Cutting Off All Security Blankets

[Sandman]

Hey guys,

I have something in mind and I would like to get your inputs as to whether it's doable/worth it.

Most of my lays come from Tinder. But I couldn't nail down anything that gives me consistent success. It seems like whether I use an original opening or just a bland "hey, how are you doing" I get the same results. Either the girl will be into you / or not. It's pure luck. And I want to take the reins sort of speak. I want to be a master cold-approacher.

The problem is I have a lot of approach anxiety. If I push myself and open my mouth everything comes easy. I'm smooth as a cucumber. I have no problem leading the interaction/closing.

I've only approached a handful of girls at this point but I have always gotten good responses. Either they're happy talking to me but not interested/have a boyfriend or I get numbers/sex. So I logically know that if I can approach more I'm gonna get really good. But anxiety holds me back.

My friends who see me approaching are always awed. The thing is I can build up the courage better when I'm with friends. It's like I want them to see me not give a fuck or do it regardless.

My question is this in order to beat this anxiety and become better at cold approach. Should I cut off all security blankets? That means instagram game is off, snapchat goes also the girl I'm always sexting on snapchat goes, my friend with benefits goes, tinder goes, happn goes.

I'm beginner/ intermediate and I think I just got this level recently. Even though the average joe might see me as a master seducer I'm comparing myself to best, the guys in this forum.

Another thing, I work at a job which demans a lot of my time so I may have to pull an all-nighter every night for a month (usually it's about 2 weeks, you never know). So I may have to take breaks time to time.

Is this doable or would it lead to ego depletion? I still get dates (and most of my dates end up in a hotel with me banging the chick) so I still increase my learning with tinder. It is helpful. But does it cost me "hunger"? Have you done anything like this yourself?

I'd appreciate your insights. Especially our tribal elders lol.

Thanks a lot for the answers!

 

[Ambiance]

@mrre

You gotta want it.

Things that worked great for me:

1. Getting rid of porn- Probably the biggest one. I went from being in your situation exactly to having little issue approaching girls. Nowadays, it's just my default. It's my nature. I see a pretty girl, and if I want to talk to her I just go talk to her. It's also way less pressure nowadays.
2. Monitor testosterone- I accomplish this with cold showers, intense workout 4 days a week, eating lots of meat/protein, getting good sleep, and refraining from wanking if I need to, though since I quit porn for good this last one has been a total non factor.
3. Make yourself horny- fantasize about how sexy girls are. Aren't women just the greatest thing in the universe??? Don't you just want to look at them and grab them and hold them and feel their smooth skin and their elegant curves and kiss their wet lips and pull their luscious hair? Imagine what the girls you see are like naked and you'll be extra motivated to approach.

Other than that, I don't know what to tell you. I remember how daunting approaching girls was when I was new to the game, but honestly it wasn't that bad. If you want to become a master cold apporacher than you need to be putting hours in. A good start would be meeting at least 20 girls a week, every week of the year, few exceptions allowed. Combine that with reflecting on your approaches and using this site to tinker with your approach and you should be leagues ahead of other guys in as little as 3 months. Imagine how wicked guys like Chase and Hector and other rank 4 members are who have approached well beyond 1000 women.

Have you read How to Master Anything? If not check it out.

Ambiance

 

[kristian]

Hey guys,

I have something in mind and I would like to get your inputs as to whether it's doable/worth it.

Most of my lays come from Tinder. But I couldn't nail down anything that gives me consistent success. It seems like whether I use an original opening or just a bland "hey, how are you doing" I get the same results. Either the girl will be into you / or not. It's pure luck. And I want to take the reins sort of speak. I want to be a master cold-approacher.

The problem is I have a lot of approach anxiety. If I push myself and open my mouth everything comes easy. I'm smooth as a cucumber. I have no problem leading the interaction/closing.

I've only approached a handful of girls at this point but I have always gotten good responses. Either they're happy talking to me but not interested/have a boyfriend or I get numbers/sex. So I logically know that if I can approach more I'm gonna get really good. But anxiety holds me back.

My friends who see me approaching are always awed. The thing is I can build up the courage better when I'm with friends. It's like I want them to see me not give a fuck or do it regardless.

My question is this in order to beat this anxiety and become better at cold approach. Should I cut off all security blankets? That means instagram game is off, snapchat goes also the girl I'm always sexting on snapchat goes, my friend with benefits goes, tinder goes, happn goes.

I'm beginner/ intermediate and I think I just got this level recently. Even though the average joe might see me as a master seducer I'm comparing myself to best, the guys in this forum.

Another thing, I work at a job which demans a lot of my time so I may have to pull an all-nighter every night for a month (usually it's about 2 weeks, you never know). So I may have to take breaks time to time.

