've been dealt a great hand - and I'm just totally misplaying it.
The @D. Gately interview was a cold bucket of water in the face... like, he's living the experience I want. I'm not terribly interested in being in another relationship. I just want to fuck a lot of hot, younger women. I've had my "great relationship" in life... and I'm very happy alone. The guy is living the dream. I want to know how to get my head to the place where I can do "my version" of that.
I will likely post updates here on a semi-regular basis.
Right now, I'm working on two cute women in their 30's where I've had great physical chemistry on a first date situation and they are signalling they want sex, but I got ASD/LMR from both of them. The good news is they're wanting to see me again. Was literally texting both of them last night. One of them (K) we went out for cocktails after class and I had her top off in the back of her car and my fingers inside of her (this was my 3rd date with her). She had previously come over to my house to practice Latin dance and there was a lot of touching and kissing - but she said she didn't want to have sex because it was "only the 2nd date." The other (J) we had a first date and I thought it wasn't going great, but then at the end of the date we were making out and I had my hands inside her dress and she was saying she wanted to go home with me, but we needed to wait until date 2.
Thanks for reading.
I'm 43 years old, 6'2", 13%-14% body fat (average about 187 pounds), been lifting for years, of average looks. I'm stronger than I look... because of my frame, the muscle hides really well (booooo). I have taken really good care of my skin and often get told I look early to mid-30's. I probably think too much and I think that hurts me. I'm morbidly introspective.
I was in an INCREDIBLE marriage for 14 years and a terrible one for the last 2 (total 16 years). Long story short, the "love of my life" developed hereditary mental illness in her late 30's / early 40's and went completely off the deep end. Got abusive towards me and our son. Our marriage should never ended... we were the couple that all of our friends were jealous of. Friends and lovers. Even 12 years into the marriage, we were having sex 3 or 4 times per week. She would rarely tell me no for sex - and since I worked at home - she would poke her head in my office and say stuff like: "I'm horny" and then just walk out. Great sex life, true partnership.
I have been self-employed since right after college. Without getting too deep - I currently run two companies... a rapidly growing software company I co-founded and a consulting agency within a specific, niche industry that I have a good amount of recognition in.
I have a son that I have almost full custody of (my ex has since gotten better - but she can't hold a job - so the state has awarded me the maximum amount of time that a parent can get in my state without fully taking the child away from the other parent - a much more serious process and something that - frankly - the situation doesn't warrant). So - I'm juggling a lot with 2 businesses, my son, dancing, my social life, dating, and life obligations.
Was raised in a very conservative Christian family. Was very active in church throughout my 20's and part of my 30's... but I would say that I am very distant from the church right now.
During the divorce, I began to think about my future. I desired more kids (at that time) and wondered if I would ever be able to find a younger woman to have a 2nd family with.
After the divorce (March 2024), I started to "get back out there" - and decided to learn Latin dance as a way to get myself into a scene (I live in a major American city 1M+ people). I really had ZERO success in 2024. I think I went on 4 dates the entire year. Took two approach / dating courses (Todd V and one from a YouTube, Jack Denmo).
My main problem was just massive awkwardness and not really knowing how to talk to women. I mean, it's so cliche' I can barely stand writing it. I made friends at the studio, got into a friend group - even had some girls show interest - but quickly fumbled those opportunities.
I would approach girls out in public - but it never turned into a date. The 4 dates I had in 2024 were: 1 from an app, 3 from girls that I met in my dance scene.
Last October, I met an attractive 29 yr old at my dance studio (girl next door looks, a solid 7 with a 9 body) and it started this weird relationship that was off and on from October to May of this year. Including a 3 month period we weren't talking. It completely broke me because I got some serious one-itis over her. That was a catalyst for change. It also gave me some social proof in my social circle (everyone saw all of the Instagram stories together, us dancing together, she would follow me around the dance studio, she was getting DM's from guys every week and she was turning them all down - she kind of attached to me - but it was a fucked up unhealthy relationship and eventually we mutually broke it off - what little of a "relationship" it was - she was SOOOOO GODDAMN AVOIDANT - it was why she was chronically single). I got way too invested / attached to her.
The other catalyst was finding a dating coach on Twitter that ABSOLUTELY changed my results. He and I would talk over WhatsApp. I would leave voice notes for him and he would reply. He walked me through approach, text game, but mostly mindset. I had massive confidence and self-image issues. Again - probably from all the overthinking. Goddamn, I just wish I could shut my brain off sometimes.
