I have run into what appears to be "cultural resistance" recently and I wondered if anyone has any advice.
A little bit of background about myself: I am in my mid 30s and, since the age of 21, have transformed myself from someone who was shy and not particularly successful with women into someone who does pretty well. I currently have several FWBs and date new girls regularly (including regularly sleeping with them) and am pretty happy with where I am, though I am open to something serious with the right person.
I recently met a girl about ten years younger than me and ethnically Chinese (although she has grown up in the West, so culturally mixed). I detected some pretty strong signs of interest (physical contact, romantic gaze, body language, etc.). She seemed fascinated by our conversations and told me that I understood her better than all her friends, etc. We quickly built up what appears to me to be a strong intellectual/emotional connection. Normally I would make a move quickly in a situation like this, but I also picked up some resistance. When I tried to move her to meet me on her own, she would initially resist before eventually showing up. We met a few times but she tried to set up meeting with friends rather than on our own. She displayed increasingly strong attraction signals every time we met. This felt different from the resistance I normally get so I was unsure how to handle it.
Eventually we were talking about cooking at my place and she suggested that she could come over – she did, we drank quite a lot and I grabbed and kissed her. She kissed me back passionately but then pushed me away and asked me if I was sure I wanted to get involved with her because she was "trouble" and would "mess me up". I asked her why and she said that her family would never accept me. It appears that they are wealthy/powerful and are pressuring her into meeting Chinese guys from a similar background. She keeps resisting those guys but feels that "family comes first" and she is afraid that eventually she will give in to her family’s demands (she told me most of this long before that night, so I think it is true). Separately, she also said that she got screwed over by a couple of guys (apparently all Chinese) earlier this year who cheated on her and eventually broke up with her. She seemed to be in a state of near-despair about her family and emotional situation and said that it had made her „screwed up“.
I didn't know what to say when I heard this. I said that we were only kissing and not talking about getting married but she said that in the long run, she would have to tell her family about me (as they keep setting her up on dates) and she doesn’t see the point of anything short term (yes, I know...I ended up in boyfriend and not lover territory). I did my best to make her relaxed but didn’t succeed. In the end she said that she would think about whether being with me would be "worth all the risks" and would let me know. She also said that she was scared of losing me if she decided against going out with me, but I only gave a non-committal answer. She went home and sent me an exceedingly friendly text message thanking me for dinner.
This happened a few days ago. I haven’t contacted her and she hasn’t been in touch. I like her but nothing like this has ever happened to me. I am amazed she came to my place and kissed me without being willing to go further. I don’t know how to handle this situation – if I should contact her again and what I should say if I do. Does anyone here have experience with a situation like this? And how does one handle this type of cultural resistance in general?
Many thanks.
A little bit of background about myself: I am in my mid 30s and, since the age of 21, have transformed myself from someone who was shy and not particularly successful with women into someone who does pretty well. I currently have several FWBs and date new girls regularly (including regularly sleeping with them) and am pretty happy with where I am, though I am open to something serious with the right person.
I recently met a girl about ten years younger than me and ethnically Chinese (although she has grown up in the West, so culturally mixed). I detected some pretty strong signs of interest (physical contact, romantic gaze, body language, etc.). She seemed fascinated by our conversations and told me that I understood her better than all her friends, etc. We quickly built up what appears to me to be a strong intellectual/emotional connection. Normally I would make a move quickly in a situation like this, but I also picked up some resistance. When I tried to move her to meet me on her own, she would initially resist before eventually showing up. We met a few times but she tried to set up meeting with friends rather than on our own. She displayed increasingly strong attraction signals every time we met. This felt different from the resistance I normally get so I was unsure how to handle it.
Eventually we were talking about cooking at my place and she suggested that she could come over – she did, we drank quite a lot and I grabbed and kissed her. She kissed me back passionately but then pushed me away and asked me if I was sure I wanted to get involved with her because she was "trouble" and would "mess me up". I asked her why and she said that her family would never accept me. It appears that they are wealthy/powerful and are pressuring her into meeting Chinese guys from a similar background. She keeps resisting those guys but feels that "family comes first" and she is afraid that eventually she will give in to her family’s demands (she told me most of this long before that night, so I think it is true). Separately, she also said that she got screwed over by a couple of guys (apparently all Chinese) earlier this year who cheated on her and eventually broke up with her. She seemed to be in a state of near-despair about her family and emotional situation and said that it had made her „screwed up“.
I didn't know what to say when I heard this. I said that we were only kissing and not talking about getting married but she said that in the long run, she would have to tell her family about me (as they keep setting her up on dates) and she doesn’t see the point of anything short term (yes, I know...I ended up in boyfriend and not lover territory). I did my best to make her relaxed but didn’t succeed. In the end she said that she would think about whether being with me would be "worth all the risks" and would let me know. She also said that she was scared of losing me if she decided against going out with me, but I only gave a non-committal answer. She went home and sent me an exceedingly friendly text message thanking me for dinner.
This happened a few days ago. I haven’t contacted her and she hasn’t been in touch. I like her but nothing like this has ever happened to me. I am amazed she came to my place and kissed me without being willing to go further. I don’t know how to handle this situation – if I should contact her again and what I should say if I do. Does anyone here have experience with a situation like this? And how does one handle this type of cultural resistance in general?
Many thanks.
