Illustrious gentlemen of our forum - Any advice for how I could have taken this instadate futher?
Headed to a mall to pick up a smoothie after work. Waiting for the smoothie and a pretty and fit blonde woman in leopard spotted yoga pants (she's 38, I'm 26) walks by and we make strong eye contact. She looks like Baby from Dirty Dancing. She gets in line behind me and I tell her I'm only waiting and she can order. She asks me what I ordered. Strange accent. She's Dutch. Oh the people you meet in kiwiland.
Her name is hard as fuck to pronounce and I start calling her Mother Earth because that's the name of the smoothie she ordered and she has just gotten back into town after a 12 day camper van trek into the New Zealand nature. She tells me she is going to go buy a new pair of Birkenstocks and I help her find the store.
In the store she is busy with one of the sales clerks and I start talking with the other one (younger and prettier). I start this convo by asking if any of the shoes in the store are actually made in New Zealand. I play a game with her by pointing to funky looking shoes in the store and asking if she would wear them. She's enjoying this and tells me she doesn't like wearing heels. I tell her about the time I was in Spain and had to wear heels for flamenco.
After 10 minutes Mother Earth finally decides on a pair. In our ~20 minutes together up until this point I have found out she walked all the way to the mall from the city (45 minutes), is flying back to where she lives in Bali tomorrow, is meeting up for dinner with the friend she traveled with in the camper van (a guy) in an hour, and is staying in a nice hotel (not sure if she was sharing a room with her friend - that would have been crucial to know, kind of kicking myself for not getting that detail).
I offer to take her part way into the city seeing as it's only a little out of the way on my drive home and I may be able to go back to the hotel with her. I park in a good spot where she still has to walk 15 minutes to her hotel, but it is through the botanical gardens which I love so it gives me a good excuse to walk with her.
Conversation gets sexual a little bit when she says she isn't as liberal as most people from Amsterdam and I say no red lights for you. She says maybe when they pay lots of money. Another moment came up when she says she will take a quick shower before her dinner date and it won't be fun, and I tell her I'll join her in the shower and she agrees that will make it more fun, but she says we can't.
I've been doing lots of incidental touch and want to escalate a bit. She acts sad about something at some point and I put my arm around her to comfort her and she seems to like it for a second or two, but when I leave it she says no now I'm too much in her personal space (playfully, not 100% serious). I counter by putting a couple yards between us going on the grass and letting her have the walk path to herself. She says no not that far away!
We get out of the gardens and I ask her if she plays the piano. She says she did a tiny bit when she was a girl. I take her a block out of the way to a public piano and try to teach her Heart and Soul. She is horrible. Lots of touch though, her hands, fingers. Being assertive and gentle with her. She grabs my arm when she makes a mistake and pleads with me to be patient with her. She's laughing and smiling. Maybe I should have gone in for a kiss. We're there 5-10 minutes and I suggest we continue on. I also suggest she move back her dinner plans from 7pm to 8pm.
I fuck up a little bit by mentioning how I had set up a STD test appointment before going to the mall because a friend got mad at me because of how long it's been since I've had one (I always strap up!). Mother Earth says yeah that's bad and you need to get tested every 6 months if you sleep with lots of people, but if you don't then it doesn't matter. I don't remember her reacting super negatively to this, though I see this as a conversation topic with a high likelihood of turning out poorly. It related to something we were talking about, but I regret mentioning it.
We've exchanged numbers at this point and she tells me to message her if I want to come to Bali because she rents out part of her villa on AirBnB and says I could stay there (for the sugar momma price -> free).
We arrive outside of her hotel and I walk in behind her like I'm coming up with her. She says oh no you don't and we give each other a goodbye hug.
Takeaways:
#1. Props to myself because I had a pretty good instadate despite being dirty from work and wearing my juice stained work clothes. I often feel reluctant to open attractive girls immediately after work for this reason, not optimal fundamentals.
#2. I should have found out if she was in a room by herself or with her friend. I could have asked to use the bathroom up in her room or something to at least get my foot in the door.
#3. We passed 2 public toilets on our walk (and they are usually pretty clean here in NZ!). I doubt she would have been keen for this, but I reckon I could have gracefully grabbed her hand as we were walking by one and said hey let's check this out or hey this is a cool spot and led her inside to see if we'd makeout or perhaps do even more. No harm in this if it is done in a smooth, unforceful way. To get better results on instadates (sex) I think I have to take risks like this. You only know for sure if you give it a try.
