- Joined
- Dec 20, 2018
- Messages
- 497
Hey all,
Decided to post this one for analysis. Anyone that knows me and has read my journal knows I have little trouble getting dates various ways – its actually closing and getting sex from these dates that is my problem. This is another curious instance that follows the same pattern.
I met this woman at a professional networking event last week. I was making my rounds and talking to everyone, young and old, men and women. I end up approaching a group of young looking students – one of these is a big-eyed short Latina woman that oogles me with very strong eye contact and takes immediate interest. I have a brief chat with her and we speak about her professional background, but then I get distracted by another woman approaching me (who I was also attracted to and end up number closing, hope to get her out on a date at some point) so I lose track of her.
I catch up with her later when I go back to her corner of the room and she is still there with a group of students. She throws me an IOI by looking in my direction immediately – not directly at me, but turning her head enough for me to know that she is taking notice of me. I approach and she is happy to chat. Turns out these “friends” of hers weren’t really that close friends after all – they leave, leaving me isolated with her in the corner of the room.
What follows is a lot of deep diving. We switch to Spanish once I realize she is from Colombia and she travelled to the USA 10 years ago by herself on an exchange program and ended up staying. She also reveals she is married to an American guy (!). I’m not throwing in any specific dialogue here since I honestly don’t remember, but we talk about dance, her travels, her professional path and what she likes to do for fun.
During the conversation there is a lot of light touch initiated by her and eye contact. I ask her out for a drink and she says sure. Gives me her number without hesitation. I then excuse myself and she leaves.
Actually at this point I was thinking maybe I should have escalated more and lead her to a different bar. It’s always a constant question in my head, thinking about how fast to escalate in different situations.
I text her an icebreaker text that evening (last Wednesday) and she responds the next day warmly. Then I ask her out on Saturday, asking her for her schedule, and she responds telling me Thursday of the following week works for her. I tell her this is fine for me.
On Tuesday she initiates and asks me what I have in mind for Thursday. I tell her a wine bar in my town and we set up the time.
Thursday comes around (tonight) and I’m running late at work. We have the following exchange (posted in original Spanish, with English translation in parenthesis)
All normal, right? Then I get this text in English from her:
At this point I’m laughing my ass off. Clearly this is the text she meant to send to her husband. I almost wished she had not sent it though because in my mind it would draw attention to the fact that is doing something illicit by going on the date with me, letting me know she is lying to her husband.
She then says
I decide to proceed as normal and ignore the text. My plan was to do the standard two-venue set-up in my local neighborhood followed by the bounce back home.
First venue is a brewpub – we get beers and appetizers and sit across from each other. She is a talker and has no problem opening up to me about her past, languages, travel, etc. There were a few moments where I spiked things up – asking her about her secret addiction, what kind of guys she likes, where she immediately answers “Australians” (referring to a previous part of the conversation) and then asks me what kind of women I like, to which I answer “Adventurous and spontaneous” (matching her and referring to a conversation we had previously) but then throwing in “tall blonde and slavic” (clearly not her). She accuses me of learning Russian just for the women and then I deflect.
Before my planned move to the second venue, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I come back to see her looking at her phone laughing – then she shows me a joke on her phone that “someone sent to her” that makes me think for sure “I’m going to get laid tonight”.
I don’t remember exactly, but it was something in Spanish like “I talk to my husband after making love – by calling him afterwards”. I ask her “when was the last time you made love like that” and she laughs hard, looks at me and says “Im not telling you”.
Here is when I think now I should have taken her to my place right then and there. That really should have been my cue, and in retrospect it seems ridiculous that I waited. What she showed me on the phone should have sealed the deal in my mind and I should have reacted better to that situation. But in my mind I’m thinking I still have to do the second venue, sit next to her and escalate physically before moving to that step. So I take her to a nearby (5 min walk) dimly lit lounge bar and order another round of drinks, this time wine.
We sit next to each other and I gradually spike things up, taking her hand at times (she accepts this escalation, but I sense about maybe 25% hesitation on her part and a slight tendency to pull back). The exact moment when I do this we are talking about cannabis, and she says
At another point 5-10 minutes after that I show her some videos on my phone and pull her in close, another physical spike. However I also try to fractionate and not always be close, pulling away at times during the conversation.
