Socializing Cutting off sexual attention with female coworkers

[HellAtlantic]

I'm not sure what would be the best way to do this. I have about 3 or so female coworkers who share varying degrees of attraction to me. One is single, one is married but extremely frustrated and the other is engaged. They've all enjoyed quite a bit of my attention but alas it's obvious that more or less they are just looking for my male attention and the satisfaction of having a good looking guy in their social circle but don't seem to want to go further than that. It's like everyone wants to be in my fan club but no one wants to pay the dues, if you get what I'm saying. I am not interested if I can't get the type of attention I want which is ultra sexy flirtation with possibility of more if the vibe is right. But vibe always seems wrong when I try to "go there". So....

I want to cut off all personal contact and personal "outside" attention I give them but keeping the professional friendly happy workplace vibe going. Like I don't want to interact with them via text anymore - I don't want them having the benefit and privilege of having that kind of access to me. Basically if they don't want to interact with me on my terms them they can get attention from their husbands, finances and other orbiters. But not this guy. I've blocked them from my social media profiles and will cut texting out but eventually they're going to ask what gives.

How do I tell them the party is over in a nice way (because eventually I'll have to tell them since I'll bump into them at some point) if they ask me? I still have to work with them. Two of them would occasionally touch me (like my abs or arms) but I don't want that to happen anymore - how do I make myself off limits in a nice way? Or do I have to be stern? im very curious.

 

[HellAtlantic]

So far at least one of them seems to have got the hint. The engaged one probably checked my Instagram and saw she was blocked, when I saw her at work today twice we had quick "hi" convo, one of those talking but you're still walking instead of stopping to chat convos. It's better this way. As a HV man I should be more selective with who I share my time and attention with. If I'm not going to get what I'm after in an interaction then they shouldn't get what they seem to be after - attention from HV males. Comments and insight are still welcome on this.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

HA,

I think you are proceeding correctly. I don't think you need to directly interact. They will get the hint when you quit texting and delete them as friend. I would expect one or more to be upset but they will get over it. That is what happened with Jessica when she realized I would not be an orbiter. I made it clear I wanted sex and when it was clear that wasn't going to happen I cut off contact. She is slowly getting over it. I think you will cut down on your stress by nexting these ladies. It is tough to balance work and relationships in our sexual harassment society.

It sounds like you have reached the point where you realize you don't need orbiters to stroke your ego. I see this as a good step. It is nice to have someone stroke your ego but from your past post it seems you want more than this. Having orbiters is like having fb. They keep you from approaching new women.

SGent

 

[HellAtlantic]

HA,

I think you are proceeding correctly. I don't think you need to directly interact. They will get the hint when you quit texting and delete them as friend. I would expect one or more to be upset but they will get over it. That is what happened with Jessica when she realized I would not be an orbiter. I made it clear I wanted sex and when it was clear that wasn't going to happen I cut off contact. She is slowly getting over it. I think you will cut down on your stress by nexting these ladies. It is tough to balance work and relationships in our sexual harassment society.

It sounds like you have reached the point where you realize you don't need orbiters to stroke your ego. I see this as a good step. It is nice to have someone stroke your ego but from your past post it seems you want more than this. Having orbiters is like having fb. They keep you from approaching new women.

SGent

This is such an excellent perspective/feedback it's not even funny. You made me realize something I *never* considered before - they are my orbiters every much as they are trying to make me theirs. When you consider what an orbiter is - a person you keep in your circle that you have little interest in sexually just as a means to stroke your ego. In my case I would've banged cuz I'm a guy but I sunk into a place where just their attention was enough. I was happy to have a bunch of "fans" (I know this sounds so pretentious and vain but sometimes we say things for lack of better words so bear with me), it made me feel good going into work knowing I was gonna see a bunch of girls I had sexual tension with. It's just I realized with them, being in a relationship, they were just using me for attention and ego and never seemed overly excited when I steered text convos and actual convos into sexual level.

It's funny when you're dealing with a girl and you're out of her league but because she gives IOIs (despite being engaged) you start making excuses as to why you would bang her. They become "hotter", I guess is what I'm getting at. But when you get the sense that it'll never progress from there well at some point you have to realize "she's getting what she wants out of this, she gets to talk and text and have direct access to the office hot guy, she gets social proof and social elevation. But what do you get? Nothing. What's the point?

Thanks for your feedback.

 

[Sophisticated Gent]

I have been in the exact situation. I finally got tired of working at keeping these superficial relationships up. I made it known either it was sex or nothing. This has reduced my stress significantly.

SGent

 

[Aquila]

You need to read this article: https://www.girlschase.com/content/paradox-flirty-girl

Usually when girls are flirty with you but resist your escalation, it means they see themselves as "superior" than you i.e. you're some good looking guy to keep company with but they're not interested in fucking you. Girls do this all the time. The ones that are really interested in you will be nervous, awkward and even aloof around you.