Is this doable or would it lead to ego depletion? I still get dates (and most of my dates end up in a hotel with me banging the chick) so I still increase my learning with tinder. It is helpful. But does it cost me "hunger"? Have you done anything like this yourself?

I'd appreciate your insights. Especially our tribal elders lol.

Thanks a lot for the answers!

mrre

I have to say that I am inspired to see how dedicated you are.

As for me, I haven't done any online or dating app game for since October last year. I also meet women solely through cold approach now. Haven't got laid in a month but I am doing progress in my interactions with women.

Cutting out security blankets forced to get rid of approach anxiety. Now I stopped drinking when I do night game and it has given me a few new learning experiences I wouldn't have on the alcohol.

As for getting rid of anxiety, do you meditate and visualize? It helped me get over most of my approach anxiety. I recommend you to check this article out if you haven't yet. https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-visualize-5-steps-massive-success

 

[Ambiance]

@Kristian

You're totally right about visualization, I forgot to mention that. Works wonders.

A

 

[Sandman]

About meditation and visualising I really should do it more often I used to do it a bit but not much anymore...

I have an addictive personality and I've been a huge porn addict as far as I can remember. I used to jerk off like 10 times a day. But my busy schedule and my desire to only fuck pussy and not my hand recently helped me decrease it to maybe once in 2 weeks. Hopefully it'll stay that way.

@Ambiance, #2 and #3 is also really good advice. I do number 3 mostly by default lol.

And I'll check out that book!

What do you guys think about cutting off all the security blankets I mentioned in my original post though? I do get laid online which probably helps with my macro momentum still... Maybe I should just start getting into the habit of visualising and if it doesn't cut it, take more drastic measures?

 

[kristian]

mrre

I believe cutting off security blankets helps you get better on the long run. You pay a price of not getting laid as much in the beginning, but once you start to master cold approach (which is the hardest way of meeting women), everything just clicks.

One of the reasons I love cold approach:

"Cold approach seems harsher than social circle because if you mess things up with a girl, she disappears. Say something weird or awkward or unusual with a cold approach girl? Gone. Fail to move fast, miss an escalation window, get bogged down in one spot for too long? Gone. Build a super fun vibe but forget to deep dive and get a connection going, and someone comes and interrupts you and the spell is broken? Gone. Seems harsh, right?"

It's like learning on the hardest level.

But I have to say, I miss getting laid consistently, though. On the other hand I am getting a better grasp on everything about seduction through cold approach.

- Kristian

 

[Chase]

mrre-

I'll add a little personal anecdote to what kristian and Ambiance have shared.

Times when I've used online dating, I've used it as a momentum-helper, to help ramp up to sleeping with more girls in a short amount of time. However, I'll be doing cold approach at the same time, and after a while, I'll end up ditching online, ignore the girls in my inbox, and go full cold approach.

Partly that may be because I never grew as good at online as I am at cold approach. So the girls I'm getting there are more 'meh' than what I get in-person. Partly it may be because cold approach is much more immediate and real, so once you're in the swing of things, meeting girls in person, and sleeping with them, it sucks you in much more, and the idea of bothering to mess around with messaging some chick who's just a face on a screen and you haven't met in person and connected with and gotten excited for is too boring.

So this may serve as a reverse case for you: do well enough at one style of game, and you'll drop the other one to focus on the one you're good at. You're likely doing this with cold approach right now... not much reason to learn it when you can start Tindering and set up dates that get you laid.

My suggestion might be to make Tinder a one-week-a-month thing, and do cold approach the other three weeks. See what that does for you.

With it one week out of the month, you should at least be able to still set up a few dates / sleep with a few girls a month even if your cold approach isn't working out (yet!). So you'll keep some momentum and won't hit a drought.

The thing to watch for here of course will be do you use those three weeks to actually cold approach? Or do you get lazy and end up waiting for the one week when it's Tinder time again? Or give into temptation and hop back on Tinder ahead of schedule?

If you can do it, I recommend at least a few weeks out of the month where you go hard on cold approach and keep off the apps.

Bear in mind that even if you're having great interactions, it may be tough going at first, just due to approach anxiety / resilience / bouncing back from rejections.

Once you get in the swing of things though, I suspect you will like it.

Chase

 

[Sandman]

Thanks Kristian and Chase!

Chase-

I think that's a really good solution. I'll just swipe right for three weeks on tinder, not initiating a conversation and on tinder week I'll just screen hard and get laid lol.

I'm sure I will at least use my time to go out with the intention to cold approach. Interestingly I was way braver when I was in middle school / high school. Whenever I heard someone speak English, I would approach them to practise my English.

I may not be writing a lot of field reports for the next month and a half because there's a big project that will suck up my time but I am dedicated and will not give up and continue with my journey even if I have to start all over again. Just putting it out here to be held accountable

And I know it won't make me look uber cool to say this but I'm flattered you took time to respond haha. Thanks again!