Date Templates

[Dylan]

I have a date tonight in about an hour. I've been on 13-15 dates this year and none of them have led to sex. Clearly, something or some things are not working.

I was re-reading Chase's post about date templates. Up until now I've always had drinks or coffee on the dates I've been on. However, on Chase's date template post, he says he tends to get cheap, light food. It might be too late to convince the girl I'm meeting tonight to go to a deli I have in mind, but I'm going to go for it anyhow.

As far as I can see a date process might look like this:

Informational date: lunch/dinner at a deli not too far from me

Spend 1-2 hours getting to know her, connecting with her, chase-framing, push-pull and building sexual tension

Then, if it's going well, invite her home, using something like inviting her to get dessert or wine/gin and tonic after (natural continuation of the date)

If it doesn't feel like it's going well, end the date on your terms, don't say you want to see her again. Then text her a few days later and go for an easy date.

I think this feels like a good synthesis of Chase's wisdom spread over a number of posts. It makes the transition points easier and doesn't mean you go on loads of dates that don't lead anywhere.

Thoughts, gents?

 

[Smith]

Yea, but what are you getting stuck on? Pulling them home? Not being sexual enough?

 

[Franco]

Dylan,

It sounds to me like you might be assuming that your lack of success is attributed to the type of date you are having when, rather, it's much more likely to be something about how you're portraying yourself during the date that is affecting the outcome.

Only you can diagnose your own dates, but things to keep in mind are: did you connect (deep dive) with her enough? Did you build enough sexual tension? Did you invite her home at the peak of her excitement?

Those are some of the main issues that most guys have when they are first starting out on dates. I can guarantee you that grabbing food versus grabbing a coffee or drink has little to do with whether or not a girl wants to go home with you. I would, instead, try to keep in mind how you are appearing on the dates toward her (is she viewing you as a sexual, dominant man?) rather than trying to wonder whether or not you picked the right place or time.

- Franco

 

[Dylan]

Hi Smith and Franco,

Thanks for your feedback. You're right guys, being sexual is what I need to work on. Thankfully I had enough sexuality to take her home with me afterwards

We went for drinks at this deli fairly near my place. We talked, talked some more. After about one and a half hours I was starting to twitch slightly as the voice in my head yelled "invite her home!" So I did, with virtually none of the panache and nonchalance that Chase and Franco do it with. The important thing was it worked! She came home with me. We put on a DVD, kissed and from there it was straightforward...

We watched the DVD some more then had sex again a couple of hours later. She also came round to visit the other day.

It feels good to be getting laid, especially from a day approach. I must have gone through 100+ rejections in cold approach in day game, but they were all worth it for what I have enjoyed in the last week.

Still, I've allowed my game to stall this past week. I went out tonight and my game was rusty. I only made 8 approaches. Here's how they went.

Girl #1 - complimented her on her hair. She took it very well and we struck up a conversation. However, one of her friends tugged her away. I invited her to stay, but it turned out a guy she was "kinda dating" (translation: sleeping with) was with her. No deal.

Girl #2 -

Girl #3 - this was probably my strangest interaction of the night. She was Italian, by herself in the bar. She drifted over towards me, which I took as an invitation to approach. I invited her to come sit at one of the many sofas, but she declined. But she didn't leave and we chatted some more, making good eye contact. I felt like I was a good conversationalist here, making the best of her slightly halting English. I made a gentler compliance invitation, which she declined again, to sit in the vacant chair next to me. But she still didn't leave. Then I said I wanted to check out a new part of the bar, and she accepted my invitation to come with me. We went to a different part of the bar and I told her she had pretty eyes. I felt like I had to move things along at this point. Soon after she bowed out and left.

Girls #4 and #5 - neither of these approaches went anywhere. I retreat into my comfort zone when I get like this, doing indirect approaches that don't go anywhere. I guess they are not too bad a thing, so long as I can declare intent fairly soon on to avoid drifting.

*** SWITCH OF VENUES ***

I was impressed with the new venue. This was probably the best part of the night, realising that on my doorstep, a bar that I had often overlooked is actually good on a Friday. I'd been on Saturdays when it was packed to the ceiling.

Again my approaches in here were all indirect. I was hiding my banana tonight and I'm embarrassed to admit it. My ballsiest approach was my first one. I think I've allowed my game to stall after a tough November where I did 100 approaches. That was my first proper night out this month, so I guess it's to be expected that I wasn't on top form.

For next time:

- Work harder at minimising time between approaches
- Go direct more (min 5 times)
- 10 approaches