Personally I've encountered this in my workplace too and as Chase has given his advice in the article, the best you can do is to flirt back but always be aware that it doesn't mean anything and it isn't "going anywhere". It's just a light-hearted way to have fun with your female colleagues, there's no need to deny them having fun with you just because they don't want to fuck you! In fact, being seen flirting with girls gives you huge preselection advantage and helps attracting the other girls that you actually have a chance with.

PS by virtue of my flirtatious nature, I've done this to a lot of girls I'm not really interested in too, and have undoubtedly led them on, I have now realized how dangerous this can be if the other party isn't aware that you're just having fun with them. Some of the girls I knew have gotten quite bitter with me because of this. I don't blame the girls doing this to guys (read the article!) but I'm trying to reduce my flirty behavior these days if I think the girls might take it the wrong way.

 

[HellAtlantic]

You need to read this article: https://www.girlschase.com/content/paradox-flirty-girl

Usually when girls are flirty with you but resist your escalation, it means they see themselves as "superior" than you i.e. you're some good looking guy to keep company with but they're not interested in fucking you. Girls do this all the time. The ones that are really interested in you will be nervous, awkward and even aloof around you.

Personally I've encountered this in my workplace too and as Chase has given his advice in the article, the best you can do is to flirt back but always be aware that it doesn't mean anything and it isn't "going anywhere". It's just a light-hearted way to have fun with your female colleagues, there's no need to deny them having fun with you just because they don't want to fuck you! In fact, being seen flirting with girls gives you huge preselection advantage and helps attracting the other girls that you actually have a chance with.

PS by virtue of my flirtatious nature, I've done this to a lot of girls I'm not really interested in too, and have undoubtedly led them on, I have now realized how dangerous this can be if the other party isn't aware that you're just having fun with them. Some of the girls I knew have gotten quite bitter with me because of this. I don't blame the girls doing this to guys (read the article!) but I'm trying to reduce my flirty behavior these days if I think the girls might take it the wrong way.

Thanks for your feedback. And thanks for that article from chase, it helped a lot. You/the article further reinforced the notion that some girls flirt for attention and if they are flirting with you it's cause of your attainability (because when a girl really likes you they are much more reserved around you due to nervousness, so anything opposite of that is a good indicator that she's toying with you). It's all coming together. Good info, thanks.

In my particular case I'm the office hot guy. (It sounds pretentious and pompous to say that, I get it, but just roll with it please, it's the truth and I have no need to come to an Internet forum to ego-troll if it weren't the case). My attainability is pretty high. I can't imagine every girl who might be interested in me actually thinks they can get me (anymore than a random average guy who thinks he doesn't have a chance with the office hot chick cuz they appear as too unattainable). One of the girls I mentioned is engaged and I'm out of her league by a lot - because I'm a flirt and enjoy female attention I let her into my sphere of influence and there was a long period where we'd flirt and she'd touch me (in a kino kind of way) and I'd always think "what makes her, someone who isn't as good looking as me, think she can just touch me whenever she wants? Why isn't she nervous around me like she should be? In any other setting a girl that looks like a 5/6 would be terrified to interact and touch a guy who looks like me - she's really getting the better end of this deal since I'm allowing her this easy access to me." So basically the entire point of this thread and the core of my goal has been to restrict access to myself. To increase my already high attainability. Any old girl should not feel so bold as to kino me and have long water cooler talks with me, because taking into acct chase's article, that means she thinks she's my superior. I'm interested in erecting barriers to me. If you don't want to interact with me on my terms - which is highly sexual flirting and sexual tension - then you should be at arm's length (figuratively and I guess also literally). We don't need to be friends. If you want guy attention get it from your husband or fiancé, you don't need *my* attention. I decided I want my attention to be reserved for girls who are willing to "play along".

Since I started this thread at least one of the girls has got the hint - the average looking one that I really wanted to have restricted access to me. I wanted to do things in the most smooth, professional (cuz we're coworkers after all) and nonchalant way possible. She got the hint and since the last week our talks have shortened (we've been stuck on an elevator together twice so we had to talk), but she does not kino me anymore which is my main goal. I don't want her thinking she can put her hands on me without playing along while who knows how many girls (I hope) stand off to the side too nervous to show any IOI because my attainability is high as it should be. Our talks have been on the level of *brief* and friendly office banter. I haven't seen the other girls in question yet. Overall I think flirting serves a purpose - it's a means to an end. Endless unlimited flirting that never goes anywhere is like going on endless unlimited dates with someone. that'd be pointless and silly. A guy doesn't *need* a girls attention just for attention's sake, rather he needs the attention for what it ultimately *could* lead to, for what it has the potential to lead to. Whereas most (all?) girls can live off of your guy attention alone if sex isn't going to happen. That's how orbiters exist - a girl says "I'm pretty much sure I'm never gonna bang this guy but I'll add him to my stable of platonic guy friends because having a guy's attention makes me feel validated and increase my sense of self-worth".