- Joined
- May 19, 2023
- Messages
- 68
This is a continuation of previous field report, in which I detail the events of the night I met her and how the date was (unexpectedly) set up: https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...vites-me-out-how-to-behave.27959/#post-165708
In the previous report I forgot to mention that I wasn't in my home town this weekend but in a neighboring town 3 hours by car where I had to meet a client. I was staying at a pretty fancy 5-star hotel with lounge, spa, swimming pool etc.
I set up the date at 7:30 pm, at an open air bar only 10 minutes walking from my hotel. We stay at this place for around 1 hour. My date attitude these days is a mix of cheerful/teasing behavior + connecting emotionally / getting to know the girl + nonchalant light physical escalation. Basically I try not to be boring but also not to be too much of a cheerful clown (a mistake I did often back in my 20s, before I "paused" game for many years).
She already know I dig her, as the first night we met I was making moves on the dance floor (read previous field report). Anyway, I reiterate this by making my intention clear with body language and subcommunication. Towards the end of the 1st hour, I already have my arm around the chair where she's sitting, and I have already touched her hair a couple of time. She talks a lot (I try to make a date 70% her talking and 30% me talking).
As it's getting dark, I propose we grab a little sandwich at a nearby place (this is midway between the current place and my hotel). We spend another hour there. Same vibe (although I intensify the connection part and lower the teasing a bit). At this point I am really massaging her hair a lot and she really likes it. This is the spot where I give her the first kiss (short but nice). We talk about previous relationships, expectations about the future etc.. toward the end of this hour I kiss her again. This time it's more playful and she's also proactively kissing me back.
I tell her the lounge at my hotel is nicer that the place we're at, so we move there. No resistance here. We order two cocktails. We're really relaxed on the sofa. My arm around her. She's proactively using my shoulder as a pillow. We're basically snuggling. After a while I propose to move the glasses to my room where it's quieter. She calls my pulling attempt out: "Nice try but no thanks".
I act unbothered, keep chilling. She goes to the bathroom, then I go to the bathroom. We watch some funny YouTube videos. Now I am doing a bit less physical touch for a while (but not in a reactive butt-hurt way after the first failed attempt - just like I want to breathe a bit). After talking and having fun with the videos, I start light physical touch again. She confesses that she really likes the way I touch her. I see this as an invitation to a second pull attempt: "My plane leaves early tomorrow, I think I am just watching a movie until I have to go to the airport: wanna join?". She declines.
She openly says that she respect my attempt, and respect my being a man, kissing her and trying to go all the way, but it's like she has consciously decided not to sleep with a guy who's leaving town the day after. From our conversations, I think she's looking for a serious boyfriend at this stage. However, I don't want to see these as excuses for may failed pull attempt: I know some of the most experienced gamers here would have managed to pull her to the room.
After a third, low-key attempt, I give up on the pulling. We chill, we talk, and then I walk her back to the taxi place.
WHAT I THINK I DID WELL:
1) organized the logistics very well even though I am not in my town.
2) using teasing and cheerfulness to get the date going and then gradually trying to increase the connection element as the date unfolded
3) communicating intent with subcommunication
4) doing a lot of light touch before going for the kiss
WHAT I THINK I DID WRONG:
1) I probably validated her too much and made her feel too special. A bit of negging and getting her to qualify would have been good. I am still struggling with this part.
2) I should have alternated more moments of touching with moments of not touching (push pull escalation).
Looking forward to listing to you guys' feedback.
UPDATE: She texted me around 20 hours later and told me how happy she was about going out with me yesterday. I guess this had serious lay on second date potential. Too bad we live in different towns. Any advice on how to keep her warm for future occasions?
In the previous report I forgot to mention that I wasn't in my home town this weekend but in a neighboring town 3 hours by car where I had to meet a client. I was staying at a pretty fancy 5-star hotel with lounge, spa, swimming pool etc.
I set up the date at 7:30 pm, at an open air bar only 10 minutes walking from my hotel. We stay at this place for around 1 hour. My date attitude these days is a mix of cheerful/teasing behavior + connecting emotionally / getting to know the girl + nonchalant light physical escalation. Basically I try not to be boring but also not to be too much of a cheerful clown (a mistake I did often back in my 20s, before I "paused" game for many years).
She already know I dig her, as the first night we met I was making moves on the dance floor (read previous field report). Anyway, I reiterate this by making my intention clear with body language and subcommunication. Towards the end of the 1st hour, I already have my arm around the chair where she's sitting, and I have already touched her hair a couple of time. She talks a lot (I try to make a date 70% her talking and 30% me talking).
As it's getting dark, I propose we grab a little sandwich at a nearby place (this is midway between the current place and my hotel). We spend another hour there. Same vibe (although I intensify the connection part and lower the teasing a bit). At this point I am really massaging her hair a lot and she really likes it. This is the spot where I give her the first kiss (short but nice). We talk about previous relationships, expectations about the future etc.. toward the end of this hour I kiss her again. This time it's more playful and she's also proactively kissing me back.
I tell her the lounge at my hotel is nicer that the place we're at, so we move there. No resistance here. We order two cocktails. We're really relaxed on the sofa. My arm around her. She's proactively using my shoulder as a pillow. We're basically snuggling. After a while I propose to move the glasses to my room where it's quieter. She calls my pulling attempt out: "Nice try but no thanks".
I act unbothered, keep chilling. She goes to the bathroom, then I go to the bathroom. We watch some funny YouTube videos. Now I am doing a bit less physical touch for a while (but not in a reactive butt-hurt way after the first failed attempt - just like I want to breathe a bit). After talking and having fun with the videos, I start light physical touch again. She confesses that she really likes the way I touch her. I see this as an invitation to a second pull attempt: "My plane leaves early tomorrow, I think I am just watching a movie until I have to go to the airport: wanna join?". She declines.
She openly says that she respect my attempt, and respect my being a man, kissing her and trying to go all the way, but it's like she has consciously decided not to sleep with a guy who's leaving town the day after. From our conversations, I think she's looking for a serious boyfriend at this stage. However, I don't want to see these as excuses for may failed pull attempt: I know some of the most experienced gamers here would have managed to pull her to the room.
After a third, low-key attempt, I give up on the pulling. We chill, we talk, and then I walk her back to the taxi place.
WHAT I THINK I DID WELL:
1) organized the logistics very well even though I am not in my town.
2) using teasing and cheerfulness to get the date going and then gradually trying to increase the connection element as the date unfolded
3) communicating intent with subcommunication
4) doing a lot of light touch before going for the kiss
WHAT I THINK I DID WRONG:
1) I probably validated her too much and made her feel too special. A bit of negging and getting her to qualify would have been good. I am still struggling with this part.
2) I should have alternated more moments of touching with moments of not touching (push pull escalation).
Looking forward to listing to you guys' feedback.
UPDATE: She texted me around 20 hours later and told me how happy she was about going out with me yesterday. I guess this had serious lay on second date potential. Too bad we live in different towns. Any advice on how to keep her warm for future occasions?
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