I finish my drink and decide its time for the bounceback home. I tell her we are going somewhere “to listen to music” of artists we had been talking about, and to “dance”, without specifying exactly where. She says okay. I take her hand and she holds it for a bit on the street while we are walking, but then pulls away to put gloves on.
Here is when some resistance starts to manifest itself. She says she has to go soon. I tell her she can’t stay very long anyway (false time constraint). She asks me where we are going. I say “Disneyland”. She asks me if I saw the text she sent. I say “what text?”. She says “good”.
We go up to my apartment, making small talk along the way. Knowing that she is under a real time constraint with her husband, as soon as my apartment door closes I go in for the kiss. Perhaps uncalibrated. She pulls away and says “what are you doing, I should really go” and starts pressing me again on if I saw the text. I deflect again. She says “look at your phone”. I say “okay, yes I saw it”. She then lets me know that yudo class was over 25 minutes ago and she should head back. Then she says “you should put on some of that music real quick” and I say “If there is no time, there is no time”.
At this point it dawns on me that I problably didn’t move fast enough. We talk about a few other things right inside my door, before I pull in close again, move inches from her face and manhandle kiss her – there is some resistance but it is weak, token resistance, and she kisses me back. I ask her “why did you go out with me tonight” and she says “I don’t know – networking
”.
Then she then gets a text from her husband, and it’s clear at this point she won’t let me proceed. She says “I really have to go – he gets jealous”.
Then I think: maybe she didnt send me that text by accident?
I walk her back to her car, making more small talk. We make some vague plans to do this again and she seems interested, but time will tell. Unlike some of the other girls I go on first dates with, I am in fact very interested in taking this one out again. I do not kiss her again.
Plan to proceed with this one is to text tomorrow regarding something work-related we talked about in the second venue – her response will be a strong indicator if she is down to meet again. Then I might ask her to come here directly.
But, this seems like it follows my usual pattern. I get dates. I get the kiss. I get the bounceback to my apartment. But I don’t get laid. In this case, probably because I failed to react to this situation of going out with a married woman under an actual time constraint and not moving fast enough. My mind still struggles with "how fast is too fast" constantly. I have to say this is the first time I have gone out with a woman like this so I am cutting myself some slack. I'll see if I can get her out again.
Decided to post this one for analysis. Anyone that knows me and has read my journal knows I have little trouble getting dates various ways – its actually closing and getting sex from these dates that is my problem. This is another curious instance that follows the same pattern.
I met this woman at a professional networking event last week. I was making my rounds and talking to everyone, young and old, men and women. I end up approaching a group of young looking students – one of these is a big-eyed short Latina woman that oogles me with very strong eye contact and takes immediate interest. I have a brief chat with her and we speak about her professional background, but then I get distracted by another woman approaching me (who I was also attracted to and end up number closing, hope to get her out on a date at some point) so I lose track of her.
I catch up with her later when I go back to her corner of the room and she is still there with a group of students. She throws me an IOI by looking in my direction immediately – not directly at me, but turning her head enough for me to know that she is taking notice of me. I approach and she is happy to chat. Turns out these “friends” of hers weren’t really that close friends after all – they leave, leaving me isolated with her in the corner of the room.
What follows is a lot of deep diving. We switch to Spanish once I realize she is from Colombia and she travelled to the USA 10 years ago by herself on an exchange program and ended up staying. She also reveals she is married to an American guy (!). I’m not throwing in any specific dialogue here since I honestly don’t remember, but we talk about dance, her travels, her professional path and what she likes to do for fun.
During the conversation there is a lot of light touch initiated by her and eye contact. I ask her out for a drink and she says sure. Gives me her number without hesitation. I then excuse myself and she leaves.
Actually at this point I was thinking maybe I should have escalated more and lead her to a different bar. It’s always a constant question in my head, thinking about how fast to escalate in different situations.
I text her an icebreaker text that evening (last Wednesday) and she responds the next day warmly. Then I ask her out on Saturday, asking her for her schedule, and she responds telling me Thursday of the following week works for her. I tell her this is fine for me.
On Tuesday she initiates and asks me what I have in mind for Thursday. I tell her a wine bar in my town and we set up the time.