He absolutely changed my results, but it seriously took like 7 months of major deprogramming (I hired him in the fall of 2024 and continue to work with him now). Meeting him is probably the #1 thing that has changed my results. I owe my change to him.
I still had terrible approach results in early 2025. But - he recommended that I get professional photos done and get on apps.
This was the final catalyst for a very rapid and sudden change.
Everything coalesced at once... the mindset shifts he was helping me with, a change in my self-identity, the photos (taken by Justin Harder, highly recommend him), the failed relationship with Elizabeth that broke me, setting up a top tier dating profile on 4 apps, and then my coach and I working on my texting game.
From the middle of May to now (late October), I have slept with 17 women ranging in age from 19 to 49. 90% of them have been off of apps.
I got very good at "direct to my house" dates... Literally, the text exchanges are incredible. I fucked a stunning 23 yr old in July ... we matched at 4pm and I was inside her at 8pm. Happened with a 19 yr old, as well. My text game is super super sharp now. I would post some examples here, but I can't yet figure out how to easily upload them to the post.
I've also gotten very good at cocktail dates. I have a "date rhythm" and several places that I go to. I'm very comfortable with physical escalation on dates and once I got some date experience under my belt - all my concerns about "what to talk about" went away. I'm in sales and marketing for my companies... so I am used to building rapport and talking. I just had to get enough reps in to start to see how to utilize those skills in a social setting (as opposed to a business setting).
The pulls from cocktail dates to my bedroom have been shockingly easy. Again - I give a lot of credit to my coach for mentoring me through all of this stuff. Also - Chase's stuff in One Date on LMR was invaluable (plus my coach's).
I have not had back end problems. My bedroom game must be good, because I keep getting "repeat customers". To wit....
I currently have 5 FWB's situations set up (this is not an exaggeration)... I have done this mostly through the Tinder "short term fun" category and using the app Feeld... where I've met women in their 30's who are looking for FWB situations straight up. Including married women who are in open relationships. My previous main was a professional 25 yr old (who I still see). I've kind of started favoring a fit divorced woman in her mid-30's that I met on Feeld because she has told me that she just wants one FWB that she can hang out with - so we fuck raw which is preferable to me. We're both tested and she told me that she would let me know if she starts sleeping with someone else.
Being so active on Feeld has made me open more to the kink / fetish scene... and I'm quite dominant in the bedroom so it's almost like discovering something that
Here's the deal.... I've definitely made some breakthroughs. The last 5 months have been unbelievable. I definitely have a lot of reason to be grateful.
HOWEVER!!!!!
I am not happy with where things are and that's why I'm making this journal.
Here's what I want to work on:
(a) Most of my lays have been with 5's and 6's... I've only cracked through the 7 "ceiling" a few times. I want way more 7's and 8's. I wan
(b) I feel like I'm vastly undershooting my potential
(c) I'm completely dependent on apps basically
(d) I feel like there's still something off in my being / mindset that is keeping me from the success I want - it's like I"m manifesting mediocrity
(e) It doesn't sit well with me that I can't pull in day game, night game, and very little in social circle
(f) I match with hot girls on apps - but they all ghost or drop off - seriously, in 5 months I have only gotten a few young hot girls on an app out on a date or for a hookup - despite getting a ton to initially match - it makes me think I need an additional upgrade to my pictures - knowing what I know now
I'm actually quite discouraged right now - it feels like I'm just wasting my life away. It feels like I've been dealt a great hand - and I'm just totally misplaying it.
The @D. Gately interview was a cold bucket of water in the face... like, he's living the experience I want. I'm not terribly interested in being in another relationship. I just want to fuck a lot of hot, younger women. I've had my "great relationship" in life... and I'm very happy alone. The guy is living the dream. I want to know how to get my head to the place where I can do "my version" of that.
I will likely post updates here on a semi-regular basis.
Right now, I'm working on two cute women in their 30's where I've had great physical chemistry on a first date situation and they are signalling they want sex, but I got ASD/LMR from both of them. The good news is they're wanting to see me again. Was literally texting both of them last night. One of them (K) we went out for cocktails after class and I had her top off in the back of her car and my fingers inside of her (this was my 3rd date with her). She had previously come over to my house to practice Latin dance and there was a lot of touching and kissing - but she said she didn't want to have sex because it was "only the 2nd date." The other (J) we had a first date and I thought it wasn't going great, but then at the end of the date we were making out and I had my hands inside her dress and she was saying she wanted to go home with me, but we needed to wait until date 2.
Thanks for reading.
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