- Joined
- Nov 7, 2019
- Messages
- 622
I've learnt a lot over the years reading reports of others so I'll make this informative & not an ego post. This was a cool lay for me because I have a rule where I don't persist with girls who've re-scheduled with me twice. I broke the rule with this girl (who did it 4x lol) because I had a gut feeling she was legit and I was too lazy to approach more girls.
Original Approach
I spotted her while coming out of the underground station and almost didn't approach and walked the opposite direction. Before telling myself to stop being a pussy and having to jog to catch up and open. In general I follow a very similar approach to @Grand Pooba that he layed out here.
With this girl the 3 minute conversation flowed as: "super random but I liked your outfit & wanted to say hi... how're you?" > "Where you from...Seem way too friendly to be from London" (if you compliment someone on a trait they're more likely to act like it, it's also an open question so she can't close you off easily) > Chit chat/small talk > Qualified her on having a clear ambition of working in fashion > Smoothly said how I had work the next day when she thought I was asking her for an insta date > Made it explicit that I knew a bar nearby and we should grab a drink sometime just not now > exchanged numbers and I followed up with a voice note a few hours after.
I really liked the energy of the girl. She was upbeat with a quick sense of humour, short petite and long haired Lithuanian brunette with sharp blue eyes. Basically my type and the only kind of girls I go for lol. I should really branch out but that's a story for another time.
Texting and keeping my cool
First Flakes - My reaction
My voice notes after approaching are warm but to the point. "Hey it was random but cool to meet you, let me know when you're free and we'll grab that drink". This girl then proceeds to agree to dates but flakes a few hours before. Both times it happens I more or less say no worries it happens but the second time it happens I'm chill but show boundaries by saying "Hey it's all good but as this is the 2nd time this has happened... I'll let you hmu when you're definitely free
" AKA showing her I'm willing to walk away
Text Length is important
This is where the more advanced "game" comes in and is something a year ago I wouldn't of bothered with. When texting you should always aim to write half of what the girl sends you. This is for 2 reasons. 1) You want her to feel like she's investing a lot in you and 2) It means you can double text at a later date and NOT look needy.
I'm very particular about this. I even draft messages to myself in whatsapp so I see how it appears before I send it to the girl. It sounds weird lol but it's kept girls live for longer than I would have without it. After a while though you get a feel for what works. It's a fine art between not writing much but still not appearing try hard or blunt so that she still writes a lot back to you. Open ended questions, "&" instead of "and" as well as emojis are your best friend here.
Radio silence and having options
In my opinion this is what separates the guys who get laid from persistence and the ones who are just annoying girls and don't stand a chance. I was seeing 2 other girls so they were keeping me occupied and I also had some new girls in the dating pipeline so after she didn't respond to my text there was no communication for a few weeks. Then one of my other dates flaked on me and the bar I booked had a £50 charge policy so I shot a few old numbers in my phone texts and voice notes to see if anyone would bite as a replacement. No one did so I went out with a female friend who I hadn't seen in a while.
HER INVESTMENT!!!
In my tailored voicenote messages to multiple girls, she comes back to me with a large paragraph saying how she couldn't make it but it would be really nice to hang out. This and the fact that every other time she had flaked on me she counter proposed a different time/day. Made me give her a chance and I proceeded with all good when else you free? There was back and forth as sometimes she'd take a few days to reply and so would I. But when I knew it was time to close I would reply in 2 hours or so for momentum to close the deal.
Crazily enough she flakes again with a long paragraph but seems to have a legit reason of getting her dates mixed up to be back in London. We agree to re-schedule but I say it's the last chance in a jokey way but the clear undertones are there.
Stacking the cards in my favour - have local date spots on lock to build trust
I got into game to get laid but I stayed for the people skills. This is such an underrated part of why we all do this. I had 6 local bars before covid now 4 (as 2 sadly closed down) where the staff treat me well and make fun conversation as well as give me complimentary drinks.
Now obviously walking in with a new date for almost a year does mean people find you at least interesting but taking a genuine interest in people and how their doing pays back ten fold. Hospitality also loves repeat business so they'll look after you. For your date they will also see how people treat you and they'll feel like they're with a mini-celebrity when they go to places and she's getting complimentary drinks and bar managers are walking up to you and shaking your hand while saying nice to see you again. It all creates a film like experience and you can bet any money no other guys are doing it.
Couple that with a humble vibe were you play it down and the girl will practically be dripping... Okay maybe exaggerating there.
The point remains: start with one cute date place where you take all your dates, get to know the staff by being friendly and taking a genuine interest, tip occasionally, than reap the rewards.
Summary of dates themselves
It took me x3 dates to seal the deal in a real easy flow.
Date 1: Had a few drinks for just over an hour
Date 2: Had drinks at multiple bars then she came to mine, a little grinding and kissing but no sex and I didn't push it
Date 3: More drinks lol and had sex with no LMR whatsoever
For me I'm less concerned with 1 date, 1 lay although I fully get its advantages and if I'm honest I probably need to do more work on myself physically so girls are more likely to. For average looking guys like me I think focusing on "momentum" and clear next steps is just as effective and easier. After each date we agreed when we were seeing each other next and if the girl is hesitant you know she's not that into you and you can step back and focus on other girls.
To put it into perspective the 3 dates happened over 7 days. I also think this girl will stick around as she seems invested but of course you can never know for certain how these things go.
For details on what I talk about when dating girls, check out my other lay report - too long to go into now.
Original Approach
I spotted her while coming out of the underground station and almost didn't approach and walked the opposite direction. Before telling myself to stop being a pussy and having to jog to catch up and open. In general I follow a very similar approach to @Grand Pooba that he layed out here.
With this girl the 3 minute conversation flowed as: "super random but I liked your outfit & wanted to say hi... how're you?" > "Where you from...Seem way too friendly to be from London" (if you compliment someone on a trait they're more likely to act like it, it's also an open question so she can't close you off easily) > Chit chat/small talk > Qualified her on having a clear ambition of working in fashion > Smoothly said how I had work the next day when she thought I was asking her for an insta date > Made it explicit that I knew a bar nearby and we should grab a drink sometime just not now > exchanged numbers and I followed up with a voice note a few hours after.
I really liked the energy of the girl. She was upbeat with a quick sense of humour, short petite and long haired Lithuanian brunette with sharp blue eyes. Basically my type and the only kind of girls I go for lol. I should really branch out but that's a story for another time.
Texting and keeping my cool
First Flakes - My reaction
My voice notes after approaching are warm but to the point. "Hey it was random but cool to meet you, let me know when you're free and we'll grab that drink". This girl then proceeds to agree to dates but flakes a few hours before. Both times it happens I more or less say no worries it happens but the second time it happens I'm chill but show boundaries by saying "Hey it's all good but as this is the 2nd time this has happened... I'll let you hmu when you're definitely free
" AKA showing her I'm willing to walk awayText Length is important
This is where the more advanced "game" comes in and is something a year ago I wouldn't of bothered with. When texting you should always aim to write half of what the girl sends you. This is for 2 reasons. 1) You want her to feel like she's investing a lot in you and 2) It means you can double text at a later date and NOT look needy.
I'm very particular about this. I even draft messages to myself in whatsapp so I see how it appears before I send it to the girl. It sounds weird lol but it's kept girls live for longer than I would have without it. After a while though you get a feel for what works. It's a fine art between not writing much but still not appearing try hard or blunt so that she still writes a lot back to you. Open ended questions, "&" instead of "and" as well as emojis are your best friend here.
Radio silence and having options
In my opinion this is what separates the guys who get laid from persistence and the ones who are just annoying girls and don't stand a chance. I was seeing 2 other girls so they were keeping me occupied and I also had some new girls in the dating pipeline so after she didn't respond to my text there was no communication for a few weeks. Then one of my other dates flaked on me and the bar I booked had a £50 charge policy so I shot a few old numbers in my phone texts and voice notes to see if anyone would bite as a replacement. No one did so I went out with a female friend who I hadn't seen in a while.
HER INVESTMENT!!!
In my tailored voicenote messages to multiple girls, she comes back to me with a large paragraph saying how she couldn't make it but it would be really nice to hang out. This and the fact that every other time she had flaked on me she counter proposed a different time/day. Made me give her a chance and I proceeded with all good when else you free? There was back and forth as sometimes she'd take a few days to reply and so would I. But when I knew it was time to close I would reply in 2 hours or so for momentum to close the deal.
Crazily enough she flakes again with a long paragraph but seems to have a legit reason of getting her dates mixed up to be back in London. We agree to re-schedule but I say it's the last chance in a jokey way but the clear undertones are there.
Stacking the cards in my favour - have local date spots on lock to build trust
I got into game to get laid but I stayed for the people skills. This is such an underrated part of why we all do this. I had 6 local bars before covid now 4 (as 2 sadly closed down) where the staff treat me well and make fun conversation as well as give me complimentary drinks.
Now obviously walking in with a new date for almost a year does mean people find you at least interesting but taking a genuine interest in people and how their doing pays back ten fold. Hospitality also loves repeat business so they'll look after you. For your date they will also see how people treat you and they'll feel like they're with a mini-celebrity when they go to places and she's getting complimentary drinks and bar managers are walking up to you and shaking your hand while saying nice to see you again. It all creates a film like experience and you can bet any money no other guys are doing it.
Couple that with a humble vibe were you play it down and the girl will practically be dripping... Okay maybe exaggerating there.
The point remains: start with one cute date place where you take all your dates, get to know the staff by being friendly and taking a genuine interest, tip occasionally, than reap the rewards.
Summary of dates themselves
It took me x3 dates to seal the deal in a real easy flow.
Date 1: Had a few drinks for just over an hour
Date 2: Had drinks at multiple bars then she came to mine, a little grinding and kissing but no sex and I didn't push it
Date 3: More drinks lol and had sex with no LMR whatsoever
For me I'm less concerned with 1 date, 1 lay although I fully get its advantages and if I'm honest I probably need to do more work on myself physically so girls are more likely to. For average looking guys like me I think focusing on "momentum" and clear next steps is just as effective and easier. After each date we agreed when we were seeing each other next and if the girl is hesitant you know she's not that into you and you can step back and focus on other girls.
To put it into perspective the 3 dates happened over 7 days. I also think this girl will stick around as she seems invested but of course you can never know for certain how these things go.
For details on what I talk about when dating girls, check out my other lay report - too long to go into now.
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