Thursday comes around (tonight) and I’m running late at work. We have the following exchange (posted in original Spanish, with English translation in parenthesis)
All normal, right? Then I get this text in English from her:
At this point I’m laughing my ass off. Clearly this is the text she meant to send to her husband. I almost wished she had not sent it though because in my mind it would draw attention to the fact that is doing something illicit by going on the date with me, letting me know she is lying to her husband.
She then says
I decide to proceed as normal and ignore the text. My plan was to do the standard two-venue set-up in my local neighborhood followed by the bounce back home.
First venue is a brewpub – we get beers and appetizers and sit across from each other. She is a talker and has no problem opening up to me about her past, languages, travel, etc. There were a few moments where I spiked things up – asking her about her secret addiction, what kind of guys she likes, where she immediately answers “Australians” (referring to a previous part of the conversation) and then asks me what kind of women I like, to which I answer “Adventurous and spontaneous” (matching her and referring to a conversation we had previously) but then throwing in “tall blonde and slavic” (clearly not her). She accuses me of learning Russian just for the women and then I deflect.
Before my planned move to the second venue, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I come back to see her looking at her phone laughing – then she shows me a joke on her phone that “someone sent to her” that makes me think for sure “I’m going to get laid tonight”.
I don’t remember exactly, but it was something in Spanish like “I talk to my husband after making love – by calling him afterwards”. I ask her “when was the last time you made love like that” and she laughs hard, looks at me and says “Im not telling you”.
Here is when I think now I should have taken her to my place right then and there. That really should have been my cue, and in retrospect it seems ridiculous that I waited. What she showed me on the phone should have sealed the deal in my mind and I should have reacted better to that situation. But in my mind I’m thinking I still have to do the second venue, sit next to her and escalate physically before moving to that step. So I take her to a nearby (5 min walk) dimly lit lounge bar and order another round of drinks, this time wine.
We sit next to each other and I gradually spike things up, taking her hand at times (she accepts this escalation, but I sense about maybe 25% hesitation on her part and a slight tendency to pull back). The exact moment when I do this we are talking about cannabis, and she says
At another point 5-10 minutes after that I show her some videos on my phone and pull her in close, another physical spike. However I also try to fractionate and not always be close, pulling away at times during the conversation.
I finish my drink and decide its time for the bounceback home. I tell her we are going somewhere “to listen to music” of artists we had been talking about, and to “dance”, without specifying exactly where. She says okay. I take her hand and she holds it for a bit on the street while we are walking, but then pulls away to put gloves on.
Here is when some resistance starts to manifest itself. She says she has to go soon. I tell her she can’t stay very long anyway (false time constraint). She asks me where we are going. I say “Disneyland”. She asks me if I saw the text she sent. I say “what text?”. She says “good”.
We go up to my apartment, making small talk along the way. Knowing that she is under a real time constraint with her husband, as soon as my apartment door closes I go in for the kiss. Perhaps uncalibrated. She pulls away and says “what are you doing, I should really go” and starts pressing me again on if I saw the text. I deflect again. She says “look at your phone”. I say “okay, yes I saw it”. She then lets me know that yudo class was over 25 minutes ago and she should head back. Then she says “you should put on some of that music real quick” and I say “If there is no time, there is no time”.
At this point it dawns on me that I problably didn’t move fast enough. We talk about a few other things right inside my door, before I pull in close again, move inches from her face and manhandle kiss her – there is some resistance but it is weak, token resistance, and she kisses me back. I ask her “why did you go out with me tonight” and she says “I don’t know – networking
”.Then she then gets a text from her husband, and it’s clear at this point she won’t let me proceed. She says “I really have to go – he gets jealous”.
Then I think: maybe she didnt send me that text by accident?
I walk her back to her car, making more small talk. We make some vague plans to do this again and she seems interested, but time will tell. Unlike some of the other girls I go on first dates with, I am in fact very interested in taking this one out again. I do not kiss her again.
Plan to proceed with this one is to text tomorrow regarding something work-related we talked about in the second venue – her response will be a strong indicator if she is down to meet again. Then I might ask her to come here directly.
But, this seems like it follows my usual pattern. I get dates. I get the kiss. I get the bounceback to my apartment. But I don’t get laid. In this case, probably because I failed to react to this situation of going out with a married woman under an actual time constraint and not moving fast enough. My mind still struggles with "how fast is too fast" constantly. I have to say this is the first time I have gone out with a woman like this so I am cutting myself some slack. I'll see if I can get her out again.
Last edited:
