FU Dance classmate

[Ergon]

So in one Latin dance class I rarely go to (is optional for a dance performance I'm in), I saw a girl I had been introduced to before in one of the presentations (of the said performance) but didn't know she was taking lessons at the same studio.

Me: Hey A right? (I shall refer to her as A for this FR)
Her: Yea, I'm impress
Me: I didn't know you where taking classes here
(here I made some more small talk before the class started)

The class started and I positioned myself close to her and my performance dance partner who was there that day too. After the class ended a guy was between us, but after a few minutes I was able to approach again.

Me: So why did you decide to learn Salsa?
I start to deep dive here and turns out she majored in my native language, she has traveled a bit, etc.

Me: So do have you have a language partner to practice?
Her: no actually no
Me: (getting my cellphone out) do you have cell phone number?

I put her name and she help me to spell it out, then I give it to her so she put the number.

Me: Do you have a time this weekend?
She starts saying something like busy and something I didn't hear well
Me: Well I'll text you then and we see

Then I go talk to the teacher to discuss something about our next presentation of the performance, etc and I joke around. At some point A joins too since we were the last people to leave the Studio. I head out.

A couple hours after a send and ice breaker text

- Glad to meet a fellow dancer
Two hours later
- Same to you! You came into a good community for that! (Sorry for the delay, I'm normally quicker to respond)

Next day in the afternoon
- You bet I was thinking of their X workshop and sounds good. I think X is sexier than Y…
- Yeah X is fun
- So I mentioned before we could meet for a little language exchange and grab a coffee/tea. If you are still interested, perhaps we can meet at some café around X area… just let me know when's good for you schedule-wise
- I honestly would like to very much but even though I feel strange saying so out of the blue feel like you should know I do have a boyfriend. I wouldn't want to give off the wrong message but I want to be clear that I would enjoy meeting for coffee and practicing Y with you.
- That did sound random. But yeah, the idea is to meet sometime for coffee and dance. It's still on the table… so we can meet whenever we agree on a time
- I know; it has just gotten in the way of hanging out in a way I'd like with people I meet enough times in the past that I just feel I should be upfront. I'm normally not too busy, maybe we can make a plan at X this Tuesday.
- Sure thing

The day of the aforementioned X workshop I was feeling sick
-Hey A, sorry to say. I'm still feeling quite sick today so I wont be able to make it today to X but please learn a step or two on my behalf.
-I definitely will, sorry to hear you're still sick. I was looking forward to meeting again. Hope you feel better soon

Two weeks later, the day the class I rarely go to was:
Ergon, missed you in class, hope you're feeling better
-Hey A, How's your week going? Took me a while to recover but I'm doing much better now It’s a shame we couldn't meet again.
-Oh Good glad to hear it. We will meet for dancing soon, I'm not worried
-That's true, gotta see how good you are at it. Lets grab that drink soon- when is it good for you? I'm pretty open after X day

Then we agree when and where, etc and at the appointed day we meet.

Unfortunately she got there a couple minutes before me. But no biggie.
We talked and had a very enjoyable conversation. Perhaps I got hung up on topics a few times, but I feel we were really connecting.At some point she mentioned she had broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago.
Almost everything was fine until the end. I mentioned that perhaps we could dance at my place sometime since I had plenty space. She said maybe. The conversation was decaying so I told her "I think they'll close here soon" I said that perhaps it was time we parted ways.She said "yeah, I have to walk my dog" I really don't know why I didn’t invited her to come over since she would have agreed (maybe because I didn't have a vehicle and neither did she, so I frozed with transportation. Uber maybe?).
As we said goodbye to each other I told her again about coming over to my house to dance sometime, again, maybe over the weekend and that I was going on vacations for two weeks on Monday. She told me maybe, not very convinced, and that I should go to the class the next day. I told her maybe I will (although I won't cause I don't see the point). We parted with a cheek kiss and a hug.

I figured perhaps I could do a second date, but I realize I kind of screwed up a bit too much at the end. Also Chase gives and example of a text for second dates inviting her to grab lunch or dinner, but where should that be? at your place or somewhere else? How should in I proceed?

For now the only thing I believe I should do is sending a text to let her know I enjoyed the date, and that's it until I see her again after my vacations. Let me know what you guys think of this.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey man,

You were all good until near the end. Setup the date alright, meet her, connect and make her comfortable. She even let you know that she's available. All good. Ideally you're meeting not far from your home. And you make sure that you initiate physical contact very early on, gentle touch on her arm when you make a point, then lingering touch on her hand, etc...

Then you went wrong. I know too well, I have been there before. They're closing soon, so you stand up, take her hand and tell her, let's go. You lead her to your home, no need to even explain. If she asks, you say "I take you to dinner", and bring her to your place. It's easier than it sounds. Because she obviously likes you, she will be excited and let you lead her. At home, make her comfortable, prepare something to eat, serve her a glass of something. After dinner, you get close to her and start caressing her hair. When she's comfortable with your touch, you escalate one step further. I like to tease her by approaching my lips to hers, smile, but not going for the kiss, kissing her in the neck instead. Etc... And finally fuck her. She will be excited and so grateful to meet a real man.

Once you have fucked her a couple of times, it will be up to you to decide how to pursue, or not, with her.

Now you can try a second date, but it's more difficult. Chances are that you're already in friend zone. If not, she will let you date her but put bigger walls for you.

Your best chance is on first date.

Hope that helps!

Cheers,
Seppuku

 

[Ergon]

Thank you for your advice Seppuku. I will definitely try to follow your method as soon as I have the opportunity, I really liked it. The pull is one of the many things I still need to work

I just have one question though, and perhaps is kind of silly , but it's related to logistics : does it matter if I set up my date in a café just around the corner of where I live, even though I live almost at the end of the city (25 min from downtown) and the café is not that nice?
Would it be to obvious for a girl if it's not at a central place , or I'm just over thinking it?

By the way, I tried to set up a second date with the girl of this report and she said she had plans.
Kind of expected it, so moving on.

 

[Seppuku]

Hey man,

No worries. How many times did I myself fucked up, assuming I would get the second date.

It is very risky to assume you'll get a second date. And if you get it, it will be much more difficult. It is much safer to assume you will be given only one chance. Always assume it's the last time you see her ever. And go for it. If you're proven wrong, that's bonus.

Going early for the pull, it's a big learning but with huge reward. The barrier is only in your mind. Just be smooth, no nervousness, like it's the most natural thing in the world. You will be surprised that the girl is most of the time *OK* with it. And OK with sex on first time. And actually grateful for it. Problems come later because next step, she'll try to grab you into commitment. That's another discussion, but you'll be in a position to choose.

Ideally the coffee shop is close to your place, because you want the transition to your home to be smooth and natural... and quick.

However in your case, you need to decide.

On one hand, your bar far from city center, so you need to convince her to travel all the way there on her own. That's investment on her part. If she does, then she's really into you. Also, the bar is not that nice.

On the other hand, if you setup a date in the city center, when you pull you will have to make her travel with you all the way to your place. The transition from one place to another is always delicate, there should be no awkwardness. But not impossible. What I do is I chat her all the way to keep her logical mind busy. Whatever it takes to make her forget that she's going to your place to be fucked - during the time it takes to commute. It's easier if you have a car and are driving.

The issue is she could become nervous during the transition. Which solution do you think you can handle best? I would personally go for the second.

Cheers,
Seppuku
PS Ideally you have not one, but 3 or 4 girls "in the loop" at any given time, so whatever the outcome with any of them, you're still good. Becoming outcome independent will make you smoother, more relaxed, and therefore more attractive and successful.