Headed to a mall to pick up a smoothie after work. Waiting for the smoothie and a pretty and fit blonde woman in leopard spotted yoga pants (she's 38, I'm 26) walks by and we make strong eye contact. She looks like Baby from Dirty Dancing. She gets in line behind me and I tell her I'm only waiting and she can order. She asks me what I ordered. Strange accent. She's Dutch. Oh the people you meet in kiwiland.
Her name is hard as fuck to pronounce and I start calling her Mother Earth because that's the name of the smoothie she ordered and she has just gotten back into town after a 12 day camper van trek into the New Zealand nature. She tells me she is going to go buy a new pair of Birkenstocks and I help her find the store.
In the store she is busy with one of the sales clerks and I start talking with the other one (younger and prettier). I start this convo by asking if any of the shoes in the store are actually made in New Zealand. I play a game with her by pointing to funky looking shoes in the store and asking if she would wear them. She's enjoying this and tells me she doesn't like wearing heels. I tell her about the time I was in Spain and had to wear heels for flamenco.
After 10 minutes Mother Earth finally decides on a pair. In our ~20 minutes together up until this point I have found out she walked all the way to the mall from the city (45 minutes), is flying back to where she lives in Bali tomorrow, is meeting up for dinner with the friend she traveled with in the camper van (a guy) in an hour, and is staying in a nice hotel (not sure if she was sharing a room with her friend - that would have been crucial to know, kind of kicking myself for not getting that detail).
I offer to take her part way into the city seeing as it's only a little out of the way on my drive home and I may be able to go back to the hotel with her. I park in a good spot where she still has to walk 15 minutes to her hotel, but it is through the botanical gardens which I love so it gives me a good excuse to walk with her.
Conversation gets sexual a little bit when she says she isn't as liberal as most people from Amsterdam and I say no red lights for you. She says maybe when they pay lots of money. Another moment came up when she says she will take a quick shower before her dinner date and it won't be fun, and I tell her I'll join her in the shower and she agrees that will make it more fun, but she says we can't.
I've been doing lots of incidental touch and want to escalate a bit. She acts sad about something at some point and I put my arm around her to comfort her and she seems to like it for a second or two, but when I leave it she says no now I'm too much in her personal space (playfully, not 100% serious). I counter by putting a couple yards between us going on the grass and letting her have the walk path to herself. She says no not that far away!
We get out of the gardens and I ask her if she plays the piano. She says she did a tiny bit when she was a girl. I take her a block out of the way to a public piano and try to teach her Heart and Soul. She is horrible. Lots of touch though, her hands, fingers. Being assertive and gentle with her. She grabs my arm when she makes a mistake and pleads with me to be patient with her. She's laughing and smiling. Maybe I should have gone in for a kiss. We're there 5-10 minutes and I suggest we continue on. I also suggest she move back her dinner plans from 7pm to 8pm.
I fuck up a little bit by mentioning how I had set up a STD test appointment before going to the mall because a friend got mad at me because of how long it's been since I've had one (I always strap up!). Mother Earth says yeah that's bad and you need to get tested every 6 months if you sleep with lots of people, but if you don't then it doesn't matter. I don't remember her reacting super negatively to this, though I see this as a conversation topic with a high likelihood of turning out poorly. It related to something we were talking about, but I regret mentioning it.
We've exchanged numbers at this point and she tells me to message her if I want to come to Bali because she rents out part of her villa on AirBnB and says I could stay there (for the sugar momma price -> free).
We arrive outside of her hotel and I walk in behind her like I'm coming up with her. She says oh no you don't and we give each other a goodbye hug.
Takeaways:
#1. Props to myself because I had a pretty good instadate despite being dirty from work and wearing my juice stained work clothes. I often feel reluctant to open attractive girls immediately after work for this reason, not optimal fundamentals.
#2. I should have found out if she was in a room by herself or with her friend. I could have asked to use the bathroom up in her room or something to at least get my foot in the door.
#3. We passed 2 public toilets on our walk (and they are usually pretty clean here in NZ!). I doubt she would have been keen for this, but I reckon I could have gracefully grabbed her hand as we were walking by one and said hey let's check this out or hey this is a cool spot and led her inside to see if we'd makeout or perhaps do even more. No harm in this if it is done in a smooth, unforceful way. To get better results on instadates (sex) I think I have to take risks like this. You only know for sure if you give it a try.
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