Haven't had the opportunity to update the journal recently, but I have still been active!
09/24/24
Went on a date with one of the girls I approached. She acted attracted to me but didn't open up fully for me to escalate. She would play with her hair, touch me very occasionally, and even playfully hit me a couple times. So I felt like she liked me, but she also kept her arms crossed or a drink in front of her chest, and kept a little distance, so it felt hard to escalate.
I ended up making some big mistakes and basically escorted her to another guy, who she left with. I wrote a long summary of the date I might end up formatting into something legible later.
Felt pretty shitty about that, and noticed feelings of regret and loss. I noticed I was emotionally starting to chase her in my mind, so I spent some time accepting that I felt this way, and then replacing the negativity with a desire for her happiness. I didn't want to get hung up on one girl I screwed it up with.
09/27/24
I went out to approach at a busy shopping street, with a focus on continuing to become a better conversationalist.
09/27/24 -
She asked if I wanted some juice
I broke my volume record in one outing. New high score: 15 approaches!
09/28/24
Went on another date with a different girl I approached. She also seemed friendly but did not open up her body language (she kept arms crossed or something in front of her). I focused on a combination of mirroring her body language and active listening in the conversation, and seemed to do a pretty good job of it. We did a lot of deep diving and I ended up barely needing to talk because she was so comfortable sharing in detail.
I noticed she would laugh really hard when I teased her at an opportune moment, so I guessed she needed arousal. However there was a big age gap between us, and that seemed to turn her off. We ended up going around to a few places over a 6-hour date, and I invited her to go somewhere private, go to her place, go to my place, etc. a few times between each venue. But she resisted every time, and eventually we had a honest conversation where I asked what she wanted, and said I liked her but wanted to get physical. She didn't feel the same way, so we parted on friendly terms.
This date I also felt pretty bad about, like I was a good friend but not sexual enough to be a lover. I definitely need to figure out how to enhance my sexuality.
10/02/24
After the previous dates and many outings and field reports without much progress, I was feeling tired and down. I had thoughts like, "Is this really what I am working so hard for? Getting rejected all the time and going on dates that lead nowhere?"
However I wasn't prepared to completely give up either. I felt like Sisyphus, and reluctantly resolved to pick up my boulder and keep climbing.
After chatting with my coach, he decided that we needed to dedicate to learning sexuality. So I am now working on consuming romantic / sexual content for women and immersing myself in women's sexuality. I am also working on looking at women as sexually motivated, as well as finding more ways to be sensual in my own life.
